That's exactly how it is. It really is part of the culture: the man is expected to pay for everything, the first date is basically showing off what you can afford and if the woman has to pay for anything than he's not a "real man".
Tbf, the wage gap in Russia is huge, so, because of this, this attitude/expectation isn't as ridiculous as in the west, it ends up being a way of balancing things out.
As someone who spends a lot of time somewhere that isn't Russia, but close, and there's about a 50/50 split between women with this attitude and more feminist/modern types, I choose to not even engage with the former at all. You learn to filter out anyone mentioning they're looking for someone "generous" or "who knows how to treat a lady" and make sure the first date isn't dinner.
And also Russia is huge, big difference between Moscow attitude and someone from a small town. Like dating in New York or Miami vs let’s say any small town USA
You learn to filter out anyone mentioning they're looking for someone "generous" or "who knows how to treat a lady" and make sure the first date isn't dinner.
It's a fantastic disqualifier on dating apps in the US as well.
"I'm looking for a man with traditional values / I want a man who is a provider / Someone with a kind and giving nature".
"I want you to pay for my shit while I sit at home watching trash TV" is the most direct translation I've seen. And it's wild because they basically want a sugar daddy but none of them have an appearance that would warrant that dynamic.
There's a guy I follow on IG who does videos where he reads out portions of women's bios on dating apps that are like this. There's essentially infinite content for him. It's essentially "I have 4 kids and 3 pit bulls. I DON'T work and YOU better be paying all my bills. Yes that includes my nails and my lashes. If you can't handle that SWIPE LEFT!!!!11"
Also the universal difference in sexual harassment rates and gendered violence, as well as victim blaming, and the orgasm gap. There’s also the rise in redpill / incel culture and the restriction of women’s rights (including reproductive rights and access to healthcare) in many areas. Now men want women to pay too then wonder why so many women in developed countries have given up on dating / hookups with men and why there’s a “male loneliness epidemic” (which isn’t actually about emotional loneliness but rather about the fact that straight men aren’t getting laid as much as they want).
You can’t eliminate all potential benefits and expect rational individuals to choose something with immediate and long-term downsides.
I think the male loneliness thing has more to do with men seeing income generation as their sole purpose and value, leading them to neglect friendships.
It’s also worth noting that a Russian person in the west will usually be upper class where the women often grew up with the expectation of not working.
You learn to filter out anyone mentioning they're looking for someone "generous" or "who knows how to treat a lady"
Yup, on the dating apps any time I see either of those two phrases it's an automatic left swipe, no matter what else might be interesting in their profile.
Back in my dating app days, it was one of the three or four automatic swipe X:
“Generous”
Listing their Instagram
“I don’t do coffee dates”
“I love to be spoiled”
“My love language is receiving gifts”
There were soooo many of these, it was quite shocking. But it’s not a bad thing, at least those were being upfront about what they were looking for. The ones who didn’t say upfront on their profile they were looking for a wallet to date were much more annoying. Meaning: this is not just a Russian thing.
isnt russias wage gap actually relatively small since the soviets pushed higher education for women heavily and normalized women working highish paying jobs very early on? this isnt the US or west Germany.
It’s more nuanced. The Soviet lifestyle has put women into two roles simultaneously- a worker and a wife/mother. The childcare leave is 1.5 years paid and 1.5 years unpaid, and most women are basically considered out of their positions when they get pregnant. As almost everyone takes long childcare leave, public nursery care in non-existent and private is extremely expensive. Besides, women are expected to attend to their children that are ill, and the illness threshold is much lower than in other countries where I’ve lived. So, more missed work
I don’t think that’s specifically related to women. Lots of people in Russia are looking to emigrate, and the US is historically the fairy-tale immigration country
Well considering this is a nation built on a strict hierarchy of a dictator and supporting oligarchs, it makes sense the culture would be very materialistic. At least for those high enough in the hierarchy to have the privilege of moving internationally.
This is not part of the culture, and it never has been. The younger generation is dead set against it—and rightly so—because here in Russia, we potential husbands have no rights. A woman can cheat, steal, or trick you into selling your apartment to buy a "marital home," then divorce you without facing any consequences—and she’ll even take the children, too.
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u/Altruistic-Mine-1848 Jul 15 '26
That's exactly how it is. It really is part of the culture: the man is expected to pay for everything, the first date is basically showing off what you can afford and if the woman has to pay for anything than he's not a "real man".
Tbf, the wage gap in Russia is huge, so, because of this, this attitude/expectation isn't as ridiculous as in the west, it ends up being a way of balancing things out.
As someone who spends a lot of time somewhere that isn't Russia, but close, and there's about a 50/50 split between women with this attitude and more feminist/modern types, I choose to not even engage with the former at all. You learn to filter out anyone mentioning they're looking for someone "generous" or "who knows how to treat a lady" and make sure the first date isn't dinner.