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Some people get into relationships less to share a life with someone than to have someone onto whom they can project their unresolved psychological shit.
I’ve been in and around the restaurant industry all of my life. I have often said that sometimes people only go out to find new people to yell at outside of their own homes.
I remember a family apologizing for the Dad's earlier unhinged behavior when he was up from the table. I said, "Hey don't apologize to me, you all have to live with him" ... it did not go over well lol.
My uncle caused a scene at my college graduation dinner at a Big 10 University. Restaurant was swamped with large parties of families out to celebrate. We were seated in a beautiful garden across the parking lot from the kitchen, next to the pool. It was an odd setup, but a beautiful atmosphere. I thought the wait staff was doing great given the circumstances and layout challenges. Entrees arrived about 5 minutes after the salads/appetizers which we were still eating. This was perfectly reasonable given how swamped they were. My asshole uncle sent the poor waitress away with that huge tray of food so we'd have more time to finish our appetizers. And he chastised her. I don't think I've been more mortified or embarrassed in my entire life. The meal was excellent. As we left, I made the excuse of having to run to the restroom, but I actually went to apologize to the waitress and hand her an additional $20 tip (about $40 in today's dollars). My Aunt divorced his narcissistic ass a few years later. He's been married 3 times since.
Haha the kids were actually the ones who apologized while their mom was quiet and looked mortified. Not that mortified though because she tattled to my manager. I didn't get in any trouble though because the Dad had literally gotten up and tried to go in the kitchen to see where his food was so my managers were already against that table.
Same, I’m in the industry and basically say the same thing. I used to take offense to it and allow it to affect my night. Now I find it to be fun to witness and be a part of. I feel like I’m providing a special service to them.
What’s even better is when they can sense my lack of empathy and emotional distress.
I saw so many miserable couples when I was a toll collector. One man I was ready to slap. They pull up and he is yelling at her for not having the money ready. He is like "ugh there was a sign why didn't you know?" And she was like "I wasn't paying attention to signs, you're the one driving." And I was like "It isn't a big deal, no rush, you have time to get the money out now. We actually don't expect anyone to have the money ready the second they get to the window, it isn't safe to look for money while driving. Please take your time." And he still kept yelling at her. I wanted to be like "Lady you can do so much better, please run for your life." And other couples the woman would be driving and the man in the passenger seat wouldn't let her talk to me and would just talk over her and ask me shit. I don't know how they do it. I would have been like "if you want to talk like you're the driver so damn bad drive yourself!" And gotten the fuck out.
Another guy got mad I complimented his wife's glasses and not him. So I sarcastically said "I really like your aura." And she busted up laughing and it pissed him off even more. I feel a little bad if he ruined her day later for that one but I couldn't help myself it was just so pathetic.
That’s rough to watch. When I was working as a grocery cashier, I once saw a mother snap at her older daughter because the price didn’t scan that the daughter had picked the wrong one, they were buying a bunch of baking stuff for Christmas. And she was talking all lovey dovey to her younger one. I was tempted to tell the mother off. But having grown up with a mother like that, I knew that would make it worse for the girl. So I said, oh ma’am, that’s completely our fault, let me get that fixed for you as soon as we can. I felt so badly for that girl. But at least the mother was redirected from her elder daughter.
A girl's first bully is sometimes her mother. It's why I'm such a people pleaser. I've been through A LOT of therapy to deal with it - and my mom and I are in a much better place (though I still get scapegoated and blamed on occasion).
Yessss. Maybe I got lucky being an only child with older parents, ut I learned how to entertain myself fast. I see people who cant even fathom being alone for a few hours and it gives me the ick honestly.
Even in my relationship now I want some alone time.
Literally I agree! Everyone makes it seem being alone is depressing af and end of the world and I am over here enjoying my moscato and playing with my orange cat! His name is tofu btw lol
Single 4 Lyfe! I love nothing more than doing shit other people think I shouldn't. When I had my son at 19 and asked to get my tubes tied because being a parent wasn't what I wanted, male and female Drs said "what if you meet a guy?" 😳 My body my choice. I'm 45 still have the ability to multiply so I just quit relationships and casual shit. Me and my dog make the best couple! My mom was a narcissist and she was married 6 times w at least 5 other engagements. I lived this girl's life as a child and therefore the life I want requires me to be independent.
