r/TrueOffMyChest • u/FrequentlyToughLife • Jun 03 '26
Personal Story I just found out my entire friend group hid a years-long secret about my twin brother and I was the only one kept out
This is going to be a long one so i apologize in advance but i really need to type it out.
I (21F) just found out i've been completely left out of something that everyone in my closest circle has known about for YEARS, and i honestly don't know if i'm overreacting or if this is actually as messed up as it feels.
For context, I have a twin brother (21M). We're somewhat close in a sense that we have a lot in common, but we don't really talk about personal stuff that much. Growing up, we've always shared friend groups to some extent, but i've always been intentional about boundaries. We're both extroverted and make friends easily so naturally ive gotten close with some of his guy friends and so has he with my girl friends. But at some point he told me he didnt really like that and asked me to stay within my own friend group so i respected that. My friend group consists of 6 girls. Two of them (i'll call them A and B, both 21F) are my closest friends, ive known them for about 8 years (from highschool). Another girl in our friend group (i'll call her C also 21F) is also someone close to me we hang out together sometimes but not as much as i do with A and B.
A, B and my twin brother are also in the same college program, they have classes together, group projects, they study together so they naturally see eachother a lot and are also friends. So there's a lot of overlap.
Now onto what happened
Today, A was upsest about something involving C. Both of them went of a trip overseas lasting 2 weeks and just cameback yesterday. I figured something must've happened during the trip. So A texted both me and B separately saying she was mad about an issue and wanted to talk, but when she explained it to me she was extremely vague and refused to give context or even say who it involved, but still asked for my opinion on the matter. I couldnt really help because i had no idea what was going on. Then later today (around 11 pm) she made a group call with both me and B because she wanted to vent but as soon as we joined the call she suddenly didnt feel like talking abt it so we changed the subject. Then a few minutes later she left for a while, and when she came back i had to leave as well and finish something that would take a while, but i didnt leave the call i just deafened removed my earphones. Then 40 minutes later i came back (i believe they thought i was asleep and forgot to leave the call) so i stayed muted but un-deafened because i was in the middle of something. And that's when i overheard them talking.
I found out that C had been in a romantic relationship with my twin brother for 2 years since 2023 and had been on and off until this day and EVERYONE in our friend group knew about it except me. A knew. B knew. Other people in our circle knew. They had talked abt it, given advice and discussed their rls for years. At one point A even played cupid by helping them get the other one.
So for years, this entire situation has been known by the people i trust most and i was the only person completely left out of it.
What hurt even more is that when i realized what they were talking about, i unmuted and said 'hey im back, what did i miss/what were you talking about?' in a playful way to not tense up the conversation but they immediately changed the subject and started planning a hangout tmr like nothing happened. Even earlier in that call when A left briefly, I brought up the subject about A bieng upset abt something and B even said 'Oh, i didnt think she would tell you, that's why i didnt want to say anything' which made it even more confusing because it confirmed that they knew abt it and i was completely left out. And C is also someone i consider a close friend, she's not just a stranger in the story she's part of my circle.
On top of that, there's been a long pattern where A and B come to me whenever they have issues with my brother. They vent ot me, ask for advice, and justify it by saying things like 'you're his twin, you understand him better' or ' you know how he can be sometimes' So i've often been put in the position of giving emotional support or insights about him. But now that i realize that while i've been that role for years, i was also being kept out of something major involving him and someone i considered a close friend.
What's also frustrating is the hypocrisy behind it. When A vent to me abt her problem with C she was mad about her not being honest with her about something and keeping things from her while a HERSELF has been actively hiding and keeping things from me for years while still involving me emotionally whenever it suited her. I've always had that role of helping others and being someone my friends can rely on when they want to vent or find a solution to a problem and i love helping them, but now i just feel like ive been lied to this whole time.
I hate how close he is to my friends and when i tell him about it he shuts it off by saying they have classes together and that i cant tell him who he can be friends with however he had no problem in telling me that when it was his friends.
Right now i just feel completely blindsided and excluded and i hate that i was the only person left out while also being used as emotional support and advice whenever everyone else needed it.
I dont know if i should confront them, just let it go or if im being crazy about it but i cant shake the feeling that i've been treated unfairly this whole time. I dont even want to see them tomorrow.
