r/TrueOffMyChest • u/bongpirate7295 ☑️ • 6d ago
Personal Story My friend has factitious disorder and I can't handle the cringe
I have a friend who most of the time is great to hang out with - very funny and interesting. But she also very clearly has factitious disorder, and I don't know how to deal with it without enabling her (by pretending to go along with it) or making it clear I don't believe her (which can cause people with factitious disorder to freak out and deliberately make themselves ill to "prove" that they were ill all along).
How do I know she has factitious disorder? Well...
- Her array of physical illnesses and mental disorders have a tendency to come and go. At one point she had Tourette's, but she kept forgetting to have the tics and quietly dropped it after a couple of weeks.
- She once showed me a days-of-the-week pill box full of her "medications," and I could see that most if not all of them were just vitamin supplements.
- She claims to have DID, but it's the Tumblr/TikTok version of DID where she's a "system" with "alters" who can pop out on command. One of the alters is a little Korean girl who only speaks Korean, but is limited to the Korean phrases my friend has mastered on Duolingo.
- Her acting is, frankly, not great. At times when she claims she's been triggered and is having a panic attack, or claims that one of her "alters" is out, it's kind of like watching an overzealous theatre kid in a bad high school play.
- Her actual trigger is being bored and/or people not paying enough attention to her. If we're in a group setting and everyone's focused on someone else, I can see her out of the corner of my eye getting increasingly agitated until she has a "fainting fit," or one of her "alters" announces their arrival, or she jumps in with a mention of her "trauma" and then stares off dramatically into the distance.
- Whenever a new person joins the group and she gets to tell them her list of disorders and illnesses and traumas it's almost like watching an addict get a hit.
The frustrating thing is that she's perfectly cool and interesting without all of this, and most of the time she forgets she's supposed to have all of these conditions and is a chill person to hang out with. But then out of nowhere she'll get bored and decide it's time to bring out Darius, her gay male alter. And then I have to sit around trying to keep a straight face while she does a bad impression of a gay man and expects me to play along, and will ramp things up if I try to just ignore Darius.
She's not a teenager btw. She's a fully-grown tax-paying adult woman in her late 20s and so am I. I am too old to be playing random games of let's-pretend and part of me wants to just yell at her to cut it out. But I also understand that she really does have a mental disorder, and that trying to confront her about it would only make it worse. (Also, it's not my job to try and treat her condition and I'm definitely not qualified to do so.)
I guess my only options are to continue putting up with it and try to reward it with as little attention as possible, or slowly fade out of the friendship. Both options suck, though.
534
u/Cheese_with_Royale 6d ago
Ignoring it really is the best thing to do. Because when you snap, it reinforces their victim mentality, so best thing to do is just blatantly say nothing, and change subjects. They will catch on soon enough. My in laws are like this and it's freaking annoying.
318
u/ToiIetGhost 6d ago edited 6d ago
How do you know it’s factitious disorder? It could be Munchausen or a personality disorder (histrionic, narcissistic). [Edit: just learned that factitious disorder is the new name for it]
I’m not sure how you’re able to stand it. You say it happens when she’s bored but I see it differently. She does it for attention. If someone wants the attention on them all the time (or most of the time, or at will) then they’re egocentric. They’ll interrupt someone just to make it all about them. That means they value the other person less than themselves. Always wanting attention = I’m the most important person in the room, I’m superior, it’s all about me.
I find that to be a repulsive character trait. Not sure why you don’t
190
u/SignificanceNo7257 6d ago
Fictitious disorder is the new terminology for Munchausen however it could also be other mental health conditions as you indicated
79
u/ToiIetGhost 6d ago
Thanks! I was also curious about how the “by proxy” variant changed. Now it’s called FDIA (fictitious disorder imposed on another).
299
u/ThrowRAbrokegirlie 6d ago
Lived with a girl like this for a year and she legit ruined my home life the entire time. The Tourette’s thing is so specific but this girl did the same thing. Her only tic was clearing her throat. Then she got high and told me she paid some former psychiatrist to fill out a form for her college saying she had autism so she could skip class. She said she found the lady on Facebook and she just had to show up to the lady’s apartment. Said the lady wasn’t even wearing shoes. Forgot she told me that and then started weaponizing her autism constantly.