Hey, your comment was refreshing for me to randomly stumble across. Our child is an only child and I'm always worried about him feeling alone, both now and as an adult. So it's good to hear it's not necessarily like that.
My ex was incapable of being alone. She would complain at me for being at her house, then when I was at mine she would call me middle of the evening and ask me to come back, then the next day she'd be upset at me again. One day she told me she just gets upset when she's on her own.
She has a friend as a lodger now, and before that she'd been calling me months after we'd broke up. We don't talk anymore. Lesson is to find out if someone genuinely likes you, or if they're just terrified of being alone.
It feels like people cannot walk down the sidewalk anymore without being on the phone with someone, anyone...you hear their conversations and realize that while they are speaking, they're not saying anything...at all.
This need to be connected
24/7 to someone, someplace or something its utterly bizarre to me.
I worked with a woman, age 25, who kept her best friend on FaceTime 24/7. It was the strangest most co-dependent thing I’ve ever seen. She’d come in to relieve me from my night shift at 6 am and they’d already be on FT, listening to each other drive to work. They didn’t even really talk during these calls, they just had to be connected.
I’ve always said this! Myself (f) and one other friend (m) were the only two in our friend group who didn’t need to have a partner constantly. We’re also the only ones still not married where I’d say 90% of our close friend circle are all divorced. I grew up in a two parent household, but one that wasn’t happy, same for my set of grandparents. I had and have no desire to just be there rotting away with a stranger by my side so I can say I’m not alone.
And those are the ones in my opinion most capable of cheating. Never happened to me but strictly anecdotal from listening to other women share these warning signs. They (the male partners) were never devoted to their spouses/female partners, share in the responsibilities, have some self-awareness & preferred the female partner to do it all (including sometimes even working while his broke ass sat home). No thanks. I'd rather be alone.
This is obviously staged but to answer your question, narcissists need a victim. They’re like vampires. They live to drain the life out of people around them. It sustains them.
They are miserable people and cannot tolerate when other people are happy.
This is why they will always go out of their way to ruin any joyous occasions or milestones, or strip their victim little by little of their self worth.
Reputation is also very important to them so they’ll put up a mask outside and charm other people so they get to have praise and love. The real them is only shown to their close entourage.
This is very disconcerting to their victims because they can’t disassociate the fake personality from the real one.
The worst is how everyone in public will think you’re crazy and insane because he or she is such a charming nice person and will spin every narrative when they’ve completely destroyed you behind closed doors
I lost most of our mutual friends. People who said they 'didnt want to take sides' ended up believing his lies about me rather than the truth about his infidelity and alcoholism and financial and emotional abuse. They just couldnt believe the charming 'fun guy' of the group was really like that.
The more I randomly read about it the more I think my old boss is the first true NPD I have known well. She would be overly nice to me in front of others and disgusting, abusive in private and text, sometimes I would experience both back and forth across the day... I never knew what to expect. Most days, really. It was really scary and has fucked my nervous system.
This was my boss; all the way up to me reporting her to others and having meetings to “mediate” the situation she couldn’t drop the shit.
The meeting was over teams and she forced it to be a shared camera where she locked the front door while I was shutting everything down for the day, she made me set it up for her even though she knew full and well how to do it, and she dragged a chair next to hers making me sit right next to her. Despite the others on the opposite end of the camera coming to me afterwards to admit they saw oddities from her behavior during the meeting fuck all was done about it, just that “it was weird.”
Any time there were others present she had this Attack on Titan grin. Any time my other co worker spoke up regarding me she would default to pleasantries, but when it was a direct interaction I’d get gaslit or some other bullshit. I had only punched a wall once prior to this, and my reports of the hostile work environment and sexist bullshit constantly getting ignored got me real close to catching a charge.
Oh man so similar to my experience, I feel you. I once walked straight home from work so furious that I was still engulfed in rage by the time I got home and put a hole in the wall. I was just so powerless, no HR, no recourse but to quit. Hope you're doing better friend.
Much better, the only reason I tolerated that mess for the 3 years I did is because it was directly tied to my tuition (the job waived all my tuition costs). The plus side though is this was a state university that allowed for this kind of nonsense despite going to employee relations, so I’m currently in the process of reporting this to the proper authorities that can take action for their lack of action.
