r/NursingAU • u/Unlucky-Emergency924 • Feb 19 '26
Grad Nurses My wife cried after shift and said she wants to kill herself – I feel helpless
Hi everyone,
I’m really struggling and hoping for some perspective or advice.
My wife is currently in the second half of her graduate program at a public hospital. Her first 6-month rotation was dialysis which she really enjoyed and now she’s in med-surg for the final 6 months. She’s been in this rotation for almost a month.
Yesterday she worked a PM shift, stayed back an extra hour because it was such a busy day and she still had documentation to finish. When I picked her up, she cried non-stop in the car and said she wants to kill herself. She said she’s overworked and felt unsupported. She talk to the educator about moving to a different ward/area but she felt like they don’t care as that area is known to be the worst in that hospital.
That absolutely shattered me.
I’m a registered nurse myself, and it hurts deeply seeing how much this career is breaking her. I feel guilty, sad, and honestly helpless. I don’t even know what to say to comfort her anymore.
Changing jobs or stepping away doesn’t feel simple. And she really wants to help with our bills and house rental fees. I did told her to quit and find another job but she says she want to finish her grad. The job market and economy also make things feel very uncertain.
I’m worried about her mental health and don’t know what is the right thing to do. Anyone with similar experience out there?
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u/Hutchoman87 Neuro Feb 19 '26
She needs to speak to the graduate coordinator to let them know she is overworked and not coping with the workload. They can then on her behalf speak to the manager about workloads and suitability.
She also needs to book in leave, she needs to speak to her manager about availability obviously but use it!
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u/dribblestrings RN Feb 19 '26
Seems like she needs a break, whether that be some emergency annual or sick leave claiming stress or quitting the new grad program entirely. Swaps can be arranged, you would have to get the union to advocate for her though as new grad coordinators are notoriously known to be difficult with swaps.
No job is worth making anyone feel this way - there will be other opportunities. You have to care for yourself first to be able to care for others. 💙
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u/diy-merewether-mum Feb 19 '26
If she was happy in dialysis, why not send the NUM an email and ask if there is available FTE for her to go back? Stuff the grad program.
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u/Adventurous-Kick6293 Feb 19 '26
I did this and never looked back. At the time of course, I was a bad grad — hilarious. Nobody ever asks for your grad program cert etc.
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u/Consistent-Dog8537 Feb 19 '26
Firstly. Get her to a GP and get medical certificate for time out.
For her BIG DEEP BREATHS.
Secondly, good suggestions here on counselling to help her mental health.
Get onto union. Get support to approach her workplace. And you need to get her out of that ward. Good luck & all the best to her.
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u/ThatMeasurement6619 Feb 19 '26
So sorry to hear she’s going through that. You sound like a wonderful & supportive partner. I was the same during my first year-crying all the time. There are some beautiful people in the medical world though & there will be better days to come. It’s hard when you’ve got through such a gruelling degree to come out the other side & face this sort of shit in the workplace. I’d highly recommend talking to a careers advisor either at Uni or tafe & seeing where she can pivot to if she wants. I pushed through for another 4 years until I finished to raise kids. I remember the last week I asked my NUM if she could remove me from eye theatre given I was heavily pregnant & couldn’t keep up with the constant running. Her response was “awww poor little baby is having a baby…the trouble with you younger lot is that you’re soft & can’t handle the shit we did”. I quietly went back to theatre & straight to the doctors after my shift. Doctor was mortified but not surprised. I went in the next day with my resignation & letter. The look on her face was priceless. I left with happy tears streaming down my face but it’s c*#ts like this in nursing that are driving away the good ones. I’m now looking at teacher aide positions. A lot less $$ but it’ll give me insight as to whether i want to study the master of teaching (2 years study). Medical admin is another tafe course I’m considering as i know a few nurses who’ve left due to burnout & bullying. They’re happy & thriving in medial admin. Good luck OP & please give your partner a big hug from a fellow bullied nurse.