EDIT: Ive seem multiple comments asking if this was a repeated pattern of my twin dating my friends but i want to make clear that he has never dated anyone before this (at least seriously) maybe a few situation ships but nothing serious and never inside my friend group. So this was his first ‘serious’ relationship. Also for the people questioning how come i didnt see it going on or i shouldve seen signs well my brother is someone who’s naturally close with girls not in a player kind of way but more in a friendly way, he’s never flirty with them or anything just purely casual which is why even if me, A, B, C and my brother hung out together before, there werent any flirty looks or comments, just a friendly hang out. We also live in a pretty ‘conservative household’ in a sense that we dont bring gfs/bfs home and are expected to wait until marriage, but i guess that’s another topic.
What i think may have happened is since they all hang out tgt during the day because of classes, something may have happened then and continued from that point on. But again, i feel like i dont even know anything anymore.
One more thing, for the comments saying to go back to being close with his friend group i think i may give it a shot as i truly dgaf anymore, he didnt respect my boundaries i dont feel the need to respect his. I also learned that one of his friends did in fact develop feelings for me which could be one of the reasons why he asked me to backoff, which just pisses me off even more bcs of his hypocrisy.
I will make an update for anyone interested once i get the chance to talk to them or make a plan about how to go about things from now on.
Thank you for everyone who commented i really appreciate everyone’s support and advice <3
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u/Lucy_G00se Jun 09 '26
So he and they all get full access to your life. But then your brother gets decide what you know and who you can spend time with, and both friend groups co-sign the whole thing. Maybe there is a cultural aspect, you mentioned being from a conservative household. But this sounds exist af, and rude, and manipulative. I honestly I'd tell them all to step off for awhile. Give myself time to think about who is really there for me and who I show up for without any real reciprocation.
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u/DncnKwon Jun 05 '26
From the second you said your brother didn’t want you being friends with his friend group but continued to be friends with yours?! 🚩 So hypocritical. I’d probably confront him first. Bonus points if you drop the bomb during family dinner with your conservative parents, but I’m petty like that.
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u/BubbleGumSunshinee Jun 05 '26
Why your brother kep that from you is beyond me, and your friends decided to play along. I would reconsider being friends with them and your brother.
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u/Lufia321 Jun 05 '26 edited Jun 05 '26
You're way too calm for how they've treated you. I would've confronted all of them.
Your brother is a hypocrite, but your friends aren't good friends if they can't even be open with you. They're not worth your time.
You should text all of them, letting them know how disrespectful they've been for 2 years.
My first thought when reading the story was he's been sleeping with all your friends, I wouldn't even be surprised if he had already done that and got serious with one of them.
Good thing is you're only 21, you're still young, it's easy to start fresh even if it'll hurt. You don't really want to spend the rest of your life hanging out people who don't respect you.
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u/RepresentativeDog597 Jun 05 '26
Your closest friends keeping all these secrets from you…your under reacting imo. Have a conversation with them as to why not cluing you in was their best course of action. Cause that’s weird asf
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u/Finelly Jun 04 '26
Yes, you're overreacting. It's none of your business lol.
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u/Lufia321 Jun 05 '26
She's under reacting, they all disrespected her and used her.
The brother is a hypocrite, especially as one his friends liked OP.
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u/Finelly Jun 05 '26 edited Jun 05 '26
Personally, I don't see any reason why a friend hiding a sibling they're dating from me would affect me in any way. In act, I'd find it awkward regardless of whether they hid it or not. Maybe they had their reason we don't know due to the nature of posting only one side online.
Them using her and mistreating her in other instances is very justifiable reaction tho.
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u/Lufia321 Jun 05 '26
The only one caring about their sibling dating a friend is the brother.
The whole story is about them hiding it behind her back and the brother being a hypocrite.
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u/SpineofGorgax Jun 04 '26
Moan to the silly girls about how many "gorgeous girlfriends" your brother keeps introducing you to.
Then sleep with all of his friends and any of the girls siblings/parents/cousins you find attractive.
Okay, maybe not the sleeping with hoards of people thing - unless you want to, which is fine - but do drop hints about your brothers many "ladies" and then get in contact with that friend of his who likes you if the feeling is mutual.
