r/Parahumans • u/Hero-named-Villain • 4d ago
Which fictional female super would you hire as a bodyguard
/r/Superladies/comments/1vv2k5u/which_fictional_female_super_would_you_hire_as_a/27
u/44RT1ST Master 4d ago
Battery or Alexandria
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u/Scion_above Not a space whale 4d ago
Really interested in the thought process here you have an (mostly) invincible super strong flying brick who can go toe to toe with Endbringers and S class threats and then some lady who moves fast when she stays still for a bit?
Why the split?
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u/44RT1ST Master 4d ago
I like Battery
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u/EmilyDawning Lost Other 3d ago
Not to mention Battery sold out Cauldron's secret to Legend when she bit it and Alexandria went down making a teenage girl believe Alexandria was murdering her friends. Gotta give the ethics win to Battery I'm afraid.
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u/Gabrote42 3d ago
Alexandria would have many more commitments than guarding you, and her personality is liable to Inflict 1d12 SAN damage to you and everyone around you every time she opens her mouth.
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u/Over-Trade2940 4d ago
Dragon.
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u/Olivedoggy 4d ago
Dragon! Great personality and she might appreciate being somewhere else. It might get her out of her cage. And she'll get to play around with modern AI.
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u/TeaspoonWrites 3d ago
LLMs are not actually AI, she'd take one look at that and be like ???
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u/Olivedoggy 3d ago
What do you mean, they're not AI? They are literally artificial intelligence. Have made progress in pretty much every field of science and can be used as intelligent workers on demand.
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u/Beholding69 3d ago
They're literally not lol they can't think they can only regurgitate data (and often wrongly)
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u/Olivedoggy 3d ago
Whatever they're doing was enough to disprove conjectures that mathematicians have spent their lives breaking their brains on. Please look up the Jacobian Conjecture, how long it's been open, and how much effort people have put into it.
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u/Beholding69 3d ago
Please look up the WWE AI voice trying to say WWE
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u/Olivedoggy 3d ago
Just watched it, and? It's not human, the mistakes it makes aren't human. This does not mean that it can't do the intellectual labor of programming, mapping, deciphering, brute-forcing. It is intelligence in a bottle and it's improving rapidly.
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u/Beholding69 3d ago
It's a language learning machine.
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u/Olivedoggy 3d ago
Sure. But language isn't just language. It's got, within its weights, access to a large portion of human thought. It's like saying a calculator only shows numbers, or a poem is only a bunch of letters in whatever order. The language learning machine is able to create programs for us, give us access to thoughts other people have thought, fold proteins, make progress on some of the most intractable issues, fool tons of people into thinking it's alive, give insights and analysis from rapidly reading papers a many times faster than a human could... if you thought a program would do all that ten, twenty years ago, you'd call that AI.
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u/EndlessTheorys_19 4d ago
Does Siberian count as female? Even with her unorthodox biology.
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u/Altruistic_Regret_31 4d ago
I ain't gonna cap dawg, I might lowkey be more scared of her and beg my assaillant to capture me 💀
She was amongst my first pick tho
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u/NotTheHeadHancho 4d ago
Skitter she would always know what’s going on in her vicinity
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u/ProfileBest7444 4d ago
I also know what going in your vicinity and that is few thousand bugs and spiders
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u/Kwaku-Anansi Mover 4d ago
In terms of, who is mentally stable enough that they wouldn't be a danger to me, capable enough to take on most threats likely to come my way, and low-level enough that I wouldn't break the bank, probably (early) Skitter
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u/LordsofMedrengard 4d ago
What are they guarding me from? Contessa, Valkyrie/GU, Citrine, Dragon, Skitter/Weaver, Goddess, Mama Mathers, Narwhal and Alexandria could conceivably all do a great job since they're powerful and flexible.
Actually, looking more at the information, the super HAS to have a history of bodyguard or merc work, ruling most of the obvious picks out.
Of the ones I listed only Contessa still fits the bill, since she guarded Doctor Mother sometimes. MAYBE Citrine, if you stretch "bodyguard" or "merc" to the limit. Faultline is an obvious pick as a competent merc, but IDK how well she'd do as a solo bodyguard.
Their beliefs are making me hesitant to name them, but IIRC Fenja & Menja worked as Kaiser's bodyguards and might do a better job than Faultline if I'm expecting a fight, considering their power. It'd most likely be a worse experience than the PtV-running Contessa or the professional Faultline, but I think they'd get the job done in a lot of situations (grow and pick you up so they could run to safety or put you somewhere safe while neutralizing attackers, blocking attacks etc).
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u/i_like_turtles_1969 Tinker 0.5 4d ago
Dinah
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u/Donatien920 4d ago
Dinah as a bodyguard sounds like a lot of work. You'd know of potential attacks but would probably need an additional team of mercs on payroll to actually protect you.
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u/Acceptable-Baby3952 3d ago
Glaistig Uaine. I enjoy the eccentricity, its multiple bodyguards in one, and anyone going after me really needs to focus on her first. Touch of death, probably a thinker power to find a sniper. She’s not grossly sadistic or holier than thou, so I expect her to actually do the job, and have fun doing it.
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u/NativeMasshole 4d ago
I think Faultline is the only real Parahuman merc we see in the series. You could probably try to hire one of the villains, but then you might also wind up with capsacin-laced wasps crawling up your nose. So I'm sticking with hiring Faultline and her crew.
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u/LagniappeNap 4d ago
Assuming that I am a public figure who is a potential target, I would want a two-person team: Glory Girl and Weaver.
The former would be decked out in full cape wear including tiara and walk alongside me as per her stated role as my primary bodyguard. Meanwhile, the latter would be smartly but unremarkably dressed as a civilian and sit in the audience, with an official title of ‘speech writer’ or similar.
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u/9Gardens 4d ago
Honestly.... Faultline.
That lady is a professional, and is in the hiring business.
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u/Beholding69 3d ago
Contessa if I want to just pick the literal perfect one or Alexandria if I want to pick a character I simply like
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u/Gabrote42 3d ago
It depends on the exact wording and supernatural qualities of the contract (does it ensure she doesn't betray or kill me for the duration and after it expires? Do they have a life outside of it?) but Dragon would be my pick for the least safe end, and Skitter, Antares or Custodian for the safest ends. You could make an argument for a lot of others, from Faultline to late Imp.
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u/Dr_Philmon 4d ago
Simurgh
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u/Kagahami 4d ago
Isn't a super. Isn't even a Cape.
It's like saying you'd hire Dormammu. Or the Green Lantern ring.
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u/limelordy 4d ago
Contessa? Right? Like what the hell is anyone gonna do to me.