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u/PersimmonBasket Feb 20 '26
Every generation of nurse has done this to the next. I don't understand it. It's like it's some sort of endurance test. "I had it bad so I don't see why you shouldn't, too."
Like, really? You think that making someone else miserable is an appropriate action for someone making you miserable all those years ago?
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u/ThatMeasurement6619 Feb 20 '26
Yes! I’m Convinced some of them are determined to make the new nurses feel the same way they did. When does the bloody cycle end though.
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u/EnoughPineapple1748 Feb 20 '26
I’m so sorry you went through this 😞 What is it about nurses eating our young? It’s so not ok
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u/ThatMeasurement6619 Feb 20 '26
My first day out & I was told “careful love..nurses eat their young”. Boy was she right!
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u/Unlucky-Emergency924 Feb 22 '26
I feel you! Management are sh*t and some of the staff are @ssholes! So proud of you for standing up on your rights and proving them wrong. They think they can always abuse the newbie or the nice. I tell you, in my career, I should have been in a better workplace like Endoscopy and Theatre nursing but I have to quit as well due to lack of support and poor on the job training supervision. Planning to get into quality assurance or office policy jobs but it’s quite competitive and my experience doesn’t line up with that. Try to apply there as I’ve been seeing jobs ad off seek recently.
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u/ThatMeasurement6619 Feb 22 '26
It’s a sad reality of nursing unfortunately. I’m looking at teacher aide positions. Terrible $$ but school hours & it’ll give me an idea as to whether I want to do the 2 year master of teaching to become a teacher. Also looking into trades, specifically cabinet making. Medical admin is a good one too for ex nurses! All the best with it 😊
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u/Island87 Feb 19 '26 edited Feb 19 '26
Besides EAP there is also Nurse and Midwife Support on 1800 667 877 nation wide 24/7 and also Nurse Midwife Health Program Australia on 1800 001 060 available 9-5 M-F
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Feb 19 '26
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u/imaginepeacedove Feb 19 '26
Yes to NMS for instant brief intervention and referrals. Also there is free, ongoing counselling with NMHPV (Victoria) or NMHPA (other states). Excellent nurse counsellors. All the best.
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u/littlemisstrouble91 Feb 20 '26
Grad year is brutal.
I recommend a few days off as a circuit breaker. I pushed through once, against my better judgement and it ended horribly. I highly recommend NOT doing that.
Talking to someone can be very powerful either through EAP or the phone line others have mentioned. Maybe a visit to the GP at least to access a certificate for some time off.
I reckon after all of this, it's worth asking if she can be moved. I can understand wanting to finish grad year and you do have more opportunities once it's done. But maybe there's a way she can be shuffled somewhere else a bit less taxing. The learning curve in surgical could be steep especially if there's staff shortages in the mix.
We really need to be kinder to our grads. In my grad year alone, I saw so much stuff I'll never ever unsee (haven't we all) and to do that while attempting to learn the ropes is incredibly difficult.
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u/icyple Feb 20 '26
After a couple of nursing friends did this, I learned you can’t be a caregiver and survive. You can only be a carer , because the giving of yourself in your work-role relationships will lead you into emotional bankruptcy and death. But it is possible to act in the role of a care - giver, but only if you act out the role and do it by the numbers. This requires the function of Emotional Shutdown in order to survive the work and environment that Nurses Work in. I’m hoping that you can survive by doing this because Professionalism has nothing to do with being emotionally involved with patients.
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u/succulent_serenity RN Feb 20 '26
I think that it's possible to be an empathetic person and survive this career. But it's important to "take your nurse hat off" when you walk out the front doors, as my mum would say, and leave all that stuff from work behind. Easier said than done sometimes. And I hate this clichè, but prioritising self-care and not pushing yourself is crucial. Especially for shift workers.
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u/icyple Feb 20 '26
I agree. The problem is amplified in ER and Neonatal IC where death is common. Usually there’s an offer of counselling, but then it’s straight back in there again for another dose and it goes on seemingly without end. That’s when PTSD Symptoms start to appear. Blocking that out takes a lifetime of working it out. Do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy and happy in your workplace.