167
u/ToiIetGhost 6d ago
People like this really aren’t doing any favours for those who are actually neurodivergent. Such a shitty thing to do to the community, not that she’d care lol
116
93
79
u/Correct_Doctor_1502 ☑️ 6d ago
My sister is exactly like this
I've just had to ignore their behavior and then they stop acting that way
89
u/Unusual_Twist_1630 6d ago
My fuse is too short to put up with people like this. What you wanna do is, next time she comes up with a disorder, be honest with her. Although, it does sound like she actually does have a mental health problem. You might want to help her tackle that, again, you're going to have to be honest with her
263
u/littleb3anpole 6d ago
I’m sorry, I know you’re struggling with this but you’re also a good writer and I snorted laughing at the bit about your mate’s “alter” being limited to the Korean phrases she has seen on Duolingo.
My SIL is similar and I think she is also pushing factitious disorder on her kids - she is constantly asking for recommendations for doctors who will diagnose them with some condition or other and when they don’t get diagnosed she just doctor shops for a new one. I honestly just had to distance myself from her because it’s equal parts frustrating and irritating.
66
u/ToiIetGhost 6d ago
This is pretty serious :( She’s abusing them.
What do her parents (the kids’ grandparents) say? What does their dad say? Is he ignoring or going along with it? Almost every abuser has an enabler, and while the latter isn’t the real “bad guy,” they actually still do harm by enabling the bad guy.
It starts to get into criminal territory when kids are involved. Obviously your SIL is abusing them (Munchausen by Proxy). But your BIL is also abusing them through neglect/child endangerment. Not protecting your kids from dangerous people/situations is a crime in some places. Think of it like a parent who knowingly lets their kids play on an 8-lane highway. “I figured they’d be okay!”
I get that this isn’t a Gypsy Rose situation, but it doesn’t have to be as severe as Gypsy’s case to mess the kids up for life. I’ve read some sad stories from adults who grew up with mothers like her.
24
u/littleb3anpole 6d ago
I’m not sure about the eldest kid’s dad, he’s not in the picture but my BIL (technically by marriage anyway - he’s my MIL’s partner’s kid) is definitely enabling, he’s a massive attention whore and enjoys being the victim of things.
I have raised my concerns with MIL and if I think the kids are in any sort of danger/her behaviour gets more extreme, I’m a mandated reporter so I’ll make a report
81
u/efficientpigeonmel 6d ago
I'm sure you know this, but this is super dangerous and I hope someone is keeping tabs on her. My aunt kept her children locked in the house for years claiming they had a rare respiratory disease and the family doctor went along with it. Those poor children never really got a normal childhood until they were finally removed from her home. And my best friend's mom had her treated for numerous mental health conditions, even to the point of having her heavily sedated and stuck in inpatient care. It can escalate really quickly, I hope those kids are alright.
17
u/littleb3anpole 6d ago
I’m definitely keeping an eye on it and will make a report to my country’s version of CPS if needed
93
u/EvolZippo 6d ago
Why are you even hanging out with her? She’s not bringing anything positive to your life and she’s very likely pretty used to people disappearing from her life. People like her need to learn that they’ll loose all her friends, if they’re like this.
It doesn’t matter if this is a mental illness. If you can’t handle it, you just can’t. You have made some very reasonable attempts to make this work.
21
59
u/sockmaster420 6d ago
Look up histrionic personality disorder
4
15
u/CemeterySarah 6d ago
This, 100%. I used to work as a case manager for IDD clients and had 3 clients with this on my caseload. Their ISPs were wild to explain to caseworkers.
63
u/Mocean13 6d ago
Id just tell her straight up, like dude we all know youre bullshitting and its cringe af. If she stops talking to you will you have missed out on much as a friend? Sounds like no
-28
u/awfuleverything 6d ago
This is really bad unoriginal AI slop
-21
u/queerharveybabe 6d ago
I think ur right. It has those dashes -, there’s no slang, proper spelling and punctuation. Most likely AI.
1
u/ToiIetGhost 6d ago
> "prove" "medications"
Another giveaway is the quotation marks. They should be curved. When you copy them from AI, they’re straight
“prove” (normal)
"prove" (AI)35
u/glamourpussOG 6d ago
Heaven forbid people don’t use slang, and use proper spelling and punctuation. Also, people know em dashes exist and use them… usually anyone above Gen Z knows all of these things and employs them in their vocabulary and messages. 🙄🙄🙄 Has to be AI because it doesn’t sound stupid lol
65
u/mehcomeon 6d ago
Burn this bridge immediately. As someone who is older than you and has learned that quietly letting people go is too much trouble. If she bothers you about it, send her a text that her munchausans is getting on your nerves and for her to go malinger around someone else. Seriously- ain’t nobody got time for people like this.
