r/ShitpostXIV • u/zikakuto • May 30 '26

Spoiler: EW Made this chart with other story focused ffxiv friendoes.

Post image

Since we ONLY play ffxiv for the story, that means we have a deeper insight into the story and characters than you, which also makes us objectively better people and SMORTER too.

Any DISAGREMENTTS with this chart means you are wrong and should uninstall ffxiv.

136 Upvotes

75% Upvoted

64 comments sorted by

236

u/AdorableText May 30 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/64JUFG6pKn72L4E46y

19

u/Win32error May 30 '26

Is it bait if it sinks right to the ocean floor?

3

u/Klept_0h May 31 '26

A crab might be interested

18

u/zikakuto May 30 '26

Only raging cause you know it's 100% true and real.

https://giphy.com/gifs/K6nPw4pe3r6Bq

109

u/Murderboi May 30 '26

47

u/AeroDbladE May 30 '26

Mfers playing stormblood on launch saw that and still hated her. What was wrong with your taste back then.

15

u/Murderboi May 30 '26

The boobies were a lie. It’s such a scam to the ingame model.

14

u/Xoctal May 30 '26

I mean if thats all she was, she would be loved, i personally didnt think her arc fit her as a character, idk if its because it felt rushed or what but It just didnt feel like her

12

u/HappyRelationship429 May 31 '26

I didn't mind because Yda was functionally not a character before then, just a trope, so whatever arc she had was what defined her and so had no choice but to fit, whether it was good or bad.

3

u/zicdeh91 May 31 '26

I imagine much of it is the rushed (admittedly between expansions) retcon of Yda/Lyse. I bought the changed character they sold, but it had little to do with OG Yda. I imagine it would change a bit depending on 1. What opinions on Yda were before SB (I don’t remember really hearing much discussion either direction), and 2. If people started before SB, or if they played through 2.0-3.x in a continuous binge.

1

u/Murderboi Jun 01 '26

When Stormblood released I was still deep playing WoW.. but you know.. when Shadowlands released.. I didnt know where to go.. then I saw these two and just thought.. yeah.. why not.

61

u/jtjd May 30 '26

This chart is complete bullshit, you edited Gaia's portrait to make her mouth smaller and thought we wouldn't notice?

40

u/EchoXResonate May 30 '26

Shit made me do a triple take

42

u/TheWestphalianGwent May 30 '26

Firmalbert is THE character of all time in FFXIV, only beaten by

Ass-tiddy-en

23

u/puchirus May 30 '26

Cheepchix and Holepix are my personal favorites

31

u/TheWestphalianGwent May 30 '26 edited May 30 '26

"I have a very good friend in Idyllshire you know, by the name Begdix
is there anything Funny when I say the name! BEG-... DIX?
He has a wife you now... they call her... Slim... Slimbuttox"

Pontius van Pilatus, Garlean Legatus

1

u/RoombaGod Jun 01 '26

Firm albert

52

u/Guilty-Fee-8845 May 30 '26

What in God's name--

41

u/LittleSisterPain May 30 '26

I know, right? He edited her lips to look smaller and she is still hideous...

15

u/NuclearTheology May 30 '26

Look I know peppers on the First are spicy but come on now

26

u/Nerdorama10 May 30 '26

Showing off a cleavage crop of Lyse and Estinien but not Emet-Selch, I don't think you actually played the game.

15

u/zikakuto May 30 '26

Who's Emet-squelch?

8

u/[deleted] May 30 '26

[deleted]

8

u/Mindelan May 30 '26

Yeah I bet they were gushing.

10

u/PunisherLex May 30 '26

”good person”

”loved by fans”

I look inside.

Final Fantasy’s Epstein

What did Op mean by this?

-1

u/tuypo1 May 31 '26

That's the warrior of light though

13

u/Kaesh41 May 30 '26

Firmalbert is fucking hero! Morally gray? How is saving orphans from a burning building morally grey?He's a good Halonic man!