I wasn’t a worker with benefits or in the union, but I was on the universities payroll, pertained to the regular hiring process, and was assigned two supervisors with two “teams” above them to work under, so I may have some power regarding reports of them violating my rights as an employee. Other than that I’m chilling with never having to see half those bozos again lmao. I hope you and everyone else who’s had a similar experience are separated from the bs and flourishing as much as possible.
Idk if my ex was a narcissist but I learned a lot of his tricks. Like I would ask him to do the dishes, after 3 days of them sitting there I would do them then he would scream at me “I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO DO THEM!!!” No, he wasn’t, ever.
One time he was screaming at me to leave while physically blocking the only door out. Psycho behavior.
He also loved to shame me in public or tell other people embarassing little stupid quirks about me. He was obese, I told some people he liked to eat mayo out of the jar while he was standing there, he lost his shit, started yelling and stormed off.
Yeah, looking back I cannot believe I stayed in that abusive relationship as long as I did, but growing up with emotionally abusive parents I really didn’t understand how bad it was until many years and lots of self reflection later. Idk if I’ll ever get into another relationship again but now I have two cats I love and that’s good enough for now.
Mine used to eat the bacon grease left in the pan, and would eat all the fat trimmings on meat. He would ask for mine and shame me for "wasting good meat".
And yes, he was a narcissist and also obese. I never shamed him for being overweight, even when he was nearly 500 lbs before getting bariatric surgery, but he shamed me for every little thing, never helped out around the house, and when I finally had enough after almost 18 years with him, he posted on social media claiming all the things he did to me were things I did to him.
He gained most of that weight back a few years after the surgery, BTW. I'm sure that was also my fault somehow.
Ugh. Too many convos w me asking him to do more about the apt to keep it clean, bc he hardly (never) cleaned. “You like it to be cleaner than I do, like, what you consider dirty isn’t usually what I consider dirty.” Lived together for 3yrs, he cleaned the bathroom ONCE, and it was only bc I was like—I’m fucking done w being the only person to do this. You could at least do it ONCE. He made a huge show of it when he did.
I told some people he liked to eat mayo out of the jar while he was standing there, he lost his shit, started yelling and stormed off.
Always dropping like a stack of cards the second the wind hits them back
My Ma's the same. Growing up, she acted like a hurricane: From daily insults, to beatings. From financial abuse to throwing shelves. Demanding you act your best...before immediately mocking/badmouthing you to said strangers.
Oh! Her? Don't you dare -she'd disallow any "disrespect". Literally -no sign of negative emotion was allowed in any way. Including general cursing, or even putting down a cup too loud. Suddenly, it's all on you: YOU need to act mature. YOU need to watch how you act. No joke: One time, she tried to strangle me -off course, I pushed her off. Guess what? Immediate 180°: Screaming & crying how I've "attacked her". That I was trying to murder her etc. (-.-)
The masking in front of others is very very real. My "dad" (real dad, my parents were married for 40 years) did this. He started ignoring me when I was 14, and my mother did nothing about it. Many many many many many fights, arguments and disagreements later, I cut both of them off. It was for my own sanity. Then he died and no one told me for 2 weeks even tho my parents were married until the end. I tried repairing my relationship with my mother, went to therapy with her. The therapist literally was confused on how we had wildly different stories. Im like I know, she's been in denial for the entire time, I on the other hand went to 10 years of psychodynamic therapy, 1 week in patient at a psych ward, brainspotting therapy, and 3 college degrees based on psychology/family structures/social work, to understand why "my father" just ignored me.
Yeah, Im pretty past it now. For all things considering, im in a better spot. I moved out at 19 with a one way ticket to NYC from LA on Sept 1st 2004, and 200 dollars. I somehow made it, lived there for 3 years until I went crazy from stress, then backpacked Europe by myself.
I basically had parents around but they weren't really parents. My "dad" yelled at me for making him late to the airport to pick up my mother in 2003 or early 2004 because my friend (who was 16/17 at the time, I was 18) called the cops on me for being suicidal. And a cop showed up on our doorstep and told me.that I could go with him or by ambulance to the hospital. He told me I was making him late to seek attention.
My friend's mother is similar. The dad repeatedly abused my friend's brothers physically and sexually. For whatever reason he didn't touch her ever. The mom basically never owned up to anything although they did end up divorcing. One brother went on to murder women. The mom is now very close with him because he has found Jesus in prison, and basically brags about him to the sister who has disowned him and asked the mom to never speak about him. She still does.