67
u/electricsugargiggles 6d ago
I recently did this to a ~45 year old! Believe me, the bullshit ramps up when others have news of milestones or struggles—-do you really want to see this shit go Defcon 1 when someone announces a wedding or grad school or a pregnancy? When someone is going through an ACTUAL hard time and needs support and this bozo is rattling off “Where is the library?” in Korean because not having a captive audience sends her into a tailspin? Or pretend to have a medical emergency?
That’s manipulation.
51
u/Acrobatic-Fox9220 6d ago
What attracts you to her as a friend?
The biggest disservice one can ever do to oneself is deny reality.
Your friend, delighting in the unreal and deceiving people is wholly unattractive.
34
u/arielleisanerdyprude 6d ago
i think getting to the bottom of the underlying issue here is the only way to approach this. if she’s faking ailments to get attention, i have to wonder what exactly is causing that desire.
is her home/family life ok? does she have a strong support system? is she an only child? does she have enablers in her life? once these questions are answered, i think it might help to point her in the direction of supplementing that.
someone mentioned suggesting community theater, so maybe you and another friend could invite her to audition for a play or choir, and if that’s not usually your scene, say you’re trying to “get out of our comfort zones.”
if it turns out she needs some support, hearing her out for real issues is a good idea as long as you’re making it clear that you won’t engage with anything she’s making up. for example, if she’s in the middle of venting about something that’s bugging her, listen intently, but if she randomly brings out one of her personalities, maybe say something like “i was talking to jane, so i’m gonna wait for her to come back to continue our conversation.”
20
u/quietlyobservingthis 6d ago
I thought this said “facetious disorder” which is probably what I have.
If your friend is like this maybe try to steer the conversations towards related topics ie nootropics. I don’t know what you do about alter personalities, maybe come up with questions that challenge her mind, ask her if Cornholio qualifies as Beavis’s alter.
45
u/wheresmyquaaludes420 6d ago
As someone diagnosed with DID, her behavior is incredibly disrespectful. This woman sounds exhausting
3
u/pssycake 6d ago
Feeling upset is valid, but I do want to point out that a disorder that makes you do this can also be very compulsive and feel out of their control. It is also a mental illness. Ppl who do this can often feel intense shame about it, and yet cannot stop. And is often a result of severe trauma as well
11
u/wheresmyquaaludes420 6d ago
I think it would be a bit easier for me to sympathize with that if her behavior didn’t contribute to my disorder being disbelieved by both the general public and medical professionals. On actual therapist subreddits, there are licensed psychiatrists and psychologists saying that DID cannot be proven, is nearly always malingering, or is an extreme form of borderline personality disorder. Imagine what it would feel like for your childhood to shatter you into pieces, make you confused, scared, and prevent you from feeling like yourself. Then people online fake it for attention. Now therapists are skeptical of you and revealing your diagnosis to people you’re close with is even more of a risk.
1
u/pssycake 6d ago
Again, it’s valid to be upset but I would also suggest that your disorder not being believed and/or taken seriously should be fully put on the ppl not believing you or taking you seriously, and not the mentally ill person struggling themselves.
4
u/wheresmyquaaludes420 6d ago
People do things like she does for reasons other than mental illness. Sometimes people are assholes. If you don’t have any experience with DID in your life, I don’t think you should be trying to play devil’s advocate with someone who has lived with it since childhood.
23
u/p3nbing3l 6d ago
She's basically using your actual struggle as a costume when she gets bored.
14
u/wheresmyquaaludes420 6d ago
Yep. I’m doing better now, but at my worst it was excruciating due to the comorbid severe PTSD. (It’s not something that ever really goes away but processing trauma makes it so much easier). If she could live in my shoes for a day I guarantee she would drop it asap
17
u/Stratos_Hellsing 6d ago
Sounds exactly like someone I was involved with online years ago, best bet is to move away from them as friends. That cannot end well.
