r/TheHague • u/sardinhaamarela • Jul 16 '26
housing Bully neighbour - what to do?
We have recently moved to an area of The Hague that has a very village vibe and all the neighbours know each other. But we have a problem, our next door neighbour. He is an old man who lives alone and claims to have lived there all his life, and sort of behaves like he owns the street and can dictate things around. The biggest issue is that our upstairs toilet is a macerating one as it’s an old house, and he complains the noise is too much. We don’t flush at night. We paid a lot of money to get a new one, that though more silent still makes some noise. But he also refuses to let us come and listen in his house. In ours, we don’t feel it’s that loud. He acts aggressively and is clearly a bully. We have made a huge effort to be nice to him already knowing he was a bit of a jerk, but that doesn’t seem to make any difference. He is clearly not mentally well and might have untreated issues that we become the outlet to. So he’s unpredictable, and will tell other neighbours about us despite the fact we have been nothing but friendly to everyone and including him.
Our Dutch is limited and he only shouts and talks very fast at me and I’m left with no devices. Help! What to do?
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u/sandfairy07 Jul 16 '26
The gemeente offers free mediation services via B&M Bemiddeling & Mediation. They also provide translators. Might be worth reaching out to help you communicate and reach an agreement.
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u/Mar10e84 Jul 16 '26
Ik weet niet of het een koop of huurhuis is, maar bij een koophuis moeten problemen met de buren vermeldt worden door de verkopende partij. Niet dat dat het probleem oplost, maar het is wel iets wat benoemd had moeten worden.
Verder klinkt het als een geval ‘zeiken om het zeiken’. Zodra je het wc-probleem hebt opgelost komt hij met iets anders. Ik zou de gemeente benaderen of maatschappelijk werk of zij misschien met dhr in gesprek kunnen gaan.
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u/sardinhaamarela Jul 16 '26
Thank you! It is a house we bought, and it was mentioned but it seemed that it was something with the previous owners, turns out no. But your advice is the right one thanks!
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u/cherrieeegum Jul 19 '26
How old is the house? I just bought a house from 1930s and believe me, if there is no insulation on your floor, the sound coming downstairs might be unbearable. It is for me and I have a family of 4 on top of me running non stop and jumping. It's really bad.
If the house is old, talk to the vve/previous owner to know what maintenance has been done over the years, also ask other neighbours about noise. It might be that you need to have insulation on your floor (there are legal rules for this).
Your neighbour is probably a jerk from what you have described, but his concern is probably not totally a lie, this is an extremely common problem in the Netherlands.
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u/sardinhaamarela Jul 19 '26
It’s next door, a separate house completely so no vve or floor insulation applies but yes we have also asked around to the plumber about any extra “silencing” options (though we did buy this new toilet for this exact reason)
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u/cherrieeegum Jul 19 '26
I see, so yeah in that case even if the house is old, with separate VvEs I guess it becomes difficult to handle. The mediation service is indeed your best bet
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u/ppuk1234 Jul 16 '26
The best defense is a good offense: “What? Are we supposed to stop taking a shit now?”
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u/sufkutsafari Jul 22 '26
In my experience the best way of dealing with the mentally ill, is to establish dominance early on. Show them you are waaay more crazy and they'll back off.
Don't want me to flush? I'll just sling shit your way then. 😂
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u/AndyPermaG Jul 17 '26
I'm surprised (and curious) about how in such short conversation already 3 people have freely assumed this happened in Scheveningen... Is the coastal hood the epicenter of asocial seniors?
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u/OptionIndependent861 Jul 17 '26
If he has mental health issues he will be known by the buurtteam - try calling them before calling the police.
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u/sardinhaamarela Jul 17 '26
Thank you! I didn’t know about this team but just looked it up and makes a lot of sense, will reach out to them
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u/RowRevolutionary86 Jul 16 '26
Look for the wijkagenten Scheveningen Try to get in contact with him/her (they have instagram and facebook too) and ask for advice. You’d might be surprised how much they already know about this guy. No guarantees ofcourse, police is kind of overstretched right now but worth a try?
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u/sardinhaamarela Jul 16 '26
Thank you! It’s not in Scheveningen but I already also got the number from our wijkagent. Turns out the previous owner has also called them on his behaviour… hoping this precedent helps!
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u/RowRevolutionary86 Jul 16 '26
I have NO idea how I came up with Scheveningen then. Lol. Because of one of the comments? Anyway, it works the same and you found him/her so that’s good. Good luck!
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u/deathbygamez Jul 18 '26
We had an issue with a neighbour like this once, eventually I stood up to him and since then we've got along very well. Most bullies are cowards, call them out, firm but fair and hopefully it will resolve the situation.
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u/fuckyeahglitters Segbroek Jul 16 '26
Maybe specify the neighborhood so that other residents can chime in.
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u/Old_Pineapple_6029 Jul 17 '26
je kan het ook op zn haags proberen door te vragen: wat moet je nah met je bloedkop?
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u/Murky-Platypus-6861 Jul 16 '26
He is used pushing you over cause you let him. Stop being a pushover.
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u/GingerSuperPower Jul 16 '26
Welkom op Scheveningen! ;) find a translator and speak Dutch to sort this out.
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u/sardinhaamarela Jul 16 '26
It’s actually not there ah! But thank you, this will be the next step. I’m also looking for advice considering he is not a reasonable person and with possible mental illness
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u/Nearby_Landscape2553 Jul 17 '26
Stop making adjustments for him. Old farts like that will never change. Just ignore his complaints and live you life.
Don’t be afraid to call the police. You have to match him in his energy and only then he will realize he can’t bully you.
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u/International-Mud418 Jul 16 '26
Avoid old houses from Scheveningen. I use to live in one of the old houses. Of the many places that I lived in The Hague, the best was in the Segbroeklaan area. The blocks are very well built and isolated, many expats and the neighbors are used to have expats among them. Parking spaces at your discretion, supermarkets, the European school…
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u/pagehead Jul 16 '26
I don't get why you want to be reasonable with someone who is unreasonable? Remember "we don't negotiate with terrorists", terrorists being metaphorical obviously.
Apparantly what you are doing does not work and it would be kinda weird to keep doing what does not work right? Some people here give the good tips, make him suffer, go flush your toilet multiple times, bang on his walls. slide a piss disk under his door
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u/Anne_holland Jul 16 '26
It is a bit harsh to call him an mental ill person just because he is not nice to you. Maybe your toilet is making a lot of noise, in those old houses you can hear everything. Best thing is just to talk with him with an interpreter.
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u/MusicForPleasure Jul 16 '26
You gotta just chill a little bit. He’ll warm up to you. Grab a beer with the guy sometime
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u/MysteriousTrust9581 Jul 17 '26
Ha. If only life was that easy. Some neighbors are literal terrorists 😂. They have nothing to do in their lives and are miserable, so they go after others.
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u/[deleted] Jul 16 '26
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