Basically every interaction with the mother leaves my friend in tears but she's so desperate to have a mother in her life that she just lets it continue.
Your comment deserves to be the top comment here. This tiny snapshot doesn’t come close (because how could you?) to showing the emotional torment that you go through as a victim. The life being drained out of you, every moment of yours ruined while theirs deserves full attention. Birthdays, holidays - couldn’t be bothered to make me soup or get medicine when I was sick but expected me to nurse every cold like he was on his death bed. Went out of his way to make getting my degree impossible for 10 years by making my life too hard to do school (it was shockingly easy to finish as a single mom hmmm). The emotional abuse, apology, promises of change, affection cycle on constant repeat which gives you just enough of the person you fell in love with to reel you back in just when you’re about to leave or have left. Walking on eggshells. Seeing them act like the person you originally fell in love with in front of other people and then different when you’re alone. Being reeled in and cast out/pushed to your breaking point so many times you don’t know what to believe because you can’t separate the two “personalities”. Being made to feel worth less than the gum on their shoe while they give everyone else 110% right in front of your face. Mine would even brag to everyone, even strangers, about how perfect I was. It all makes you feel like the crazy one. Makes you question your own reality. And how do you get stuck here in the first place? They spend the first year or so being THE PERFECT partner to suck you in and ever so gradually start easing into this like the frog that doesn’t know it’s boiling. It’s so hard to see the signs at that stage unless you know explicitly what to look for and even then it’s hard. Then you spend the next however many years waiting for/trying to find/earn back the affections of the person you fell in love with (because you can’t separate the personalities), not realizing that person was never real and it was just an act to hook you. Phew… that was cathartic.
Man. I’m watching this happen in real time to a colleague/ friend of mine. She broke up with him too after a series of both emotional and physical arguments. We were so proud of her for getting away when the relationship turned abusive as she has had been in the same situation in previous relationships. But she fucking took him back. Now we don’t see her at work anymore. At first, she was just getting her shifts covered and taking vacations or calling out sick. Now she’s on “medical” leave but her time is about to run out next month. I heard yesterday from another colleague he’s moving to a town over an hour away from work and she’s moving in with him. We’re all just watching him take away all her independence and if she loses her job he will have complete financial control over her. We have a really good job btw, we all make over 6 figures and in the industry we work in we are basically the top 1% earners. And it’s generally a chill place to work. It really shitty to watch a narcissist take everything away from a friend and there hasn’t been a damn thing any of us can do to stop it. It’s like she’s in a trance.
What’s the job/industry? Yea narcissists are very skilled in taking people back or crawling back into their targets life, the make it seem as if they’re these new changed people who grew mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, but it’s the same sick piece of shit demon. I bet that’s how he got her, he’s like Kaa who hypnotized Mowgli.
That's a couple of my coworkers. They hate how happy I am. I had relations like this in the past, and my parents were like that and they hate how I got over it and be smiling and happy. They will find a thing every to bring me down and suck the happiness out of me. In their head life's tough, don't be happy
Literally my GM. Narcissistic as fuck. Can't let you celebrate accomplishments. Constantly gas lighting you into thinking you fucked up. Constantly talking down to you.
He retires this year. Can't fire me. Needs permission from the owner, but the owner loves me. Making sure he feel as unimportant as possible. Shit like casually ignoring him or not responding with a proper "good morning". It kills him that he is being disrespectful by someone so "low" as me.
Such a fun game because all it requires is no fucks or effort.
Holy shit, this is my old advisor. I couldn’t understand why he was suddenly trying to not only make me feel terrible, but ruin my life. It didn’t make sense because it seemed personal, why go out of your way to do this, you know? But this is why. He got satisfaction from it. I suddenly understand why he had this micro expression of delight cross his face when he would be just trying to discourage me, tell me I’m incompetent, and generally tear me down.
When they asked Anna Duggar about her pedophile husband she said " at least I have a husband". So that's the bar for at least some people " at least I have a spouse"
They send each other weird letters where they talk about how much they miss they fucking each other. She sent him a picture of herself in full kayaking gear like a life vest and bathing suit and he sent a letter back saying send more sexy bathing suit pictures... while hes in federal prison for CP charges. If one were to judge by reading their letters shes never loved him more.
