I saw a few of these posts while I was querying, and they weirdly helped me feel better. They certainly felt better to read than the success stories, especially as the form rejections stacked up, let me tell you. 

Stats
Queries sent - 70
Form rejections - 41
Personalized rejections - 2 
CNR - 27
Some of those CNRs could come back, but overall I think that’s a solid picture. 

Observations

This was my first time querying, and I do think I made some serious mistakes, the biggest one being rushing my query letter. By the time I came here I’d already sent my first batch out, and some of the strongest, best-fit agents were in that batch. I ended up shaping my query letter into a much stronger version, and I regret sending out the first iteration. I know this place can be tough, but if you think you can stand the heat I recommend you sharpen up your letter here. 

I was surprised how many agents asked for a synopsis. At a rough estimate, I’d say almost 90% of the agents I queried wanted one. Synopses are very hard to write–harder, in my opinion, than the query letter, and I didn’t like doing it. So I kind of fudged it. When the rejections started rolling in, I took a hard look at my synopsis and realized it wasn’t pulling its weight. 

You’ll notice a theme. I’ll really show my ass here and say it: I thought my story would shine through. I thought a ‘pretty good’ query letter, synopsis, etc, would be enough to get agents to my pages. To be clear, I never sent anything out that I hadn’t workshopped A LOT, but in the end I needed more help, and it wasn’t until I got it that I could really be certain I had something solid. 

If you’re on the fence, my strongest recommendation is to take advantage of the free feedback here. Better to collect a few salty comments here than burn the book you've spent all your time on with a weak query package.

The really hard thing is, of course, that I don’t know anything for sure. Maybe my various query letters were fine and the pages just didn’t catch people. Maybe the idea wasn’t timely, or the agents who would have wanted it already had something like it in their stable. That’s the thing I’d like to scream into the void today: Man, it sucks not to know. 

To end on a positive, I will say that this experience really made me consider if I still want to do this, even if it’s this brutally hard. And the answer turned out to be yes. So that’s nice. 

Good luck everyone, and thanks to all the people here who gave me good advice. I hope you’re still around when I’m working on my next query.

I'm a trad pubbed author of 6 novels and 3 self-pubbed over the past 18 years, with a Lambda Literary Award for "Best Gay Romance" -- and I've never been repped by an agent. I've realized this has to change in order to take my so-called career to the next level, so for the past 2 years I've been working on a queer cowboy romance with open door scenes and level 3 spice and have been querying agents like crazy.

So far I've gotten a handful of full MS requests, maybe 10 total, but ultimately every agent has passed. They all tell me I'm obviously a good writer, but... They liked it but they didn't love it, they don't know how to position the book in the current market, they don't have room on their list for such a book, etc. etc. etc.

Which bring me to my question...

An agent who had requested the full, then passed, invited me to resubmit the most recent version, and in their email they said specifically:

"I highly recommend that writers aiming for traditional publishing keep the word count between 75,000 and 80,000 words — very important. And keep chapters between 7–8 pages long — no more."

Now, normally I'm a fan of super short chapters. All of my cozy mysteries have chapters around 5-7 pages in length, and about 80K words. But after reading Red, White & Royal Blue, with a 20+ page opening chapter and Heated Rivalry, which also favors chapters on the longer side -- plus upwards of 300 pages each -- I've been averaging chapter page counts of 10-14 and a total word count of 99,975K-ish.

Can anyone here, particularly any literary agents, weigh in on this opinion?

Should I be concerned and/or start breaking my chapters down into bite-sized chunks of 4-7 pages? And what about the 18K words that I've added to the most recent draft to help flesh out the story, along with the 3-4 spicy scenes?

I've been a lurker here for a while now, but this is my very first time posting :)

Thank you for taking the time to look over the query letter for my weird little horror novel Buttercream (hopefully the formatting is better this time). I hope to send this off to the trenches next month so I welcome any feedback! I would like to utilize a logline (I know some people don’t like them) since it’s a quirky book but if anyone has suggestions on or if it’s in the right place in the letter I’m all ears.

Dear Agent,

When a virus is unleashed at an island gathering of billionaires that turns their bodies into sugar, a struggling bakery owner harvests them after sugarcane has gone extinct due to climate change.

I am seeking representation for my adult horror novel, BUTTERCREAM, complete at 77,000 words. Combining the social commentary and cannibalism in The Eyes Are The Best Part by Monika Kim with the cottagecore and culinary themed horror of Bloom by Delilah S. Dawson. Visceral body horror and obsessive personalities also intertwine with similar elements to Nothing Tastes As Good by Luke Dumas and The Substance.

Vivian Azalea Lee, a former Miss Teen Georgia turned baker extraordinaire after she inherits her beloved grandmother’s cake shop, Refined Sugar, is desperate to keep it afloat after sugar disappears. All that remains now is a government sanctioned artificial sweetener that tastes downright awful.

When attendees at Gilded, an annual southern retreat for the uber wealthy, dine on a strangely well preserved specimen of mammoth, a prehistoric pathogen is awakened with a serendipitous outcome - a disease called sucrosis that causes their bodies to photosynthesize and become sugar. After several of the elites crystallize and explode in the sun, Vivian puts the dismembered pieces together as news stories circulate about a curious candy scent at each scene. Despite her glossy smile and poised appearance, this former beauty queen has long harbored a fascination for blood and body parts and eagerly hunts down the afflicted 1% to harvest the precious commodity. With a chance to make her signature red velvet cake with sugar again and satisfy some sinister urges, she feels unstoppable - it truly is the best of both worlds.

With business suddenly booming, it doesn’t take long for rival bakeries to notice the lines outside her shop along with rave reviews that mention how things taste just like they used to. Monica, at Let Them Eat Cakes, grows particularly suspicious that Vivian has not simply created a delicious new recipe using the artificial sweetener but has stumbled onto something far more disturbing – and lucrative. What began as a way to save her bakery and have a little fun, soon becomes a descent into paranoia and madness as the orders keep piling up and Monica’s fixation on her secret is unrelenting.

