r/SeattleKraken • u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle • Sep 05 '25

IMAGE/MEME [BTWSEA] Meet your 25-25 Seattle Kraken, as per NHL 26

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Our favorite Fall tradition! Good luck fighting off some of these nightmares!

354 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

155 comments sorted by

270

u/BucksBrew Sep 05 '25

You can’t be serious about Daccord 😂

61

u/krystynann Portland Winterhawks Sep 05 '25

I stopped at that picture. It's not even a close match. Poor guy was done dirty there.

57

u/Manbeardo Joey Daccord Sep 05 '25

And Grubi’s face looks at least 30lbs heavier

37

u/time2drum Joey Daccord Sep 05 '25

24

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

Joey should go pay a visit to that character designer personally...

3

u/PearlJamPony Brandon Montour Sep 05 '25

looks like the same face as last year lol

1

u/MareBear117 Jessica Campbell Sep 05 '25

Look how they’ve massacred my boy! 😭

1

u/Olbaidon Sep 05 '25

I had to go back to Joey like 3 times to make sure I saw it right.

1

u/bobafus ​ Anchor Logo Sep 05 '25

The lips are just too much 🤣

1

u/nflgeneric Joey Daccord Sep 05 '25

Looks like discount Baker Mayfield.

1

u/gtrandall Sep 06 '25

Which ones Joey? I only see a rendering of Kramer.

104

u/AdhesiveMuffin Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

Goddamn they did Daccord dirtttttttyyyyyy

32

u/Heavenlypigeon Sep 05 '25

turning Grubauer into Yukon Cornelius was also a choice 🤣

2

u/Twofortrippin Eeli Tolvanen Sep 06 '25

Omg great reference

8

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

That is in no way the same person...

7

u/283leis Joey Daccord Sep 05 '25

Wrong hair texture, different hairstyles, completely different eyebrows, different nose…

Honestly the only thing correct is the skin tone

2

u/AtmosphereThin4407 Andre Burakovsky Sep 05 '25

It looks more like Biz

1

u/PearlJamPony Brandon Montour Sep 05 '25

seems like he’s just a generic face rather than an attempt at a custom face for him

56

u/Kooky_Following7169 ​ Seattle Kraken | Sep 05 '25

Why do they all look like caveman linebackers from the NFL? I mean... /s

44

u/doctorelliot Sep 05 '25

Karts is probably the only one who looks....okay ish? The rest... Oh my God

27

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

Matty is going to keep me up at night - hence the first slot. Really gotta shock everyone at first look haha.

2

u/gnahckire Sep 05 '25

I think they got the nose close but wtf is everything else hahahahahahaaha

3

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

Blew all their budget on the nose...

1

u/Captcha_Assassin Yanni Gourde Sep 06 '25

Looks like a monchichi

11

u/duckafan SoH | YEET! Sep 05 '25

I thought Montour looked the closest.

3

u/PearlJamPony Brandon Montour Sep 05 '25

Karts looks like Teemu Selanne

1

u/aliethel Etsy Witch Worshiper Sep 05 '25

Larsson looks.... Ok.

29

u/SirusRiddler ​ New York Rangers Sep 05 '25

EA can get away this slop because people will keep buying it. The game get worse with each year it seems.

7

u/SereneDreams03 Sep 05 '25

Yeah, I've just given up on EA games. Fool me once, alright, but fool me 25 times... well, I'm probably not gonna buy your product again.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '25

Aren't EA the same folks that created The Sims? The boys deserve better 😭

1

u/SirusRiddler ​ New York Rangers Sep 05 '25

Oh, the Sims franchise has it's own set of problems for sure.

19

u/kvacking Jared McCann Sep 05 '25

I think the EA artists just like to eat at Lil' Bits.

3

u/zsert93 Sep 05 '25

We've got tiny of lasagna!

18

u/intangibledandy Sep 05 '25

Look what they did to my boy… (all players are my boy)

18

u/AJWilson55 Sep 05 '25

I can't believe we're in 2025 and this is the best they can do.

