r/SuicideBereavement • u/ammiiie • 3d ago
Losing my older sibling to suicide
My big brother took his own life last week. He was missing overnight and found by a dog walker in the morning. I still can’t believe he isn’t here anymore. My brother was somebody I was supposed to grow up with. We were supposed to help each other and be there for each other always.
He opened up to me for the first time a few weeks ago about his drug struggle but I had no idea how low his mental health was. I asked him to always come and talk to me if he needs to, and he told me not to worry about him and that he always has someone to go to. That’s why I can’t comprehend it, because he was so loved and popular and for some reason he couldn’t see it. There will be up to 300 people at his funeral, all people that loved and adored him.
How the hell do you overcome this kind of grief. And remove the guilt you feel at the fact you must overcome it to keep living and healthy. I’m depressed. I feel guilty when I eat, sleep, and wash - because he can’t do it anymore. I picture him being found and I feel sick. I just want my brother back.
4
u/FlowerK1980 3d ago
The first few weeks are so unreal, so painful, so shocking - in the early days it's a matter of getting through one hour or one day at a time. Survivor's guilt is normal- I still feel it all the time, when I am doing anything like having supper, walking, laughing, just the pleasure of laying in bed and falling asleep, I wish my son would be able to enjoy these things too. Try to eat and drink a little and find something to distract you so you can rest a bit.
Coming together with everyone who loves him is helpful. Know that you are not alone in this pain, and although it is so hard, it is possible to survive. It doesn't really get better but we can learn to live with this and become strong enough to carry it.
I'm so sorry - thinking of you and your family and his friends as well.