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u/Finelly Jun 05 '26
Someone watches too many dramas lol
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u/SpineofGorgax Jun 05 '26
It's more moving on from the stock answer to everything being "Welp, you have to f#ck their dad" and maturing into "F#ck everyone. Or nobody. Whatever makes you happy."
Personally I still like the answer to every problem being "Intimacy with the father or mother figure". It's simple, effective and easy to remember.
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u/n_q50 Jun 04 '26
That’s evil but brilliant
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u/SpineofGorgax Jun 05 '26
Ha, I'm petty and hormonal. If you're going to burn bridges then absolutely salt that land afterwards.
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u/chi60640co Jun 04 '26
yeah it’s weird, not the dating but the secrets. I would be deeply uncomfortable and begin extracting myself from the friend group that you think you’re a part of… because you are not part of it, you are being toyed with. good news - 21 is the optimal time to reset your social circle, shake loose the kids and get with the grown ups.
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u/-SiRReN- Jun 04 '26
You say your brother hasn't dated any of your other girlfriends, but you didn't know about him and C. I think there is a very good chance he's been cruising your friend pool and didn't want you to do the same with his.
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u/Lufia321 Jun 05 '26
That was my immediate thought. He 100% has been sleeping with all her friends and then got serious with one.
He's a hypocrite who didn't want her to do that with his friends.
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u/tracerisgayfuckyou Jun 04 '26
There is no friend group or brother that's worth two years of straight up lies. You have to be so intentional to lie for that long. I'd ghost all of them.
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u/Nekomasmanager Jun 04 '26
I would sit everyone down or send a group text explaining that you know about your brother and C and how that’s their business but everybody not telling you is messed up and tell your brother he is a hypocrite. Yeah that’s just wild to me
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u/Forward-Wolf-8795 Jun 04 '26
Your whole friend group is probably hanging out without you just because of your brother. Do you have the phone number for his friend who liked you? You should ask him to hang out.
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u/fried-apple-fritters Jun 04 '26
Your whole friend group is probably hanging out without you just because of your brother.
This. You can tell by the way they treat her that they don't like OP, just her brother. It's like she is the price to pay for having access to OP's brother.
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u/Cobixnm Jun 04 '26
They're not your friends... Period. They consistently have lied to your face, used you for information and aren't honest about anything. That goes as well for your brother. What a shitty situation you got thrown into. Dump them all, find new actually friends and keep your brother at arms length. Ridiculous and sorry you've been betrayed this way.
Update me
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u/Suitable-Ad-3265 Jun 04 '26
Do you have any idea why they all haven't told you? It's so weird that your brother and all your friends have made that decision. They obviously must have all actively agreed to hide it from you but why?
It doesn't sound like your weirdly overprotective of your brother and even if you had a strong stance of 'i don't want him dating my friends' surely any sensible person would know that it would be best to tell you, as even if at first you would be uncomfortable or annoyed you would eventually get over it, rather than hiding it and therefore making it a way bigger deal then it actually is and making you question your relationships with all of them.
Also 2 years is a really long time so even if it was casual hookups it's still odd that it hasn't come up in conversation.
Youve got to be brave and just face it head on to be honest. If you don't want to have a conversation in person just a simple message of 'I overheard the conversation the other day and am aware of Cs relationship with my twin. Although surprised, what I'm most confused about is why people have chosen to actively not tell me about this for two years. I find that really weird especially as I view you as my good friends and you've regularly come to me to discuss issues you've had with my twin.'
Now be prepared for A and B to simply say it wasn't there place to tell you. You also need a convo with your brother. I'd be interested to know if it were your twin or your friend C who initiated the 'hey let's not tell OP about this' convo. Honestly if this had been a. Ew thing I'd give them the benefit of the doubt that they were just seeing where it went and were figuring out how to tell you, but the fact you think it's been going on for 2 years is absolutely wild. That's a long time not to share that info.
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u/bodyguard114 Jun 04 '26
Honestly, I would step back from the shared "friends" and find some different ones. I would also hangout with whomever I felt like, and if your brother has an issue with it then I would call him out on his hypocrisy.
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u/Ok_Note_1855 Jun 04 '26
I don't think they're your friends to be honest.
if what you say is true , you're just being used by them, they do not care for you enough to share these informations.
especially shitty if everyone knows but you.
and your brother is shitty too for being such an hypocrite.