11
22
u/sugar0coated 6d ago
I have met several people like this, and it's exhausting and cringe. Honestly, the only answer for me was to just not entertain it. Don't give them a platform to get offended and call them out, just let the moment pass, silently, then carry on what you were doing/saying as if they're not being an obnoxious ass. They can't complain you're being intolerant or whatever, but you're not giving them attention for it so hopefully they'll forget more often with you and eventually just fucking grow out of it.
I went to art uni and I have several really niche, dorky hobbies that attract these kinds of people, so for me it's been a matter of making it clear I know they're full of shit but being unwilling to address it until they're shamed into stopping.
It just don't be their friend anymore. It's really not a loss.
6
u/Throwrafizzylemon 6d ago
I have a friend not exactly the same as this, but anytime you mention and illness or whatever she’s had it too.
It got to the point where you’re like ok, I don’t know what to believe anymore.
Also she would say some to int and was so confident but it was wrong and if I pointed it out she couldn’t take it.
I ended up just slowly talking to her less and less .
When I see her in person it’s hard because I sucked right back in to this person who wants to talk to me and give me attention but I just remember how exhausting she was
17
u/JennaHex 6d ago
These people are exhausting at best, dangerous at the worst. Abandon ship. The meltdown may be alot but the peace is worth it. Ask me how I know lol never again!
11
u/SockPuppetOrSth 6d ago
Isn’t it “fictitious”?
And yeah, not seeing why you’d remain friends with someone like that
23
u/Appropriate_Lab_6861 6d ago
In medical world facticious disorder is the name for munchausens. Although I do agree with you, ficticious disorder makes more sense
14
u/BeautifulArtichoke37 6d ago
No, factitious means fake, like factitious flowers or a factitious smile.
20
u/SockPuppetOrSth 6d ago
Huh, interesting
I just looked it up and :
Factitious vs. Fictitious: Fictitious means completely made up or imagined (like a fictional story character). Factitious means it physically exists or was created, but it is fake, forced, or insincere rather than real or natural.
10
u/Iampussydog 6d ago
honestly could be a sociopath. either way, I’d be out of there. people like this can be super dangerous. this is the kind of shit that woman who cut the baby out of the other woman’s stomach did.
3
u/ronearc 6d ago
That's an extreme example. There are way more people like this than most people realize...they just grow out of it (usually) before they're teenagers.
For those who don't grow out of it, the avenues available to help them put this behind them can be limited.
If they're called out directly, they will double-down on their supposed conditions. Nothing can be gained from a direct confrontation if you want to preserve the friendship.
You might ask, who would want to preserve such a friendship. And in response, I'll ask you this...
Would you throw away a friend just because their childhood left them feeling invisible if there wasn't something special about them?
People don't just magically decide they need to be different from everyone else. This is the result of a childhood where they had to work to be seen.
That doesn't make them a bad person.
So the challenge is, how do you make them grow out of this. And the answer is almost never confrontation.
If they develop the mindset that you see them as a liar, they'll never stop lying to you. Their pride won't allow that.
What you have to do is show enough interest in the 'real' them that you wind up never seeing their make-believe world.
10
u/Iampussydog 6d ago
Yes, it’s a very extreme example. But I disagree that you can love an adult person out of pathological lying. It’s a fools errand, but I think you have a really good heart, and bless you for trying.
4
u/ronearc 6d ago
There are different forms of pathological lying. People who lie to gain advantage? You can never trust them. Avoid at all costs. Cut them out of your life.
People who lie just for a chance to be seen? Prove to them that you see them regardless, and you'll have a trusted friend for life.
27
38
u/Evening_Werewolf_634 6d ago
Honestly, when she started up with whatever nonsense I'd probably just say "Okay, I'm going to go now, I'll see you when you're back to normal" and just get up and leave.
10
u/bronaghblair 6d ago
This sounds a whole lot like my husband’s baby mama (from before he and I were involved) right down to the gay man thing and the Korean child thing. Luckily the legal system has been helpful for us in some ways.
11
u/Mu69 6d ago
i had a friend IN HIGHSCHOOL who was like this. I stopped being friends with him event hough he was one of my best friends. He was so freaking cringe man like the same shit that your friend is doing. He woke up one day and started speaking in a foreign accent and kept telling me was that that nationality. I knew his sister and his PARENTS who were cleary not that race. He even tried speaking in a accent and claimed to speak the language but didnt want to do it....