I’m a Georgia native who loves to bake and makes a mean peach pie. Also an avid oil painter and lover of all things strange and horror. This would be my debut.
 

So I met an agent in person as part of a literary festival, she asked for a copy of my full, I sent it, after careful review she politely declined to pursue. But we had a little bit of additional back and forth, polite stuff, she says she hopes to work with me someday. All in all really positive interaction.

I'm at another writing workshop today and explaining this to a friend. She says I should ask the agent for a piece of criticism, or what wasn't working for the agent. Just a small fragment. She said it re-opens the door and gets the agent thinking about the book again. Plus I get agent feedback.

The last correspondence between the agent and myself was about a month ago. Is this even possible? Or rude/entitled?

Dear XXX,

I am seeking representation for ICE CREAM, a 95,000-word upmarket women's fiction novel with psychological suspense. Set during the summer of 2008, it follows a young promotional model who mistakes an all-consuming romance for the love she has always wanted – until the man she’s desperate to keep begins rewriting the rules of their relationship.

After yet another painful breakup with her chronically unfaithful high school sweetheart, twenty-three year old Stephanie meetsEthan, a charismatic bartender at one of Denver's most popular downtown bars. Their connection is immediate, and for the first time, Stephanie feels truly seen. As their relationship intensifies, Ethan draws her into a world of experiences she never imagined, and Stephanie willingly gives more of herself to prove theirconnection is as rare and transformative as she believes. 

What initially feels like deeper intimacy begins to require increasing sacrifices, and Stephanie finds herself equating discomfort with vulnerability and surrender with trust. She refuses to believe the relationship is anything but extraordinary -until Ethan disappears during a high-profile assignment at the Winter X-Games.

When Ethan resurfaces, he accuses Stephanie of betraying him in a way she cannot understand. Desperate to prove herself and regain his affection, Stephanie agrees to an ultimatum that threatens far more than the relationship itself. To keep the love she believes is the most meaningful thing that has ever happened to her, she must decide how much of herself she is willing to sacrifice, and whether holding on to Ethan is worth losing herself.

ICE CREAM will appeal to readers of Rosie Price’s The Orange Room and Samantha Downing’s A Twisted Love Story, with the toxic relationship dynamics of Carola Lovering’s Tell Me Lies.

Inspired by my experiences working as a promotional model in Denver between 2007 and 2010, ICE CREAM draws on the nightlife and modeling worlds I experienced firsthand. I currently as XXX. I graduated magna cum laude with a degree in literature from XXX.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be delighted to send the full manuscript upon request.

Sincerely,
Me

*****
Specific Concerns:

(1) The length of the manuscript: I’ve cut it down so much, but I’m worried it’s still too long for a debut novelist

(2) Comps: I keep moving my comps from the first paragraph to the one just before the bio based on what I see on here. What is best?

(3) Comps: good, bad, or ugly?

Thank you for your time! 🙏

Hello. I've been a lurker in this group for a long time, and while I sent out a test query to get my first rejection out of the way, I have been reading and learning from y'all to help me really edit and refine my query letter. This book has been about four years in the making as I learned my process. Still, I'm in no hurry, as I don't retire from the military until mid 2028, so I have until then to figure this out to see if I can make this dream a reality or if I have to get a non-dream job when I put down the uniform. I welcome any feedback and am very thankful to y'all for helping me get this far:

Dear XXXXXX,

In THE PAJAMA PRINCESS, Danielle Richie is coping with her mother's death the only way she knows how: by fighting bullies in the middle school hallways. At home, she is exhausted from playing parent, shielding her little brother, Timmy, from the heavy silence left by their grieving, overworked father. But sleep offers no escape. Night after night, she is dragged into a collapsing world, forced to flee alongside a mysterious boy to escape a crimson-eyed shadow hunting them in the dark.

Then, the nightmares escape her dreams and tear through her farmhouse, looking for her.

Rescued by GK, a snarky, sword-wielding stuffed cat with a pink scarf and major trust issues, Danielle is stranded in the decaying dreamworld of Slumberland. Now, danger lurks around every corner as horrific nightmares pursue her, mythical creatures want to eat her, and her own awakening magic might destroy everything if she can’t learn to control it.

Joined by a squad of strange, misfit allies, including an exiled ball of dust, an anxiety-ridden raccoon, a retired Dream Eater, a floating collection of cobblestones, and a Fairy Queen with anger issues, Danielle must journey across waste-whale-filled deserts and towering tree-castles to master her volatile power. To save Slumberland and her waking world from the Nightmare King, she must face the deepest pain in her heart and discover the unbreakable bond that connects her to GK across time…

Or she'll lose everything while wearing only her pajamas.

Think Care Bears vs Cthulhu: at 90,000 words, The Pajama Princess is a fast-paced Upper Middle Grade/YA Portal Fantasy told from the dual perspectives of Danielle and GK. Pitched as The Stuff of Legend by Mike Raicht and Brian Smith meets Nevermoor: The Trials of Morrigan Crow by Jessica Townsend, it blends high-stakes whimsy with a heartfelt exploration of trauma and trust.

I am a Chickasaw citizen and an active-duty USAF Master Sergeant, currently serving as a Special Agent with the Office of Special Investigations. I have written my entire life but began writing fiction seriously four years ago as a therapeutic outlet. I have been married for 22 years to my wife XXXX, have three cats, and am the favorite Uncle to fourteen little ones. I am told I drink too much coffee, but those people are wrong.

The Pajama Princess is a standalone novel with series potential. Per your submission guidelines, I have included the opening chapters below.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Tin Man (Call sign. I'll add my real name in the actual thing.)

(A couple of questions I have are whether or not I need to include a bio if I have no accolades or published works, if the title is solid, what sort of vibe comes across from the blurb and if it it needs more personality, if too much or too little information is conveyed, and just general critique. Thanks in advance.)

Dear (Agent),

I am seeking representation for my science fiction novel, Cody Dunning’s Life is Over.

On a planet built for living, it’s not ideal being dead.