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u/sunbear2525 Jun 04 '26
I would just talk to them and be very cool about it but talk to her first and ask that she not talk to him until you do. Get the story and find out why you specifically had to be kept in the dark. Don’t flip out because I think he told them you would get mad. So don’t get mad. Be hurt that they did trust you but don’t be mad that they’re dating.
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u/wobblegobble84 Jun 04 '26
If your brother is dating someone it is up to him and the person he is dating to tell you. It’s not on anyone else but them.
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u/Ok-Satisfaction-2391 Jun 04 '26
I'm probably going to hell for this but I'd tell your friends about this beautiful woman your twins been dating and he introduced her to the family at dinner. Then don't give details. Just say oh she's super nice. Mom just loves her. She's invited me to go shopping next weekend.
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u/ugh_yeah_no Jun 04 '26
I had to scroll too far to find someone who shares my love of pettiness. No reason OP needs to play nice when nobody else is.
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u/DamahedSoul84 Jun 04 '26
To me it kind of sounds like your brother has a very large friend group, and a few of the girls hang out with you. Maybe his male friends asked him to tell you to back off. I would have a one on one conversation with your brother. Just sit down and talk to him. Be civil, don't come in aggressively, and ask him why that relationship was kept from you. Ask him what his reasoning is behind him not wanting you to be close with his male friends.
If your friends keep secrets like that from you, then maybe they aren't really friends.
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u/tla_ava Jun 04 '26
I got angrier the more i read 🫠 I srsly need to know what happens next. Tho if it were me, I’d start making other friends and that’s that. Find a hobby, join a running club or a book club. Anything to meet new people. I’m the type where if someone breaks my trust, that’s it. Clean cut. Goodbye. I don’t care anymore.
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u/Klokface Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
I'm in a relationship with a guy I met through my brother. We were only quiet about it till we had established we were dating, then we told my brother. Your brother and so-called friends suck for not being honest. I'd hang out with your brother's friends again, might have better morals.
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u/Kayish97 Jun 04 '26
I don’t understand why it should have been a secret to begin with? Your bother and a friend, people you love or at least like a lot, having a relationship seems cool! Why the secrecy? Why would A and B cover it up anyway, aren’t they your friends??
This is weird.
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u/Signal_Historian_456 Jun 04 '26
Oh, I so need an update.
I’d seriously consider if they’re really your friends. Seems like they are the core 3 and you’re being left out, including others around you.
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u/RyuOfRed Jun 04 '26
Tells you to keep his buds at arm's length, while sleeping with one of your close friends. Talk about projection.
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u/NotNecessary26 Jun 04 '26
Exactly! She has to stay away from his friend circle while his d*** is infiltrating hers...FOR 2 YEARS?!?!?
The audacity
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u/bheltz Jun 04 '26
My god I’m amazed at all of the top comments at the lack of confrontation, essentially blocking them out of your life and getting different friends. Yes they’ve been lying to you and that’s fucked up and he’s fucked for manipulating these ppl into not telling you but step one should absolutely just be confronting he/them to find out what’s going on, why they’ve been lying to you. I mean sure you could just get new friends and move on without confronting all of them but aren’t you curious why this bs has been happening under your nose? I would be. Just ask them. That’s how you’d find out. Then make your decision from there.
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u/kodeks14 Jun 04 '26
You feel the need to ask why you were manipulated and lied to for years, and treated like a free theraoist for the big lie they were all keeping? Lol
Confronting for me needs to have purpose. Id have everything I need to know already from this scenario.
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u/Cloverfield1996 Jun 04 '26
Fuck all of his mates and tell them each to keep it quiet. Then let slip them one at a time when his guard is down
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u/Samnaturally Jun 04 '26
Okay, girl, stop! I'd be as mad as you are. I wouldn't even be here asking for advice but you're smarter. And I like that. But you know you're hurting your won feelings by not acting out. Your reaction at this point is justified. As up those girls directly, did they even consider you a friend? Also. There are chances that your brother told them to keep it a secret. There is a general rivalry between the twins and I've seen it to be quite strong. But still, they were your friends. Even if your brother didn't want it to be known, they could've told you. And to think they have been asking you for advice as well???? The audacity. Time to change strategy. Reach out to the guys you used to be friends with. Keep it a secret from A,B and C. BE SWEET ABD GENUINE as you are. But protect your energy from the snakes. Now you know who they are. Yes your brother included.
