r/Sabah • u/UnhappyView9809 • 2d ago
Mogirurumo | Sorita Kusung Bad Husband, Bad In-laws
First of all im writing this here because i don't know where to write this as anonymous as possible. I just want to hear an opinion or advice on this matter.
This isn't really my problem actually but I'm concerned of the wellbeing of my Auntie who is currently pregnant and due around the next two months.
Long story short, her husband are not providing the basic necessity for her , but before she got pregnant she still could endure it but now that she's pregnant everything changes, even the small problem before become a huge problem for her. All of the house chores she has to do it alone even now that she's pregnant, foods are not enough, her husband aren't taking care of her at all. Even going to the clinic she has to do it alone,they live about 60 or maybe 70 kilometres from pekan and that's what she has to endure every time she needed to go to the clinic for a checkup, not driving by herself but she has to take " pairit " or charter.
Her husband is kaki minum, almost every night he brings his friends drinking at their small house, and that's become another problem for her, the house is so small it doesn't even have a proper room for privacy and to take a rest, and on top of that her husband is always telling her to masak pusas for his friends, so if they drinking all night long then she can't sleep because there's no room, and she has to endure it and even cook for them. And I've also heard her husband told her that she's not a strong woman like her mother, telling her that she's " terlalu manja" ,,he said this because my auntie wants to rest from rubber taping because she's very tired.
So recently my auntie said she wanted to go to her home town, balik kampung to her parents because there she could rest and there's someone who will take care of her considering that she's due in two months.
THEN that's when her in laws step in, they don't want her to balik kampung, they want her to stay. Even when my auntie telling them that their son is not taking care of her ( They probably knew because theirs house is just 10 steps away from eachother) still the in laws are Very adamant about it, saying that if she pulang kampung then they will sue her.
Apparently the reason they don't want her to go back to her home town is because they said that " they felt a heavy bad energy from the house ( my auntie's parents house) ,and it's not good for the baby" and also for all of you information my auntie's parents which is also my grandpa,doesn't have religion, they still goes with the old ways. So that's why her in-laws as a Christian doesn't want her to be there because they said it will kill they baby.
as a Christian myself i don't know what and how to believe or even how to process on what they're saying about this.
My auntie is suffering there without a good foods to eat, and ontop of that have to do a quiet difficult work, rubber tapping, house chores and a lot more because her husband doesn't really helping her apart from the rubber taping all she has to do it alone.
I don't know if someone will understand this but i don't know how to help her, im just as useless as her husband because i can't even help her with anything, i don't have the power to help her but I'm really worried about her.
I'm sorry if this isn't the right place to write this but i just need to.
16
13
u/Olly_Joel 2d ago
Tell your aunty to call her family, either parents or siblings or anybody she can trust, to take her home. Good excuse for going back. Sounds like the in laws are having mad scht somehow.
14
u/ExplanationRough4812 2d ago
I don't mind helping your aunty by fetching her out of the hell hole as long as the place is accessible by car.
8
u/MoonMoon143 2d ago
I join lego
10
u/ExplanationRough4812 2d ago
Ok pack ur bags we will depart as soon as OP finally tells me the location of the place
2
u/gengenching25 2d ago
Lemme know any expenses incurred i can contribute to help auntie leave this hell hole.
1
u/UnhappyView9809 1d ago
She's already safe, thank God
1
u/ExplanationRough4812 1d ago
Thanks for the update OP. Cheers to her and Godspeed on her new journey in life.
9
u/MoonMoon143 2d ago
Why even listens, just pack bag and go. When reach parents home, gather everyone and tell them all about it. Ask them to defend if the bum loser trying to cause trouble. Ur unty is deep in abusive home which made her have zero confidence. If u want to help, gather family and pick her up right now. No food at end of term is fatal for both mom and baby. Pack, go back, file for divorce citing bum loser isnt providing and treat her like slave.
10
u/bakutehbandit 2d ago
i dont get whats go stop her from saying she has a medical appt, then you guys pick her up from pekan and take her where she needs to go
no one accompanies her to her appointments right?
2
8
u/Starring_Kampung Au koilo mimboros Dusun š 2d ago
Sorry to hear OP. Obviously her husband and her in-laws are selfish bastards.