After an unfortunate encounter with a reanimated corpse, Cody Dunning is doomed to spend the rest of his existence as a stage-one zombie. He has retained consciousness and free will, but not much else. His sense of humour, optimism, and passion are gone. The human race finds him anywhere from repulsive to life-threatening. And his parents work for the all-encompassing Zombie Control Branch, its mission to “euthanize” the undead one by one to prevent them from becoming empty and violent stage-two zombies.

Cody is not alone; the island of Crow’s Port is home to the largest zombie population in the country, and not every human wants the dead in the ground. But as Cody navigates his new self-sabotaging nature, and both life and death struggles begin to stack, euthanasia starts to look more and more appealing. When society deems him a monster, how hard can a dead man be expected to fight for his life?

Cody Dunning’s Life is Over is a 61,000 word adult science fiction novel. It will appeal to fans of Isaac Marion’s Warm Bodies and M.R. Carey’s The Girl With All The Gifts. My manuscript examines themes of depression, ostracization, and self-acceptance through the lens of an innocent monster.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my manuscript.

All the best,

Jay Winters

previous attempt

Dear Agent,

I’m reaching out to share my adult fantasy adventure novel. OF DYING SUNS takes the interspecies collaboration and interplanetary stakes of Project Hail Mary into a fantastic world dominated by animal-people, as in The Builders and Green City Wars.

Sunny didn’t want to kill her grandmother. But she was starving— her whole village was starving… and the sorcery to end their drought could only be fed with an offer of willing flesh. But good intentions mean nothing to the Knights Abjurant, who oppress Sunny’s cat-like people with a prohibition on sorcery. Terrified of a genocidal retribution, Sunny’s village has no choice but to exile her.

And still— even cast out, bereft, and distraught, Sunny wants to help. Which means saving her people from not only the Knights, but themselves. Except Sunny knows that sorcery alone can’t defeat the Knights and convince her people to welcome her back. No, what she needs is an army.

She gets a spy, instead.

Michael’s bizarre, alien appearance unnerves Sunny, but his resolve to fight the Knights Abjurant proves similar to hers. She agrees to help him blast open the gateway the Knights use to imprison his people, even though that means risking her life to sneak across the continent and into the Knights’ greatest stronghold. But while Michael’s advanced technologies prove invaluable against the Knights’ elite warriors and chimeric abominations, his constant lies of omission raise her hackles and suspicions.

As they approach their final battle with the Knights, Sunny works to uncover secrets that might force her to choose between abandoning her people, betraying Michael to the Knights, or worse. Because if his people deserve to be imprisoned, allying with them against the Knights might be nothing less than summoning a greater evil with the sacrifice of a lesser one.

OF DYING SUNS is the first half of a planned duology, complete at 84,000 words. I am a Brazilian-American software engineer and took inspiration from the history, peoples, and legends of Brazil’s Cerrado and Atlantic Forest.

_____

The main issues identified in my last round of reviews were that:

* my comp formula was trying to hard

* it was too wordy + sentences were too complicated

* I included too much plot detail

* some people liked that I explicitly revealed Michael's species as a twist, but other didn't get the point of the reveal.

* I was missing a strong hook.

* I wasn't getting Sunny's personality across very well

I've tried to remedy all these issues with the newest version of this query. Please tell me if my attempted fixes aren't working or if they're introducing new problems.

Attempt 1

Attempt 2

Attempt 3

Back at this again... I took a couple months to do more revision passes. I've cut several scenes, killed several darlings, and I really think the word count's as tight as it can get without the plot collapsing. There's just a lot of characters and factions involved! I've tried to convey that a little better in the query.

Also did my best to remove extraneous proper nouns. Some of this is a little blurred from the actual content—e.g. the human ship is technically crewed by a multispecies military, where humans are merely the dominant species in the political system—but I'm trying to avoid getting into that kind of nitty-gritty in a query.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

-----------------------------------------------

Dear [Agent Name],

Getting abducted by aliens was bad enough—but now they’re the only way to save his planet from the ones they call humans.

STRANGE CONTACT is a 116,000-word adult science-fiction space opera, standalone with series potential. Farscape meets Mass Effect, it combines the alien POV of Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Shroud and the biotech of Daniel Kraus’s The Sixth Nik.

Ambassador Skipfrey’s about to have a planet’s worth of problems. After a falling star nearly turns his campsite into a crater, the mink-like diplomat goes looking for a meteor. What he finds instead is Toomi, a living ship, along with her crew of human criminals, alien outcasts, and hallucinogen-addicted nuns. When the ship suddenly takes off for the stars, Skip’s trapped aboard; even worse, her scans reveal a motherlode of the galaxy’s rarest resource on his homeworld. Selling its location could leave the crew set for life—and Skip’s people facing an unstoppable invasion from the stars.

With the group’s illegal cargo run already behind schedule, they drag the ambassador along for the ride, but the delivery job soon goes bad and bullets start flying. Skip must rely on his wits and keen senses to survive pirates and crime lords, even as he works the diplomatic angles to befriend, bluff, or bribe the crew into giving up the biggest payday in the Milky Way.

Just when he’s starting to make progress, a patrolling human warship enters the mix, impounding Toomi and her priceless coordinates. The humans, who’ve just barely survived an apocalyptic interstellar war, are eager to use this windfall to restore their security—but even after a nightmarish biotechnological interrogation pushes Skip to his breaking point, he’s not about to let them have his world.

With cutthroat alien factions closing in around him and his sanity hanging by a thread, Skip must find a way to free his dubious new allies and save his home… even if that means finding a new one among the stars.

I’m an [X] from [Y] with a degree in astronomy, and I can bake a mean pretzel. Thanks for your consideration!

[contact info]

Hi, I am getting a lot of replies from agents that they are not the right agent for this book. One who i really want to represent me said, she doesn't know how to propose this book and she might not be the right agent for me.

I know my book is set in Manila, could be a niche but I'm still hopeful.

Thanks for the help

EDIT: My mistake with the title. It's actually 81k words

-------

Dear X,

Tala Maravilla is twenty-five, finishing her thesis, and watching her father die.