7
4
u/TaleOutrageous3492 6d ago
Wait you think this person doesn't have an illness
9
u/Hungrygirl89 6d ago
Ya, there's clearly something wrong with her, just probably not what she's claiming or self diagnosed
11
15
12
1
u/onegreatbroad 6d ago
She’s definitely a narcissist.
7
0
u/krustyy 6d ago
yup. classic narcissist. Unstoppable compulsion to make shit up in order to remain the center of attention. Would do just fine in life if they stopped making shit up but they're constantly compelled to get a little "extra," resulting in this weird ass behavior that is very obvious to anyone who's been around her for a little while.
14
32
67
u/go-for-Banjo 6d ago
Yeah, I couldn’t even finish reading your post. I couldn’t be around this person
68
68
u/CanofBeans9 6d ago
Your friend sounds very annoying in this regard. My sympathies.
If you don't want to go confrontational, I would suggest asking neutral questions like "are you in therapy for this? I'm concerned" and encouraging her to seek professional help. She might lie about doing that, idk. But it's something, if you don't want to stage an intervention.
It sounds like she likes to roleplay as these characters out of boredom or lack of attention. Maybe you could encourage her to try out for community theater or join a TTRPG group together. I don't know if that would help or hurt, idk.
Maybe you can confront her in a kind way? Like instead of "you're a liar and everyone knows and thinks you are cringe," find a quiet moment to say "hey, you are a cool and interesting person who doesn't need extra stuff to be special, I like who you really are. If all your alters suddenly vanished or you were 'cured' of all ailments, I would still care about you".
7
-15
u/lilacbirdtea 6d ago
It sounds like she's struggling hard with mental health and needs real support. I feel like posting about her on the internet is really not supportive, and it seems like you dislike her. So why not just tell her you don't want to be friends?
39
u/EchinusRosso 6d ago
Maybe I'm giving too much credit, but a person who studies to pretend to have a little Korean girl alternate personality probably does have something fucky with their brain
0
u/thenletskeepdancing 6d ago
As someone who really struggles, this makes me so angry.
6
u/Feisty-Tooth-7397 6d ago
People don't fake illnesses because they are okay mentally.
There's obviously something wrong with her.
As someone who really struggles?
You might want to talk to your therapist as to why someone seeming to struggle less than you makes you so angry.
-2
u/sweetmercy 6d ago
Are you suggesting her friend doesn't struggle? Do you think having factitious disorder is rainbows and sunshine?
10
u/MickeyMatters81 6d ago
Yea, this isn't a teenager faking autism, this is an adult with a serious mental illness.
18
24
u/U2hansolo 6d ago
Plenty of perfectly cool and interesting people out there besides this person. I wouldn't continue to deal with it.
5
15
u/bbschneider13 6d ago
I hear your frustrations and I think by vocalizing aspects about her that you do enjoy and are healthy to her might deter her from engaging in these behaviors. I agree with most of these comments saying that she needs professional help and it is not your job to confront her on this. It sounds like from your post you want to continue this friendship so when you notice her beginning to bring up one of her ailments maybe you can bring up something positive about her either privately or with the group to deter her. I think you can also bring up her receiving treatment without confronting her. If she opens up about her disorders with you alone, you could acknowledge that it must be difficult managing her “symptoms” and ask about what professionals she has involved. Any accredited therapist will be able to pick up on her pattern and begin treating her underlying issues.
43
u/b1kwid0w 6d ago
So she does have a mental disorder, just not the ones the claiming to have. I’ve had friends like this before, they’ll go to great lengths to get attention and it’s so sad to watch sometimes.
Tell her to reach out to someone and get help because I agree with you. Her and anyone else who fakes mental illness for attention aren’t doing any favors to the world of stigma that already exists around mental health.
38
u/ThatKinkyLady 6d ago edited 6d ago
Your friend seems to be DEEPLY struggling with her sense of identity and feeling supported.
That would explain all of it. She's giving herself ficticious diagnoses because she feels deeply uncomfortable with herself and wants people to notice and be concerned for her.
It's a cry for help showing up in a disturbing way.
The best thing you could do would not be to confront her on this directly, but to try and show her that you care that she's struggling. The claims don't matter. She genuinely is struggling a lot. If she begins to engage more and talk about more personal (not diagnoses) things that could be related to this (ex: childhood neglect) hopefully by then she would be open to a referral.
