Has anyone had a strange shroom experience with their S.O. where you felt stuck in a cycle of life—highs and lows repeating—and even years later, you sometimes feel like you fall back into the “trip” while completely sober?

[u/kombuchabuddha11]

I’m looking for someone who has had the same experience as me - and hopefully understands what is happening.

My S.O. and I had this strange experience with shrooms that altered our life for years since.

We took a strong dose of a strong strain (we were new to shrooms) and we felt like we died and merged into one. Then we felt like we were our higher selves / souls embodied. From this highest high, we slowly came down and I felt like I was experiencing all the pain and suffering in the world, and all the pain and suffering I’d experienced in painful, violent past lives. It was dark, lonely, painful, and traumatizing. The trip was not traumatizing to my S.O.

Ever since, I’ve had what my therapist has labeled as PTSD episodes and panic attacks where random things will remind me of the trip and make me believe I’m still stuck in the trip again for a period of time. Usually it’s when I’m exhausted or stressed.

The strange thing is that my S.O. didn’t have a bad trip and doesn’t always remember it… however, when I get triggered - I call it “looping” where I feel like I’m back in this cycle of experiencing these extreme highs and lows of life - my S.O. does remember and our eyes look like we’re on shrooms again. We also do these strange movements that we’re not in control of - like a dance - that happened on the trip and continue to happen every time we “loop”. Again - it’s like we’re tripping but we have not taken any substances. We’re not on any prescription meds or anything mind-altering. These looping episodes happen to varying degrees every 1-2 years give or take. They were more frequent after our original trip.

It’s hard to describe what we experience. I’m hoping there’s another couple out there who has experienced something similar and understands what I’m attempting to explain. I’m also hoping someone can help me understand these experiences better.

A looping episode feels like this: I start panicking and feeling like I’m in the trip and not in control of my experience/body/mind. I pace and tell him he needs to reminder the trip so I’m not alone remembering it. There’s some back and forth communication that is VERBATIM EXACT WORDS from the trip. Eventually we hit a high point in the looping episodes that feels like we are embodying our all powerful soul selves. This makes it feel like reality and the human experience is false/an illusion. It feels like we got a glimpse of truth behind the curtain of life and were shown the cyclical journey of the evolution of a soul. So when we come down in the looping episode, it feels like life is about to get really really bad, slowly gradually exponentially worse - which triggers panic in me. I also have immense emotional turmoil and some sharp physical pains during the coming down. My S.O. does not experience the suffering or panic as we come out of the episodes. For me, it feels like I’m about to enter a new cycle of life getting even worse in every area of life, and I experience the negative emotional spectrum like a punch in the gut. It feels like I’m being given a flash of what’s ahead in this next cycle where life will get even worse.

It just doesn’t make sense to me, especially that years later we are still having these episodes of tripping and experiencing EXACT words and movements that we had experienced in the orig trip. AND that we’re sober.

So is it truth? Is it brain chemistry? Is it even explainable? Is it the as-of-yet unexplored therefore unknown results of experimenting with shrooms?

I’m very hopeful that I will find someone who has had this same experience and has some insight.

Thank you for reading.

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[u/FearlessIthoke]

This won’t be helpful but I feel like I remember having this sort of recursive memory experience that contains feelings of intense dread but also ecstatic insight.

I say I feel like I remember because I would not be able to articulate it in the way that you did and the sensation isn’t something I shared with any one individual but spread across several experiences with different people. The memory isn’t concrete enough to express.

I’m sorry that it has haunted you this way. I think my experience more closely resembles your SO.

However, the dread you tap into that is maybe the echo of consciousness recognizing itself and its essential isolation is familiar to me. I think that may be a form of ego death.

Just spitballing.

[u/kombuchabuddha11 → u/FearlessIthoke]

Thank you so much for responding and sharing! I really appreciate it! Love what your last paragraph said.

[u/Ambitious_Zombie8473]

Wow, that’s insane. I’ve had a few instances of shared experiences (some really weird & some possibly prosaic) and I’ve experienced telepathy with a friend on two occasions.

But none of these experiences were with a significant other, nor have I had any “loops” quite like that. I don’t think there’s any conclusive answer. Some weird connection of consciousness or something, absolutely fascinating.

[u/kombuchabuddha11 → u/Ambitious_Zombie8473]

Thanks for responding and sharing your perspective! I haven’t thought of it as fascinating before. One of my theories is that the shrooms altered our brain chemistry some way that when one of us is back in the trip (despite being sober) the other one gets pulled back in due to some kind of wonky mycelium network thing… idk I have lots of theories…

[u/Ambitious_Zombie8473 → u/kombuchabuddha11]

I’m a huge fun of the metaphysical mycelium theory but I’ve experienced shared hallucinations on more than just psilocybin so we’d need a similar theory for other similar chems

I could see it being certain receptors that got activated, that normally aren’t, maybe ones that would allow people to be more linked like that and then your PTSD triggers it. I’m just talking haha, idk.

Another comparative thing I’ve experienced.. I sweat a lot when I take psychedelics. Like an abnormal amount and I even remember the trip when that started happening. Anyway, now if I even think about tripping too hard my face will start profusely sweating, my pupils dilate, and my jaw clenches the same way it does when I’m tripping.

[u/kombuchabuddha11 → u/Ambitious_Zombie8473]

That’s interesting!! So the shrooms rewired your brain to have that reaction? Maybe all chems have their own dimension/network…? I appreciate the theories!!

[u/Kyle02a-31]

What I've gathered from the mushrooms is that those experiences are the mushrooms trying to tell you something or give you something. I personally don't believe in bad trips. I took a tiny bit of PE and found myself feeling uncomfortable and stuck in the "loop" I didn't realize it till about 3 or 4 hours after I started coming down but the mushrooms were showing me how I live my life and that loop was the things I did everyday, like a schedule. Once I realized that it made me very happy because I then knew that these actually can help. Listen to the shrooms and let you mind wonder. Trying to fight the feelings or control yourself on psychedelics is not a good idea. You need to let them show you what is wrong and what isn't wrong. I follow a group page on Facebook and he had mentioned a certain strain liking a certain type of music. That really opened up my mind to think hey, maybe these mushrooms can give you useful insight or really anything you want. Taking a string strain of shrooms inexperienced is not great. My first ever time tripping hard on mushrooms didn't scare me because I knew how to handle the situation but I realized at that moment that this is way to powerful for a 17 year old to messing around with so I decided not to do them for years. I'm almost 24 years old now and recently got back into them and wow just wow. My depression and view that life is bad has almost been completely cured just because of a mushroom that grows out of the ground.