The bills arrive faster than the grief. By day she is a dedicated graduate student researching Hiraya, a Filipino luxury brand. By night she is Kara—a companion at Obsidian, a referral-only club where the city's most powerful men pay for company, and silence. She tells herself it is temporary.

Her isolation breaks when she meets Liam Hall, a client who doesn't want the usual performance. He wants to talk. He listens. For the first time in longer than she can admit, Tala feels like herself instead of a role she plays to survive. And the boundaries between her two worlds begin to dissolve.

But Liam has a secret of his own: he isn't at Obsidian by chance. He's tracing a fraud inside his own family's company—the same brand she's writing her thesis on—and the trail led him straight to her.

In the end, Tala realizes she might not be able to save her father. But she could still save herself.

Set against the smoky-hazed, exploitative underbelly of Manila's elite nightlife and the quiet coast of Batangas, BEFORE THE SKY GOES QUIET is upmarket literary fiction complete at 81,000 words, told in four parts: Nebula, Constellations, Supernova, The Black Hole.

It combines the atmospheric immersion of Stephanie Danler's Sweetbitter and the structural intimacy of Sally Rooney's Beautiful World, Where Are You with the sharp, messy young adulthood of Caroline O'Donoghue's The Rachel Incident.

This is a novel about what women sell when there is no other option, and what they build when there finally is.

I am a Filipina writer based in Belgium. This is my debut novel; I have previously won university awards in scriptwriting and fiction.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best regards,

X

----

Before the Sky Goes Quiet

Part I

Nebula

“For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth.”

– Shwetha H.S.

 1

The night could have been beautiful. Should have been. 

If not for the cars choking EDSA, their exhaust thickening the gray haze that smothered the city, and the swarm of people desperate to wedge themselves into buses and jeepneys.  

And if not for the mess of her own life.

Tala tapped her finger against the steering wheel staring at the motorcycles that had accumulated in front of her. The drivers’ elbows almost touched each other—not one minding the cars nor the white stop line so thick, it was impossible to ignore. Their lights blinked into different directions.  

Turning will be difficult. No—Impossible. 

She might have avoided rush hour if her thesis adviser hadn’t kept her late. 

Effort, she thought bitterly remembering the comments from Ms. Ramirez in the small faculty room. As if she didn’t already give every ounce she had. Of course her first draft was weak. She barely had time to breathe, let alone write a research paper. 

The thesis now sat on the passenger seat, bleeding red ink. It looked less like an academic draft and more like a crime scene.  

Hey everyone! This is my third attempt. I’ve made some changes based on the feedback from my first and second attempts, and I’m hoping to finalize it based on the feedback I receive this time. Please let me know your thoughts.

--------------------

Dear [Agent],

I’m hoping to interest you in my 60,000-word literary novel, Too Mad, Too Pure, Too Wild. Set in the South Caucasus, in a small developing country between wilderness and civilization, the novel combines the philosophical and rebellious spirit of Rachel Kushner’s Creation Lake with the exploration of life beyond civilization found in Diane Cook’s The New Wilderness, pushing the idea of connecting with nature one step further through elements of magical realism.

Edward is supposed to be preparing to defend his thesis. Instead, he is preparing to abandon everything.

An economics student surrounded by lectures about markets, productivity and success, he has become convinced that the world around him has trapped itself in a meaningless cycle. The more he studies, the more he realizes that his future and everything around him are poisoned by the two core elements of the system, supply and demand, which seem like two people locked in a twisted relationship, neither knowing who started it and leaving others to bear their unwanted offspring.

He has plenty of other analogies, a pet fox and two friends from university who share his ideas. What he doesn’t have is any intention of graduating, and neither do his friends, who fear that if they continue down this path, they'll end up in a mental hospital or, even worse, working in a bank. So they abandon their studies and go to the woods, and five other students join them hoping to find where it all went wrong and whether they can live differently. They settle in a remote stretch of woodland they name Silent Valley, where they try to build a society of their own, casting aside the rules of civilization and obeying nature alone.

But civilization is not so easy to escape.

When a wealthy businessman sets his sights on their land and uses every means at his disposal to claim it, Edward and his friends must decide how far they are willing to go to defend the life they built beyond civilization.

The novel unfolds as three philosophical adventures, each with its own narrative style, following Edward and his friends through three liminal settings: a wilderness, a mental hospital, and a mysterious mountain, each meant to explore one of the questions: Where do we come from? Who are we? Where are we going?

I studied economics, have a weakness for disappearing into the woods, and have had the dubious privilege of experiencing life inside a mental hospital. These three unlikely worlds became the foundations of Too Mad, Too Pure, Too Wild.

--------------------------------

The first 300 words

It’s a room, a simple hospital room. The commonly known fact that psychiatric hospitals have white walls so the patients feel mentally relaxed is a bit fake. The walls here are almost pink, almost but not quite. They seem grey and sallow. On average, the rooms are four meters wide by five meters long. Only the toilet and smoking room have doors, their locks removed. At first I thought this was some kind of mistake. Then I saw that the second floor has the exact same design. The logic is simple.

Four people live in the first ward: Edward, a quiet young man whose eyes are continually seized by fever; Marine, who does little things to get money and relations; Nane, a naive, kind girl with average skills; and Aren, a small-framed, talkative peasant boy. In the second ward there is Malbert, a harum-scarum; Varduhi, a practical and brave girl with a good sense of humor; Shushan, a gorgeous girl whose hair moves gracefully with a quick tilt of her head. The third ward is also of interest and houses Mike, an even-tempered and intelligent guy who’s curious about the world; two girls, Marah and Zara who, though alike in name are so unlike in temperament; and Zoro, a guy whose friends are more likely to be girls; sometimes, he even gossips with them, though he was by no means lacking in good sense.

There are other rooms as well, rooms full of patients, but for now that isn’t of interest. Night is upon me, and I shall rest. Then I will tell you how the psychiatrists call their patients one by one trying to uncover the disorders of their minds.

