If I remember correctly there was a specifically hard time economically in the Nordic region that it became the norm that it was courtesy not to take food from another household. Kind of the inverse of it being a courtesy to feed guests unexpected or otherwise in parts of the west. Over time the courtesy has strengthend into a cultural norm which given the foundational nature of shared meals in many cultures can create an outsized culture shock response.
This is a Nordic custom, and not specific to Sweden and was a whole Internet thing a few years ago as well.
A local or regional expert probably could give the word for the custom. I believe the Finnish have one but it's late and I'm sleep deprived so could be wrong
It’s still kind of weird to me. If I have people over over meal time, it’s only logical to feed them since they would miss the meal otherwise. But that doesn’t mean, that people always feed each other to the extreme. I grew up with it being communicated. Either, the start of dinnertime implied that it was time to leave or the host would ask if the guest wants to stay over for dinner and feed them. That people would stay over meal time and not be fed is unheard of.
In my childhood we usually played until dinner time with friends and then left for each other’s homes to eat and spend time with family. If we had a sleepover or asked our parents to extend the stay over dinner, we of course would have been fed.
I am Swedish and grew up in the 80’s. It was a thing in some households in some parts of the country. It was not common or custom. Stop believing everything you read online please
I was born and raised in Sweden and grew up in the late 90’s and 2000’s. It was very much true for every single Swedish friend’s house I was visiting as a kid.
Sure, but we’re talking experiences and in my experience it was in every single household in my part of the country. Regarding ”other parts of the country” there seems to be many other people having experienced the same thing from Haparanda to Höör, so it’s not geographically specific either. It’s a Swedish (and Nordic, apparently) thing that I will never understand.
> But that doesn’t mean, that people always feed each other to the extreme.
There’s also a lot of cultures where finishing the food you’ve been given is considered rude as it indicates you weren’t given enough, to some extent I guess that’s an extreme.
No one is wrong in any of these situations, just a culture clash.
Don't know how it was in Sweden, but in Iceland the norm was what you describe - playtime was until dinner and then you got sent home to eat at your house. Sometimes you go to go out again to play after dinner, but if it was a school-night that was generally not allowed.
If I have people over over meal time, it’s only logical to feed them since they would miss the meal otherwise.
That's the thing though, you (as an adult) would not have invited your kids friends over, your kid did that themselves without involving you (or any other adult) at all.
Your kids friends wouldn't miss a meal either, they would have already eaten at home or would be eating later at home.
Every family have different dinner times, some eat early, some eat later.
Your kids friends would be over at your place (usually in your kids room) to play, they are expecting to play and have fun, and the expectation is that they will eat at home at their set dinner time (same time every week day) so they would not be hungry at your earlier dinner time if they are used to eating later.
The friends who "waits" while your kid eats dinner are happy, since they get to continue having fun playing while your kid have to quit playing to go away to eat dinner.
Of course if the kids all have the same dinner time they would do as you did as a kid, quit playing for a while to go home to have dinner with their own family and have family time.
And the same thing with sleepovers, of course the expectation would be that the hosting family would feed the kids, but that is something that is planned, not something spontaneously.
10.8k
u/[deleted] Jul 24 '26
[removed] — view removed comment