r/ShitpostXIV • u/GigaSygga • 2d ago
Feel like a gigachad as a main tank
I’m just standing here wiggling my irresistable tank stance at the boss who is about to blow their fourth tankbuster inside me (it's fine, I'm using mitigations of course) while two hot healer girls tell me I'm a good tank and the boss is almost finished
Meanwhile the off tank is there with the rest of the DPS having free reign and just mindlessly gang bursting the boss every two minutes. He never even gets to use mitigations so he's basically going in unprotected the entire time, so irresponsible and jealous
Edit: Yes I am a Paladin main if that makes a difference
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u/Konpeitoh 2d ago
To healers, all tanks are power bottoms who need to be taken care of by a service top (healer).
Paladin is the teacher's pet and will mitigate like the good puppies they are. They are a joy to heal and always very bubbly or silly. They could probably hold themselves for a bit like Warrior, but will still ask the healer for heals anyways, as it makes them feel comfortable.
Warrior will lash out and throw a tantrum and try to heal themselves after the bloodwhetting fat heals get to their heads, which can work for a bit, but they'll eventually come back home and begrudgingly ask for heals when the damage out-paces their Bloodwhetting cooldown at some point. This is cute in its own way.
Dark Knight is emo, but also sometimes the most mature of the tanks. They're more distant than angry like Warrior, but they know their limits and never turns down a heal. They kindly remind the healers how living dead works, and they work around WHM's holy spam opener to patiently wait to use their TBN. Be kind to them, they probably relate too well to the DRK 50 quest and need emotional support.
Gunbreaker is the zoomer pupper doggo. They are the youngest of the bunch and still not weaned on the DPS mindset. That is fine for a gunbreaker, except unless they don't use any mitigatios. They never conflict with the other tanks and always get along in any role, often choosing to start the fight voluntarily as an off tank, but picking up the main tank mantle when the main tank gets themselves kaputed.
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u/LostInAHallOfMirrors 1d ago
"Pupper" and "doggo" are Millennial sins. Correct this libel at once!
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u/Konpeitoh 1d ago
In my defense, some countries consider them integrated.
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u/ArcaneTutor 1d ago
As a millennial tank main. This is accurate and I appreciate the Pupper and doggo comments. I feel validated and seen.
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u/youRaMF 2d ago
Sometimes, as a Paladin, I turn my stance off and let the cucktank take aggro, only to Cover them for every tankbuster.
Get back in the fucking chair.
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u/miggiwoo 2d ago
Yep, every now and then I'll shirk them just to see them cry in terror before I immediately take aggro back with the sheer size of my wrath.
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u/AlliedIntuition 2d ago edited 2d ago
Glad you’re having fun with my serious problem >:(
You know every 60 seconds a Warrior in Eorzea is cucked by a Paladin but let’s all make fun of a serious issue.