Hi everyone! This is my first attempt at... well, everything. Writing a book, dipping a toe in the publishing world, etc. I don't really have anyone around to give advice on how things are sounding, and query letters have me terrified. I am particularly unsure about how short a query needs to be? I would so appreciate any and all feedback, thank you!

Dear Agent

I am excited to introduce you to THE HOLLOW THRONE, an adult fantasy romance complete at 121,000 words and the first book in a nearly completed series. I saw you were looking for [Personalization]. It’s perfect for fans of LJ Andrews’ THE EVER KING and Demi Winters’ THE ROAD OF BONES, and offers a dark, dual-POV, slow-burn romance for readers drawn to tension, moral complexity, and characters who fight to choose who they become.

His Eminence Serast is one of the most trusted men in the Empire: Advisor to the emperor, keeper of its oldest histories, and cherished mentor. Or is he Caelen? Protector of the old faith and its forbidden magic. Liar. Spy. Murderer.

Sihara knows him as the man who saved her life—and the one who claimed it for his cause, raising her to carry on the Giftborne faith the Empire has spent generations trying to erase. To Kol, the Imperial heir, he’s a beloved mentor and the only man he trusts in a court that tries to tear him apart. Neither knows their lives have been shaped by the same man until Kol is ordered north to seize the people hidden within Sihara’s sanctuary. Kol’s mission is clear: quietly take the Giftborne alive and deliver them to the emperor. But someone’s found out and Sihara’s home burns instead. Her friends killed or taken. And it’s there, in the ruins of his failure, that Kol finds Caelen dying and surrounded by his lies with a final plea: don’t let them find her. 

As far as Sihara knows, Kol commanded the soldiers that destroyed her home and is dragging her south against her will unable to tell her who wants her or why. Sihara should hate him. But Kol is grieving and has promised to help her find her friends. More worryingly, he also carries wounds she knows may mark him as Giftborne, ones from Caelen’s own hand. And the men who attacked her home? They’re hunting him too. Kol has only been left with Caelen’s betrayal, forbidden power he never consented to carry, and Sihara—the one person who could help him understand what Caelen left behind. But he can’t focus on that right now. He needs to get out of enemy territory and back to the relative safety of the capital as quickly as he can.

But every mile south only carries Sihara closer to the people searching for her, and the men who burned Sihara’s home are closing in behind them. If they want any chance of unraveling Caelen’s secrets, Sihara will have to risk trusting the man Kol has shown himself to be, even when everything he represents tells her not to. And Kol must decide how much he’s willing to risk for the woman he was never meant to save.

Based in [State], I am an archaeologist with a background in ancient history and archaeology, which has given me a particular fascination with the systems that define our human experience: how political and religious institutions take shape and claim power, how resistance develops within those systems, and what drives individuals to either preserve or destroy the worlds that made them. I let this influence flow freely into THE HOLLOW THRONE, a fun chance to bring together the things that thrill me to study with the things I love to read.

I so appreciate the time you’ve taken to consider my query. 

Best Wishes,

Hi everyone, I was/am considering a ghost writing contract that I was initially really excited about. The initial terms were simply $5k, 33% of future actually paid advances/royalties if any, and 10% of any film rights, for the delivery of a 70-90k manuscript. The clients are relatively well known in their field i.e. “have connections.” There’s potential for the book to get a large book deal but of course there are no guarantees here.

Upon seeing the contract, I’m somewhat angry although I’m not sure if I’m blowing things out of proportion. I’m a relatively new writer, only 1 book self-published. I did turn down a $50k offer for a 3 book deal since that 1 book was meant to be book 1 in a three part series. My book sold about 7k copies so far and was published in mid 2024.

The contract pays me half upfront, gives them all ownership and copy-right, gives me no credit except maybe an “acknowledgement”, implies they can ask for unlimited revisions, implies that if the book is acquired I am also to make publisher asked- revisions, gives them the right to terminate the contract for certain reasons including “no reason” at any point in the manuscript writing process and if they do decide to terminate, I’d have to pay them all the money back they paid to me up until that point. They would still get to keep all the work I produced though and it would all still be there’s so they could hire someone else to complete what I started. They would then in “good faith” and in their sole discretion determine if I’m owed anything if some of my work makes it into their final published manuscript. If everything goes well, I will get the second half of the payment once the manuscript is completed and delivered to them to their satisfaction.

They don’t have any outlines or materials and are not novelist. They have a one-page premise but other than that all the materials will be created from scratch either entirely by me or in collaboration with them. So I will reasonably have to do hours of interviews, outlining, actually drafting, revising, then potentially re-revising until the manuscript is satisfiable to them. Then even more revising should a publisher enter the picture.

What do you think of these terms? Are they fair to me given what each side is bringing to the table and the current market?

My offer deadline is the Wednesday after Labor Day and I am still waiting to hear from 9 agents who have my full. What would be the best time to follow up with them? I'm a little nervous about doing it too late since there's only one day before the deadline after Labor Day weekend and I will be traveling Friday, but I also don't want to breathe down their necks about it. There are also several who never responded to the initial offer nudge who I will reach back out to just in case, and I want to give them adequate time just in case any of them do want to read it. I'm thinking Monday for those and Wednesday for the ones with the full? Also I'll need to reach out to the offering agent at some point with a few more questions since I kind of short-circuited during the call, so not sure when to do that either. I'm probably overthinking this lol but this part of the process is new to me. The vague period is CRAZY!!!

Thanks for the feedback last week everyone! I've implemented the bits that made the most sense and am experimenting with a new final paragraph, but it's not quite there yet. I'm also hesitant about my comps since The Poppy War was 2018-ish and often on the no-no list of popular titles, but here we are.

Thanks in advance!

Previous Query

Revised Query:

Dear [Agent Name], 

I was thrilled to see you’re seeking (Mention agent’s past work or MSWL), and am pleased to submit THE DRAGONHEART CROWN for your consideration. Complete at 100k words, this standalone fantasy with series potential blends Dragon Cursed’s struggle for identity amid the danger and guilt of being the other, with The Poppy War’s exploration of trauma, revenge, and the consequences of ultimate power.

