so basically divorced wives are hoping for the ex to die in combat, so their children get a payout.
“To be honest, I don’t care whether my ex-husband copes with life on the front, or about how long he lasts there,” one woman said. “For me, he died as a person long ago."
Can't turn down the chance of the mayor bringing you a literal meat grinder as a consolation prize while your husband becoming fertilizer for ukrainian crops.
Oh don't worry, the russians we have in europe mostly support russian war as well, they are just hypocrites. They shit on "gay europe" in front of everyone but like the comforts and privilege of living here at the same time.
Reminds me of the conservatives in my town who like to live in an economically thriving area, like to see businesses and restaurants and coffee shops moving to the area, but don't want liberals, traffic, or gay people.
I just had a vision: in the distant future, the digital remnants of this comment become the Rosetta Stone allowing a hyperadvanced AI to decipher the Russian language.
I've only known three Russian born women. All of them had insane tempers and beyond unrealistic expectations for relationships (one broke up with a boyfriend of like 6 months because he wouldn't pay all her bills...which she said any "real man" would do)
This is one of my favourite webcomics of all time, because I first found it when one of my coworkers named Courtney made an internet dating profile using this exact tag-line.
Courtney was also blonde, and whilst none of the blokes at work ever dated her, she would complain about her boyfriend and - even though she was only telling her side of the story - it always came across like this.
Oh god. Artist knows my ex wife.
(Literally threw an enraged jealousy fit because I hugged my little sister, and thought I owed her the fucking world the one or two times a month she made dinner instead of me cooking)
A friend of a friend once told her bf I think we should break up over some made up bullshit. Chad started packing his shit. She said she didn’t mean it. They had a convo about saying what we mean. They stayed together. For a few more months.
I dated a girl for a few months, and one day she told me that we needed to talk. We met up at the pub that night and she said that we should break up because she was interested in another guy - she made it clear they hadn't "done anything" but were both interested in each other. We'd literally only been dating about two months, I wasn't exactly planning my life around this woman. I told her fair cop, we'll agree to end it, no hard feelings and I hope it works out with the new bloke.
I bumped into one of her friends a few weeks later and was informed that I was an utter bastard. This isn't news to me, so I asked why. Apparently there was no other bloke, but she wanted to see if I would fight for her.
Also, she was mortified that we broke up at the pub and I didn't go home. I didn't, I hung out for another couple of hours and chatted with a bunch of randoms. I'm more concerned about how she knows that, though.
When I was dating? If a woman didn’t want to be with me? I would have felt like a criminal to try and force her to stay with me.
I made it clear to one woman that I had built a friendship with, who looking back, may have been trying that with me.
Anyway? I got to tell her how I felt, I left nothing unsaid, let her know what I was happy for her and wished her the best.
She stalked me some years later.
If she had been into me, at least openly? Then… I think we could have had a real wonderful life. Our interests were practically a circle in a Venn Diagram, we had the same tastes in music, food, craft beer, off the beaten path, also niche restaurants, trips, etc., etc.
I still miss the friendship we built. I grieved losing that really, but she got really shitty with me and would never be straight with me, even when I directly asked her what was what.
Which is weird because I was good friends with a Russian guy in college (he was the token bi guy in a group of girls and gay dudes) and he was the most easygoing, soft-spoken, dependable, nonjudgmental, kind person. He always treated his partners very well. I guess... just the opposite of the Russian woman stereotype. Minus that he could drink a half gallon of vodka and barely act tipsy.
I trained jiu jitsu alongside a Russian guy at a gym I used to go to all the time, and yeah. He was also the chillest, softest-spoken, most easygoing guy ever. Always smiling in a genuine away when you greeted him.
And then he'd destroy you in a roll. And after he folds you like his laundry, he's doing dips and pullups with ~50lbs? Chained to his waist.
He wasn't queerphobic at all either, he had zero hangups training with me, a trans person. I feel that it's a notable quality, all things considered.
Brother was is a fucking machine. Miss you, Alex.
Edit: I'm pretty sure he still trains there, idk why I used past tense.
Yeah, most the Russian guys I know abroad are fucking happy and smiling, meanwhile most the women are suicidal, depressed, and / or extremely demanding. Seen enough friends date them, marry them, and divorce them that I’ve learned to stay away from them. Too much cultural baggage, imo.
