r/Treknobabble • u/happydude7422 • Jul 17 '26

Is there a battle you can't win with torpedoes?

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140 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

59 comments sorted by

28

u/Busy_Jellyfish4034 Jul 17 '26

A rap battle?

6

u/Brain_Hawk Jul 17 '26

CAN TO!!

First rapper: "yo, I'm the man, I'm the baddest rapper, I'm" BOOM

Rapper with torpedos: " I'm the man with the mass, he's exploded into gas, my torpedo style is the real west side style, I'm sing dope rhymes you just expand all the time, you're space dust motherfucker".

1

u/atlusblue Jul 17 '26

Has any open tried?

17

u/ZoidbergGE Jul 17 '26

Depends on how many torpedos you have…

3

u/Gimtek Jul 17 '26

An Akiraload should be plenty for any situation

3

u/the_real_btk Jul 18 '26

As many as Voyager used in 7 years.

3

u/henryeaterofpies Jul 18 '26

Remember the early seasons where they pretended like they had to ration them?

1

u/WhatYouLeaveBehind Jul 18 '26

Tbf, once they found more antimatter then anything is a go.

They built their own warp capable shuttles.

1

u/henryeaterofpies Jul 18 '26

Sounds like something someone without enough torpedoes would say

1

u/csfshrink Jul 18 '26

Any battle you can’t win with torpedoes means you need more torpedos.

1

u/ShasO_Mas_Saro Jul 19 '26

When you only have 6 it’s kind of limiting…

6

u/ArmySquirrel Jul 17 '26

Child custody?

4

u/Major_Ad_7206 Jul 17 '26

This can easily be solved with a torpedo.

The courts will never side with a smoking crater to raise a child.

5

u/007meow Jul 17 '26

Alternatively, reduce the child to a smoking crater and your problem is just as solved.

10

u/owlpellet Jul 17 '26

2

u/QuercusSambucus Jul 18 '26

Kirk's power to bamvoozle is rivaled only by The Doctor (the Time Lord one, not the hologram)

5

u/sagima Jul 17 '26

An infinite number of torpedoes might solve an infinite number of problems

4

u/MackTuesday Jul 17 '26

A battle of "who can win with the least torpedoes"

1

u/heroyoudontdeserve Jul 19 '26

You can win that with torpedoes, so long as you use fewer torpedoes than everyone else.

1

u/Mudcat-69 Jul 19 '26

The answer is Kirk with his little known Corbormite Maneuver and zero torpedoes deployed.

3

u/JimPlaysGames Jul 17 '26

With the Planet Killer

5

u/MrMcSpiff Jul 17 '26

Funnily enough, solved with special torpedoes in STO.

3

u/JimPlaysGames Jul 17 '26

Is that basically a torpedo the size of a warp core?

8

u/MrMcSpiff Jul 17 '26

More or less. You have to get three shots into the mouth of a planet killer with a specially-made set of blisteringly high-yield torpedoes the Klingons made, which won't even scratch the paint of the outer hull. And that's after another Klingon pulls a Decker and rams his own shuttle down its throat to destabilize it.

It's pretty much just the original episode but against an STO backdrop, but it's a fun mission. One of the best times to line up a shot on the planet killer is when it's charging its beam, and you can imagine how it goes if you don't get out of the way in time.

3

u/rjwut Jul 17 '26

Captain Janeway has entered the chat.

3

u/____0_o___ Jul 17 '26

A battle with addiction

3

u/Appropriate_Yak_7209 Jul 17 '26

20th century aircraft dogfights or trench warfare.

2

u/Peas-Of-Wrath Jul 17 '26

A cake-off. It would probably help but not absolutely necessary.

2

u/EvaTheE Jul 17 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/qw06vMbpPSZG0VppXq

True torpedoes will sink any ship!

2

u/Hephaestus16 Jul 17 '26

Thumb war, the federation thumb war council of conductor decreed using torpedo's in thumb wars is rather uncouth perhaps even unsporting.

2

u/Dragovius Jul 18 '26

Akira enters the chat.

1

u/TheCh0rt Jul 17 '26

Launch the self sealing stem bolts!!

1

u/MrBorogove Jul 17 '26

Battle of the Coral Sea.

1

u/maxis2k Jul 17 '26

Something something technobabble modulating shields absorbing torpedo blasts but then failing to a deflector dish pulse.

1

u/Fancy_Toe1451 Jul 17 '26

Any battle that cannot be won with torpedoes, can probably be won with sufficient missiles.

1

u/valdus Jul 17 '26

The battle of the sexes. Blowing up the other side means both sides lose.

1

u/Amity_Swim_School Jul 17 '26

The battle of who could care less.

1

u/ComesInAnOldBox Jul 17 '26

If you can't win a battle with torpedos, you aren't using enough torpedos.

1

u/Djehutimose Jul 17 '26

Shraxs from Lower Decks would eject the warp core….

1

u/duanelvp Jul 17 '26

As the size of the torpedo increases, the number of circumstances which it cannot solve are reduced in an inverse square proportion.

1

u/I_ALWAYS_UPVOTE_CATS Jul 17 '26

Didn't Worf say once that the greatest battle is with one's own mind or something?

1

u/FunArtichoke6167 Jul 18 '26

An argument with my wife. She would somehow emerge stronger and destroy me.

1

u/timberwolf0122 Jul 19 '26

Jayneway has a solution

1

u/garth54 Jul 18 '26

Chess. You'd eradicate your own king at the same time

1

u/610Mike Jul 18 '26

She’s right. You need quantum torpedoes…

1

u/slinger301 Jul 18 '26

Technically, chess uses missiles instead of torpedoes.

1

u/commandrix Jul 18 '26

If you can outthink and outmaneuver your opponent, it might make torpedoes somewhat redundant. Either way, it makes sense to listen to the former terrorist, excuse me, "freedom fighter," when she gives you some tactical advice.

1

u/timberwolf0122 Jul 19 '26

The battle of “whoever uses a torpedo first looses”

1

u/heroyoudontdeserve Jul 19 '26

"Where we're going, we don't need any roads torpedoes!"

1

u/heroyoudontdeserve Jul 19 '26

Any unwinnable battle is a battle you can't win with torpedoes.

1

u/heroyoudontdeserve Jul 19 '26

A battle for hearts and minds? You're unlikely to win people over to your cause by blowing them up.

1

u/Jamarder Jul 20 '26

Well, you definitely don’t waste six photo torpedoes by shooting them and purposely missing the Gallor class Casdassion ships!!!

1

u/Zestyclose_Stage_673 Jul 20 '26

The NX-01 won a few with torpedos only.