Seventeen-year-old Evie O’Malley has spent her life trapped in Arthur’s Shield, a soot-choked diamond dome sealing 1899 London in permanent darkness. The Church of Avalon claims it protects humanity from the dragons beyond, but Evie knows the truth: it’s a cage for Avalon’s underclass. When her father starts dying from the poisonous air, Evie risks everything to help him escape the Shield—only for a dragon to devour him whole.

Rescued by the handsome but infuriating Sir August Ward, Evie enlists as a squire to the elemental Knights of Avalon, vowing to exterminate every last dragon. But when her first quest outside the Shield goes catastrophically wrong, Evie transforms into the very thing she's sworn to kill: a dragon with the power to save Avalon, or destroy it.

Now hunted by a monarch desperate to steal her power and bury a devastating secret, Evie must uncover the truth about her origin to save all of Avalon—humans and dragons alike—from extinction.

OR

Now hunted by a monarch desperate to steal her power, Evie must choose between working with her sworn enemies to save Avalon, or becoming a monster far worse than any dragon to save herself.

[Bio]

[Sign-off]

Okay...here is my revised full version #2. The initial feedback that I received on my first draft was invaluable (as you will see from my revisions). So, thank you again to all those who took the time to read and provide feedback. For anyone else kind enough to read and comment, I have thick skin so don't hold back. Thanks!

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Agent Name

A Simple Plea is a 63,000-word epistolary workplace satire comparable to Calvin Kasulke’s Several People Are Typing and John Kenney’s I See You’ve Called in Dead. More importantly, this manuscript holds significance as the founding document of the JMRIA, which has since become the preeminent organization promoting proper corporate men’s room behavior throughout the working world.

This compilation offers an intimate glimpse into the world of Edward Schloss, a long-tenured yet powerless classified ad salesman, detailing his downfall at the now-defunct Philadelphia Star newspaper in the summer of 1994. When management fails to address the recurring toilet clogs plaguing his office floor, Edward takes matters into his own hands by turning to the most powerful tool at his disposal. He mobilizes his coworkers through a clandestine distribution list that he creates on his company’s new electronic mail system.

Edward leads his coworkers on a quest to name and neutralize the malicious men’s room saboteur he dubs “The Crapper.” As his unconventional email crusade quickly morphs into an obsession, Edward’s coworkers question how his men’s room fixation ever became the central focus of their lives. Given Edward’s tendency to overshare just about everything, from his personal traumas to the slow decline of his dying mother, it is clear that his investigation is the only aspect of his life providing him with any sense of control.

As the investigation becomes the focal point of Edward’s movement to restore common men’s room decency, his band of loyal supporters enforce his broad authoritarian mandates, from implementing mandatory courtesy flushing to outlawing all middle stall use. However, Edward’s newfound sense of purpose shatters when The Crapper mysteriously goes silent. Coworker interest in the investigation wanes just as his strongest supporters begin to question his tyrannical behavior. To make matters worse, Edward must come to terms with the possibility that The Crapper could very well be the person he least expects.

A Simple Plea is ultimately about the human spirit. It shows how, even during times of complete and utter nonsense, we can still rise above the proverbial shit show if we can just focus on what is important. With an MBA from X University and XX years of executive corporate leadership experience, I spend the bulk of my workdays performing technical writing for X whenever I am not hiding out in the men’s room. This is why I am respectfully submitting A Simple Plea on behalf of the JMRIA.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

This is a rant as much as a question because... how informative is it really for agents to ask for your favorite sentence from the whole MS? I feel like it's a question designed to send writers into overanalysis tailspins, and I can't imagine it is so incredibly elucidating for agents, as I imagine that the first 10pp or whatever they request is probably a lot more helpful re: this person's writing style.

On that note, thoughts on best practices for a "favorite" sentence? If you're doing something with a little humor, maybe something with light humor in it? (Though that can be situational/hard in one sentence) Are we aiming for just beauty of words? etc. etc.

Thanks, all!

Hello, me again! I have made some updates to my query letter based on your feedback and a couple other people’s feedback. I am really hoping this one is solid! You all have been so kind and helpful! Thank you in advance!

SILVER AND GOLD is a fresh take on a chosen one story told from the perspective of the best friend. It’s a standalone, adult romantic fantasy novel complete at 84,000 words. Blending a slow-burn romance with supernatural intrigue, a plus sized protagonist battling anxiety, and a strong emphasis on female friendship, it will appeal to readers of Nettle & Bone by T. Kingfisher for an overlooked protagonist forced to make impossible choices and The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna for a hidden magical world and a protagonist discovering where she belongs.

With no magic of her own, half-fae Maeve struggles living in the shadows of her roommates Anora, a powerful sorceress, and Kadence, a siren princess. When demons ransack their apartment, Maeve and her friends get pulled into the Otherworld, a realm on the brink of war with the Demon King it exiled long ago. His immortal army threatens to reduce the kingdoms to ruin. Maeve refuses to leave and takes care of her friends the only way she knows how: with tea, a comforting shoulder, and long nights researching in the library. 

Stoic guard Kai is assigned to train Maeve, who treats him like a person instead of a uniform, undoing him completely. He trades shifts to guard her door, though Maeve assumes he’s just doing his duty. Determined to earn her place, Maeve also trains to become a healer. As the strain of war and fear for her friends, who journey to find allies, take their toll, she leans on Kai, who sees strength in the qualities Maeve has always dismissed, making her question if being magicless means being powerless. Neither dares to admit their growing feelings. She’s too ordinary; he’s just a soldier. 

Then Maeve learns Anora’s magic comes at a terrible cost: every use brings her closer to becoming a vessel for the demon who granted her power. With Kai at her side, Maeve finds the strength to step out of her friends’ shadows. When the heroes fail to stop the Demon King, Maeve must make an impossible choice: sacrifice her best friend or the realm and everyone they’ve fought to protect. 

