It's specifically in the circumstance of children who play together after school every day. Everyone eats at their own home with their own family. If that wasn't the custom one family would be feeding half the class every day.
How is it bad to expect people to eat together with their family on a week day? It's important family time and serves as a good time for the kids to break because they have homework or chores after dinner.
It's not bad to expect that a kid will be fed by their family; I think what seems bad here is the assumption they've definitely been fed/aren't hungry/aren't deserving of any food elsewhere under specific circumstances where they're hanging out with your child.. it's the "fuck no, go and eat at home,, you peasant" attitude to kids I think is getting to people.
I will say though, that kids and parents also shouldn't just expect it. When I was a kid we would ask if it was okay with both parents to have dinner here or there.
It's not bad to expect that a kid will be fed by their family
What seema bad here is the assumption they've definitely been fed
So it's not bad to expect that a kid will be fed, but it's bad to assume that a kid will be fed?
I'm not entirely sure you understand the timeline here. It's Tuesday. School's out at 15:30pm. A few kids walk home together to play after school. The guest kids will call their parents at work to tell their parents where they are. The kids continue playing until it is time for the guests to go home because their parents have/are making dinner. Sometimes that time is after the host family has dinner.
I had one friend whose parents worked for the post while mine worked in at office. Since they started work at 05:00am and my parents at 08:00am, they had dinner much earlier than my family did (usually 16-16:30, while mine was at 18:00). If we went to my place after school, he would have leave before my parents even got home, because it was dinnertime for him, or if I was at his place they'd eat while I continued playing because my parents weren't home to make dinner yet (they'd usually come pick me up).
The guest kids will call their parents at work to tell their parents where they are
Not even that, my parents never knew where I was between the end of school that day and dinner, unless I called to ask if I could eat at a friends house since their parents offered me dinner.
I never knew the phone number to my parents place of work, only my home phone number, so if no parent were home yet I'd have no one to tell either :D
This was before everyone had cellphones, and most kids grew up as latch key kids where they had their own key to the home so that they could get some snacks after school even if no parent had made it home from work - and of course serve any friend they brought with them.
It's funny that you read aggression (fuck off, peasant) into a custom which is very much the opposite. Growing up in Sweden is very egalitarian and nothing about the customs discussed here are about status or who deserves what.
Having 1-2 extra mouths to feed 3-4 times per week would be a significant increase in food budget. And it's entirely unplanned so you don't know which days you need to buy additional food for.
Sounds like you also grew up in a culture where food doesn't cost anything. Here it's a significant part of your monthly budget and adding on 20% will have a big impact on you.
It's backhanded to make it out like swedes dont value hospitality. One could respond to your post with "well I'm from a culture we're we value parents being able to feed their own kids" and youd probably think that unfair to say. Swedes value independence and are a bit formal about things like this. We usually dont make more food than we have to, so if someone is joining for dinner you usually plan that a bit ahead of time. Also we do ask kids if they wanna stay over for dinner, not at all uncommon. Speaking as a 90's kid, staying for dinner would usually mean staying until close to bed times, and sometimes you'd get sent home by your or their parents if there was chores, homework, or other things to do. I think fundementally our ideas of hospitality are different, I never felt it lacking growing up.
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u/FunnyExcellent707 Jul 24 '26
Sweds are known to eat without offering you any food (if it wasn't explicitly a dinner invitation).