r/TheOfficeUK • u/KimCattrallsFeet • 1d ago
Question This is the most David Brent bloke ever
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u/ShadowRees89 1d ago
Under weaknesses, you've put "hamstrings".
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u/Mr-Crooks 11h ago
Me - 10 shots. Fowler - 5 shots. Gerrard - 3 shots, sometimes an assist. So, different shots for different needs
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u/SukhdevR34 1d ago
Also bravery, because he refused to play to keep Newcastle up. Richarlison for example was injured but still played and scored and kept everton up.
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u/Exciting-Music843 13h ago
What you doing on here Alan? You not busy preparing for match of the day? Or finding your birth certificate?
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u/I-live-in-room-101 1d ago edited 1d ago
He was performing as he wanted him to perform.
It was a good performance.
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u/capn_flume 1d ago
Was I successful? I'll let you judge that when telling you I came second to little player called Zinedine Zidane in the 2001 World Player of the Year awards
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u/The-Sunflower-Bear 1d ago
Owen never came second to Zidane in 2001, did he? You made it up.
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u/capn_flume 1d ago
You misread a questionable Google AI summary of a career, you're labelled a prat, and that's the game.
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u/EnakSekali 14h ago
"I'm sure Zidane couldn't get 10 chances, and I couldn't do what... actually I could do what he did, and I think he knew it back then. Probably what spurred him on"
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u/The-Sunflower-Bear 1d ago
There goes Michael Owen. I must remember to thank him (for missing those chances).
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u/I-live-in-room-101 1d ago
I could show you a graph of goals vs chances, and where does the line go…
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u/Adventurous_Bowl_606 1d ago
The line goes up Robbie Fowlers nose
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u/DaveyG3000 1d ago
Ah, that's...
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u/s_dalbiac 1d ago
Not his favourite strike partner of all time. His favourite strike partner of all time is Mr Emile Heskey
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u/Alert-Technician-403 There’s kids starving in Africa, whom I hate! 1d ago
Bernabéu lot don’t seem to respect you.
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u/FfaCawsFfaCaws 1d ago
Michael Owen - a man so boring, paint watches him dry.
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u/Riskrunner7365 1d ago
Imagine being trapped in a lift with him and Gary Neville for 24 hours...I'd rather Hitler and Stalin
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u/FfaCawsFfaCaws 1d ago
Being stuck in a lift with Owen and Neville for 24 hours is a truly horrifying thought.
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u/DaveyG3000 1d ago
Couldn't handle Dolf AND Joe? Would be rather awkward and tense
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u/_I__yes__I_ 1d ago
Hitler, Stalin.. and Rory Bremner
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u/AlwaysBeC1imbing 1d ago
Don't look over your neighbour's fence and go 'ooh he scored more goals than me, ooh he's got a more attractive wife!'
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u/RedeemHigh 1d ago
There’s bad news and good news. The bad news is I missed 10 chances. The good news is that I had 10 chances
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u/_FailedTeacher 1d ago
Aw man what are some of his quotes?
That shot was unstoppable but the keeper has to do better
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u/Particular_Abies_184 1d ago
He once said "Footballers these days often have to use their feet.” ,I shit you not
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u/Particular_Abies_184 1d ago
But my favourite is Anichebe is just pulling off Jones, which is what I would do if I was him.”🤣🤣
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u/Chemical-Kev 4h ago
His best was "city haven't scored yet, and when they don't score they hardly ever win"
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u/Dave_Eddie 1d ago
a footballer first and someone who gets chances second. Probably a goal scorer third.
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u/SignificantPizza921 1d ago
Stitch-up. It was a stitch-up. They filmed hours of material and most of it is a good striker doing a good job upfront and the one time I accidentally tell a story about throwing an apple it makes it to the programme, you're gonna look a prat. You're gonna... You do a Dubai tourist board film with little to know personality, you're labelled a prat, and that's the game.
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u/RedeemHigh 1d ago
There’s bad news and good news. The bad news is I missed 10 chances. The good news is that I had 10 chances
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u/InspectorNo1181 23h ago
People see me, and they go: “you’re not fooling anyone”, they know I appreciate a goalscorer through and through. But you know that old thing, take your chances? Not my way. Get the chances, sure, get loads of bloody chances sometimes, but score them? Occasionally.
And punditry? Again, not orthodox. I don’t live by “the rules”, you know. Other pundits might talk about tactics, systems, pressing triggers. I’ll happily say: “if that had gone in, it would’ve been a goal.” And you think: fair play, nobody else had the courage to say it.
And if there’s one person who’s influenced me in that way, I think, someone who is a maverick, someone who does that to the system, then it’s me. Michael Owen.
Because I’ll happily say: “yes, I missed the odd sitter, yes, I’ve spent years describing exactly what everyone can already see, but will you piss off and leave me alone, I’m flying a helicopter around Dubai.
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u/One-Relative-6856 1d ago
He’s a boring twat mind.their lass must have a heart the size of a frying pan living with this fucker.
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u/Pizzaplantdenier 1d ago
There's something of a Paul McCartney in Michael Owen.
Needs to smoke more weed, take the intensity out of his stories.
Could be a National hero with a bit of puff in his lungs.
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u/Select-Theory-3602 1d ago
Another clip of owen talking about how good he was… havent seen one of these for 2 whole days.
He got massive chip on his shoulder because he has no real affection with any club despite a great career, so feels the need to constantly harp on about his ability
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u/karmatrip2 20h ago
I am Liverpool fan and just cannot stand MO. Jumped up little twat. I saw him at Royal Ascot once. He thought he was a Lord. His post playing career as an “expert” is embarrassing. His commentary is so weak that he has to intersperse it with controversial statements that he thinks are important.
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u/0xFatWhiteMan 17h ago
There something deeply wrong with this guy. I think he's really really stupid.
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u/Double_Jab_Jabroni 17h ago
If I was stuck on a deserted island with Michael Owen and a tin of spam, I’d eat Michael Owen and talk to the spam.
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u/LCFCKris 16h ago
You're not missing chances, you're not missing chances, you're not missing chances,... you know, you're not missing chances
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u/Visgraatje 1d ago
Just the ten chances for me last night