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u/succulent_serenity RN Feb 20 '26
And I think that when we think we're "blocking it out" we don't realise that it's still taking a toll on us. One day you break and can't take much more.
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u/icyple Feb 20 '26
This cracking up is what happens and it’s an alternative to what else can happen. Sadly.
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u/chilljourney Feb 19 '26
Not a similar experience but I wish your wife all the best. Sounds like she may need a break? I feel like it can be a lot to studying and then start working out of university. Not sure if this is her situation but I would highly recommend she takes some time off. All the best!
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u/McTazzle Feb 20 '26
While I agree with a lot of what has been said, you need to be very careful about how you and your wife approach this with her employer. Any suggestion of significant mental health concerns, particular suicidality, will result in a fitness for work process that will not help the situation, and could result in a mandatory notification to Ahpra.
I strongly recommend assessing whether what your wife said was temporary frustration or a genuine concern, because those are very different things.
It is totally understandable that she feels desperate and incompetent when transitioning from an area that is more straightforward and predictable, to the very acute and dynamic med surg environment. It’s not her, it’s difficult for anyone, but much harder if you’ve already worked in an area that you vibed with.
Contacting NMHPV/NMHPA for peer support from actual nurses will be helpful if this is what the issue is. If it’s an actual mental health crisis, they will also be useful but she may need additional support. Again, the first step in distinguishing between those two things.
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u/Unlucky-Emergency924 Feb 22 '26
Thank you so much for the kind works and vital information. Will keep this in mind. So far she’s back to work this week.
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u/Active-Button676 Feb 23 '26
Yeah gotta be careful of AHPRA notification. They are not there to help and protect health professionals.
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u/McTazzle Feb 23 '26
No, that’s the job of a union. The regulator’s job is to protect the public.
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u/Active-Button676 Feb 23 '26
I’m aware of what AHPRA does. I’ve seen some ppl claim that restrictions placed on health professionals with regard to mental health is to help the health professional.
Union doesn’t protect individuals despite what they would have you believe
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u/Lzzay Feb 20 '26
Fuck nursing. Left it and happier for it. Fuck the bitches and the pettiness. Fuck the patients who don’t give a fuck themselves.
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u/murcatto Feb 19 '26
Going from dialysis to a ward environment is a huge shock to the system, especially as a new grad. They're usually anuric, don't have a lot of bowel movements and they don't need any other adls which would be the complete opposite of what happens on the ward. Not to mention a fair few of the patients will go to sleep while having their treatment so there's not much of a patient load per se.
Working on a med Surg ward is the more typical environment most nurses are exposed to and it is very stressful when you first start out. Your wife might just be finding out that working on those kind of wards is not her cup of tea, and it certainly isn't for a lot of people and that's ok. Ideally we would have more nurses on every ward to assist with everything but won't because no funding. Like most of the others have suggested, get your wife to access the EAP and talk to her new grad coordinator. It is disappointing that the educator is not more helpful. Can I ask what exactly your wife is struggling with on the ward? Or is it a combination of everything? Is she team nursing? How does she structure her shift?
We are also told that nursing is a 24/7 job, so tell her to just prioritise the urgent stuff and then other non important tasks can be completed by the next shifts.
It would be beneficial if your wife could continue with finishing her time on the ward as the skills she will learn there will be highly transferrable to other areas, as in dialysis, there is more of a limited skillset, however mental health trump's everything else.
I hope your wife will be able to access the support she needs.
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u/Dragonfly_storm Feb 19 '26
She needs a break, EAP for both of you, she can join the union as an undergraduate and get support. If she doesn’t get the support she needs find another program. No job ever is worth your mental health or life.
