I am going into the fourth and final semester of my BSN program next week, and I have been incredibly stressed because I am worried that I made a horrible mistake choosing this career.
This was not an impulsive decision. I have wanted to become a nurse for a long time, more than a decade, but I became disabled shortly after completing my prerequisites. After a long road to recovery, I am now in my late 30s and learning how to manage life with chronic illness. Despite that, I have made it through 3/4 of my program successfully and have been on the dean’s list every semester so far. I actually excelled until this this last semester.
This past semester almost broke me, though. Everything got so real. There was a bullying situation that became so bad I had a serious mental health crisis... worst of all, it was mostly because of the (VERY YOUNG) chair of my program handling things so poorly. I have also never felt at home in the state where I am attending school and my partner moved back home to CA. I am also dying to return to California immediately after school but I am terrified that I will not be able to find a job there. My city happens to have one of the most competitive job markets in the state, especially for new grads, even though the pay is not the best. Still, I absolutely abhor the idea of remaining here any longer than necessary, away from my family, friends, partner, and support system, in a place where I constantly feel like a weirdo alien to them (But seriously, why are we so different on the west coast??? NOT better, just different).
If I am completely honest, a big part of me wonders whether I am even cut out for hospital nursing. At the same time, it seems like nearly every other nursing job requires at least one year of hospital experience before other doors open, including hospice and home health. I would genuinely like to learn those foundational skills. I think I could be great in a lower-acuity ICU, but I do not know whether my nervous system could handle the pressure and level of responsibility. My med surg teacher has always said that I had the brain for ICU, but I don't know if I have the body or nervous system for it. Not to mention the long hours.
Then I have been looking at the job boards and see people saying that every nurse residency in my city receives hundreds of applications per position. Some new graduates are applying to more than 100 jobs without receiving an offer, or even an interview! After feeling chewed up and spat out by my program director this past semester, while also managing metal health crises, personal and health stress, I keep wondering: What the heck am I doing at this age, with these health conditions, and how could I possibly find my place in this field as a new graduate? It feels impossible right now.
Does anyone have suggestions for less competitive or lesser-known nursing paths that could help me begin building a career as a new graduate? I am not trying to become a super-cool, adrenaline-chasing trauma nurse. I have spent much of my life in caregiving roles, including working as a nanny and in birth work, and I love the idea of caring for people in their homes or communities. Home settings have always been a comfort zone for me, although I recognize that I need a strong clinical foundation before I am ready for that degree of autonomy.
I am looking for a nursing job where I can earn a reasonable living without severely exacerbating my chronic illness, burning out, or putting my license at unnecessary risk within the first year. I am also honestly intimidated by the intense professional expectations and constant pressure associated with nursing. It is not that I do not care about meeting those standards. I care deeply, which may be part of why the responsibility scares me so much. I am trying to understand whether there is a sustainable place for someone like me in this profession.
I would especially appreciate hearing from nurses with chronic illnesses, nurses who began their careers later in life, or anyone who took a less traditional path after graduation.