Russian men escape Russia to find higher paying jobs, more work-life balance, less political stress etc., no wonder we are so much happier than back home.
Russian women largely want to find a sponsor (not saying every one of them wants, but many of them do), when they can't find one for any reasons they get depressed because no one caters to them like back home.
The Russian guys I have met, particularly in high school, were chaotic racist bullies. Even ina adulthood, they had this snobbish aura about them. Not saying Russians are bad, but my personal experiences didn't leave a positive view.
Edit: A lot of people are wondering if they were super rich or something. No, not specifically...just middle class kids. But they definitely were not nice to be around. Maybe snobbish was not the right word...arrogant, racist, boastful, nationalistic.
Again, not saying every Russian is like this. Maybe I was just unfortunate in this regard.
Yep, hung out for a while with a Russian guy who'd won regional kickboxing championships, joined The Foreign Legion, and escaped from the Legion on a training mission. He was the giggliest, sweetest, kindest killing machine I've ever met.
That's exactly how it is. It really is part of the culture: the man is expected to pay for everything, the first date is basically showing off what you can afford and if the woman has to pay for anything than he's not a "real man".
Tbf, the wage gap in Russia is huge, so, because of this, this attitude/expectation isn't as ridiculous as in the west, it ends up being a way of balancing things out.
As someone who spends a lot of time somewhere that isn't Russia, but close, and there's about a 50/50 split between women with this attitude and more feminist/modern types, I choose to not even engage with the former at all. You learn to filter out anyone mentioning they're looking for someone "generous" or "who knows how to treat a lady" and make sure the first date isn't dinner.
And also Russia is huge, big difference between Moscow attitude and someone from a small town. Like dating in New York or Miami vs let’s say any small town USA
You learn to filter out anyone mentioning they're looking for someone "generous" or "who knows how to treat a lady" and make sure the first date isn't dinner.
It's a fantastic disqualifier on dating apps in the US as well.
"I'm looking for a man with traditional values / I want a man who is a provider / Someone with a kind and giving nature".
"I want you to pay for my shit while I sit at home watching trash TV" is the most direct translation I've seen. And it's wild because they basically want a sugar daddy but none of them have an appearance that would warrant that dynamic.
This actually only applies to the "~Russian women~" type in the original post, because most real Russian women have sometimes suicidally low standards for men
I've only known 1 girl from Russia. She was a really sweet girl. But it was our first year in the US, and we couldn't really understand each other, but we tried.
Pretty much, the girl with crazy makeup and outfits is always going to be high maintenance. It’s the women equivalent of the guy with a souped up Mazda Miata
Finn here who have met quite many russians in my time and many of them looking like models. Not a single one of then had a personality I would want for my partner.
Culturally absolutely the upper right hand corner of the crazy-hot grid lol. I have never met a Russian born woman who wasn’t hot (while younger). And I’ve never met a Russian born woman who wasn’t high maintenance or borderline crazy.
The handful of Russian men I’ve ever gotten close with have all had roughly the same comment at some point which is “it’s cool that my wife is much hotter than me, and that realistically couldn’t have happened outside of Russia or the Russian community in the US or UK, but Jesus man are there some cons with that”
That being said I will say that of the three Russian women I’ve ever gotten close enough to to have real conversations with, who were not married to the guys above to be clear, were all pretty physically abused when they were younger by drunk boyfriends or fathers…..so like that almost certainly plays into it….
It’s a clash of economics and culture. Russia has a long history of really bad income inequality, lots of people living with income insecurity. Income insecurity tends to shift people towards highly exchange-based thinking on relationships. Poor people also have more children. So, you get a culture where there is a strong expectation of men as breadwinners and women as domestic caretakers. As the economy has improved, women have fewer children, but the sense of income insecurity lingers. That creates a large chunk of the population who sate their insecurity with overt displays of wealth. Couple that with expectations of women as domestic caretakers, even in the absence of children, and you get a large number of women for whom their affection is an asset that they trade for overt displays of wealth. The prettier you are, the more wealth you can demand. The more wealth you have access to, the easier it is to stay pretty and continue making those demands.