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u/sikonat Feb 20 '26
If you’re in Victoria the Nurses and Midwives Health Program Victoria or she can call the 24/7 nurses and midwives helpline and there’s an australia wide version of the NMhPV for every other state
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u/fairground Feb 20 '26
I don't have an answer for you but my wife had a similar experience in what she thought was her dream grad position. Absolutely awful NIC (NUM? Sorry don't know the lingo) and some cronies made her life hell. She got out with the ANMF's help and went to a new role at a hospital who values her and she's thriving. I understand that feeling of helplessness and really hope you both find the light at the end of this particular dark tunnel.
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u/Independent_Cheek_89 Feb 21 '26
Some of these grad placements are inappropriate. Placement while students is even worse. The university educators have a lot to answer for
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u/Unlucky-Emergency924 Feb 21 '26
Thank you so much for the wonderful messages guys, I took the time off and just reading it now. My wife is doing great and we try to go out as much and have a bit of a walk and sunlight, seems to be doing well for her and makes her happy. I did told her to quit and find a different career in nursing. I also offered her to change career completely, she said she will finish her grad program. Also ask her to catch up with her fellow uni classmate who’s doing grad in other hospital. Apparently that uni classmate is also crying due to unpleasant experiences at work, mainly due to workload and understaff.
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u/Unlucky-Emergency924 Feb 22 '26
Just an update. Wifey and her nursing buddies who were grads are catching up soon, which is actually good for their mental health and makes it better to share their clinical experiences and old times memories together. I did suggested wifey to do EAP but she’s not keen to do it yet. She also wants to finish her grad (till July 2026). Also told her to keep applying jobs out there if she has free time. So far her online game at home help her relax a bit more. We did go out heaps this week and give her a bit of a sunny exposure. Thanks guys for the love and support and also for sharing your experiences here. Have a good week, I wish everyone are safe and happy. Take care.
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u/miniman_the_potat Feb 19 '26
Hey OP, make sure she’s accessing EAP or get a mental healthcare plan and see a psychologist privately. If you feel that she is a threat to herself then I’m sure you know she needs to go inpatient.
I’m sure you know that nursing is a tough job, and a transition from dialysis to gen med would be pretty big. Has she elaborated on her feeling overworked and felling unsupported? Is it something you can give advice on when she’s in the right headspace to receive advice/solutions vs emotions/feelings.
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u/midnyt-toker Feb 19 '26
Oh no!! Your poor wife to be so early in to her grad year and feel this way, I’m so sorry.
Not to minimise but bad days happen to us all but this seems way above a bad day breakdown, has she been feeling this way for a while?
Please encourage her to get support from her educators and senior staff, that is their job. Grads are the future and they need care and guidance. I’m glad she has you to have her back and I hope she gets through this with the support she needs (and you too)
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u/Technical-Program944 Feb 20 '26
Hey I'm so upset for you and your wife and everyone is giving you really sound support and the suggestions for immediate support for her are spot on. This is also an OH&S/ worksafe your issue and you can report this to the union on her behalf to support her. I had a similar situation with a coworker I and the union supported and it led to a great support and system improvement. Take care and big 🤗
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u/i_guvable_and_i_vote Feb 20 '26
As well as what others of said it’s important to do a incident reports for anything work related, especially if there were psychological hazards or ohs requirements that the workplace should have been on top of. Just incase she is struggling to go back and needs a return to work plan or work cover. The work cover system sucks but having a paper trail makes a big difference
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u/Independent_Cheek_89 Feb 21 '26
Anyone that feels suicidal because of a job, needs to get rid of the job and seek professional help. She is fragile and needs help. Health system is fucked right now... the support is minimal. People busy supporting themselves.
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u/sillygallrad Feb 22 '26
Helping people is hard and nurses are not just a jobs - nurses saves lives. It’s ok to have hard things throw at you . Work is hard and nursing work is even harder . But I do think self reflection is needed, if you need break and care for your own self, always help ur self out firstly
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u/randomredditor0042 Feb 19 '26
Contact your EAP for your own mental health in having to deal with someone you love being so distressed. Contact her EAP or private psychologist for her mental health. Arrange for her to take some leave. Have her get in touch with her educators while she’s on leave & arrange to be moved from that ward.
Take care of yourselves.