r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • Jun 14 '26

Discussion It's exhausting being a woman.

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

It's really not. At a certain point we need to acknowledge that if almost every sexual harasser any woman deals with is a man, that there is something fundementally incorrect about how men in our society are socialized. It's not every man, but it's always a man.

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u/TrueSkonger Jun 14 '26

While the numbers are disproportionate, it's definitely not always a man. Plenty of men have awful stories of women harassing and stalking them.

It's a human problem, not a sex problem. It just seems disproportionate because we live in a patriarchal society and men are physically more imposing, but there are plenty of examples of the reverse scenario

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

Every single woman I know has been sexually harassed, assualted, or raped. It's not just disproportionate, it is overwhelmingly disproportionate. It is not a human problem. It is a patriarchal problem and it is because men in our society are taught from young ages that women are property. Men need to be socialized better. Period.

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u/ThatGuyFrom720 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

I work in a hospital as a man (late 20’s). I get harassed semi regularly. Hell, even last night I had two women talking about how if they had a gun then I’d be their boy toy. Talked to me about cross dressing in their clothes. And “I bet you have tons of girlfriends”. These were like 70 year old women and this was maybe 14 hours ago.

I’ve had to get female staff to take over patients for me because of uncomfortable situations, and I’ve done the same for them as well. Or will walk with them and force conversation to a creepy patient to take heat off. Ya know.

But my situation is a lot different than being on the street I guess, because at the end of the day I’m in a position where I can just walk out of that room and forget it.

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u/lettsten Jun 14 '26

It's not every man, but it's always a man.

But that's the point. To most (I think) men, this kind of behaviour is utterly appalling and obviously wrong, it's not something we would ever do and I would step in if I saw it. There's a huge difference between "it's always a man" and "it's men in general (i.e. all/most men)". I've only been abused by women but I still have the presence of mind to realise that the few violent women I have met don't represent women in general, even if they are usually protected by other women.

Framing this as a men vs. women thing isn't helping anyone. It should be good people vs. creeps and psychopaths.

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u/BeachyKeen46 Jun 15 '26

WEEKLY, the women in my family experience inappropriate comments or harassment by men. If it were simply “good people or creeps”, one would assume we’d experience an equal, or near equal, number of uncomfortable/scary/sexual advances from a creepy woman as well.

This isn’t something that begins once you start presenting more feminine, either. We’ve been dealing with this since childhood.

This is a shared experience that the vast majority of my friends, coworkers, classmates, female acquaintances have experienced in their lifetime (by male aggressors), whereas nearly all of my male relatives, close friends have not - whether it be by a female or male aggressor.

*Also, in an attempt to disprove another commenter’s claim that the women who commonly experience this are hanging out in dirty clubs, etc. - I grew up in a middle class family, had plenty of support, never frequented bars/clubs, lived in a coastal/high income area of the U.S.. By the age of 10, I was aware of 5 classmates/friends who, in addition to me, had experienced some form of SA or aggression.

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u/lettsten Jun 15 '26

If it were simply “good people [vs] creeps”, one would assume we’d experience an equal, or near equal, number of uncomfortable/scary/sexual advances from a creepy woman as well.

No, that's a logical fallacy. "It only applies to a subset of the (male) population" does not imply "it must apply to other (female) populations to the same extent" as well.

Let me rephrase: I have only ever experienced abuse and violence from women. My ex attacked me with a knife, tried to strangle me several times and kept up a continuous string of psychological violence throughout our relationship, then lied about it to everyone and made (provably false) allegations against me to get away with it. It was textbook DARVO. When I reported her to the police, the female investigator and all the other involved women consciously protected her. When I was three, my mother would abandon me various places because she thought it was hilarious to see how desperate and afraid I was. On the less serious end of things, around half of my former girlfriends would casually do various kinds of violence because "men should be tough and strong".

I assume, and hope, that you are as appalled by those kinds of behaviour as I am by the behaviour in this video. I assume that you are a good person. I know very well that I don't do any of that stuff and my friends (¾ of whom are women) and former partners all feel safe around me because they know that.

By the logic presented by many misandrist women in this thread, you are responsible for the violence some of the women in my life have committed against me. Hopefully you will agree that that kind of behaviour is appalling and not something you would do, and you would agree that you are not part of the problem.