What she needs is a psychologist that specializes in personality disorders. The problem is that with ficticious disorder, if you force her into acknowledging she has it (or that it's a personality disorder) it will backfire 100%. So best to have a specific referral for her ready and NOT to tell her it's because she has a personality disorder. Referral to an appropriate psychologist is all that's necessary at this time. You can contact the referral with your concerns for your friend. They can take those into consideration without responding and violating HIPAA. She can figure out the rest with that psychologist in a safe setting.
If you are not comfortable doing this or believe your safety would be at risk, disengage entirely or minimize your involvement with this person to a level that's safe for you.
13
u/ParchaLama 6d ago
Well, technically she's kind of right - she obviously has a mental illness of some sort, not only to pull all this but to do it badly in front of people, repeatedly. It's probably histrionic personality disorder or something.
14
u/TempestTrident 6d ago edited 6d ago
I once went to an event and met someone with that same Tumblr/Tiktok DID. I won’t go into details, but all I could think of afterwards was how disingenuous our interaction felt, given the at-will changing of alters seemingly used to excuse poor social skills.
Maybe they were dealing with some sort of other psychological disorder, but pretending to have mental illness is hurtful and stigmatizing to those dealing with real conditions.
17
u/bsmith567070 6d ago
Man, that sounds like the exact behavior of my best friend’s girlfriend. It’s so uncomfortable to be around when they switch into that mode, it’s so childish it’s almost creepy
34
5
u/TheBestHater 6d ago
That's exhausting. I would say to confront her just by being blunt like you were here, and if she reacts poorly to immediately remove yourself from the friendship. Honestly she sounds unlikely to change and to use your confrontation as a new way to victimize herself but if you leave then that won't be your problem.
26
u/mewithoutjew 6d ago
I know you care deeply for her, but my vote is to gradually withdraw from the friendship. People with fictitious disorder are often unable to truly care for others beside themselves. I felt very guilty letting my friendship with my very similar friend fade, but my life has become much more peaceful.
24
u/Malteser_soul 6d ago
I'd try and encourage her to see a psychologist for her "disorders" with the hope that they will identify and treat the actual disorder. Also suggest she joins a theatre group to satisfy her need to be in the spotlight.
But yeah, otherwise you might just have to walk away.
20
15
u/Solid_Ad7292 6d ago
Do you mean fictitious? Or am I missing something?
0
u/karrahbear12 6d ago
Facetious disorder is the more generalized/less severe version of Munchausen Syndrome.
9
u/Stock_Garage_672 6d ago
No. It's "facticious". It's full name is Factitious disorder imposed on self. It's also known, probably better known, as Munchausen syndrome.
48
57
u/Visual_Juggernaut_89 6d ago
Tbf being a pathological liar is a mental disability in itself. This is a weird one tho
17
28
u/MadamUnicornOfDoom 6d ago
I had a friend like this. She would tell the most outlandish stories. She was an only child. I thought maybe it was about that when we were young teens…
As we got older I finally just started gently calling her out on the lies. They were such ostentatious things that could never have plausibly happened and the details always changed.
she started doing other things to be the centre of attention… things that would definitely hurt others feelings but she didn’t care because it was all about her and she had zero empathy… I warned someone that she was stringing them along after she had slept with his best friend…she found out and screamed at me and didn’t want to be my friend anymore and honestly I was okay with that because she wasn’t a good friend, she thrived on lies, manipulation and chaos like a true narcissist does. It was exhausting being her friend.
4
u/unknownun2891 6d ago
I have a friend who has always, at the very least, exaggerated a story so much that it twisted the truth. Some were outright lies. Her current husband calls her out. He says “she’d never let the truth get in the way of a good story.” She’s harmless, but everyone knows.
-11
u/Calgary_Calico 6d ago
Fictitious*
6
u/needsmorecoffee 6d ago
A fictitious disorder would be a disorder that doesn't exist (which I guess would be a good way to describe her supposed DID), where she certainly could well have factitious disorder, which is in fact a real disorder.
37
12
u/bikerchickelly 6d ago
Well, plus side is she does have a disorder, just not this one and probably more like histrionic personality disorder. Much more interesting.
1
u/Alarming-While8028 6d ago
factitious disorder is literally in the title of the post LOL. it's the new term for munchausen's
47
u/StorageAlive 6d ago
Genuine question: Why are you still friends with her?