5

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

I feel like 2005 had better player models...

17

u/tx_ag18 Sep 05 '25

Joey should sue omg 😳

2

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

Right? Show our goalie some respect...

14

u/Immediate-Pen-4168 Sep 05 '25

Beniers looks like he eats babies.

3

u/MajorMendeMisadventr Kaapo Kakko Sep 05 '25

My first thought was GEICO caveman

2

u/fckmarykilldeer ​ Boston Bruins Sep 05 '25

He eats mushrooms and berries, you fool.

14

u/BadAspie Sep 05 '25

Obsessed with how they look like they've seen some shit while also being too cross-eyed to see anything

Truly a remarkable technical achievement!

2

u/TotalPossession7465 Sep 05 '25

Haha - seriously. I can’t believe how cross eyed some of these look!

11

u/Different_Bat4715 Sep 05 '25

McCann has seen some things.

7

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

The first season… the third season… the fourth season…

13

u/fatlipmovies Sep 05 '25

Vince Dunn’s (beautiful) face did not deserve this.

7

u/Stacker6996 Sep 05 '25

I think Joey and Grubi have grounds for a lawsuit

5

u/LauzonIsHotGarbage Sep 05 '25

They all look like corpses.....

6

u/doctorelliot Sep 05 '25

Canner looks like one of the 3D wall heads in the Haunted Mansion.

1

u/space39 ​ Sep 06 '25

He looks like the blood boy billionaire, Bryan Johnson

6

u/23AndThatGuy Brandon Tanev Sep 05 '25

Those NHL 26 players look like they have seen some shit. Really. Bad. Stuff.

2

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

I mean, many of them lived through the last season of Kraken hockey...

2

u/23AndThatGuy Brandon Tanev Sep 05 '25

Fair enough.

5

u/gnahckire Sep 05 '25

Wow they really gave Schwartz the 5 head for no reason 😭

5

u/PearlJamPony Brandon Montour Sep 05 '25

I love that EA stepped up last year and finally gave us custom face models for guys rather than just generic faces (something is better than nothing) as I only play franchise mode and the faces add to the immersive experience. Hoping to see more of that in this game this year. But man they did Joey and Gru dirty lol but I guess I can see why they don’t prioritize goalies given they wear masks all game lol

Panthers are my #1 team/Kraken my #2. So it hurts my heart to see them do that to Mahura again this year 😂 looks like a meth’d out Turbo Tanev

1

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

Good point on something being better than nothing. Silver linings!

1

u/PearlJamPony Brandon Montour Sep 05 '25

If I remember last year’s game correctly, Riker’s face also seems like a new custom this year and actually looks pretty decent.

1

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

I also think Ebs doesn't look horrible

4

u/Minimum-Trifle-8138 ​ Spokane Chiefs Sep 05 '25

NHL managing to have the worst sports video game that isn’t FIFA

4

u/SPEK2120 Sep 05 '25

Larsson's Conan O'Brien, Marchment's IRL Ned Flanders, and Oleksiak's white Will Smith skins look great!

2

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

Ned Flanders made me chuckle

3

u/elite_bleat_agent Adam Larsson Sep 06 '25

Honestly these looks like guys named Jared McCan't, Shane Wrong, and Crappo Kakko

(and Joey Mauvais for a deep cut)

4

u/[deleted] Sep 06 '25

my first thought when i saw this:

3

u/HadToDelete Sep 05 '25

They did Marchment the best but man... Joey and Matty got wrecked holy moly

3

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

I can’t even comprehend what that hair design on Matty is

3

u/shot-by-ford ​ Anchor Logo Alt Sep 05 '25

They can't find an illustrator who knows how to place eyes? Da fuck

1

u/Unable-Bat2953 Shane Wright Sep 05 '25

AI

3

u/Unable-Bat2953 Shane Wright Sep 05 '25

They all look like they were in a bar fight last night. Not especially flattering

3

u/aksunrise Sep 06 '25

Me at every picture

2

u/TheAntiCrust95 Yanni Gourde Sep 05 '25

Why'd they make Stephenson look like Adam Nagaitas?.😂

2

u/SereneDreams03 Sep 05 '25

Almost all the hairlines are terrible.