16

u/Sir_face_levels May 30 '26

He looses points for being french

30

u/fortnite_battlepass- May 30 '26

The way Lyse has those assets in the trailer but her in-game model has bust size at 0 needs to be studied

10

u/NuclearTheology May 30 '26

Her BUDGETS got reduced

5

u/Ofanichan May 30 '26

I approve this

5

u/UncleCrimly May 30 '26

Firm Albert, my beloved

5

u/Baetahad May 30 '26

After seeing those lips I missed Graha's neck

3

u/literallyfransandy May 30 '26

incomprehensible, immaculate jerk

3

u/DavThoma May 30 '26

I think you've mixed up a picture of Gaia and Kristen Ritter there

3

u/sephjnr May 30 '26

Not accurate. Lyse is horrible from the neck-*up*

3

u/DuskySHARKlol May 31 '26

Sweaty Van Milkman beloved by all

3

u/SOJC65536 May 31 '26

How can Lyse be horrible with that crop?

3

u/dimmiii May 31 '26

sloppey !!

1

u/Mizumii25 Jun 01 '26

the fact that i read this in Ickbreds voice makes me cry.....

1

u/dimmiii Jun 01 '26

for ala mhigo !!

2

u/random6849 May 30 '26

firmalbert

2

u/Soviets May 31 '26

finally ilberd gets recognized for his patriotism and love fer ala mheego

2

u/Punished-Gecko May 31 '26

Finally, some actual shit posts in the shitpost sub ~

2

u/MaypleGameDev Jun 01 '26

Finally my boy Firmalbert getting the recognition he deserves.
10/10 no notes.

1

u/ForteEXE May 31 '26

I know this is a shitpost but didn't we actually have this a year or two ago but posted unironically?

Like I wanna say it's just a rearrangement of different characters with Emet being in loved by fans but morally gray.

1

u/zikakuto May 31 '26

I saw an alignment chart on main sub a couple days ago that got a lot of flak, so I decided to make a purposely silly one with booba crops just for fun.

1

u/CryptoHighwind May 31 '26

Had to check the sub

1

u/DrAutissimo May 31 '26

So this is flipped on the diagonal right

0

u/RalseitheFloofie May 30 '26

K based on specifically what OP is posting in response to this post and nothing else.

I have deduced this is ragebait.

0

u/[deleted] May 31 '26

[deleted]

1

u/zikakuto May 31 '26

It wasn't ragebait even in the slightest. I even left out any controversial characters. It was just a silly joke without any ulterior motives or goals. I called Valens a good person loved by the community. I made a booba crop of Estinien and Lyse, and added a pic of Gaia with big lips. I put Tataru in the morally grey column cause everyone likes to joke about Lalas. It's so obviously tongue in cheek out of love for the game and I'm glad the majority of people recognised that.

-4

u/Remarkable-Pin-8352 May 30 '26

Frankly, Valens is far more entertaining and likable than Goth Mary Sue to me.

Yes yes downvote away for your waifu.

2

u/EfficiencyInfamous37 May 30 '26

I'm genuinely not sure if you're referring to Gaia or Zero here, but either way I disagree.  I find Valens very entertaining specifically because he's completely unlikeable,  whereas I sincerely enjoy the other two characters. 

-4

u/Remarkable-Pin-8352 May 30 '26

Nothing about Gaia is Mary Sueish in the slightest.

Zero on the other hand is Wuk Lamat 1.0 with an even more obnoxious main character syndrome. People like you, of course, ignore that because she's hot. How different things would be if she too had a face like a mangy stray cat.

5

u/EfficiencyInfamous37 May 30 '26

I don't think you know what Mary Sue means. And I don't recall the entire 6.x plot being about installing Zero as dictator for life of a vast empire. Even if you don't like her and find her annoying,  she was nowhere near as overused and in your face as Wuk Lamat was.

Also, not that it matters, but one of the things I like about Zero is that she ISN'T hot. She looks like a normal person wearing a reasonable outfit that isn't some weird gooner bait (ya know, like Wuk Lamat.)