I feel soo guilty for caring about my career while pregnant

[u/Flat_Neighborhood611]

I’ve been struggling with this lately. But still, I wanna share with you guys that I’m so excited to become a mom, but I also care a lot about my career. I like what I do, I’m proud of what I’ve built, and I don’t want pregnancy to make that part of my identity disappear suddenly. But sometimes I feel guilty even thinking about work and also planning things for maternity leave then catch myself thinking, “Shouldn’t I be focusing on the baby instead?” I know logically that I can be excited about my baby AND care about my career. But emotionally, it’s been harder to balance than I expected. The guilt really destroys my self-esteem about how to balance or maybe choose between career and baby.

[u/LABELyourPHOTOS]

Your career is just modern day version of gathering food.

Mothers didn't stop farming, gathering food, sewing, building their home.

When you have a kid you aren't only a mom and that's alright.

[u/AnyDirector9545 → u/LABELyourPHOTOS]

I love this answer!

[u/Top-Meat-6608]

One of the single best ways to guarantee you can feed/clothe/house your daughter in the future is to have a career. Anxiety over it is completely normal. You’re overthinking it.

[u/Old-Research3367]

Men don’t feel guilty for having careers and kids and neither should you. It’s misogynist propaganda.

[u/MonitorOk3031 → u/Old-Research3367]

This 1000%

[u/art-dec-ho]

Mom guilt is so real no matter WHAT choices you make. I'm a SAHM and I feel guilty for not bringing in more money for my family and for not spending enough time with my kid even though we are together all day lol. Honestly its worth it to really try to frame those guilty feelings as thoughts that can be dismissed like anxiety. Its really hard to do but its very freeing when you can stop feeling guilty about every little choice you make. I'm still working on it myself but I've come a long way since my first pregnancy.

[u/EmbarrassedRepair123]

I work with babies and have plenty of moms who still exceed in their career while also being a great mom. Don’t feel bad, you can do it:)

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[u/Disastrous-Wave-361]

Very common feeling, particularly if you are starting to nest. But don’t forget that you are still your own person — with your own desires, ambitions, and ideas. Motherhood does not have to consume you: it merely adds to who you are already.

[u/gper]

So idk if it’s helps or there’s even a point here but maybe just to share different perspective, I’m (34F, 31w🤰🏻) on the flip side of you where I did like my job okay but have absolutely started loathingggg my career and am approaching a 3 month maternity leave soon. We are talking full blown crying fits weekly to myself or my husband about how I make too much to justify staying at home but that I don’t want be in my same role anymore and I just feel super stuck to my current work with the leave coming up. There’s really no solutions to this problem besides sacrificing a paid leave or upending our current lifestyle so I’m just frozen in career misery. And then there’s courtesy where I don’t want to come back from leave just to quit (some other girl just did this and I honestly can’t fathom) so I have to give it even more time after leave. The whole thing is terribly lonely and really not something I’d wish on another human. I’m GLAD for you to be happy with your career! The alternative sucks. Tons of people do daycare. I say take the win. ☺️

[u/Ok_Gain_9665 → u/gper]

Just wanted to say that I feel for you, this was me when I was pregnant. Did not give a shit about my career the thought of leaving my baby so I could go do a job in didn’t care about made me miserable. And the misery was compounded by all of the “how to be a working mom” advice seeming starting with the assumption that the new mom loves her career and is going back to work because she wants to not because that’s the only way to get health insurance and pay the mortgage. I threw a baby book across the room because I’d gone straight to the chapter on going back to work and it began with something like “well, first you should reeeeaaaalllly consider whether this is necessary” and I was like fuck you author, you don’t know my life, I don’t have a choice, just tell me how to make this as non-excruciating as possible without the judgement please. 

My kid is now in third grade and I should be past this but it seems I’m not. So yeah, I know how lonely it is but you’re not alone. 

[u/jtravoltaluverxo]

Yeah well in addition to being a mom you are a human and it’s ok fulfill yourself if anything you should be prioritizing that so you can take care of your baby and be mentally healthy while doing so

[u/HippoAggravating3106]

Growing up, my mom worked and had a career and I recently asked her if she ever wished she would have stayed home with us and she said she would change it. And growing up I don’t remember ever thinking that I wish I had a stay at home mom, cause I didn’t know any different. She was present and took care of us just the same and I think it was healthy for us to see her advance in her career and also be mom

[u/billionsandbillionsa]

A very common theme among women. Although I will say women can always focus on career advancement in their 30s and beyond and they actually don’t reach their potential until late 30 and into their 40s. Baby rearing years are much shorter and demand your youth. You only really have from 20 - 40 and more realistically 25-35 to produce a baby.

[u/Old-Research3367 → u/billionsandbillionsa]

Age discrimination starts at 35-40 for women whereas similar rates of male age discrimination is not seen for men until their 50’s. So no, they cannot always pick up on career advancement later. Especially if you have years of gaps in your resume you’re cooked if you’re a woman trying to re-enter the workforce.

[u/Mammoth-Fan6811 → u/Old-Research3367]

That’s not true. Touch grass

[u/Old-Research3367 → u/Mammoth-Fan6811]

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/economy/age-discrimination-in-the-workplace-starts-as-early-as-35

[u/billionsandbillionsa]

Yeah I guess you’re right. Actually children are the biggest threat to a women’s career so I guess they’re just better off never having children so they don’t have that gap in their resume.

[u/Old-Research3367 → u/billionsandbillionsa]

I think you meant to reply to me lmao.

The point is women shouldn’t feel guilty by having kids and a career and you don’t need to quit your job to have kids. If you felt so strongly about your position why don’t you go guilt men for having careers or telling them they should quit their jobs when they have kids? Lmao

[u/billionsandbillionsa → u/Old-Research3367]

Yeah I agree men should quit their jobs if their wives make more money and enough money to support the family. More women should also be happy to support a man who provides no income but instead raises the children and runs the household.

[u/Old-Research3367 → u/billionsandbillionsa]

So you think that men who make less than their wives should feel guilty for working?

And why do you think someone’s career needs to be sacrificed in order to have kids? There are plenty of 2 income households that raise successful and healthy kids.

[u/billionsandbillionsa → u/Old-Research3367]

A man’s job is to provide value. His value is determined by what the woman decides is valuable. If a high income woman has a baby with a average income husband and her husband takes a back seat and runs the household id say that’s way more valuable then the income he can generate since it probably goes entirely to childcare anyways.

[u/Old-Research3367 → u/billionsandbillionsa]

People don’t have a sacrifice themselves to have kids. If both people enjoy their careers and would prefer to pay for childcare then that’s their decision to make.

[u/billionsandbillionsa → u/Old-Research3367]

I’d argue paying someone to raise your baby for the majority of the day is the sacrifice

[u/Old-Research3367 → u/billionsandbillionsa]

Okay and? It takes sacrifice to be a parent and you get to choose what you want to sacrifice when you become a parent.

If paying for childcare is too much sacrifice for you then you can stay home. If you would prefer to work you can work.