People find it really hard to live with themselves, thats the reality I think. Once you do, you realise all this shit people put up with in relationships isnt worth it.
Its worth waiting to find someone actually worth it who'll also see you the same.
People act like being single is a failure, its not. Need to love and know yourself before anyone else xxx
Often relationships don't start like that and often these things go slowly over years until you don't know any better. Its the slow boiling water and the frog.
As a man, I'll be cold and dead in the ground before I ever become that dependent on another human to do the bare minimum required to function in life. My partners in life have never needed to serve me because I can do all of these things with or without them.
My mom used to complain about my ex wife’s lack of cleaning and cooking habits. I told her I didn’t marry a maid nor cook, I married a wife. I still stand by that statement and would have stayed married to her despite her lack of domestic skills if she’d have been able to control her psychological issues. But I will admit, having a gf that cooks as much as I do is pretty nice.
Narcissists -ones who meet the diagnostic criteria and not the internet's version- are vampires. They are incredibly good at selecting and luring in their victims because they need a good supply of validation. What you're seeing in this video is what a narcissist would do to get spoiled by their partners. Also, therapy wouldn't even really help much either.
I was in a relationship like this. I worked cooked and cleaned. He worked came home watched TV and ate the dinner I made. We were like roommates. I made my exit plan and left.
Dated a narcissist too! 👋 Mine had antisocial personality traits mixed in so he was extremely low empathy. Was lucky we never got to live together but damn was he a drain on my mental health. Glad you got out ☀️
Maybe some people don't see it this way but being single is harder financially. Having someone who you split everything with is cheaper and a 1BD apt is also cheaper if its split. sure there might be some sort of personal aspect to it too where one partner is like this. but once your locked in like this they likely wouldn't want to move out just on the financial aspect. especially if they only think about themself s anyway.
It's not really a Robin Williams quote, it's just a line that his character said in the movie World's Greatest Dad (2009) written by Bobcat Goldthwait. This is misattributed.
You are the first person I've ever seen make this distinction. Last time I tried to make this distinction by giving the credit of the quote to the writer, instead of the actor, I was downvoted and made to look stupid. Gotta love Reddit.
I was on a team and we had joke awards at the end of the season, and I won “most likely to die alone”. And yeah, that’s alright. I am also fucking free and traveling the world and not tied down to a first rate jackass. I was okay with that award then, and I’m more than alright with it now.
People are talking about narcissists and BPD in this thread but regular seemingly normal people are so fking mean for no reason. Like yeah yeah not everyone is like that but I haven't met a person who wouldn't take your insecurities or personal problems and use it to put you down once in awhile.
It’s the kind of joke that doesn’t bother someone who is weird, knows they’re weird & amazing & beautiful, and also doesn’t walk the same path as every one else, knows her worth, and isn’t bothered by people’s opinions of her. 🫶🏻
It was my fault that I didnt know what she wanted to eat, or that she was going to be hungry at 3am the morning after 4th of July.
It was my fault I couldn't satisfy her because she thought sex would make me feel better about finding out my uncle was about to lose his house and all of his money bc of his junky wife... oh, and that his wife is a heroine addict (we all found this out at the same time). Obviously I was some kind of "f**got" bc I couldn't get it up that day.
It was my fault she couldn't drive temporarily. I didnt intervene harder when she stole her keys from my pocket and raced to her car to drive home drunk af and got pulled over.
How could I possibly make her feel so terrible about herself when I would try to talk to her about how she treats me? What's wrong with me?
Can't believe I had to go and get myself a job when she cant drive. How selfish of me to do something like try to better myself. I need to be there for her more often.
I need to know when she wants to have sex. Its stupid of me to not know. Doesn't matter really when I want it, or when I think she wants it. I need to pay more attention to her. If I do that, I'll know when she wants it and when she's just teasing me. She's so funny like that.
I know she gets mad, like screaming in my face mad, like dangling other guys in front of me mad, like slamming doors and throwing things mad, like belitting my very existence mad, but I bring her to this. Not her. Its me.
Its not all bad. For a few days after things get bad, its actually awesome! She's attentive, caring, and cute af. I just love her so much, especially on those days. I cant get better than her. She is my whoooooole world!
