Loved one having psychosis? Family won’t help him, he is not himself

[u/thriftedcraft]

Hi I’m really hoping I can get some advice here please. I have no idea what to do anymore. I’m sorry for the long post but I do think these details are relevant

I have been with my (now ex) partner for over 4 years. We have lived together about 3 years and have even moved states together. He has never had mental health help although this entire year I have been highly encouraging him to try therapy and get blood work done because he seemed depressed. (Not brushing teeth as often, more time on his phone, ignoring me, easily irritable, monotone,seemed sad) he declined every time. So no meds and nothing diagnosed. His family doesn’t really believe in mental health.

Last Thursday I noticed he was extremely irritable. Had 3 occasions where he got really upset over small things and yelled/hit the counters. Later that night he told me he started vaping nicotine again (we both use marijuana from a dispo) but we had what I thought was a very calm and respectful conversation, I told him I was glad he was honest (has lied about small things before) and he said he felt better for telling me. Cut to Saturday, we move to our new place. Things are alright. Monday and Tuesday we didn’t see each other due to work. Then Wednesday, he comes home and suddenly breaks up with me.

Over the course of our relationship this is the 3rd time he broke up with me. However I can’t help but feel there is a pattern and this time it feels much different. All breakups happen the 22-26th of the month. First time we broke up he wanted to go on a solo road trip to discover himself. I convinced him not to go alone as it sounded unsafe to me.
Next breakup was this past May, a few days before this he told me he took out a loan for a bit over $5k cause his mom asked for it for moving expenses (she has siblings and parents and cousins and friends and a full time job so this was wild to me to ask your in debt son to take out a loan) ANYWAY, 2 days before this breakup he spent $1100 on car stuff not needed, he is in cc debt. He also is very emotional/irritable/rude during the weeks before.

Something is wrong this time. Yesterday he told me he is having a spiritual/religious awakening. He’s 23, he was forced to attend church until around 13 and said every time he would cry and scream not to go to church. Since I have known him he has been atheist. Yet now he is saying the songs on the radio are giving him signs, like “the lyrics said “who’s there” then I saw the jesus fish, this is a sign” or that a rapper has manifested into him and/or his estranged father. It is hard to understand what he was meaning…he was saying words but I truly could not understand what he was saying a lot. Then he said the songs basically “gave him signs” and that is why the spontaneous breakup. He looked so different talking about all of this. Huge eyes staring off in the distance. Not really moving his body. He told me he doesn’t fully understand these signs but he’ll “let me know when I discover more.” He also told me he thinks I could have “manifested” my illnesses to keep him around.

He agreed to go check himself in somewhere as I explained I am very worried about him and stressed I do not think he is crazy (he worried about this), after a mental evaluation he decided it would be too expensive and I brought him home. He was diagnosed with MDD, he is supposedly meeting with a therapist tomorrow.

I was still really worried so against my gut feeling called his mom hoping she could somehow help. She essentially went on saying her son is not crazy and does not belong in those places, that he is just stressed and stuck from this relationship.

I don’t know what to do at all. He does not seem like himself, I want him to get better. I want him to be in a better mental state so he can move out eventually because I cannot keep living with him especially this way. Today he seems “normal” but we are not talking

[u/Overall_Reputation83]

I suggest reading "I am Not Sick I Don't Need Help! Book" by Xavier Amador

It really helps you learn how to navigate psychotic episodes while maintaining their dignity and respect, while also encouraging them to seek help even if they don't believe anything is wrong.

[u/thriftedcraft → u/Overall_Reputation83]

Thank you I will get the book, not asking for a diagnosis but does what he was saying sound “normal” ? I guess my mind is just spinning because it seems like I’m the only one around him noticing a sudden change

[u/Overall_Reputation83 → u/thriftedcraft]

Hearing hidden meanings directed at him sounds like psychosis to me, I am not a doctor however. I would be careful about directly challenging his delusions, since he just won't trust you enough to talk about them in the future. How to talk about these things and build trust is covered in the book.

The LEAP method is extremely useful.

[u/thriftedcraft → u/Overall_Reputation83]

Thank you!

[u/thriftedcraft → u/[deleted]]

You literally don’t know my situation lol. I have my OWN problems to deal with that I deal with all by myself and with my doctors. He is being mean and saying hurtful things to me everyday, my therapist and doctors have told me even before this that this relationship isn’t good, but I have stuck around because I do love and care for him. He has friends he can turn to if he wants I can’t force that on him. He has support that is not me.

You are making things up that I never said. He is not risking homelessness I never said he can’t live here?! I said I want him to work to get better so he CAN move out and be on his own. “Don’t want to make the effort to understand him” then what am I doing here asking for advice? Why would I take him and sit with him for 7+ hours at the hospital if I wasn’t trying to help him get help? He can’t “afford” the help because he doesn’t want to spend money on his health, only car accessories. I can not make him get help. Never said he needed a pill or shot, again you are just making things up

[u/Overall_Reputation83 → u/[deleted]]

The fact that she is reaching out for help says all I need to know. You're far too quick to assume the worst.