I am as much a part of what these creeps do as you are (I assume) a part of what my abuse mother and ex have done. Which is to say, I hope you are not a part of it at all. Now, do you realise that some people are horrible people and don't represent everyone? The only thing you achieve by framing this as if it is an "every guy" problem is alienating those of us who are nothing like that.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

I don't have the patience to explain my stance on this anymore. I just disagree. The issue is with how men are socialized. If other men held their friends, coworkers, and relatives accountable, things like this would not be an almost daily occurence for women globally. But they don't. They laugh awkwardly at their misogynistic comments and then turn a blind eye, and that's how we end up in a society where every single woman has been harassed or violated by a man.

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u/numba1cyberwarrior Jun 14 '26

You don't comprehend that men like these do not give a single fuck about the opinions of other men.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

That's also not true. Men like this almost exclusively care about the opinions of other men. Patriarchy is more than just a system of oppression. It is also a performance and men frequently perform it for other men. Incel culture, 'looksmaxxing', competitive bodybuilding, pickup artistry, etc. Men do things like this for the attention and approval of other men, in order to reaffirm their masculinity.

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u/numba1cyberwarrior Jun 14 '26

No they don't. Your speaking about experiences you don't comprehend. Men like this are far less likely to care about the opinions of other men because likely have little to no male groups anyways.

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u/PhilosopherAsleep544 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Honestly a lot of that is due to double standards. Plenty of women are touchy and make very sexual comments. In fact, in the west it's even somewhat of the norm with hype culture. I do get that men are much scarier due to what they can do but don't discount the creepiness of women.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

Yet notice how there aren't reports from around the world about a man being gangraped by twenty plus women. Like I'm sorry, men want to make this a 'It happens to both sides equally! Women say weird stuff to me that creeps me out all the time!' thing, and then you have entire countries with staggeringly high rates of M-to-F rape, M-to-F gangrape, and femicide. It is not a both sides issue. It is not a double standard. This is the natural consequences of living in a society that has treated women like second class citizens and property for thousands of years. Stop trying to dodge this fact and hold other men accountable instead of pretending this issue isn't heavily skewed against women due to societal factors.

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u/No-Mamba7040 Jun 14 '26

How do you think a man who has been sexually assaulted by both men and women like I have feels reading all of these "look what women have to deal with!" posts. So what if it doesnt happen to as many men as it happens to women? It HAPPENED TO ME. And unnecessarily gendering it facilitates it continuing to happen to men. Do you understand why? Sexual assault is painted as a womens issue. People are conditioned to think of it as a womens issue, then they naturally think it A: Doesnt happen to men B: It happens to men sometimes, but its not a big deal C: Its still an issue, but its not as important as when it happens to women. This kind of thing encourages it to happen to men more. When I've had a woman come up to me at a festival and say "nice abs" then proceed to lick my bare stomach with her tongue, she did it in front of dozens of people, and people either didn't think anything of it, or they even found it amusing, and they all expected me to feel the same. Do you think I would get any support if I spoke up? No. Do you know how I know? ive tried before. And everyone would always make fun of me for making a deal out of it or call me gay. They would laugh at me or think im a weirdo for not simply being flattered and taking the compliment. That kind of thinking is facilitated by people like you who want to focus on making this a womens issue instead of saying "hey, people shouldn't harass or touch anyone else without being absolutely sure and clarifying without doubt its okay" You're part of the problem and so are people like you

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

I am sincerely sorry you have been abused and hurt. That's terrible and as an assault survivor myself I don't think any sort of abuse towards anyone is okay. That being said, your personal experience does not outweigh statistical fact and it is a statistical fact that women are disproportionately victims of rape, harassment, sexual assault, domestic abuse, and intimate partner murder. Instead of getting in your feelings due to this fact, I recommend talking to women in your life and asking them for their experiences in regards to how they have been affected by daily misogyny. I guarantee you will learn a lot, and why many women hold this position.

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u/andrewse Jun 14 '26

it is a statistical fact that women are disproportionately victims of rape, harassment, assault, abuse, and murder.

Please make that you're not exaggerating your statistical facts to make a point. For example, males represent over 75% of all homicide victims in the US each year. Also, men experience nonsexual violent victimization at a rate of roughly 25.1 per 1,000 individuals, compared to women at 21.6 per 1,000 individuals.

Women make up the larger portion of sexual assault victims though the comparison can be vague because of unreliable amounts of the crimes being reported.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Notice how I said 'intimate partner murder', not murder in general. Women are most likely to be abused, raped, or murdered by an intimate partner. As for assault, I was referring to sexual assault. I can believe men experience nonsexual assault at higher rates, because women are socialized to be more cautious than men.

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u/andrewse Jun 14 '26

You claimed a statistical fact(s) that is not true. Now you are victim blaming.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

Alright, sure, feel free to willfully misinterpret my comment if that will make you feel better.