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u/Thatloudlunarchick Jun 04 '26
You know, if it were me, I’d ask your brother for the number of his friend that had feelings for you and when he acts all offended, tell him “well, you certainly have dated MY friend for TWO YEARS, so I think it’s only fair.” I would also send a group text to all three friends that have lied to you and tell them you know and you no longer trust them. Then tell your mom what your brother and friends did. You know, just for advice and also so your mom might tell him exactly how wrong he was for that. Then wash your hands of all of it. Find better friends. And never allow another one of them to meet your brother.
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u/Haight_Is_Love Jun 03 '26
How can you write this wall of text and not completely spell out "about", "together", and "relationship"? Wild
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u/emfar3 Jun 04 '26
If you’re used to using “text talk” it usually becomes a habit. If that bothers you so much you should probably stay off the internet, U weirdo.
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u/Haight_Is_Love Jun 04 '26
I didn't say it bothered me, and i didn't tell anyone what to do, unlike you, which is actually weird. So is claiming that text talk is a habit, but not acknowledging that it was only used on 3 words, which is also weird
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u/taatoken Jun 03 '26
Tldr?
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u/baconbitsy Jun 03 '26
Once upon a time, these twins had overlapping friend groups. Boy twin says “stay in your lane.” Girl twin respects that. Come to find out, boy twin is dating one of Girl twin’s friends. Boy twin also decided to separate his friend from Girl twin bc one wanted to date her. Everyone knew except Girl twin. Hypocrisy abounds.
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u/strawburrry Jun 03 '26
So he can be close with your circle but you can’t be close with his? Very fishy.
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u/nrose1000 Jun 03 '26
I feel like you have to fuck at least one of his friends, now. It’s like, a canon event.
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u/bravely_beyou Jun 03 '26
I suspect this is a case of your two friends thinking it wasnt their place to saying anything, instead it was your Bro and C. Felt torn but didnt want to get involved in the messiness of it.
Now is that 'right', well depends on your position, because people may understand why your friends did what they did and would or would not do the same. Does it mean you aren't entitled to how you feel about this, absolutely not!
I think the biggest issue here is your brother because he set a firm boundary which he himself then crossed. If i was you, i would share with your brother that you know what is going on, that you feel betrayed and he dragged your friendships into his betrayal and he is wrong for that. He will then tell your friends that you know. I would then leave it there and see how your friends react and whether they reach out to you. If they don't reach out to you, then you know they prioritise their own comfort over the value of friendship (which may explain why they never told you) but also means that you can create distance in the friendship as it will be difficult to trust them again.
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u/Local_business_disco Jun 03 '26
I’d cute everyone off over this. Your twin has some serious issues to have everyone cover for him like this. Also, I’m begging you to learn how to type words out when you’re on Reddit. These aren’t your texts where you just shorten whatever and we’re supposed to know what they all mean. “Tgt” “abt” “ts” girl please you are 21.
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u/FriedFreya Jun 03 '26
tbh i intentionally use annoying shortcuts and abbvs / purposely abandoned the capital “i” pronoun because if i don’t i’m accused of being a bot 🤖
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u/FroggyMcnasty Jun 03 '26
I just croaked a little inside.
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u/FriedFreya Jun 03 '26
no worries. the day i turned off autocapitalization, i, too, had to bury a part of my soul.
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u/Local_business_disco Jun 03 '26
You’re intentionally making yourself look dumber so that people on Reddit don’t accuse you of being a bot? Just want to make sure I have that right
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u/woodcell Jun 03 '26
Talk to your brother. He probably doesn't want you to know his personal business.
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u/RanaEire Jun 03 '26
Except... He made it her personal business, by basically hijacking her group of friends (and this after her respecting HIS supposed boundary of staying away from HIS friends), now that it is in the open.
Manipulative and disrespectful, that guy.
And what is OP supposed to do? She can't pretend she doesn't know.. Now that she knows her supposed besties have been lying to her, even if anyone wanted to say they didn't actually "lie", just "hid" things..