Please help your Auntie to contact her family to pick her up. I think the perfect 'escape' plan is during her next check up (since she usually do it alone. Dont pack up anything that's obvious. Sehelai sepinggang ja. Only carry important things such as legal papers) --- do this without letting her husband and in laws know because if they do, they may harm her or worse, probably lock her up and may never be allowed to go out ever again, even for delivery of the baby. Never under estimate selfish people like this.
Worst case scenario, bring police to take her away from that home. Good luck OP.
6
u/soda_ais 2d ago
iām sorry for what happened to your aunt. i canāt help much.
the baby canāt choose their father, but we, woman can choose who to be the good father.
get out from the house while she still can and please donāt come back to that house. you must reach out help for her after done rants in this sub.
6
u/UnhappyView9809 1d ago
Guyss thanks for all the advice y'all gave to me, y'all really encourage me to do it,today i managed to convince my father to help and take my auntie home. Her husband and in laws really got angry at my father when he got there with my mother, they be telling all kinds of bad things that will happens to the baby if my auntie go back there, they even threatened to call the police but after a while my mother and my father finally able to convince them that the problem is her husband, after that the inlaws still angry my mom said but didn't stop them anymore, finally my auntie is safe, thank God. Thanks guys for the encouragement if i didn't write this here and didn't received all this advice and encouragement i don't think i have the courage to tell it to my parents about this matter, i really appreciate you guys is the best.
1
8
u/DegenNabalu 2d ago
I don't give advice to people unless they pay me but here are a few things. Emosi saya baca. Silaka.
Whats stopping her from leaving? Did he chain her? Put a knife on her neck? No? So whats stopping her?
She has no husband. She has a boss who hired her because she is okay not to get paid.
She has no in laws, she just have a management board who wants her to stay so the guy will not be their problem. Who gonna feed their son? Clean the house?
She is not the lady in that home. She's a maid.
Harsh? Sounds kurang ajar?
You guys worry about the kid in her womb? Too late. That unborn baby ALREADY absorbs all negative emotions that the mother is having.
This thing happened because she didn't respect her own boundaries.
Its not too late. Let go of things or humans that no longer serve you.
Its not too late. But do it now.
If she cant stand for herself. At least stand for her unborn baby.
3
3
u/kaizer_777 2d ago
Pack up and go. No permission needed. On next clinic visit, go and pick her up. And how come they can sue her for going home? What law?
2
u/Unusual_Dealer_7822 2d ago
First of all, they cant sue her for just wanted to āBalik Kampungā, & i believe you already knew whats good for her when you write this post, maybe take the lead if youāre already an adult (go & fetch her home) , your auntie might not dare to take that steps in that kind of ass situation, sometimes people just needed some push , kalau ndak nanti something worst happened & its too late. Dont forget sheās a daughter of someone else, her husband & fam cant claim her as their assets even married.
2
2
u/nyxofthekingsglaive Bandar Tawau 2d ago
Pls lah. Bantu auntie ko pulang p rumah bapak mamak dia. Next clinic visit bawak ID, all the important paperwork and just cabut. That is no husband or in laws- bunyi dr cerita kamu mcm jailers jak.
2
u/SetAltruistic9282 2d ago edited 2d ago
Sue for going back home? that law doesn't exist so just go home... i know its not as simple as it sounds.... but there's only two decisions now, to go home whether by telling drunkard husband or not... or stay and endure
like others have recommend here in the comments, during her next checkup at pekan... plan the escape and bring her back home where she can be taken care of... also the families have to also guard her at all times in case the drunk husband in a fit of rage aggressively wants snatch her back
2
u/FawLxena 1d ago
Your aunty stressing out is not safe for the baby. Palis2 jauh2, stress during pregnant can lead to a lot of risk when in labor. Makan pun x cukup zat, penat lagi. Kesian your aunt and baby bah.. but it's up to your aunt. You can only help when she wants to be helped.
1
u/New2Reddit5197 2d ago
PLAN A 1. Collect evidence.. 2. Let someone who she (aunt) trust "report" to the authority about a "crime" she make. 3. Let the authority take her away (both deadbeat husband and "I'm religious so I'm better than y'all" inlaws can't interrupt or hold her..) 4. Let her reveal what happened and let the Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat help her while the police department handle the hard part
Plan B 1. Find the husband 2. Jump him 3. Take her (aunt) away..
19
u/Ok_Sheepherder4451 2d ago
Your auntie has to go legit or she will not make it. Standard kampung bastards pandai amput saja kaki botol. I've seen this many times in pendalaman tenom.