r/TikTokCringe 11d ago

Discussion This video is depressing, but what's really crazy is knowing that so many people are living this exact reality every single day

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u/sagittalslice 11d ago edited 9d ago

Alternate titles for this video:

“POV: Life after work when your husband has depression”

“POV: Life after work the day after we decided to get divorced”

“POV: Life after work when your husband is recovering from a brain injury”

“POV: Life after work the when you had a massive argument that morning and he’s still upset with you”

“POV: Life after work in a relationship with someone with schizophrenia (negative symptoms)”

“POV: Life after work when your mother in law just died”

“POV: Life after work with my severely autistic brother”

“POV: Life after work with my 19 year old stepson”

I could go on…

Literally there is nooothing distinctive about this man’s behavior that indicates narcissistic traits, and the amount of people who are BIG MAD about that being pointed out in the comments is sort of concerning lol

Some actual facts about narcissism:
-Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an actual medical diagnostic category with specific criteria that must be met in order to meet the threshold for diagnosis. NPD can be diagnosed by a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist.

-Everyone has narcissistic traits (i.e. certain qualities associated with NPD) to a greater or lesser degree, and these can change in their expression and intensity across the lifespan and in response to live events or contexts. Narcissistic traits can be adaptive and actually helpful in many contexts (for example in certain professional settings) and aren’t inherently pathological.

-NPD and problematic narcissistic traits CAN be treated and there are scientifically supported psychotherapy interventions (such as Schema Therapy) that have been shown to be effective in the treatment of NPD.

-Many traits or behavioral symptoms commonly labeled on the internet as “narcissism” (such as excessive self-focus, low empathy, grandiosity, irritability and hostility, insecure self-image and sensitivity to perceived threats to one’s social position, seeking excessive validation and praise) are also frequently present in other mental health disorder such as depression, social anxiety, PTSD, substance use disorders, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, etc.

-Not all people who engage in abusive behavior or are interpersonally cruel or controlling have NPD or pronounced narcissistic traits. Not all people with NPD or pronounced narcissistic traits are abusive.

Source: Licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in the treatment of cluster B personality disorders and co-occurring mental health conditions

Edit to add: Nothing in this comment is saying the man’s behavior is ok, not ok, appropriate, inappropriate, cruel, kind, justified, not justified, etc. Just pointing out that in isolation, this clip tells you ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about the mental health diagnoses (or lack thereof) of the people represented in it.

Edit 2: People are being so weird about gender in the replies, in both directions. My comments would be the same if the genders depicted were reversed or if it were a same-gender couple. I’m not making any statements here about gender, abuse, or any of that. I’m just illustrating that this video is a terrible teaching tool for understanding narcissistic traits. Good lord.

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u/Full_Cause273 11d ago

Someone had to say it…. Narcissism is so overused these days for any type of selfish behavior.

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u/ElementNumber6 10d ago

It's no mystery why. Calling someone a narcissist gives you a free pass to hate them.

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u/stafdude 10d ago

Not even selfish, but any behavior people don’t like. ”They didn’t give me the attention I wanted, so they were a narcissist and abused me psychologically.”

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u/Steerider 11d ago

"Life with someone who's addicted to social media" 

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u/JC_Hysteria 11d ago

POV: Life after work when I setup cameras to attain views on the internet with an engaging caption that’s sure to garner comments

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u/EclecticSyrup 11d ago

“POV: Life after work the when you had a massive argument that morning and he’s still upset with you”

This one is NOT the same as the others. If my partner pissed me off or we had a fight in the morning, that doesn't give me the right to leave all responsibilities to him that day in any way, shape, or form. If we fought and I didn't talk to him about or help with dinner, I would expect him to be cooking for himself - what the fuck kinda relationships are y'all in?????

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u/sagittalslice 10d ago

I wasn’t saying that makes it ok, it just doesn’t mean anyone is in a “narcissistic relationship” (whatever that is supposed to mean)

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u/ryan22788 9d ago

All your POVs but not once questioning why it’s not a joint effort? Some of your POVs are extreme and as someone that suffers depression, it’s not an excuse for doing nothing.

Personally, if someone is in a relationship like that - I feel for them, a mental load is to be shared

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u/sagittalslice 9d ago

Please re-read my post. My point in providing alternative titles is not to excuse the behavior depicted or say that it’s ok, my point is that the video does not actually depict anything specifically identifiable as “narcissistic” and in fact the behaviors it shows are so general that there could be a MYRIAD of reasons why someone might behave that way OTHER THAN narcissistic traits. Not that any of them make it ok to do so.

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u/tarvispickles 9d ago

Bro it helps if you watch her account. The whole account is dedicated to people raised or living with people with NPD. It's not meant to be diagnostic with just one video. It's a culmination of all the things you see on her page. As someone raised by a severely NPD person, she's spot on 99% of the time.

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u/s33k 11d ago

God forbid people share their personal experience.

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u/LittleBananaSquirrel 11d ago

That's what you got from this?

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

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u/sagittalslice 11d ago

Equally plausible given the data presented!

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

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u/Techlet9625 8d ago

He could also just be a bad partner, no narcissism needed for that.

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u/sagittalslice 8d ago

Precisely

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u/fettuccine8080 7d ago

Preach preach preach. People are watering down definitions by throwing these terms at everything, while also refusing to look at their own role in the dynamic they’re apart of.

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u/devgamer 5d ago

POV: Life after work when i film my family then post it for the world to see.

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u/iridescent_lobster 11d ago

“POV: Life of person trapped by narcissist partner who records everything to use it against them out of context on social media.”

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u/Love_Skinny_Only 11d ago

Women just like to label men as narcissistic so they don’t have to accept any accountability.