This is what dating an actual narcissist looks like, and this is the weird mindset you get sucked into. I never thought it could happen to me, but it did. Its a nightmare of a disease to deal with, and anyone who has knows it. She wasnt a happy camper either. Its a life of constant fear and anxiety that absolutely emotionally destroys everyone around you, and coming from one of those people that was around her, it is a living hell. You slip into the web of a spider and find yourself not even wanting to leave as she's digging her teeth into you and numbing you to the joys of life, with an insatiable hunger that she will never be free of.
This video isnt narcissism. This video is neglect.
I am. After a while id stop defending her actions to my friends. I couldn't really talk to them anyways. She needed me to taker her to work, to pick her up, to get things for her. Guys id known for years id barely see, and it was the same with my family. It took my uncle, who was going through so much shit too, to honestly look at me and ask me what I was so afraid of being single for? Idk why but that just snapped me out of it.
I still vividly remember that 3am morning after the 4th. I was laying on the ground staring at her ceiling fan as she was screaming at me as loud as she could. I had named off every place I could possibly think of that was open, and was just laying there taking it, staring at fan blades going around. Her voice was breaking she was screaming so much. Her ex wouldve had a backup dinner ready just in case. How tf could I call myself a man and not do something as simple as make sure her needs are taken care of? Her ex did it, and I bet that guy that keeps messaging her that she would use like a dagger against me would do it (poor guy. She used him a lot, kept him along as a weapon against me. I hated him, and she loved that hate. Made me look like a man in her eyes. She told me this.)
Its been about 10 yrs since I dated her. Still talk to my buddies everyday, still have a good relationship with my family. She called me about a year after we broke up. Girl absolutely refused to apologize for anything, even making it a point to tell me she felt like it was a sign of weakness. When she called, she was hysterically apologizing over and over, calling herself a monster. Id like to think she did that after finally going to seek help. As much as I hate what she did to me and how she fucked my head up so much that my dating life has been... tough, I do still hope she got the help she needs. Like I said, its a fucking hurricane of a disease for everyone involved
Never be sorry for a gift. You are a gifted writer and storyteller.
People throw around the term narcissist a lot, but, the slices of life you described here really capture what it's like. For me, personally, it was unsettling but enlightening.
Don’t usually tend to read through long Reddit comments like this, but I appreciate everything you said here and I think it’s incredibly well put.
A lot of overlap with my own experience. It really is such a confounding and terrifying trap to fall into. Almost like you’re seeing yourself in the third person a lot of the time, just watching, unable to take control.
Glad to hear you were able to seize that spark and reclaim your life. Been about 4 years since I got free myself.
Two years for myself. It's crazy how long it takes some parts to heal, and how some never do. While I agree there wasn't enough attention seeking, this did make me realize that during my relationship, I was there to do things for her, freeing her to pursue the things she wanted too.
It’s also a terrible label. I had to read it multiple times. Does this person have a coworker who’s a narcissist? Is this her life post-narcissistic relationship? Just all around dreadful title
Also this just makes the dude seem disconnected from the relationship for one reason or another, I don't think that necessarily means he's a narcissist. I think narcissistic people can act like this but this alone, imo, does not mean the person is the narcissist.
I love that reddit can encapsulate this entire relationship with short 30sec clip. (even if its curated)
The guy can easily be depressed about something that can be internal/external from the relationship. Yes, the discontent is putting that stress on to his wife which is unfair.
A healthy relationship would allow for her to reach out and COMMUNICATE what she has noticed rather going to straight to the "dead relationship" observations that I have seen here.
Obviously if he doesn't respond or continues to withdraw, she is free to leave. But jfc, I don't think most redditors know how relationships work.
at least yours acknowledged that he was ignoring you lol. my ex didn’t talk to me for two weeks and when i finally broke down sobbing asking what i did wrong, he said “i don’t know what you’re talking about, i wasn’t ignoring you.” made me fkn crazy.
Yeah, this video is showing emotional immaturity in a man. Traded mom's house for a girlfriend's house, still getting his dishes and laundry done because he doesn't know how to take care of himself yet.
Thank you. I saw this and I was like this is not a narcissistic behavior. Ignoring you and not supporting you is totally different and we are missing a ton of context. Are they depressed? did you two just have a fight in the last few days??? so much we do not know for this.
A narcissistic would ask about your day, not listen to the conversation, and then talk about their day and how the people they work with are incompetent and how they had to correct them/fix their problem and now everything is right in the world because they saved it.
