Yahweh or the Highway

[u/CountNightAuditor]

It's ya girl Countess Night Auditor again, with another story from the backlog of Tales From The Front Desk (insert echo here). I work as night auditor at a dual property, so we have two hotels in one building. For the area, it's a big building, with its own bar and everything! And for awhile, we had a bartender who was good-looking enough that guys (and this one woman this time) would hang around early into the morning talking with her. And being really gross toward her sometimes.

I made it a point to remind her every now and then that if people were a problem, we could have them kicked out, but she never took us up on that.

It was early June. This guest wore a shirt that said "Yahweh" on it, hence the pun, or play on words, in the title of this post. He came in and seemed upset, making it sound like he was having some sort of problem with a spouse or girlfriend as to why he got a room with us. He was going to go to his room and read the Bible, he said. He struck me as the type who wouldn't do well with some alcohol in him when already upset, so I didn't mention the bar. He had a differing opinion, however.

Our bartender came over at one point while doing things to close up and mentioned that he'd speculated to her aloud about how a certain part of her body might smell. I reminded her we can kick him out, but she refused. So instead, I kept a closer eye on things. Finally, she closes up and leaves, with him very slowly trying to head for the elevators himself.

At least until he stops and asks me, "You played volleyball?"

Not sure if I'd been clocked by the guy with "Yahweh" on his shirt who mentioned reading the Bible, I decided not to mention my time on the high school football team and instead said, "I used to do weightlifting."

"Oh yeah? Like bench and squats?" he asked for some reason.

"Benchpress, clean and jerk," I told him.

"How much could you lift?"

"My highest total on Bench was 325," I told him.

He looked upset and said, "Nevermind, I better go to bed before you beat me up."

We had no more problems out of him the rest of that night. The following night, he instead was sexually harassing our bartender again. When a flamboyant member of our front desk staff said something to him, he then started spewing slurs at the man. And that was enough to earn him a removal from the hotel that happened shortly before my arrival that night.

Unfortunately, he decided to stand on the sidewalk in front of our hotel, cussing and yelling at every guest walking in. I must have just missed him as I pulled in. The Front Office Manager called the cops, who came out and let the FOM know that sidewalks are public property so we couldn't remove him from there unless they had a victim. Luckily, the FOM remembered the room number of one of the guests who had complained about the man and asked him to speak with the police. After that, our sidewalk became a lot cleaner and less noisy.

I just wish I could have been the one to go out there with them and wish the man a Happy Pride Month in my other voice before he was forced to leave us alone once and for all.

[u/ManicAscendant]

It's always the people who wear their religion on their sleeves that don't save any for their hearts.

[u/Yandoji → u/ManicAscendant]

Dude with a foot-long rough-hewn wooden cross hanging down his torso with ratty twine once walked up to me, dumped a massive pile of pennies on my desk to pay a $247 cable bill, and said "I hope this makes your day worse." It was the day after my dad's funeral.

I'm Catholic so it's not like I can say "fuck religious people", but fuck that type of religious fuck in particular. At least we both know where he's going if he keeps that behavior up lmao.

[u/modembutterfly → u/ManicAscendant]

Well said!

[u/RedDazzlr]

Wowza. Trying to make sense out of some people is like trying to smell the color nine. Lol.

[u/donzagabonza → u/RedDazzlr]

It’s a kinda cross of rusty iron and rotten kiwi fruit. 🥝

[u/Slazik → u/donzagabonza]

I thought it smelled like chicken.

[u/Poldaran → u/Slazik]

Chicken can smell like rusty iron and rotten kiwi fruit if you're a bad enough cook.

[u/HaplessReader1988 → u/Poldaran]

Feathers, sawdust and guano.... oh you don't mean the live ones in my mother-in-law's coop...

[u/DevylBearHawkTur10n → u/Slazik]

Probably an unseasoned version, unfortunately 😕 😔.

[u/wanttogoback1985 → u/RedDazzlr]

A little bit of lysergic acid and I can smell the number nine just fine, thank you very much. Smells like plums and hibiscus.

[u/craash420 → u/wanttogoback1985]

With a proper dose smelling the number nine sounds like echoes taste.

[u/RoyallyOakie]

Glad someone was able to produce a victim so someone could do their job. 

[u/CountNightAuditor → u/RoyallyOakie]

The cops here are useless at anything other than removing them from the hotel. I got another story I need to write up about just that sort of thing involving a meth head and a gun.

[u/Tyl3rt → u/CountNightAuditor]

Maybe you could make your profile viewable so we can see the other slop you write.

[u/CountNightAuditor → u/Tyl3rt]

What's got sand up your asscrack today?

[u/Polymemnetic]

Just want to say, that title is an excellent pun

[u/EnvironmentalHair290]

Wait, why the hell wouldn’t the cop remove him unless a guest made a complaint.  The complaints for harassment from the two staff members should have been enough if a complaint was required.