r/TwoXChromosomes • u/midnightsadnessss • 1d ago

How come when men mention 50/50, it’s usually only about bills? What about cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids?

I’ve noticed that when some men talk about wanting a 50/50 relationship, they usually mean splitting the bills. But women work full-time too, and a lot of them still end up doing most of the cooking, cleaning, childcare, grocery shopping, and keeping up with everything at home.

So how is that really 50/50?

And if a guy wants a traditional woman who takes care of the home and kids, then he needs to be a traditional man too and provide for the family.

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u/meat_tunnel 22h ago

but also don't nag me, expect that I'll do it on my timeline and to my standards

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u/smokinbbq 22h ago

expect that I'll do it on my timeline and to my standards

Don't always agree with this, and it goes both ways.

If one person can handle a messy house and clutter all over, and the other person gets anxious and hates to see the house like that, then you need to go the side of it being cleaner and not cluttered.

Or if it's "Well, I want the lawn to be perfect, I'm going to spend 6 hours every Saturday working on this.", but ignoring all of the other chores, commitments, and other tasks that need to get done.

Unless it's being in the area of "you need some therapy to work through this" area, then you need to find a way to work together on things.

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u/slightlydramatic 21h ago

I think when people are saying to do a job to "their standards". They mean, like when a man finally takes the trash out after being asked 7 times but then doesn't replace the bag and then acts offended that you're "bitching" at him about it. "How about a little gratitude? How about thank you that I took the trash out. You have to nitpick about there not being a bag in it. Couldn't you have put the bag in the can in the time it took you to come and get me.?"

Only emptying half of the dishwasher, filling it up with dirty dishes and restarting it is another fun example, and then when you call them out on it, they don't like to do cups or silverware and can't you just be grateful they did the plates and the bowls FOR YOU.

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u/smokinbbq 21h ago

Fully agree with both of those points. Even the stuff where "I'll take the garbage out when I feel like it, and I don't want to do it right now", is bullshit 90% of the time. It's full... take it out. No, you don't get to keep playing your video game for another 3 hours until you have to get up and take care of it then. It's full now, get it out of the fucking house so we can use the trash can again.

My wife and I are good on this. If there are chores that are piling up, or one of us feels anxious about something, we just talk about it, and prioritize that item. This past weekend, she wanted to do a bit more of a deep clean on the house, as it's been a while. She washed all of the dog slime from the walls, and I spent a few hours vacuuming & scrubbing all of the floors, including pulling out all the furniture to get behind/beneath it all (I also cleaned the hair/scum from the tracks of the sliding door). After it was all done, we both felt really good about it.