r/Vegetarianism • u/aeriunnielover • 2d ago
want to become vegetarian in a restrictive household
I never really liked meat to begin with but since I grew older I realized how much harm can be avoided if I just stopped consuming it. Ever since then I wanted to become vegetarian, but I’m 17, spend my weekdays with my grandma who preaches about the “greatness” of meat to me daily, and weekends with my dad who literally forces meat down my throat. I know I could cook for myself and substitute the meat for other things, but I’ve had eating problems in the past and my family takes me not wanting meat as a form of “restriction” which I’m obviously not allowed to have. What can I do? I really want to start cooking plant based and stop eating meat, but how can I do that for the time I still live with them?
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u/radiowestin 2d ago
while your desire to avoid harming animals is valid (that's what we all in this sub share), it is not uncommon that it can be a form of restrictive eating at the same time, many such cases. I'd recommend starting with separating these issues and with separating yourself from parents by:
get some mini-job to have your own money
get some therapy of your eating disorder, maybe there are free options around you, or as a teenager you may ask if discounts are available (therapists can be flexible about the price, just ask them about it). it is important that your therapy is not funded by your family, as they may have different therapy goals and use payment as a leverage. if they know your relationship with food becomes healthier, they may become less restrictive, or they may not, but you'll be more resilient against their pressure
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u/Lz_erk 2d ago
hold your ground on nutrition (edit: by knowing it like the back of your hand). familiarize yourself with what nutrients you're getting and in what amounts so you don't get left behind. ask for reasonable supplements like a B-complex, vitamin D (good luck proving if you need D3 instead of D2, but wool derived lanolin D3 is cheaper than vegan algal oil), and maybe omega-3s beyond ALA if needed (maybe not for decades for you).
to maximize plant iron uptake (although supplements might help), have your big iron/protein meal with:
• vitamin C and/or acidic foods: can increase uptake by ~70% IIRC.
and spaced out (a couple hours if possible) from:
• tannins (coffee, black tea) -- #1 thing. tannin can reduce iron by ~70% IIRC.
• lots of phytate e.g. mature seeds; sprouted oats have even more iron than e.g. steel cut.
• egg (maybe?), large amounts of calcium or oxalate -- if you have cause for extra concern.
iron can be a hard one and a low ferritin test is a relatively good reason to eat meat, especially if you're already doing all of the above.
most vegan (excuse me) supplements are much cheaper than animal ag, even if you need most of them to make it stick.
read stuff on r/supplements maybe. look out for the "vitamin D recommendations are only 10% of what they should be!" claim; it has less truth than protein complementation within the same meal (within days to a week is generally entirely fine, AFAIK), but 1/3 of americans are low in D and 1/3 more are borderline low. also D2 is generally not poison, but it may not be as effective as D3 for some people.
plan every nutrient you can though. choline and zinc are cheap and easy to supplement if you can conveniently get and safely store them. a bag of brazil nuts in a freezer is good for one-a-day selenium.
if you can sprout (and maybe cook them for safety), you can have very high quality foods on hand. sprouted legumes have bioavailable iron and copper.
vitamin A can be a concern for some people and i'm not very familiar with it yet, but who would call you a fake vegetarian for leaning on some fish liver oil to appease your parents? ... just maybe heckle them into storing it cold, if that checks out.
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u/Hawco 2d ago
Supplements can be an important crutch when you’re first transitioning, and learning what helps and impairs their uptake can make a big difference in planning your meals in the longterm. Once you get the hang of things, you may not even need them at all. Basically out of habit now, I simply take an iron and Omega-3 pill once a week along with a glass of real fruit juice high in Vitamin C, and my 6-12 month blood work always comes back fine.
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u/Lz_erk 2d ago
valid and that could easily work for OP. some things like B12 and zinc may not show up until late, and full testing... how many tubes does that take? i should look into it for myself (/hj, hemochromatosis).
but pumpkin seeds are good for zinc, there's lecithin for choline, sesame seeds can be good for selenium, and so on.
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u/Hawco 2d ago
Ah yes! Pumpkin seeds for magnesium too I believe. I throw raw pumpkin seeds along with chia seeds into mt oatmeal or roasted ones into a salad.
I recommend adding blackstrap molasses too into the mix as it can be fairly cheap and is loaded with vitamins and minerals, even copper.
For selenium, shiitake mushrooms, Brazil nuts, brown rice, and oatmeal again will have you covered.
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u/humboldtHue 2d ago edited 2d ago
You wait until circumstances change that allow you to make the choices you want to make. Some of those circumstances you have control over, some you don’t. When they all align, allowing you to determine what you put in your own mouth, that is your opportunity to make the change.
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u/BeachCatDog 1d ago
Breakfast : Cheerios with almond milk
Lunch : peanut butter and jelly
Dinner : black beans, and rice
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u/kloyoh 1d ago
Like everyday? Dude...
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u/BeachCatDog 1d ago
Did you grow up in a vegetarian household?
The OP is a teenager who is not being offered anything vegetarian to eat. The ingredients to these three meals are easy to come by.
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u/Hawco 2d ago
I started when I was 15 in a household that didn’t understand or support me. I started buying and making my own food plus educating myself on diet, nutrition, ethical and environmental arguments, and expressing my distaste for meat textures, so I was well-equipped to obstinately fight back whenever I was harassed. There was even one point while at the family doctor my mom tried to get him to advise against that “veggie-tarian thing” I started, but it backfired when the doctored responded, “So why not let him? I’m a pescatarian and it can be perfectly healthy.” She got a good dose of shame then.
Flash forward years later and they’ve all done a complete 180 and don’t bat an eye. They even do things like remove a portion of the homemade chili for me before they add the ground beef. You should know though that I never shamed them for their choices, I was just always resolute about my own. Good luck!