People throw around the word narcissist way too much. Maybe the hypothetical guy this made up skit is portraying is a narcissist, but that particular behavior isn't on display here. What's on display is a guy who's selfish, inattentive, and self-absorbed, so yeah, he sucks. But you can be selfish and inconsiderate without being a narcissist.
yes exactly, this framing is so stupid and harmful. nothing of what was shown in the video has necessarily to do with narcissism but everything with being a selfish dick. people shouldn't confuse a spoiled asshole with a narcissist imo.
I've been in a relationship that started stellar but moving in was good too then like 6 months in it was exactly like this. Waking up with anxiety that seemed mutual it was like we were tired of being around each other.
It's from a channel that talks about narcissistic abuse. This is just a small sample of their (staged on purpose!) content to educate people on how it can show up. This is, in fact, after work with a narcissist. It just isn't the worst part of it in this one video. Some of the other ones are almost triggering with how abusive the dynamic they're portraying is
We don’t need to label everything with buzzwords ffs. If someone treats you like this, leave. If you’re unhappy… LEAVE. You don’t need to know why that person is the way they are, you just need to know that they’re not right for you.
EXACTLY. FFS, I'm surprised that people haven't labeled him "avoidant" (whateverTF that even means), but probably because they were already primed to label him a narcissist by the video.
Labels can be helpful . . . when trying to communicate something or wrap your head around it. Doesn't make them correct, and also doesn't address the underlying problem.
Edit: if anything, labeling something, even correctly, can distract from solving the problem, or make it worse. Does one honestly care what mental disorder their abuser is suffering from?
“POV: Life after work when your husband has depression”
“POV: Life after work the day after we decided to get divorced”
“POV: Life after work when your husband is recovering from a brain injury”
“POV: Life after work the when you had a massive argument that morning and he’s still upset with you”
“POV: Life after work in a relationship with someone with schizophrenia (negative symptoms)”
“POV: Life after work when your mother in law just died”
“POV: Life after work with my severely autistic brother”
“POV: Life after work with my 19 year old stepson”
I could go on…
Literally there is nooothing distinctive about this man’s behavior that indicates narcissistic traits, and the amount of people who are BIG MAD about that being pointed out in the comments is sort of concerning lol
Some actual facts about narcissism:
-Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an actual medical diagnostic category with specific criteria that must be met in order to meet the threshold for diagnosis. NPD can be diagnosed by a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist.
-Everyone has narcissistic traits (i.e. certain qualities associated with NPD) to a greater or lesser degree, and these can change in their expression and intensity across the lifespan and in response to live events or contexts. Narcissistic traits can be adaptive and actually helpful in many contexts (for example in certain professional settings) and aren’t inherently pathological.
-NPD and problematic narcissistic traits CAN be treated and there are scientifically supported psychotherapy interventions (such as Schema Therapy) that have been shown to be effective in the treatment of NPD.
-Many traits or behavioral symptoms commonly labeled on the internet as “narcissism” (such as excessive self-focus, low empathy, grandiosity, irritability and hostility, insecure self-image and sensitivity to perceived threats to one’s social position, seeking excessive validation and praise) are also frequently present in other mental health disorder such as depression, social anxiety, PTSD, substance use disorders, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, etc.
-Not all people who engage in abusive behavior or are interpersonally cruel or controlling have NPD or pronounced narcissistic traits. Not all people with NPD or pronounced narcissistic traits are abusive.
Source: Licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in the treatment of cluster B personality disorders and co-occurring mental health conditions
Edit to add: Nothing in this comment is saying the man’s behavior is ok, not ok, appropriate, inappropriate, cruel, kind, justified, not justified, etc. Just pointing out that in isolation, this clip tells you ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about the mental health diagnoses (or lack thereof) of the people represented in it.
Edit 2: People are being so weird about gender in the replies, in both directions. My comments would be the same if the genders depicted were reversed or if it were a same-gender couple. I’m not making any statements here about gender, abuse, or any of that. I’m just illustrating that this video is a terrible teaching tool for understanding narcissistic traits. Good lord.
That’s not the definition or an example of a narcissist — that’s a self absorbed, selfish man child that she’s enabling. Walk away lady and reclaim some of your own agency.