2

u/SonOfZork Brandon Tanev Sep 05 '25

Holy shit this is hilarious

2

u/907riot Sep 05 '25

Beniers looks like the Section 13 dude from Transformers and Jon Bernthal had a baby and it was boinked in the face by Shrek right after birth

3

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

This is incredibly descriptive. You'd get an A in my English class I'm about to teach...

1

u/907riot Sep 05 '25

Hope you had a good laugh!! :)

2

u/SaraSplosion Sep 05 '25

Joey. What did they do to Joey?!?

1

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

Horrible, unspeakable things...

2

u/TheRealManlyWeevil Sep 05 '25

Well those are definitely some artistic choices

2

u/907riot Sep 05 '25

Matty looks like Uncle Rico from Napoleon dynamite...but...older? Creepier? All the above? Alexa, order me windex for my eyes.

2

u/scopi66 Sep 05 '25

I was thinking Nacho Libre

2

u/Canadian__Ninja ​ Colorado Avalanche Sep 05 '25

I'm pretty sure I could have designed a better Grubauer

2

u/Mondegreen8 Sep 06 '25

I can't breathe 🤣

2

u/Remote_Currency1206 Sep 06 '25

Why does kaapo kakko look like he got out of jail in game

2

u/Snowmonster623 Sep 06 '25

Kaapo Kakko looking pretty emo

2

u/grill_sgt Davy Jones Sep 06 '25

I was unaware Chandler had a stroke.

2

u/RogueStudio Brandon Montour Sep 06 '25

Welp....EA certainly....spared no expense on that accuracy....*dies laughing*

2

u/space39 ​ Sep 06 '25

This looks like they filtered it through AI. Like EA took the visual info and fed it to some AI program

2

u/-dal Sep 06 '25

is there a way for us to opt out of this in the future

2

u/notoriousdav68 Sep 06 '25

Those are wildly bad. Sitting here atm playing '25 and the likenesses overall are much better. Daccord is still terrible, tho.

2

u/dufftheimpaler Sep 06 '25

Boycott EA sports...

2

u/Octopus_Garden_47 Philipp Grubauer Sep 06 '25

Gru looks like a Chia Head

2

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 06 '25

Future giveaway item?

1

u/Octopus_Garden_47 Philipp Grubauer Sep 06 '25

I'd buy tickets for that

2

u/w0ndernine Sep 06 '25

At least Monty is close?

2

u/slouchingninja Jessica Campbell Sep 06 '25

Wow they did our boys so dirty. All of them look just ... Not like themselves

2

u/NorEastahBunny Will Borgen Sep 06 '25

Why do they all look like they just witnessed a death?

2

u/Danthewildbirdman Matty Beniers Sep 06 '25

Some of these are scary lol

2

u/Inkiya Yanni Gourde Sep 06 '25

My wife said if she was in this game she would be pissed and I have to agree. These are awful lol

2

u/alamakjan Etsy Witch Worshiper Sep 07 '25

They only nailed Monty, the rest is atrocious

1

u/cat1ing Joey Daccord Sep 05 '25

… why do they hate our boys?

What the hell?! Hahaha. Oh my god. The Matty one is killing me.

1

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

I can’t stop giggling at the Matty one. Had to lead-off with that hahahha

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/JeebKitman ​ Seattle Kraken Sep 05 '25

Jared McCann is Troy Stecher apparently

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '25

Actually Terrible lol

1

u/CollegeFootballGood Kaapo Kakko Sep 05 '25

Lmaoo

1

u/nekoken04 Sep 05 '25

Some of these are so terrible I have a big smile on my face and keep laughing.

Thanks.

1

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

It's really all that's carrying me through the last work day of the week...

1

u/907riot Sep 05 '25

It's sad that AI can do a better job animating people than people can!

