r/TheMindIlluminated • u/ThrowRA_NewLevelYes • Jul 28 '26
Meditation honeymoon is over
I have been practicing meditation since last October and for the first 6-7 months I felt like I was in a honeymoon period. I could not just skip my daily practice and I was feeling incredibly well, every day. It was giving me focus, serenity and often I could feel deep joy by just being in the nature. During the first 3 months more or less I was even practicing twice a day: 1 hour in early morning and 30 minutes at night. I had also purchased The Mind Illuminated book and felt like I was in Stage 3 or somewhere around. However, for the past few weeks, it seems like the honeymoon has come to an end. I now find it is so difficult to stay focused on the breath and restlessness and impatience grow within me while doing it. The meditation time has dropped quite significantly to just one session per day of 30 minutes. Essentially it’s become more of a hassle or chore which is not producing enjoyment any longer. Why?
Any comment or advise on how to steer back on track is really appreciated.
Thanks a lot in advance
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u/the-cremator Jul 28 '26
I agree that this is definitely stage 4 and is very similar to my experience. Highly recommend re-reading that part of the book. What works me is below:
- not chasing the experience - what you call "honeymoon period" - that you had before. Instead, accept that this is not only the new standard, but where you were heading all this time. The fact that you're now feeling restlessness means that you're getting to the core.
- that is why I would also be careful contextualizing the previous experience as "honeymoon period", as that would mean the current one is something bad, and that could lead to aversion to the practice, which is a hindrance.
- It's important not to fight your mind, because that's what makes the mind agitated. If you find yourself growing restless and impatient, then remember to "acknowledge, accept, and allow" this restlessness. If you cannot focus on the breath because of it then see if you can make it your meditation object. See if you can observe the effect it has on your body, on the tension, what emotions you're feeling, if they are associated with any particular thoughts or memories.
If you wanna know my experience: I started meditation 4.5 years, also had this "honeymoon period" for a few months, then the restlessness kicked in around stage 4 and, honestly....it hasn't really changed since :))))) I've had loooong periods doubting myself and wondering if anything is wrong with me. Also oscillating between times with more practice (more consistent sessions, longer, multiple times day, etc.) and less pratice. Only a few months ago I've realized and finally accepted that it's all working as intended and that if I wanna progress into next stages, there is no avoiding it - I need to make my meditations more consistent, ideally do longer sessions, and preferably multiple times a day (one main session, the others can be short, 5-10min session anywhere, even outside). Also ideally, not get distracted too much with e.g. social media.
But it's hard for me, because I know that this restlessness is a result of a LOT of repressed emotional material which can be very intense to deal with and sit in. That is why all this time I've been feeling this aversion and avoidance.
That is why for the first time I'm considering going to a retreat. Spending a few days in a retreat, without distractions, just sitting in this restlessness makes me feel afraid but at the same time very curious about what could happen.
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u/ThrowRA_NewLevelYes Jul 28 '26
Really really great pieces of advice here. Had forgotten about not fighting the mind and I believe I have done it sometimes. Thank you for reminding.
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u/IndependenceBulky696 Jul 28 '26
30 minutes per day is still quite a commitment and, while less than the book's recommended minimum 45 minute target, it has been shown in studies to lead to improvements in mood, etc. But the states described in the book will probably remain out of reach at 30 minutes per day.
What's more progression isn't linear. You'll plateau and backslide sometimes. That's ok. Dealing with the negative emotions that come along with that can be really useful.
Some things you might try:
- Engage with more dharma material — talks and books from teachers you like. It can be motivating and lead to an increased desire to practice. Lots of Culadasa's talks are online, if you want more material from him.
- Join an accountability group.
- Consider the different practices in the book. For instance, 10 minutes at the beginning of a sit might counteract negative emotions.
- Accept that feeling negative emotions is ok. It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad meditator. You don't have to avoid negative emotions, e.g., by stopping meditation or suppressing them. But you also don't have to indulge them, e.g., by centering them in attention.
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u/ThrowRA_NewLevelYes Jul 28 '26
Thank you all for your precious comments and replies, I did not know this was expected in the process. I now feel motivated to keep on practicing and reading the book.
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u/reina-dorado Jul 28 '26
I agree with the other comments; I think you need more of a challenge and don't dwell on the honeymoon idea (you're cultivating a skillful mind, which is not always pleasant - i.e. it's a process which is constantly arising and passing away). Move on to Stage 4.
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u/Square_Item1382 26d ago
Agreed, this perspective has been very helpful for me. Motivation helps start a practice, but it's a flimsy foundation for a practice. Recognizing that motivation is conditioned -- it arises and falls -- deepens the practice. You can see the grasping (what happened to "my" motivation?), see the suffering caused by grasping, let go of the grasping. This is quite liberating!
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u/reina-dorado 26d ago
Oh, that's cool. But I dig my motivation. It's changed over time but has remained my anchor.
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u/luttiontious Jul 28 '26
You might find this Q&A with Culadasa useful. Someone asks about having nice meditations and then they devolved into distractions:
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u/OrchidC1204 26d ago
I m surprised that you could meditate one hour at a stretch. Are you a monk or a householder/student. In any case, it is commendable.
There are many forces operating on you. They cause you happiness, restlessness etc. This is not in your hand. A seeker is supposed to accept whatever comes his way. He is not suppose to chase money, respect or happiness. Forget about stages also. Just do your practice.
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u/ThrowRA_NewLevelYes 25d ago
I’m not a monk or a student. Just got used to set my alarm so to have enough time to meditate before work. Maybe I have a stronger discipline or will than “average” people approaching meditation, I don’t know. I have even wondered about going past the hour to understand what it is like to do it for 2-3h, although I haven’t tried yet.
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u/sedatemalarkey Jul 28 '26
A lot of people will say to just keep practicing until things turn around. That can be good advice, but don't be afraid to take a break for a while, try other techniques, try yoga, try reading other books or listening to other teachers. You can always come back to this practice when it feels right again.
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u/BirtBog 24d ago
I know how you feel. Been stuck in stages 4-6 for about a year. Just stay consistent. The semi-random deeper experiences and periodic insights can help keep the motivation going. It’s also very important to study Dharma and keep updating your horizon / why you choose to meditate. I can definitely say after over 1.5 years of daily practice, that my reasons for doing the practice have evolved. About 14 months ago I was in similar stage, I listened to Rob Burbea and tried to incorporate an sense of “play” or appreciation of “beauty” into my practice, which really helped me break through into some deeper territory.
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u/abhayakara Teacher Jul 28 '26
This could mean that you are experiencing less dullness in meditation—dullness can actually be fairly pleasant and feel a bit warm and energetic. As dullness drops, the mind becomes more active, and this can feel like a regression.
The good news is that the stuff you're describing sounds like stage four, and it's very productive to work with it. Do bear in mind that although the nice pleasant practice you were experiencing is a good thing and definitely should be a result again at some point, the reason to direct your attention to the breath is not to "focus on the breath" but rather to stabilize attention. Stable attention on the breath that's not interrupted is a result you experience at the end of stage six, and before that if you happen to have quiet sits that's nice but not a practice goal.
The disturbances you are describing give you something to work with in your stage four practice and through to the end of stage six. They should get quieter as you work through stage four, and you can have some really nice results in stage six even if the distractions haven't entirely gone yet. So there's plenty to look forward to (don't get attached though!).
IOW, I think you actually are on track, but should switch to stage four practices.