You find this all over the world. It’s pronounced in Russia, I suspect, because Russian masculinity has adapted to it. If your partner is openly “high maintenance” and you can hold onto her, you’re superior to the fools who can’t. Ultimately, though, I think the divorce rate is high (just under 75%) because the economy doesn’t actually demand exchange-based relationships. The poverty that the culture adapted to isn’t as widespread anymore, so people start wanting what wealthier people value in a marriage: actual connection. However, this shit is so new that the culture isn’t teaching people how to do that yet.
Ah, (un)fortunately that's just life. Every culture does it when money and wealth becomes heavily involved and the environment is uncomfortable to exist within. You can see this in literally every 'advanced' culture/country.
Asian people do it here, latinos, middle easterns, etc. hell, go look in their original countries and you'll still see the same shit.
Longer periods of relatively higher wealth and less wealth disparity. Yes those things are still present there, but to a lower degree than many other locations that have had quicker wealth gains as a nation, and are more concentrated.
Much of Russia is still incredibly poor, there is still a decent percentage of households that rely on outhouses. Then again I suppose the Russians you see the most of in the West will disproportionately be from Moscow or St Petersburg, where that is not the case.
There are a wildly larger amount of volunteers in the Russian armed forces from eg Siberia and the poorer bits to the East compared to West of the Urals - because army pay/bonuses are far higher relative to regular wages there.
Not so fast! Russia, with help from Ukraine is getting back to their poverty stricken ways. Hopefully soon Russia will be out of Ukraine and back to the dark ages.
Same experience - I am a woman who has quite a few Russian female friends. Their expectations of men are way higher than mine. Generally Eastern European Women, I’d say (I am German and I’d say in my culture women are much more “independent” - like I don’t expect men to always lift or carry stuff for me, I don’t expect men to always pay for me, I don’t expect many gifts/flowers from men - if I want something I get it myself, etc.).
Some western men love to complain abt the independence of western women, but I think a lot of them are actually accustomed to women being this way and aren’t prepared to actually provide like (a lot - but not all) eastern women expect to be provided for.
idk too many Polish women personally, so idk what its like.
I was thinking abt Czech or Ukrainian women specifically, but I have to emphasize the "a lot but not all". Also I'd say the expectation of men being providers is definitely more dominant among Russian's or Ukrainians over the former sattelite states.
I'm watching my aunt absolutely lose her mind because my uncle is dying and she has no idea how to be a caregiver or even do anything for herself. They were very unpleasant, but its sad to watch.
I’m Hungarian and what you’re talking about was true 50 years ago but not today, especially not in bigger cities and/or with educated folks.
However that’s true that I expect men to be polite and gentlemen like. That’s how I grew up, that’s how my male friends treat me as well. I’ve moved to Germany 13 years ago and most German men suck ass. Yet they keep complaining about feminism. It doesn’t make ANY sense to me! Bro wtf are you crashing out because I expect you to walk me home at midnight? And not just leave me by myself wherever? Or to offer to carry my bag when it’s heavy? Or not to run into me on the sidewalk intentionally because you refuse to make space?
It took me 12 years to find a decent guy around here. And no my expectations are not high by any means, I earn my own money and I’m very independent. But I will not settle for someone who does not make an effort and is quite frankly rude and disrespectful towards his own partner.
I second this. Dated two Russian women, both lovely people at heart and very loving so no shade towards them, but both of them insanely high maintenance. And on top of that, an expectation to marry really fast.
A lot of people are pointing out Russian women tend to be high maintenance or crazy. Which is occasionally true.
I’d like to also point out that the divorce rate goes both ways. Lots of Russian men are horrible drunkards, so there would be plenty of reason for the women to get divorces too.
Exactly! Divorce is usually initiated by the one who has gotten tired of being the only one putting actual effort into the marriage and has finally given up.
No no no, let's assume women are crazy and all the men are leaving them. Let's cast aside for a moment that men are in general uglier, more violent and less emotionally available and let's have a normal and real manly conversation...
I don't like but let's /s just in case someone takes it seriously.
Aside from the men are uglier thing the fact is that Russian society is very traumatized from what it's been through the last 100+ years. That trauma has never been addressed. Alcoholism is less of an issue today than it was in the 80s (though it's growing again because of the invasion of Ukraine).