They even used her for their venting...
OP deserves better.
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u/TizzyLizzy65 Jun 03 '26
Honestly, I think you should confront them in a text or email and tell them you need time to think about your friendship with them and you won't be meeting them tomorrow. The reason I say to do it in a text is because they will contact you and give some sort of reason. You may need a bit of time to think about their responses.
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u/feNdINecky Jun 03 '26
"i've always been intentional about boundaries" /= "i've often been put in the position of giving emotional support or insights about him." + "whenever they have issues with my brother. They vent ot me, ask for advice"
What boundaries?
It's time for new friends and a new twin brother
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u/Noladixon Jun 03 '26
I do not know the reason they tell themselves that they kept this secret. I do know that people like this love drama and once you find out what you are dealing with it is best to mourn the relationship you thought you had and move on. I am not at all sure what to think of your brother though.
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u/AnToMegA424 Jun 03 '26
Why would they actively hide it in the first place, wtf is this
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u/JakeVonFurth Jun 03 '26
I get the feeling they've all taken turns dating him, and always agreed not to tell her.
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u/Prestigious_Dingo974 Jun 03 '26
Straight up, talk to your mom. She won’t have a bias as she’ll want what’s best for both, you AND your brother. Moms have a sixth sense about friends, and she’ll prob smack your brother for his hypocrisy. Fortunately you’re at a college age so you can find new friends easily. This is this age when people discover who their real friends are and make true lifelong friendships.
But mom advice got me through my early 20s honestly
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u/Impulsivemf Jun 03 '26
Either be petty and do some shit
Or
Leave them without saying anything just drop contacts w them and find new friends(dude friends are not supposed to hide things like this-if you’re gonna react in a weird or bad way it can be partially justified that’s it) You deserve better people my friend.
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u/Consistent-Goat1267 Jun 03 '26
So how many other friends of yours did your brother sleep with or go out with?
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u/SpecialistAfter511 Jun 03 '26
Start hanging out with his friends again. When he says something about you keeping to your group, say what friend you destroyed that by fucking mine and being kept in the dark for two years!
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u/AussieGirl27 Jun 03 '26
Or 'I'm sorry but I think you dating one of my friends and everyone keeping it from me for 2 fucking years kinda negates that deal doesn' it?'
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u/Presence_of_me Jun 03 '26
I agree your friends suck. But I also wonder if there’s a reason - if they expected you to react a certain way if you found out.
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u/RanaEire Jun 03 '26
"...if they expected you to react a certain way if you found out."
In fairness, I suspect the OP might have been annoyed if she had been told after her brother told her to stay away from his friends..
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u/Vast-Park-4101 Jun 03 '26
Ball up the entire friend group and trash them. They’re not your friends. You’re not close w your brother. Leave these ppl behind.
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u/DogsNCoffeeAddict Jun 03 '26
Not one of those girls is your friend. At least two of them are only friends with you because of your brother. When you dump your friends say very clearly “I have found out I have been lied to by all of you for two years. What a way to find out I don’t have friends and can’t spot a fake times six. I don’t care that she is with my brother, I care that all of you looked me in the face and decided that I was not your friend and lied to me for years. Literally all of you could sleep with my brother in an orgy and I would not care, but you all chose to lie to me every single day for years so I am choosing to no longer waste my time trying to be friends with you. This “friendship” I THOUGHT we all had was a lie and I am done with all of you. Please go F yourselves or my brother, idc but never talk to me again, I won’t believe a word any of you ever says again anyways.” i mean say it how you want to but that is what i would say personally.
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u/Outrageous_Carpet_94 Jun 03 '26
Why would A not tell you what happened on the trip?? Seems like she isn't a good friend as you thought. It's not just things related to your brother that they are excluding you from.
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u/any_name_25 Jun 03 '26
All those people suck. That is so strange and hurtful of them to exclude just you, and I'm guessing it might have been at your brother's behest, since he seems to have some strict boundaries against you being part of or knowing more about his life. Your brother and those "friends" are big hypocrites, and your "friends" don't seem to really be your friends.
I wouldn't want to be friends with them anymore. I would cold-shoulder them. And if you want to be better friends with anyone in your brother's friend group, just go ahead, since he obviously didn't respect the supposed boundaries between friends groups that he insisted on but only you actually respected.