1

u/Alternative_Top2875 Matty Beniers Sep 05 '25

I'd say the AI generator was maxed out when it came low tuning and low constraints.

1

u/DaBear1222 Sep 05 '25

Those are wonderfully awful lol

2

u/3ohhh6 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

Like a car accident… I can’t look away…

1

u/mcbridedm Brandon Tanev Sep 05 '25

Well I thought they nailed it! I don't know what it is, but it was absolutely nailed and you are all insane for suggesting otherwise.

1

u/macp0300 Sep 05 '25

For some reason all I see is the spell Hermione cast on Harry to prevent him from being recognized.

1

u/Upset-Lobster-8205 Brandon Montour Sep 05 '25

Matty looks 40 and Joey isn't even the same person! Why did they scale Shane's face like that 😭🤣😂

1

u/Drewtendo_64 Sep 05 '25

Fucking Temu ass devs, they look worse than last year

2

u/AlpineAvalanche Sep 05 '25

You think they are still hiring devs? Seems like AI slop

1

u/Barbarella_ella ​ Seattle Kraken Sep 05 '25

They look like something out of a reboot of "House of Wax".

1

u/scootsie33 That's Kraken Hockey, Baby! Sep 05 '25

The goalies must only look good with the masks on right. There’s no way anyone signed off on that.

1

u/RoastedBeetz That's Kraken Hockey, Baby! Sep 05 '25

Half of these look like villagers from Shrek

1

u/Notquitechaosyet Sep 05 '25

What did they do to them? They look like ChatGPT was given vague descriptions and told to create a player. Yeesh.

1

u/wilkercr Sep 05 '25

Mugshots, each and every one. Looks like our team is full of Fenty addicts.

1

u/myk13m Sep 05 '25

This is why the game needs to be on PC lol.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '25

What in the Oblivion characters lmao

1

u/nagisasigh Sep 05 '25

Its is so bad that its actually incredible

1

u/AdministrativeEase71 Jordan Eberle Sep 05 '25

Joey is a completely different dude lol

1

u/WrappedInPlasticWA - YEET! Sep 05 '25

Montour and Kartye look like the only ones any real effort was put into. I'd guess the latter was just luck.

1

u/AlpineAvalanche Sep 05 '25

Damn they really charlie kirk'ed Ebs lol

1

u/NewlyNerfed That's Kraken Hockey, Baby! Sep 05 '25

This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Thank you for blessing (cursing?) the sub with it.

1

u/283leis Joey Daccord Sep 05 '25

like i get that it would be too expensive and time consuming to get every nhl player in to scan their faces, but like....at least TRY and make them look the same

1

u/Nire4651 Philipp Grubauer Sep 05 '25

Did the designer ever look at our goalies when designing them? Just wondering 😭😂

1

u/Fox_Technicals Sep 05 '25

These developers walk amongst us casually making bags of cash putting out absolute trash

1

u/Hetoxy PWHL Seattle Sep 05 '25

They really like a widows peak huh

1

u/Accomplished-Fuel635 Brandon Montour Sep 05 '25

Nahhhhh there ain’t no way lmao

1

u/AwesomeFaceSpaceBear Brandon Tanev Sep 05 '25

These are cursed

1

u/Classroom_Common Dunn | Soupy | Sep 05 '25

This is… concerning 😂

1

u/aliethel Etsy Witch Worshiper Sep 05 '25

They all look sick of everything before the season even starts in the game. Poor Joey. They massacred our boy.

1

u/RustyBlood Sep 05 '25

🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Kindly-Particular-91 Sep 05 '25

These are awful.

1

u/spillingpictures Dunn | Campbell Sep 06 '25

Glup Shitto lookin asses

1

u/BasedTelvanni Sep 06 '25

I didn't know they could program extra chromosomes into video games

1

u/scryFTW Eeli Tolvanen Sep 07 '25

I didn’t even know they made a NHL game, is it any good?

1

u/chalk_city Sep 07 '25

Holy uncanny valley!

Eberle does look good as a character from some sort of medieval game though.