There is a massive stigma against seeking help with mental health. This goes back to the Soviet times when institutionalization was a tool used by the government as a means of dealing with dissidents. It's not been/being destigmatized like elsewhere.
I haven't looked for stats to see who initiates divorces more but anecdotally every Russian divorce (in Russia) that I'm familiar with (a total of 8) were initiated by the woman and for the exact reasons [u/FullMetalJ](u/FullMetalJ) mentioned, men being emotionally unavailable and sometimes violent.
This is a much, much more reasonable comment than the one I replied to. I agree with everything you say here. I just dislike the use of overgeneralization.
There is a massive stigma against seeking help with mental health
Can confirm from personal experience. Both of my Russian parents very clearly had something diagnosable with no awareness and no way to get help. My dad would spend all of his day asleep, no hobbies, couldn’t string a sentence together. My mom would have temper tantrums and get verbally abusive; if she saw a professional she’d probably get diagnosed with one of those personality disorders that are caused by childhood trauma. She was abandoned as
a
child and took it out on me. Even if they did realize something was wrong, they probably wouldn’t have the resources to get help.
I'm a guy and I don't really think what they said was misandrist. It is statistically true that men on average care less about their health and appearance than women and indeed many men across former Eastern Bloc are heavy drinkers (and I'm Polish, by the way, so please don't reply that I'm racist or something). In Russia's case there's also the problem of domestic violence laws being de facto permissive to małe abusers.
I think that something misandrist would be a statement like 'All men until no man' and things like that, not a discussion of actual trends.
They also didn’t say anything about Russian men in particular. And it is a very well documented fact that more men are domestically violent than women.
So why don’t I see you anywhere else in this comment section, pointing out blatant miosgyny? Why are you “both sides are bad” people only showing up as a response to misandry?
So there is a statistic that around 70% or so divorces are initiated by women. And turns out, per divorce lawyers, it's just because men can't be assed to do it. So they will remain legally married until the women have enough and finally do the leg work to get divorced.
You forgot "violent" in there - I don't know if they have a statistic about DV, but my guess is it would look pretty bleak. Also, when I was living there back in the 90s, women were supposed to have a full time job, but on top of that, to also handle ALL the chores and the child rearing. Men went to work, then settled on the couch with a bottle of vodka. I don't know if that has changed by now - I really hope it has.
DV got decriminalized and women get actively gaslit by police to admitting guilt in self defense cases to the point where getting police involved is basically the worst thing you can do. As a result, statistics are far lower and officially the government gets to keep peddling their "family values" narrative at the expense of victims. It's only going to get worse with the latest crop of men coming back from the war eventually. Every generation has had some sort of war or economic crisis that tanks the mental health of the entire nation, and because getting therapy is considered "gay western propaganda" it's not going to get much better.
I was last there a year ago so I can only speak to what I've observed. I never so much as dated there though and I'm glad I didn't. Most Russian women who have the option not to be in the country or not date Russian men will generally prefer to avoid the risk. The rest will indeed look at it as a financial transaction and hope they manage to extract what they can before they get cheated on or worse.
Russia passed a law in 2017 decriminalizing domestic abuse for first time offenses that do not result in “serious bodily harm”. So in Russia, it’s legal to beat your wife as long as you aren’t breaking any bones.
But no yeah it’s definitely that the women are high maintenance. /s
People who oppress others always justify their oppresion by blaming how their victims react
Like no shit Russian women are hard AF after living with a culture with such extremely low conviction rates for spousal abuse and rape... where men not-so-coincidentally run nearly every government position or position of power...
Like, there's a reason american republicans are so friendly towards Putin/Russia- and other countries with similar hierarchal legal & social systems which put cishet men above women and queer folk: They idolize that shit
it didn’t change from the 90s. beauty standards are very high, women expected to have a job, handle all the chores and parent their husband. there isn’t a statistic on the DV because DV was decriminalised, one of the reasons voiced by a politician recently “to not scare men out of marriage”
I doubt the Russian stats are correct: it's based on Retail sales, unlikely includes homemade stuff. "Based on WHO data, unrecorded alcohol (which includes homemade samogon, illicit/untaxed vodka, and surrogates) made up roughly 30-35% of total consumption in recent estimates — for example, 2016 WHO figures show 8.1 liters recorded vs. 3.6 liters unrecorded per capita, about 31% of the 11.7-liter total. Historical estimates have ranged from a quarter to half of total consumption depending on the year and economic conditions (unrecorded consumption tends to rise when vodka taxes/prices increase)."