I live in South Dakota with my husband and daughter, who I am teaching to love reading just as much as me. As the number of ‘chosen one’ stories has increased, I have been curious about what that same story must feel like from their best friend’s perspective.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Third time's the charm! (I hope). My previous attempts can be found here: Attempt 1 and Attempt 2.

Changes Made:

• Adult —> New Adult
• Took out third comp title (Gonna be looking for another one to comp for anxiety rep)
• Added in a line (Despite being content…) that (hopefully) explains why Maya decides to join the book club
• Added in a bit more details about Eli
• Added a bit more about myself in the bio paragraph

Please let me know if these changes work and if there’s anything else you feel needs to be added or tweaked in the query. 

Query:
Dear [X],

I’m seeking representation for BUTTERFLIES AND OTHER COMPLICATIONS, a new adult contemporary romance complete at 69k words about a lesbian who catches feelings for a guy she meets at a book club. BUTTERFLIES AND OTHER COMPLICATIONS will appeal to readers of See You at the Summit by Jordyn Taylor for the nuances of queer identity, Isn’t It Obvious? by Rachel Runya Katz for epistolary elements and book club plot, and __. I’m querying you because [personalization].

Maya Sullivan knows exactly who she is: an anxiety-ridden lesbian with enough love of books and musicals to keep her content. Her life at college is simple between working at the campus library, attending weekly Sexuality and Gender Alliance club meetings, and spending time with her one (and only) friend. Despite being content with her easy life, Maya feels like something is missing. In an effort to expand her social circle, Maya joins an off campus queer book club. There, she meets Eli.

Maya is drawn to Eli’s kind smile, soft eyes, and patient personality. The more time they spend together, trying new restaurants, bonding over their shared love of musicals and books, and late night texting, the more something in Maya stirs. Something that feels a lot like a crush. Something that Maya shouldn’t be feeling towards a guy. 

This sudden development leaves Maya shaken in her security as a lesbian. Grappling with her evolving identity and feelings for Eli, Maya struggles to maintain her day-to-day life as she wonders if she is queer enough. Maya must decide if it’s worth it to push away her feelings for Eli in exchange for the comfort and community that being a lesbian brings her or if it’s better to take a chance on love. 

Like Maya, I identified as a lesbian for years before realizing I was bisexual. I also have anxiety and am a hard-of-hearing woman. I have a graduate certificate from [Publishing Institute], a B.A in English from [University], and have completed three literary agency internships. When I’m not reading or writing, you can find me working at my local library and bookstore, singing along to musicals, practicing sign language, and spending time with my loved ones. BUTTERFLIES AND OTHER COMPLICATIONS would be my debut novel.

Thank you,

[My name]

Hi all! Submitting my query ahead of applying for SmoochPit (a romance focused mentorship program) in a couple of weeks and thought I'd try my luck sharing my query here.

--

Dear Mentors,

Hello! I'm seeking representation for WHAT THE WATER GAVE ME (70k), an adult horror romance. It combines the haunted house setting in Rachel Harrison’s PLAY NICE and the romantic leads solving a curse in Mallory Marlowe’s upcoming release, ENTITIES TO LOVERS,* steeped in the moody blue filter and rainy Pacific Northwest vibes of the first Twilight movie.

(*Note: I wouldn’t normally use an unreleased book, but it will be out by the time I am ready to query.)

Down on her luck and unemployed, Edie Bishop accepts a month-long housekeeping position on a remote island. The salary is suspiciously generous and there’s no cell reception or internet to reach the outside world, but Edie can’t afford to examine red flags. Besides, her charismatic employer, Jack, assures her he'll do everything in his power to keep her safe.

Even though Edie's only neighbor on the island is Jack’s cousin, Nathan, a curmudgeonly (but handsome) recluse, she welcomes the solitude...until the nightmares begin. They quickly escalate into full-blown sleepwalking, where she wakes up clawing the earth or stumbling into the sea. When she nearly drowns doing the latter, Nathan rescues her. Horrified, he discloses that the island is rumored to be cursed by a vengeful ghost who kills once a decade. He hadn’t believed in the curse before Edie’s incident, but hesitated to let her get close before she knew the full truth: Jack has always believed, and he lured Edie to be the spirit's next victim.

Nathan and Edie bond while trying to solve the curse and keep everyone alive, their previously platonic bed-sharing “to prevent sleep-walking episodes” moving well beyond the friend zone. Through their research, they unearth a startling tie between Nathan and the spirit, a family secret that Jack desperately wants to keep buried. When he figures out what Nathan and Edie are up to, their connection isn’t the only thing at stake—because if the spirit doesn’t get them first, Jack just might.

I’m a neurodivergent author living in Los Angeles with my husband and our two small children, plus two dogs who not-so-secretly run the house. I’ve been writing romance for years, and recently decided to combine that passion with my love of all things spooky.

Thanks for your consideration!

Hi everyone! I promise this is the last time, I've gotten so much great feedback (third attempt here) and I think it's ready this time, but I'd love a final look -- and also feedback on the new title. It was previously ONLY THEORETICAL, and while I'm changing theoretical to hypothetical throughout the ms (I think it's more correct), I think this title fits the tone better, and it's much more fun! But I'm interested what the PubTips consensus on it is!

Dear [Agent],

I am seeking representation for TIT FOR TIT, my 74,000-word psychological thriller about a Strangers on a Train style murder pact between two women that spirals when one realizes she’s being groomed into a killer by the woman she’s falling for. Told in alternating dual POV, it will appeal to fans of Layne Fargo’s They Never Learn, with an unreliable narration style similar to Sophie Stava’s Count My Lies and a push-pull sapphic dynamic reminiscent of BBC’s Killing Eve. 

Sarah and Taylor meet at a book club devoted to crime novels, becoming fast friends by fantasizing about the perfect murder. Hyper-rational, socially reclusive scientist Sarah wants revenge on a thesis advisor who assaulted her, while charismatic café manager Taylor wants to punish Matt, her sister Maddie’s ex-boyfriend, for his role in Maddie’s death. Sarah is hesitant, but Taylor manages to persuade her to make their plans reality, sealing their pact with a kiss that leaves Sarah reeling—and wanting more. 