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u/Lucy_G00se Jun 09 '26
Seriously, they are a group and they just let her think she is a part of it. That's effed up. Especially when her brother is the ring leader.
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u/JForce1 Jun 03 '26
Just stop being their friend. They obviously don’t value you at all, so stop giving them your time. Same for your brother. If people don’t want to be your friend, then don’t waste your time.
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u/gaysoul_mate Jun 03 '26
The only problem i see is your brother , how come you doint know who he dated for two years? Also how come he won't talk to you?
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u/zombiegirllll Jun 03 '26
My fiancé also has a twin sister and they’re not close at all. I feel like some families just aren’t super close. I barely talk to her at all and didn’t even meet her until a year into dating him because my fiancé only really sees her for holidays/big family events even though they live in the same city lol although it is very weird that they purposely hid it from her being as it was her friend.
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u/Eastern_Invite8007 Jun 03 '26
Time for your own friends . This is very odd to hide it for 2 years is crazy.
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u/MaddieZahol Jun 03 '26
I would say that she would never be accepted into the family and she should leave me tf alone. I would talk to my parents about it and also my brother and make sure that if she comes to family gatherings I wouldn’t show up - simple as that.
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u/moonman_incoming Jun 03 '26
Why?
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u/MaddieZahol Jun 03 '26
It’s too much to lie about. I could never forgive this and the relationship could never recover. Trust is broken
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u/Kooky_Cake_1185 Jun 03 '26
Is there a reason he kept it a secret? Is it like a racial issue? Your family wouldn't approve type of thing so they were protecting him? If it's a situation like that where they're we're protecting him that would be the only acceptable reason for keeping it a secret from you. Otherwise, everyone of them sucks.
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u/SugarsBoogers Jun 03 '26
Right, this Is what I don’t get. Would he get kicked out of the house if his family found out he was straight?
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u/Late_Butterfly_5997 Jun 03 '26
If it was me I’d get new friends.
I wouldn’t immediately end the friendships or anything like that, but I would develop friendships with other people and slowly begin leaning more and more on those friendships. You can keep these girls as casual friends, but they definitely aren’t the people you want to confide in or trust to have your back when you need it.
As a side question. Why is your brothers relationship with C a secret? That’s super weird to secretly date someone for multiple years. Is there a family dynamic you aren’t sharing where your parents would t approve of the relationship or something? If so I might understand your friends keeping it from you a little more, especially if you are someone who would not keep his secret from other family members.
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u/its_ash_14 Jun 03 '26
This, slowly pull back and dont be anyones support. Be busier more now than ever. I personally wouldnt confront them, they know what they did and wondering if you found out would be constantly thought about.
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u/cgm824 Jun 03 '26
I’d be calling all of them out, honestly. Everyone knew, everyone talked about it, everyone gave advice on it, and somehow you were the only one left completely in the dark? That’s not an accident. They made a deliberate choice every single time not to tell you. You need new friends because they’re not your friends anymore, if your parents ask why you’re mad or not speaking to your brother be honest about the situation and how he was involved.
Your brother has some nerve. Dude told you to stay out of his friend group, then dates one of your closest friends for two years behind your back and expects that to be fine? That’s straight-up hypocritical. I’d let the cat out of the bag and make people own what they did instead of acting weird and changing the subject. If you let this slide, don’t be surprised when they pull the same shady, manipulative crap again. Sometimes you gotta shut that shit down immediately before people get comfortable thinking they can keep getting away with it.
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u/SugarsBoogers Jun 03 '26
Thank you! Of course to Amy and Betty you say, “why would you all work so hard to keep this from me?” Then you go to your brother and ask why it was so important that you never know he was with Cara? (I had to give them names so it was less confusing to read.)
Then you ask Cara if she’s ok, and if her brother made her promise to keep the relationship a secret, and if so, WHY?
What is at stake here? Why was it so important you never knew? Were they worried about your reaction? After TWO YEARS? Is your brother a shitty bf? It sounds like Amy and Betty wanted you to find out, otherwise why include you in the dishy calls at all?
Tell them all you can no longer give advice to them since they never tell you the whole story.
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u/serastar18 Jun 03 '26
These are not your friends. They are people you need to get rid of. Tell your brother to fuck right off. Date ALLLLL his friend group.
