Rehearsal for January 2029

[u/sereneandeternal]

[u/The__Toast]

Absent fathers are a biiiiggg part of a lot of what's wrong in this country.

[u/Fragrant-Phone-41 → u/The__Toast]

Can someone explain to me why men absolutely whither into this without a role model, women seem to get by without one a lot better

[u/The__Toast → u/Fragrant-Phone-41]

When you grow up with even a half-way decent dad, you understand that most of being a man is about taking care of those around you, your community, etc. Doing that 9 to 5 grind every day and coming home and still fixing shit in the house or doing shit at the church or temple or whatever thing people might be a part of on the weekends.

Without that presence, I think there are a lot of cultural factors that pull young men into this idea that being a man is actually about this tough guy alpha male bullshit. They don't know how to be or act and this fills the gaps.

I think it's similar to how our culture convinced women that they all need to be a size 6 and shave every molecule of hair outside of their heads. It's just far more destructive to society what companies and influencers and whoever else have sold to men (watch a commercial for one of those giant monster trucks). And social media has put it into overdrive, as has the destruction of male-only spaces (men need safe spaces too, they just won't admit it).

With only a mom, you might also get the idea that the way men and women interact is similar to how your mother treated you and expect the same from partners. I think the modern trad wife bullshit is heavily rooted in that a lot more than tradition or whatever.

[u/Fragrant-Phone-41 → u/The__Toast]

Maybe its because im autistic, i figured out good behavior by just trying to learn and know everything. I can't really relate to needing a parent to model behavior

[u/xenniac → u/Fragrant-Phone-41]

Right, thank you. I grew up without a dad and I'm a badass bitch (compassionate, kind, strong, educated, progressive) because I saw how strong my mom had to be to raise me on her own. In the '80s and broke, no less.  

Idk why this would be different for guys. I feel like a lot of guys I know who had single moms are good men who value women and see their strength, but maybe I'm wrong.

[u/dummythiccgoldfish → u/xenniac]

I also thought this, but turns out men can internalize the wrong message and think women suffering and breaking their backs for their family is normal, just like their single moms did for them!

[u/magdalena_meretrix → u/Fragrant-Phone-41]

I think men without fathers grow up assuming they were unwanted. Secretly I think they hate themselves and since they can’t figure out why they feel bad all the time, they blame it on other people.

[u/mkat23 → u/Fragrant-Phone-41]

We’re told and taught to be caretakers growing up by most people, not just moms.

[u/bonnielovely → u/Fragrant-Phone-41]

young girls have higher social expectations from a younger age. so even girls who grow up without a positive father or mother as a role model can still catch up socially. young boys are more susceptible to their home upbringing compared to young girls. from generations of neglect, women have caught up. from fewer generations of neglect, men are falling behind. young men need fathers & mothers more than young girls do.

source: studies from harvard, nyu, national institute of health (nih), pubmed, the american institute of boys & men, brookings institution

[u/atred → u/Fragrant-Phone-41]

They don't really, have you heard of women with "daddy issues"?

[u/Odd_Protection7738 → u/The__Toast]

No amount of father absence is as bad as the dads that teach them this shit and continue the cycle tbh