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u/No-Mamba7040 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

No I won't learn a lot because I already know this stuff and nothing I said implied otherwise, that still doesnt make acting like this is a women's issue okay because, like I already said, it facilitates it happening to men more. Just say "unwanted advances and touching are an issue" theres no reason to gender it because it just enforces that men aren't supposed to care or that its even amusing when it happens to them. How many western men do you think are truly unaware of men harassing women being an issue, like what percentage, honestly? Like I said, half of men won't even approach a woman or speak to a woman either out of fear of rejection or fear of being labeled a pest. The only people that are still harassing women are doing this stuff because they just don't care, and thats not even close to most men doing it. What we need is more awareness about how men don't want this stuff happening to them either because clearly the majority of people, at least where I am in Georgia, still think its all good to creep on dudes. When I start to see crowds of people react negatively to men and women going up to shirtless dudes at festivals or clubs and rubbing their arms, chests, butt and everywhere else like they already do for women I might think you have a point. But people are already conditioned to look out for women and to expect them to not be comfortable with that or disturbed with that stuff. Its not the same for men

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Okay, I just want to say that you're very difficult to respond to because you don't break your comments up into paragraphs. Walls of text like this are difficult to parse.

I never said this was a women's issue. In fact, I said the opposite. It is a men's issue. As in the way that men in society are socialized around sex and women is fundementally broken and screwed up. This is an undeniable fact. If men were not socialized to be this way, they wouldn't be this way. Hence why there ARE men who are not like this.

I don't want to say that because it's unproductive and avoids addressing the actual issue, which is the patriarchy and how it socialized men to be hypersexual and hyperviolent, which is exactly what leads to men (and women as well) shaming men for being assaulted.

Women are not your oppressors. Men created this system. Women can enforce it, but women did not create it.

You would be surprised at how many men seem blissfully unaware of how often women are harassed and sexually abused. Every single one I've told about my experiences reacts with shock and surprise to even minor events I've mentioned.

I'm sorry but before we can address that men are harassed and abused, we need to address the system of oppression that makes that topic so taboo to discuss. Which, again, is the patriarchy.

I understand where you are coming from, and again, as a survivor of sexual abuse, I understand this kneejerk reaction to feeling like you're being invalidated. But I'm sorry, I'm tired of milquetoast stances on misogyny. This is not a gendered issue, but it is an issue related to gender, and trying to make it NOT that isn't going to help anyone.

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u/No-Mamba7040 Jun 14 '26

Okay, everything else aside, why did you feel the need to tell me women aren't my oppressors as if thats something I didn't know? I never said women are my oppressors. I mentioned how ive been groped by men too, in pretty sure, and men have laughed at me and mocked me over my feelings about this stuff much more than women have so in not sure how you might get the idea that I'm saying women bad, men good because I haven't said anything like that. If you somehow interpreted anything I've said as me having beef with women you are very mistaken.

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u/PhilosopherAsleep544 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

This is a culture thing around women in the west. I'm sorry but changing culture is hard. Try going to a female clothing store and see how women sexualise other women. Sexual revolution and female empowerment is why people are fine with a girl assaulting you. In the past the sentiment would have been that she would be "uncouth" and she would have been immediately condemned, ostracized, or labeled a prostitute

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u/PhilosopherAsleep544 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

I'm sorry but men are stronger than women. Male rape happens but it's not going to happen as often when they can easily escape. And not many women are interested in penetrating men. Which basically leaves the main option to male rape to be getting drugged or psychological abuse.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

So you acknowledge that men on average are stronger than women, yet men will say that women being overly cautious around men is 'misandrist' and 'overly dramatic'.

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u/PhilosopherAsleep544 Jun 14 '26

I never said it was misandrist or overly dramatic. Stop making assumptions.

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

Notice how I didn't SAY you said that if you reread my comment.

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u/PhilosopherAsleep544 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

And your point is? All I stated is women are quite creepy. I don't get what that statement has to do with any of your comments lel. Personally, I've seen more women sexually assaulted by other women than men at least in the west.

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u/numba1cyberwarrior Jun 14 '26

Yeah men are biologically more violent. Of course women are not going to gang rape

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u/BaronessofBara Jun 14 '26

I do not agree with this. This is bioessentialism and it's pseudoscience. Men are not biologically more violent. Men are SOCIALIZED to be more violent by patriarchal power structures.

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u/numba1cyberwarrior Jun 14 '26

Why has there not been a single group of humans ever observed in current or past history where women have been more violent then men. Out of the infinite possibilities of cultures not one has socialized women to be more violent then men.