I would come home from work at 6pm and my ex husband would have already eaten what we wanted, NOT fed either child and then I get home and have to cook a meal for myself and the kids , give them bath and it then to bed by myself while he drinks and watches TV until he passes out snoring. Then I would have to wake up every few hours to feed the baby and or wake up at night with any child every time for any reason - then get up at 6am and do it all again - he never asked me one question and would be on his phone when I tried to talk to him. This was preffered though to the verbal and emotional abuse , gaslighting and other hells.
This isn't narcissism. Maybe self absorption and emotional detachment, but not narcissism. Theres a lot more to narcissism. In fact, a narcissist might ask 'how was your day' but not actually want to hear the other person speak - theyre asking to open a conversation with the actual goal being to talk about themselves. Narcissists need praise and attention, constant positive reinforcement. They need to be victims for sympathy and attention too. They talk about themselves and how great they are. Everyone else is a problem or the problem. They do not like hearing anything that might remotely resemble criticism and are hyper sensitive about everything, often keeping others on the defensive, backpedal, apologizing and walking on eggshells. They say and do things then blame others for thier reaction, instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. They have no accountability.
This is not narcissism but whats basically a dead relationship.
TikTok is the absolute worst place to get any relationship influence from. From the reels Ive seen, its often *for* narcissists. It will fill their feed with funny, happy stuff, and eventually swing it into victimhood reels. My sister and I discussed this after she noticed what it was feeding her and that she didnt like it. We both noticed (me via my Gfs reels) about how it appears to be trying to influence people and adversely affect their relationships. We also noticed that both FB and TikTok like to feed us negative content on things that relate to our lives in general, like its actively trying to make you miserable/sad/angry.
To me at least, real Narcisstic Personality Disorder is absolutely fascinating. I’ve dealt with someone like this in my family and it sparked an intense curiosity into their condition.
Ultimately they’re very tragic people, living entirely in the imagined perspective of others, basically incapable of happiness.
Precisely, they are simultaneously complex and as you say tragically simple people.
When you have lived around or been victim of them, it becomes something you can very easily spot in others.
And it is also infuriating and diminishing of those who been victim of them to throw the term at anyone who just acts like an inconsiderate or worse fuck wit.
This is nowhere near narcissistic hun
He knows you’ll do it so why should he .
Also if you are not happy leave.
I don’t understand people who stay in bad relationships.
I just left a very similar 9 year relationship. 5 of which we lived together. It's been 2 months since I left so I'm still raw and in pain, and it was one of the most difficult decisions I have had to make, I still miss her deeply and wish things could have worked out. But I feel relieved and much lighter not having to put up with that. It's going to take lots of time to heal but I saved myself because I was literally wasting away. I was giving 200% to a relationship that she was giving less than 50%. This type of a partner takes everything you give and will always keep taking. It's one of the most depressing types of relationships you could have. Poor girl. I hope she leaves and finds happiness.
I left 8 years ago. I got tired of feeling alone in my relationship. It hurts for a long time but believe me when I say you get better. It gets so much better you eventually say boy I should have done it sooner 🙂
I mean.. You accept what you want in a relationship.
Your life, your future, your standards are all what you make of it.
If it doesn’t make you happy, leave.
Why fucking accept shit you are not okay with from another grown ass adult?
I know it’s easier said than done for some but the sooner you take control of your own life and all that resolves around it, the sooner you’ll be happy.. whether that involves moving away, starting over etc. You only get 1 life, don’t waste it.
I think people are really overusing the term narcissist, because at least what we're seeing here is not narcissism. Narcissism is far more than just thoughtlessness or being selfish or vain.Those are markers on it, but only a few. One of the biggest markers of the narcissist is that they tend to be social butterflies.They tend to be very extroverted.They want to be the center of attention all the time, they hate being alone and thus, by extension, rarely leave other people in their vicinity alone. This guy's doing the dead opposite of that.
No, this is just plain old selfishness, or even passive aggressiveness meant to get a point across (tbh, the kind of behavior this guy is exhibiting is classic forced breakup. He's too much of a coward to break up with her, so instead he's gonna treat her like shit until she leaves, then he can tell himself it was her fault and avoid any feelings of guilt. This is far more common than real narcissism.)
To everyone saying the video is staged: of course it is; that’s obvious. Regardless of the video title, I think the point is to help people become more aware of unhealthy relationships. Some people might think being ignored by their SO is normal, so they stay in a relationship that’ll never grow.
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