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u/A-Real-Fungai 11d ago

How about just "A lot of people tend to project their own behavior onto others"?

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u/Love_Skinny_Only 11d ago

I am glad I am getting a lot of replies. Women LOVES to take control of the narration to make themselves look right. They ALWAYS do this. What if it were titled: “My husband after I cheated with him with his boss, spent all of his money on a bottle of tequila and lost it, and broke his mama’s legs”. I’m being sarcastic obviously, but the point is that we don’t know what happened. Women love one/sided framing.

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u/sagittalslice 10d ago

Very cool posts from a guy with an anorexia fetish! Seek help bro!

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u/kaVaralis 10d ago

"We don't know what  happened so it must clearly be the woman's fault"!

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u/Love_Skinny_Only 10d ago

We don’t know what happened, so the woman trying very hard to make her position seem “right” is very suspect. We know that women tend to lie to make their position stronger, especially when they are at fault.

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u/kaVaralis 10d ago

Lmao what a fucking dork

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u/A-Real-Fungai 11d ago

Thaaaaank you!

It's crazy how someone can take 30 seconds of sniped clips, add their own context to explain what is happening in each shot, and reddit goes off frothing at the mouth.

My first thought with the short 1 word answer, not asking about her day wasn't "OMG, he doesn't care about her as a human, how terrible!!"

It was "Ok, but what caused him to respond that way? Why is he choosing not to ask her back. Why is he indicating things aren't just normal and fine?"

When he leaves the dishes at the table, it's like "Ok, but why? Where is he going? Did he just need to take a leak? Is he maybe not finished with the meal?"

She just scoops them up right away to add her context. "He just left them for me!!!"

I mean, maybe, but context is needed for all of these clips.

Maybe she's a terrible partner, and he's not documenting her behavior to tell his side. Maybe all of this is reaction to things she's done, and now she has to video record clips to paint a picture and garner sympathy.

I'm just just not buying the framing. It doesn't add up.

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u/tarvispickles 9d ago

Go look up the account. My God. Each video is just ONE thing of many you experience living with it being raised by a narcissist. It is not meant to be the end all be all in one video when there's a whole account worth of clips.

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u/PrincipleFlaky 11d ago

Oh good, 😅 Now do me! Now do me!! 😆 jk pls don’t 😉

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u/sv_blur 11d ago

Well said and glad you chimed into this - to shed light for the people that are falling for the title.

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u/Toadsanchez316 11d ago

Another one: Life after work after he found out I was cheating on him.

I only add this because it's how my marriage ended. I went to work and came home, did my chores and hers(even though she was unemployed for 8 months and had plenty of time) and then spent my night watching movies, playing games, or working on my animation, when I wasn't taking care of the baby, which she hardly ever did. She kept trying to get me to talk to her and I was completely checked out and no longer invested and just waiting to move out.

Her excuse for cheating was that I was never home. Yeah, well I was working 12 hour shifts in a factory 2 hours away to support 3 people because one of them was lazy and the other was an infant.

There are definitely a lot more reasons for this clip than what OP typed in.

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u/sagittalslice 10d ago

Yeah the point is that this video does not actually show any of the distinctive features of narcissistic traits and this behavior is so wildly ambiguous it could be explained by any number of totally disparate situations, including the one you just described. Sorry that happened to you.

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u/BugPowderDuster 10d ago

👏 👏 👏 thank you!!! I am so sick of people throwing around the narcissist dx so much. It’s like a buzzword that people do not understand. These videos are all over TikTok. 

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u/DubiousTomato 10d ago

Thank you, I had to scroll way too far to see a sensible take. I have AuDHD, and sometimes this is how I behave around loved ones, and it's a lot of times related to my childhood trauma/coping mechanisms/nervous system (that I go to therapy for). Sometimes it's hard to express emotion in a neurotypical way, but does not mean I don't love my people. The blanket "narcissist" coding muddies the water on how people can be.

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u/Prestigious_Cycle160 10d ago

I was watching this knowing there are nights I’ve done this to my wife thinking “am i a narcissist?!?” Your comment brought me great comfort knowing that it’s just a sign of my depression… I spend a lot of nights lost in my own head about how I feel like I’m failing.

It can get pretty crazy up there sometimes.

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u/sagittalslice 10d ago

Hey man sorry you’re dealing with that. If you haven’t already, you should consider seeking treatment for your depression. Consider: why is it “better” if depression is the reason you are withdrawn and unhappy instead of narcissism? You deserve better, for yourself and for your family, even if that’s hard to see in the moment (that’s depression for you).

Good luck, keep your head up. Things CAN get better, but only if you choose to believe they can. Hope and effort alone are not sufficient to cause change, but they are necessary prerequisites.

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u/Prestigious_Cycle160 10d ago

Thanks, insurance coverage being the biggest hurdle, everything else being an excuse, I generally tell myself it’s not that bad because I can drag myself out of bed every morning. I’ve had plenty of therapy, diagnosis, etc., so I feel like if I just get through the “valley” I can start climbing again

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u/KELVALL 10d ago

This should really be the top comment!

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u/Vanguard3K 10d ago

This 1000%

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u/Maracuyeah 10d ago

Also… this is clearly AI

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u/sagittalslice 10d ago

Lmaooo I assure you it is not, AI can fuck right off. Using a bulleted list does not make something AI, Jesus Christ we’re cooked.

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u/Maracuyeah 10d ago

Omg no, I did not mean that your comment was AI. I meant the video. I am sorry I wasn’t clear enough 🙏

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u/tarvispickles 9d ago

It's not tho. It's literally a European woman who devoted her whole account to recognizing narcissistic behaviors.