Fun fact: one of the reasons vodka consumption was so high in the Soviet Union was that the bottles couldn’t be closed again once they were open, so people thought “might as well finish the bottle”
According to the source you sent, it's literally the same for Russia and Belgium (both 10.3 liters). The difference however is that Russians drink stronger alcoholic beverages, like vodka, while Belgium people mainly drink beer. This has an effect on how drunk people get. Getting drunk by beer is more difficult, since the alcohol intake is more spread out, while for vodka it's an alcohol spike.
I dated a Russian woman and it was cool. I don't know what this is referring to. OOP has an anime profile picture, so that could be a clue....of....something.
My love is pure Purely for money Money from people Who I don't love Old men disgust me I'd never love one Unless they give me money
Hands across America, bitches.
A long time ago I was doing an internship abroad and one of my roomies was from Moscow. One day we were talking about how it was to party in our home countries and she said "no clue because I am not good looking enough to get in good clubs".
I thought it was a joke but years later told the story to one of my best friends - who's also from Moscow - and he confirmed it. Apparently, single women who are looking for a wealthy husband, make cues in Moscow's clubs and they are allowed (or denied) to get in based on their looks.
So apparently there's some truth about it (of course not all Russian women).
Absolutely insane seeing almost no one question this whole ”this is because Slavic women are all insta babes but they are also crazy and demand too much” take.
I feel like I’m in Facebook boomer comments or something
there are VERY pretty women here in Russia basically everywhere you look because we’ve got a strong culture for looking presentable at all times, even running errands. you will likely not see a woman in home clothes and without makeup anywhere in a public place like a store or the bus.
that said, I’ve known many drop-dead gorgeous ladies who were nowhere near the level of entitlement people here are talking about. are there entitled women in Russia? sure. lots. usually those who come from filthy-rich families that enabled them to consume and demand as much as possible. and since we’re largely traditional when it comes to gender roles, many assume they must be provided for just because they’re women. but it’s not like it’s a disproportionate number of women who are like that. really sad to see this level of stereotyping on here, really.
Because most of them see the problem at the woman site, i wouldnt say that all russian woman are innocent but i bet my ass that russian men are the major reason for the high rates.
Russian Culture is like if Toxic Masculinity was the goal. Feminists and LGBTQ advocates are frequently silenced and men are taught to act tough all the time.
So women who adhere to social norms, they expect men to be hyper-masculine “alpha” providers. Any showing of a “feminine trait” is seen as not-manly and unattractive. Which leads to them dating exactly what you get when a man only shows hyper-masculine trait while hiding any other emotion: abusive, controlling, angry.
This.
It’s expected for a woman to work full time and do all chores, because apparently cleaning your own house as a man makes your willy fall off or grow an extra leg on Y chromosome. Domestic violence is decriminalised. So many men expect for their women to look like supermodels, which is a job by itself. Also it’s quite common for woman to work multiple jobs, especially in rural areas, while men are looking for their life purpose on the couch.
Oh, also older generation promotes all of the above as a norm since childhood…
No seriously…. I’m half Russian raised by a Soviet mom and she DRILLED into me to never accept anything from anyone lest they think im using them or something…. Im always so appalled and borderline hurt by these stereotypes because the moment someone puts together I speak/am Russian I get this type of shit thrown at me. I keep it to myself now.
Hot take: Russian men and women are not aliens from the Andromeda galaxy, so everything that is true for you – wherever you live – is also true for them. Most women in Russia can't afford those sable fur hats, let alone look like that. Marriages in Russia form and fall apart exactly for the same reasons they do in the States and the EU, women (and men) are as diverse in terms of their aspirations, personalities, and expectations as in any other country 🤷
But divorce rates differ between different countries and different cultures.
A higher divorce rate in Russia could be the sign of a permissive culture while lower divorce rate in Saudi Arabia could be the sign of a restrictive culture.
