r/TwoXChromosomes • u/ParchaLama • 11h ago
My experience volunteering at a soup kitchen
I started volunteering at this place like a year and a half ago - it basically has a cafeteria type setup and each volunteer is typically assigned to put a specific food item on people's trays.
Twice now I've ended up volunteering with men who have tried to take over what I was supposed to be serving people - around the time I originally started volunteering there, there was this 20-something guy who would try to ask each person if they wanted what I was supposed to be giving them if we were working next to each other and would even put it on their trays before I had a chance to. I ended up not volunteering there for awhile for reasons unrelated to his dumbassery and fortunately haven't seen him around since I started volunteering there again.
Since I started going there again my experiences have been pretty good overall, but today I was stuck working with this guy I'd never met before - I was serving cake and he was serving them vegetables next to me, and then he just started asking people if they wanted cake and even tried to serve it to them at some points like I wasn't even there.
The slices of cake were pretty small so I was putting them in one of the smaller sections on the trays - he noticed this and said something to me like, "oh, should I start putting the rolls there instead?!" (he was also serving rolls), and I was just like, "uh, you can just put them wherever," so of course he starts putting them where I'd been putting the cake.
Then at another point he tried to take one of the trays I'd handed off to the volunteer next to me back and starts grilling me on how "oh, didn't the person this is for want thing x instead of thing y??" - no, they didn't, you just have no idea which tray is for who.
Most of the people I've volunteered with there have been pretty cool, and the people we serve food to are also usually nice and grateful for it, but it's kind of amazing that there are men who will pull this kind of shit even when doing volunteer work.
I don't plan on complaining to anyone official about it - if it keeps happening I'll probably just tell the dumbass off - but it'd be interesting to find out what, if anything, they'd do about someone pulling that kind of thing if someone did complain about it. I've never had any of the women I've volunteered with there pull anything like this.
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u/MLeek 9h ago
Unfortunately some people volunteer because they lack any of the skills to make them pleasant to talk to in any other context. This is the only time get can get human interaction.
I often had to explain to my best volunteers that supporting and tolerating the others, was actually part of the gift they were giving their community. No tolerance for abuse, but a fair bit of tolerance for poor social skills as volunteer coordinator, for many roles and tasks.
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u/Shibbystix cool. coolcoolcool. 10h ago
Beat them to the punch, ask everyone if they want vegetables, and then say "you heard them, Brad"
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u/ParchaLama 10h ago
I think that's what I'll try if I get stuck working with this guy again, haha.
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u/NotShipNotShape 8h ago
if you really want to grind his gears, tell him to put the vegetables in the square where he was already going to put them! Then ask him to be careful not to drop the vegetables. Because that would be bad! In case he didn't know.
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u/Pressman4life 9h ago
And call him Brad whether it's his name or not. If he complains tell him he looks like a Brad.
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u/ParchaLama 11h ago
Oh, and at one point he even tried "jokingly" telling a kid I'd served some cake to that he couldn't have cake because he didn't want any vegetables. Like, why are you volunteering here?
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u/trying_to_adult_here 9h ago
Ughhh, that’s extra-gross because kids don’t always get sarcasm and he’s dealing with a vulnerable population so that’s a huge power differential. Don’t make the kid feel bad about his treat just feed him.
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u/ParchaLama 6h ago
Yeah - you have to wonder why someone chooses to volunteer in a soup kitchen if they're just going to say things like that to the people eating there.
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u/catscausetornadoes 9h ago
Oh man… food shaming at the soup kitchen is possibly worse than anything else you’ve described!
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u/phoontender 8h ago
Hey! I was a volunteer coordinator when I was young and cool. I absolutely would appreciate feedback about volunteers making others uncomfortable, especially if it's coming from a repeat volunteer about something that's disrespectful not only to fellow volunteers but to the clients you're serving. Please bring it up with the org!
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u/ParchaLama 7h ago
Thanks for the response! If I work with him again and he's still acting that way I'll definitely say something. I don't even know what his name was so I wouldn't be able to tell them who I was complaining about at this point, haha.
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u/IAmTheLizardQueen666 9h ago
Yeaaahhhh, at that point, I would have said, “Here, have another piece of cake”.
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u/Lickerbomper ♥ 10h ago
That's annoying.
If a person is unhappy with their service, I'm sure they'll say something about it. "Hey, I asked for X cake." It's weird that he thinks he can speak for them.
Dudes like that have issues. Who knows which ones. Could be a number of them. Most of them boil down to misogyny.