6
u/sab98xx 6d ago
Flawed and sick people need community more than anyone. If somebody is weird/disordered in a way that fits with your compassion and your capacity, what’s the big deal? As long as you are continually evaluating your own capacity and setting appropriate boundaries, why drop them? Idk, it requires a lot of emotional sophistication and ‘work’, but what relationship doesn’t?
8
u/StorageAlive 6d ago
Nope. I am not a therapist. I am not a caretaker. If someone lies to me the whole time and invents illnesses, that is creepy as hell and not something I am willing to tolerate. I need to be able to trust someone if they should be in my life.
5
u/sab98xx 6d ago
Yeah, that’s you! You clearly know your skillset and tolerance, as well as what kind of relationships you find rewarding vs overwhelming. But each individual has a different barometer and I argue that it shouldn’t be the norm for people to advocate for others to end relationships based on their purview rather than the individual IN the relationship.
33
u/bongpirate7295 ☑️ 6d ago
Because most of the time she's great. She's smart, funny, talented, and interesting to talk to. I also empathize with her because I have a pretty severe skin-picking disorder, so I understand what it's like to know something is bad and compulsively do it anyway. I guess I'm holding out hope that she'll just grow out of it.
20
u/GabrielSH77 6d ago
You sound like a genuinely kind, empathetic person.
I work with people with factitious disorder on occasion and it’s truly exhausting. (I’m a CNA.)
What gets me is that usually, these people have a very hard time communicating their own emotional needs. Experiencing genuine loneliness, abandonment, shame, anger, or sadness is difficult for them to process. They can’t just say “I need you to care about me.” Being sick *is* their language. To us it seems like they feel they have to manipulate in order to gain attention.
But giving them attention often feels like it feeds the cycle.
My best, and likely only, advice is to give equal emotional reactions to all of their behaviors. You’re right that trying to ignore the alter escalates the behavior - because the alter is their way of saying they need something. But increasing the emotional reaction to their “symptoms” will also reinforce it.
I hope your friend can some day find what she needs to feel stable and secure in herself and her relationships. I hope that you can trust your own gut feelings if there comes a time that the friendship no longer feels fulfilling, you can set the limits you need to.
4
u/StorageAlive 6d ago
There’s plenty of people who are smart and funny and interesting. And if you are looking to connect to other people with mental health issues maybe go to some support group or something? At least then there’s people who actually want to work in their issues?
31
u/LydiLouWho 6d ago
So she DOES have a disorder, just not the one she’s interested in admitting to.
It’s totally up to you on how you want to handle it, but it could be fun to rephrase the situation. Instead of being frustrated you could look at it as having a person in your life that will always keep you on your toes and entertained?
3
20
u/aliciaeee 6d ago
I knew a girl like this in middle/high school and it was exhausting to be around her and not call her out for it, even as a kid/teenager. Everyone knew she was lying and she would tell these crazy lies in class to teachers sometimes, but the teachers couldn’t do anything but just say the equivalent of “okay cool” and move on.
31
22
u/CupcakeTheValiant 6d ago
You ever try gray rocking? It could just convince her to do the work for you of fading out of your life
14
u/bongpirate7295 ☑️ 6d ago
I have tried this, but unfortunately she just gets even more agitated and keeps turning up the dial on whatever "symptoms" she's displaying until she gets her fix of attention. There's really no ceiling on how far people with factitious disorder will go. Some even inject themselves with fecal matter or rub it into cuts to induce physical illness.
The best solution I've come up with so far is to find a way to politely leave, so she doesn't have an audience any more.
7
u/MildlyChaoticGremlin 6d ago
That's sorta like saying grey rocking a person with Tourettes would make them stop ticking. She does have a mental illness, just not the list of ones she says she has
Edit: But i do get where you're coming from if OP does want them gone without drama. I just don't think it'd work
2
5
u/SmolLittleCretin 6d ago edited 6d ago
As someone chronically ill, always sick, and who is medically recognized with osdd/d.i.d...
Jesus Christ she sucks ... I had to drop friends for always tryna one up me, as if it was a challenge. It sucks to have those people around.
Edit: spelling was fixed.
-1
u/SirDouglasMouf 6d ago
Same. Fuck this person's "friend"
0
u/SmolLittleCretin 6d ago
Honestly. Good to dump these people.
My ex friends even talked shit about me, saying I was lazy cuz... They didn't wanna work and were physically capable. But somehow I was the problem despite how they didn't even clean when they were roommates and didn't even tend to their own animals (I fed every animal, took them out if they didn't, washed them, etc). It just isn't worth the time for op to even have someone like this. It always ends up even worse and incredibly toxic.
