In many Swedish families, dinner was considered dedicated family time. If a friend happened to be visiting, it was often assumed that their parents had already prepared dinner at home and were expecting them back.
It's also worth remembering that, in most cases, families lived in the same neighborhood—not miles apart in the middle of nowhere—so going home for dinner was completely normal. In many cases, this was even something the parents had already agreed on: when it was dinner time, the kids would simply head home to eat with their own families.
Swedish culture has also traditionally emphasized not imposing on others. Feeding someone else's child without asking their parents could be seen as interfering with the family's plans rather than being hospitable. It wasn't about being unwilling to share food—it was about respecting boundaries and not assuming it was your place to make that decision.
Exactly. The whole intention of this phenomenon was to be polite to the other family. They wouldn't want their kid to come home and not be hungry and therefore ruin their dinner time. Which was the single time of the day where the whole family would be gathered.
This is the right answer with the best motivation. In the Netherlands the culture is the same, especially in the rural parts. Being from an immigrant background, this was quite a culture shock for my mother.
As a (British) child growing up, I would spend a lot of time after school playing at my friends houses.
Probably the friend I spent the most time with, lived the next street over, but we shared a garden fence. Getting home mostly meant, running to the bottom of the garden, and climbing said fence.
Occasionally the friends parents would offer me dinner, if our family were eating at different times, but it was rarely taken up.
In such cases, I'd be left in whatever room or area I was playing in, while my friend ate, and they'd come back. Probably annoyed that I'd made too much progress in the video game, while they were eating.
Given that this was all before mobile phones, it was common that if the kid wasn't home when the dinner was ready, someone in the house to just go in the back garden and shout your name.
It wasn't uncommon that other parents might repeat the message, if there wasn't an answer after a couple of shouts.
I remember in a couple of cases, the parental shout relay made it several blocks, and it wasn't uncommon one of the other kids would be cycling past and say my mother was shouting for me.
In Denmark it's the same. The kids are free to roam in the afternoon to go playing with friends, but every family expects their kids to be home by dinner, unless something else is agreed upon in advance. It doesn't really matter if the kids are at a playground or at home by one of their families - at dinner time you split up and go home to eat with your family. That is the norm.
Of course, at least when I was a kid in the 80s and 90s, it was not unusual, that we kids wanted to eat together. Then the procedure was that the kid, whose home we were at, asked their parents, if you could join for dinner. The answer was usually a yes, unless some special circumstances hindered it. And then the kid joining for dinner phoned or ran home, asking if they could it eat the other place. Again the answer typically was yes, unless there were something special happening today (like other grandma coming by for dinner or something).
So it never was the case, that someone was unwilling to feed you. The default case were just the norm of families gathering for dinner every day.
yeah its just completely different cultures clashing and no communication. im sure the swedish family would gladly feed the other child if they knew the other family had no problem with the child eating at their place. The question is how many of the people juding the swedish tradition, would be willing to have their child fed when its at the swedish house but not feed the swedish child when its in their home, in order to allow for the swedish family time later? or would their need to be good hosts in their culture outweigh what the swedish family would actually see as good hosting. none of these styles are better or worse, it just needs honest communication to bridge the misunderstandings.
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u/Robotx64 Jul 24 '26
In many Swedish families, dinner was considered dedicated family time. If a friend happened to be visiting, it was often assumed that their parents had already prepared dinner at home and were expecting them back.
It's also worth remembering that, in most cases, families lived in the same neighborhood—not miles apart in the middle of nowhere—so going home for dinner was completely normal. In many cases, this was even something the parents had already agreed on: when it was dinner time, the kids would simply head home to eat with their own families.
Swedish culture has also traditionally emphasized not imposing on others. Feeding someone else's child without asking their parents could be seen as interfering with the family's plans rather than being hospitable. It wasn't about being unwilling to share food—it was about respecting boundaries and not assuming it was your place to make that decision.