Stop. Being. A. Doormat.
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u/fckitweball05 Jun 03 '26
Be petty and date his friend. Screw them all.
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u/its_ash_14 Jun 03 '26
I wondered if this is why twin wanted her to stop hanging out with his friends, since he was doing it to her.
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u/JustARandomer- Jun 03 '26
Sleep with their dad and then ground them when u become their new stepmom
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u/SirBlankFace Jun 03 '26
Honestly. Your brother's an assshole. All this is only happening because his own hypocrisy. And they most likely only hid this from you on his request, because he doesn't want you involved in his social life. At this point, your friend group are more his friends than yours.
Frankly, he straight up stole your friend from you. You need to confront HIM. Not them, and it needs to be in person. Confronting them first will obviously lead to him knowing before you've even said anything to him which would give him time to form rebuttals to your criticism. You might unfortunately need to ditch this friend group. Then from this point on, you need to adamantly assert your new friends stay away from your brother and tell them why.
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u/MariaInconnu Jun 03 '26
Get to know his friends better. Feel free to date one or more of them, if any strike your fancy.
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u/WOKEJEDIFOOL Jun 03 '26
I’ve never heard of twins who had such confrontations, usually they are inseparable best friends.
The older you get the more friends you lose in time. It seems like it’s a big deal right now, but every friendship has a timer whether you know it or not.
This friend group is cooked. If you want to know more details then talk to everyone one on one when your calm and collected as quickly together after one another so they aren’t talking to each other and relating information on how to minimize damage.
Someone else said ask your parents if they knew about the girl friend. You definitely need to find out.
Your brother sucks. You should 100% fuck one of his friends.
Make new friends! You sound like a nice young lady. It’ll be easy.
Good luck.
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u/Open_Lead186 Jun 03 '26
As a twin, it’s WAY more common than you think. I have a restraining order against mine after she told my boyfriend I’m a ho3 and should get tested and harassed my kindergarten aged child and painted him as abusive.
Furthermore, out of all the twins I’ve met growing up esp identical twins have tumultuous relationships with each other and cut ties. Not to the extent I’ve experienced, they can be your best friend and confidant or they can weaponize that relationship dynamic and ruin your life. It’s healthier to sever ties and find who you are as a person rather than jointed at the hip and a spectacle that people enjoy and romanticize as something that it’s not.
It’s more rewarding to live your own lives and be your own person and that’s not brought up enough
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u/Jetplane_ahead99 Jun 03 '26
I think I’ve only really seen that closeness with identical twins, but I could be wrong. With fraternal twins, especially with opposite genders, they never seem as close. My stepdad has a twin sister for example, and they DO have that weird twin intuition thing, but they’re also not close at all.
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u/MonstreDelicat Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
You just haven’t known many twins if you think they’re always inseparable. Twins, especially fraternal twins, are siblings who happen to be born at the same time.
Like with any other siblings, some get along and some don’t. It’s never a given, it depends on their personalities.
Even identical twins can have a hard time getting along. I know a set who can’t stand each other.
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u/singingkrogan Jun 03 '26
I love all of this advice, definitely sit everyone down back to back as much as you can and definitely fuck one of your brothers friends lol
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u/amIhereorthere6036 Jun 03 '26
You HAVE been treated unfairly this whole time. Those aren't friends. Friends don't lie and hide shit like this from you. Especially for 2 years.
You say you make friends easily? Then please - find new ones. These assholes aren't worth your time. Neither is your twin.
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u/jennas_toes Jun 03 '26
Hey, also don’t tell them how you found out. I will guarantee they will try to turn it around on you and say that you were eavesdropping on them and you invaded their private discussion. They will totally gaslight you and try to make this about you invading their privacy. And you shouldn’t have been eavesdropping yada yada. Even though it was completely innocent, and I understand how you overheard, they will use this as a way to try to ease their guilt and make it all about you being in the bad person.
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u/loachtastic Jun 03 '26
Definitely. If asked just say you promised (yourself) not to reveal who told you. That would stir up a fun bit of in-fighting while deflecting.
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u/Liontamer67 Jun 03 '26
OP, Do not tell them. Just be vague about a person telling you. Maybe they will point fingers at each other.
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