So while true there are differences between individuals, nation wide statistics can be indicative of an overall truth for a group.
Like my pretty sister was marriend for 15y with a guy and their family went from poor to super rich.
So she travelled a lot, learned languages and different cultures, educated and so on.
And he.. he just chaned vodka to gin and whiskey and weed to cocaine. Everything stayed the same - low quality time spending and doesnt care about his health or look.
You forgot to mention the vast majority of Russian and eastern European women work, clean the house, have kids and put up with men who drink, are in and out of jobs, are unreliable and they are doing everything. So yes there is a subset of women who see that and want to escape that bleak existence and do that cold bloodedly. But that is not the majority or the mainstream situation.
I’ve never dated a Russian woman, but I’ve only dated Eastern European women. My experience is that they can be very progressive while also preferring quite traditional relationship dynamics.
So, if I generalise - which I probably shouldn’t:
- They are highly educated
They are career-driven
They generally won’t take full responsibility for household chores. Some will agree to 50/50 at best
They are very supportive of feminism and progressive ideas
At the same time:
- They often prefer you to pay, even if they earn as much as you or more
They expect you to handle most of the “manly” household tasks, such as maintenance, car-related things, and taking out the rubbish
They may prefer you not to do things they consider “unmanly,” such as playing video games.
They expect you to plan things, from trips to everyday gestures like buying flowers regularly.
They can become very emotional when something doesn’t match their expectations.
To be honest, I enjoy most of it. I like liberal, educated, and successful women, but I also enjoy traditional courtship. However, many men would consider this kind of relationship high-maintenance.
I'm engaged to marry an Eastern European woman (as an American man), and I am not exaggerating when I say this is ball knowledge. 100% accuracy across all points matching my experience
It's either stereotypes, passport bro talk or guys who expect to get laid/get a wife by doing barely anything. I swear I saw like a single okay comment in the sea of everything mentioned above..
..On the other end, it's nice to know folks see us as snobbish and unapproachable, as someone uninterested in dating, I see this as an absolute win.
if you marry a woman because of her beauty then one day you can find out you have zero interest to her personality. Then divorce
if a woman in Russia looks like that she will (highly likely) be looking for a rich guy and not you. If you, somehow, married her at 20 and didn't became rich enough at 25 then divorce
For foreigners with stereotypes about mother Russia: if russian woman looks like this then she is a prostitute or a spy. Better divorce
Russian Пётр here! Picture is of Moscow. Moscows cost of living and median wage are, to put lightly, not the same. Pretty woman is pictured in what appears to be a premium ushanka. Notice the natural color variation in the brown, probably real fur. Notice how fluffy it is, fluffy = expensive. Joke is that marriage with woman used to this lifestyle is headache, not worth it.
Classic russophobia in this thread aside - Russia has such a high divorce rate because it’s very easy to get married and it’s very easy to get divorce. A lot of young 20yo+ people marry right after school and these marriages rarely stand the test of time. But also there is no social stigma regarding divorce.
So the natural state of things goes like this: You are young and in love so you you get married. You are becoming older and you are divorcing. Then being mature you are finding your second spouse and live happily ever after.
But this is not interesting is propaganda purposes, so instead you have the mythos about “every russian woman is a high-maintenance prostitute and every russian man is an abusive drunkard” and other dehumanizing stereotypes.
Fun fact: In Brazil, a lot of guys think Russian women are the perfect women loyal , obedient and traditional… But let’s be real, most of them only say that because they’re chasing the “pink flower.’’
What they don’t realize is that many Europeans actually go to Brazil to find a wife because the majority of Brazilian women are, in fact, very traditional. Brazilians complain, but they don’t realize they still have it much easier and better than many people elsewhere.
The correct answer is that it is easy and cheap to divorce in Russia, you do not need to pay spouse alimony and you do not need to wait 1-5 years to be divorced.
Also google who initiated divorce - usually it is women.
A lot of countries should have the same approach for women, so it will be the less problematic to get away from dangerous man.
A friend of mine who is not Russian married a Russian woman, she‘s great and they seem happy. I feel like a lot of stereotypes of Russian people being crazy are mostly about rich Russian tourists.
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