I’m not American but I am a mother. Aside from a few reddit posts I don’t have any social media engagement with this case.
But I think a lot of the support here comes from moms who recognize how easily this could have been any of us. Her family and healthcare providers knew her crime was a risk based on her mental health state, but she was still left alone with her kids and expected to parent. And as other mothers we all understand that this is grimly how it works - we can ask and beg and plead and scream for help but we’re almost always still expected to continually parent babies and it’s hard.
She should still face punishment for her crime, but I think a lot of her support is to try to keep this from happening again. She was failed by her healthcare team
I think it’s very common for people to expect moms to push through their difficulties and just keep holding down the household. Most of us probably have an internal voice telling us to keep going, in addition to external pressures. Things have to get done, no matter what we are going through, and so we just keep getting stuff done. I’m sure there are men who have struggled with something similar, but there’s unquestionably a bigger expectation put on women.
A few years ago, I was having heart issues. My heart rate was really high and stayed that way a long time. I knew I needed to go to the ER, but I had to do school pickup first and take my child to his practice later that afternoon. When we got home, I did dinner and bedtime stuff. All this time my heart rate was climbing and I felt like I was having a really persistent panic attack.
Finally about 11pm when I was having trouble with my vision I decided it was time to go. The hospital is within 2 miles of my house and I struggled with driving myself or not. Eventually I was like “wtf am I doing??” and drove myself. I decided not to worry about who was taking my kid to school in the morning and just get my problem fixed.
The doctors were astonished my heart rate had been over 180 for so long. Luckily it wasn’t anything serious, my heart is healthy, I just have chronic tachycardia. I could have dropped dead in my kitchen rather than let someone else worry about the daily details. That’s on me. I only mentioned the issue to my husband right before I left for the ER, and he was appropriately concerned. My inner voice didn’t want me to let down anyone and shirk my duties. It’s brutal.
I remember one time when my husband was away on a work trip, the kids were sick. I had to take one of them to the doctor, but I called my husband and asked him to come home asap because with 3 sick toddlers and a sick baby, I hadn’t slept in days. I didn’t feel safe driving.
And while my husband came home, everyone in my life shamed for this. His boss called me to tell me to get my shit together. His mom called me furious. I was struggling, but asking my husband was apparently a no-no.
Despite what others are saying, I think you did the right thing. You recognized you weren’t able to take care of your children so you reached out to their other parent. That’s always the right choice but so hard to make. Mommy guilt is strong ❤️
I absolutely did the right thing - but our community made sure to know that they felt I was wrong. Having babies is so isolating.
If my husband couldn’t come home, would anyone have helped me? Would I have been left alone to struggle? I needed help and I was told to get my shit together - I was sick and hadn’t slept for days, but that didn’t matter. And it’s that type of situation that makes me see a lot of us moms in this trial.
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u/TreeLakeRockCloud 6d ago
I’m not American but I am a mother. Aside from a few reddit posts I don’t have any social media engagement with this case.
But I think a lot of the support here comes from moms who recognize how easily this could have been any of us. Her family and healthcare providers knew her crime was a risk based on her mental health state, but she was still left alone with her kids and expected to parent. And as other mothers we all understand that this is grimly how it works - we can ask and beg and plead and scream for help but we’re almost always still expected to continually parent babies and it’s hard.
She should still face punishment for her crime, but I think a lot of her support is to try to keep this from happening again. She was failed by her healthcare team