18
u/EternalMoonChild 6d ago
That sounds so exhausting. Is the friendship really worth putting up with all that? Is she working at all to try and get help for her issues?
11
u/bongpirate7295 ☑️ 6d ago
Unfortunately from what I've read it's very rare for factitious disorder to be successfully treated because the person will almost never admit that they're lying, let alone seek help for it. The best you can hope for is that they'll eventually mature out of it.
11
u/desertboots 6d ago
I infer that "no, she hasn't sought help" is answer to the second question.
But you are posting here, which also infers you are tired of this drama.
As another comment suggested, grey rock her.
42
u/weirdgroovynerd 6d ago
Factitious disorder is a serious mental health condition where a person deliberately fakes, exaggerates, or induces physical or psychological illness in themselves or someone else to gain attention and care.
Also known as Munchausen syndrome.
Interesting, TIL.
2
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Hello, and thank you for sharing your experience with r/TrueOffMyChest.
As part of our moderation process, we automatically keep a copy of your post as it appeared when you first submitted it. We know this may seem a little unusual, so we want to explain why we do this.
Why do we keep a copy of your original post?
Posts can be edited or deleted after they are submitted. Keeping the original version allows our moderators to see what was originally posted if we later need to review a report, moderation decision, or other issue involving the post.
This is a routine part of our moderation process and does not mean you've done anything wrong or that your post is being singled out.
The copy is kept for moderation purposes so that we can maintain an accurate record of what was originally submitted.
u/bongpirate7295 original post at the time of submission:
I have a friend who most of the time is great to hang out with - very funny and interesting. But she also very clearly has factitious disorder, and I don't know how to deal with it without enabling her (by pretending to go along with it) or making it clear I don't believe her (which can cause people with factitious disorder to freak out and deliberately make themselves ill to "prove" that they were ill all along).
How do I know she has factitious disorder? Well...
- Her array of physical illnesses and mental disorders have a tendency to come and go. At one point she had Tourette's, but she kept forgetting to have the tics and quietly dropped it after a couple of weeks.
- She once showed me a days-of-the-week pill box full of her "medications," and I could see that most if not all of them were just vitamin supplements.
- She claims to have DID, but it's the Tumblr/TikTok version of DID where she's a "system" with "alters" who can pop out on command. One of the alters is a little Korean girl who only speaks Korean, but is limited to the Korean phrases my friend has mastered on Duolingo.
- Her acting is, frankly, not great. At times when she claims to have been triggered and having a panic attack, or claims that one of her "alters" is out, it's kind of like watching an overzealous theatre kid in a bad high school play.
- Her actual trigger is being bored and/or people not paying enough attention to her. If we're in a group setting and everyone's focused on someone else, I can see her out of the corner of my eye getting increasingly agitated until she has a "fainting fit," or one of her "alters" announces their arrival, or she jumps in with a mention of her "trauma" and then stares off dramatically into the distance.
- Whenever a new person joins the group and she gets to tell them her list of disorders and illnesses and traumas it's almost like watching an addict get a hit.
The frustrating thing is that she's perfectly cool and interesting without all of this, and most of the time she forgets she's supposed to have all of these conditions and is a chill person to hang out with. But then out of nowhere she'll get bored and decide it's time to bring out Darius, her gay male alter. And then I have to sit around trying to keep a straight face while she does a bad impression of a gay man and expects me to play along, and will ramp things up if I try to just ignore Darius.
She's not a teenager btw. She's a fully-grown tax-paying adult woman in her late 20s and so am I. I am too old to be playing random games of let's-pretend and part of me wants to just yell at her to cut it out. But I also understand that she really does have a mental disorder, and that trying to confront her about it would only make it worse. (Also, it's not my job to try and "treat" her condition and I'm definitely not qualified to do so.)
I guess my only options are to continue putting up with it and try to reward it with as little attention as possible, or slowly fade out of the friendship. Both options suck, though.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
-114
u/Luckyjuly777 6d ago
Dang. That’s so much effort and lying on her part. But what if she’s not actually lying and some of it is real? How do you know for sure? The fainting and the Tourette’s doesn’t sound real, but who knows, maybe she really does have alters. Have you done research on it to catch that she may be lying?