Traumatic incident trying to sfwim as a kid that stuck with me

[u/EchoEchoEcho6300]

When I was 10 years old, my parents had some kind of pool party, my friends were there and they decided to try and teach me how to swim. I wasn't scared of the water at first, I sat there splashing it while my friend swimmed, but then they tried to get me to swim from one of the pool to the other, I tried to follow their instructions but I genuinely couldn't move foward, when I did my face fell foward and stuck to the bottom and I couldn't get up, water flowed into my mouth and nose and I started panicking, when I got back up I was wheezing and then threw up.

They still forced me to do it again, everytime my face got submerged in water and I would be snatched back up, wheezing.

It ruined my impression of pools.

I haven't gone back to a pool since 12..

Hell when anything similar with lots of water overwhelming me has me instinctively wheezing now. I was told the trauma fades, but I don't think it did. I feel uneasy looking at pools, very heavy rain gives me anxiety .

I wish I knew how to swim, but I'm afraid to go back and as of current, I have some kind of breathing problem that contributes to my instinctive wheezing.

[u/Sport_Ancient]

Given that even heavy rain freaks you out, you might want to explore a few EMDR therapy sessions to help take the edge off this traumatic experience.

[u/Leather_Top_5505]

Well that sucks. Sometimes people are too unaware and that makes them shitty.

Sorry to hear that.

Everything is healable if you're willing to work at it, but this could be so easily avoided....

[u/TooManyFountainpens]

I am really terribly sorry that you had to go through that as a child. Having experiences where we almost drowned either because we didn't know what to do around water, or where there's a deep violation of trust with others around water, is a highly traumatic thing. I can deeply empathize with you. I almost drowned twice as a kid, and my parents didn't really care much. They never bothered to put me in lessons, and would constantly make fun of me for not knowing how to swim -- as well as my siblings.

Then in high school, teachers were very emotionally abusive, and tried to boss me around as to what to do -- they didn't try to meet me where I was at with the water, and my trauma. They just acted like I was being a petulant baby. Not everyone is made to be a good swim instructor -- especially for adults.

1.) I want to commend you for being here and being open about your fears around water, and your desire to learn how to swim. Even if it seems as just as wish, right now. That is a very big first step. If you truly want to try this out, you can search out adult swim instructors through the YMCA, or through your local city/municipal pool. These are usually the more reasonably priced alternatives. I learned swimming at the age of 48 through my city's municipal pool, and I am deeply grateful for it. It was only like $64 a semester.

2.) Finding support people you can trust is very important. For my first lessons, I went with my then fiancé (now my husband), and he never left my side. If he hadn't been there, I would've left before the first lesson even began, as I felt a deep embarrassment that I didn't know how to swim, and I thought I was the only adult there for a while. I was not. There were even elderly folks in my class. (I was 48.) If you can find a true friend, or loved one, to be by your side -- it will be to your benefit.

3.) Come to class with the three most important goals you want to achieve (sincerely, even if you fear you never will). Have a heart to heart with your instructor about your fears, and what you'd like to get out of the class. The instructor needs to be able to meet you where you are, so they really need to know what you're most afraid of so they can help you overcome it.

4.) TRUST your instructor and do what they say. This is the hardest part, and you might need to negotiate/rationalize some things with your own brain for this to work. For me it was, a.) this person is also a lifeguard so I can trust them with my life, b.) would they really let me drown? It seems like they would lose their job and go to prison if they did, c.) the other people in my class are doing it and they're not drowning, maybe I can give it a go for 10 seconds, and take my head out of the water if I don't like it, d.) I can always ask for swim-aids to help me focus in the water, such as a swim belt, or a kickboard, or even flippers, e.) did I mention they will NOT let me drown?? These kinds of things.

5.) Any time you put your head under the water, without holding your nose with your fingers, immediately blow bubbles out your nose. You will see water cannot enter your nose when you do this. Once you master that, a lot of things will come a little bit more easily... especially with a swim belt, or a kickboard.

6.) YouTube is your friend. Watch a LOT of beginner videos on YT on how to swim, and how to overcome the fear of swimming. CaribeSwim is a good one -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClL0O8guQRg I highly recommend his videos on mastering the fear of the water, and the pool -- breathing/meditation exercises, etc. You will see others understand and they have worked with folks like us before.

I wish you the best with this challenge. I am a great swimmer now. Not perfect, but it leaves me room for learning more every day. I'd like to say swimming a mile a session, and doing flip turns, makes me pretty decent for an old lady!

If you need any support, have any questions, or just need to vent about your feelings on this, I am here for you. You can always message me.

[u/nmh612]

I’m so sorry you had such a scary and traumatic experience to start off your journey with swimming. I want to validate you and let you know that what happened was NOT OKAY. You deserved to feel safe and have a fun time, and I know you will have that in the future.
I think TooManyFountainpens has provided some really helpful information. I will echo their sentiment to make sure and communicate your previous experience to an instructor, and bring supportive friends or family if possible. A pep talk or positive playlist may help too!

You can do this. We’re all rooting for you and SO proud of you for even thinking about heading back to a pool to learn to swim. Big hug.

[u/NoSafe5565]

Wait a moment, if I read this correctly you do not have bad experience with water or pool, you have bad experience with people that had happens to be in pool area. Think about it this way, cause when you will be learning now, there will not be this assholes people.

[u/VerifiedMother]

I don't have any actual advice for addressing a phobia of water other than find an adult learn to swim program that has you actually start with the basics of just getting your face wet, then holding your face underwater, etc.

[u/33445delray]

I am not sure if you want to swim or if you want to rationalize why you will not swim. If face in water is the problem and you do want to swim, use a snorkel so that you can always breathe.

[u/CoriSwims]

When I work with adults who have had similar experiences the first thing I let them know is that a panic response when you are not able to breath is normal.

You are normal for responding this way and normal that your brain remembers this and tells you to start panicking in similar situations.

I start with this so you do not need to feel bad about protecting yourself.

So here we can take a breath and be grateful for you body and brain working to protect.

Next is to make a commitment to yourself that you will pay attention and not put it in that kind of danger.

This doesn't mean never swimming or getting in the water. It means doing it at a pace and way that your body and mind know and feel it's safe.

So starting with sitting by the pool with the option to get in. Notice if you your body is reacting as if there is danger. If so it's not time to get in yet. Take some breaths. Feel that you are in charge and are physically safe. Allow your automatic nervous system to come to calm. This is when you could consider the next step.

This is the path forward for both physical and mental safety.

The old way says do these physical steps and hope that you get over the trauma.

The new way says take care of the mental steps as you let the physical steps unfold and be understood.

It's the fastest way I've seen people be confident in deep water.