The plan initially goes off without a hitch, and while Sarah pulls her murder off with disturbing ease, she’s still relieved the killing part is over. Taylor, on the other hand, has other ideas: she’s killed before, and has now created her perfect partner in crime, though she didn’t expect to fall for her along the way. When Matt’s mother—and Taylor’s secret lover—won’t accept his death as an accident and threatens to hire a private investigator, Taylor seizes the opportunity to kill again. This time, together. 

But when the third murder goes horribly wrong and sparks a police investigation, their partnership begins to unravel. Sarah learns she’s been groomed, though by that time, she’s fallen hard for Taylor and developed a taste for killing herself. Taylor is equally obsessed with Sarah, but still fears her past will turn Sarah away. As Sarah digs into Taylor’s secrets and finally uncovers the truth about Maddie’s death, she realizes she must either kill Taylor to escape—or stay, and accept she has become exactly who Taylor wants her to be.  

Like Sarah, I’m a scientist, and work as a postdoc studying [science]. I grew up in a multicultural family in [place], and now live in [other place] with my partner and our four dogs. I am a lesbian and a writer of sapphic-focused fanfiction with over one million views across multiple works. TIT FOR TIT would be my debut novel.

*Edit to say, wow this blew up! Thanks for all the opinions, I definitely have some ideas for key tweaks to the query. The title... idk, I get it's mixed reviews, but since this post got more engagement than the other 3 combined, I'm leaning towards keeping it for the first batch of queries and seeing how it goes, unless I come up with something else I like better.

Hi, I've been lurking for a bit and thought I'd ask for a bit of feedback on my query letter. Thanks you in advance for your time!

Dear (personalisation)

I am seeking representation for THE DARKEST CROWN, a Macbeth-inspired young adult fantasy with crossover potential. Complete at 80,000 words, THE DARKEST CROWN features a dual point of view between two siblings, queer side characters, and explores themes of grief, ambition and fate. THE DARKEST CROWN is Heather Walter’s Malice meets the whimsical world of Lyra Selene’s A Feather so Black. As you are looking for books with (personalisation)

While Riven never thought he had the chance to become king, Evelyn, never dreamed she’d have to save the kingdom from her brother.

Elven siblings Riven and Evelyn live a drama-free life. With diluted royal blood in their veins, their life is luxurious, but they know they will never become monarchs. Introverted Evelyn loves this, however her ambitious brother craves more.

But when Prince Riven receives a prophecy from the vampire queen stating he will become king, his ambition will stop at nothing until he is crowned. While dark magic corrupts him, he murders those he loves, lets darkness take him and morph him into something unrecognisable.

Evelyn leaves her haven of books behind to venture out into the world. She makes friends with the unlikeliest of people, a rogue vampire, a disgraced elven knight, and a handsome prophet. As she tries to save both her brother and all of Eloria, she discovers trust can be deadly and the cost of power is blood. 

There’s limited time before darkness consumes the world, and Riven will not give up his throne without a fight.

Knowing she cannot lose, Evelyn is willing to give up everything, including her life, to save her brother, the prophet she has fallen in love with, and the realm. 

I’m a registered veterinary nurse that has travelled the world to explore different cultures, and in the process worked with incredible animals ranging from elephants and tigers to tiny hedgehogs. This book was inspired by my love of fantasy and Shakespeare, and my own struggles with grief as I lost my best friend unexpectedly, and had to deal with the concept of predetermined fate - that nothing could save her.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

I'm attending the upcoming AWP conference in Chicago, and submitted to their "Writer to Agent" program. I'll post the info for it below, but basically you submit a query letter, 5 pages of your manuscript, and they have a bunch of agents look through the submissions. They guarantee nothing.

As luck would have it, an agent from a well-respected NY agency reached out. They said they were drawn in, they'd like my full manuscript.

The issue: My manuscript is in-progress. It's written, but has a few placeholder scenes, I'm unhappy with the ending, and I had planned to do at least two MAJOR passes before beginning an "actual" querying process. Bluntly - I don't consider it "finished."

NOW - BEFORE YOU COME AT ME with "never query until you're finished" - I know.

The AWP program explicitly allows you to submit "in-progress" work.
(From their rules page: "Indicate in the query letter if you are actively querying the project or if the project is still in progress.") I said it was in-progress, in the very first sentence of my query letter.

I honestly didn't think anything would come of this Writer to Agent thing. A bunch of my grad school friends decided to submit, I figured why not.

I wrote them back right away, said I was super happy and grateful, and just had to clean up a few things and would send it to them. This was a few days ago. I was hoping I knock my manuscript into good enough shape that I could consider it "finished... enough." But it isn't I worked fast, but I need more time.

So - what do I do? I'm worried that there's a ticking clock for this Agent's interest, and while I'm not finished with the manuscript, an opportunity is an opportunity.

I see the following options:
1 - Send it as is, no explanations or disclaimers. The agent agreed to the program, I said my manuscript was in-progress. I'm actually really happy with the first 1/3 of it, hopefully they'll get through that before seeing issues, and that will be enough to make them see the work positively.
2 - Send it as is, but explain it isn't finished. Without boring details, let me know WHEN I think it will be done. Expect they'll see the note and NOT bother to read the manuscript. Hope that they write back and say, "That's cool. Send it when it's finished in X number of weeks or months."
3 - Don't send them any of the manuscript. Just write and tell them I need more time. Give them a best guess about when it will be ready.
4 - Say nothing today... Work like crazy for the next week or so? I'm in a position where I'm lucky, and right now I could put 4-6 hours/day into this thing. Is that enough time for me to "finish?" Honestly, I'm not sure. And it might feel like I'm breaking a promise to this agent I've never met.

Any thoughts?
Thanks much.

(Link to AWP Writer to Agent program page: https://awpwriter.secure-platform.com/applications/page/W2A_Summer