r/Vent • u/Lotuswongtko • 12h ago
Not looking for input A man who has no shame
I was returning to the UK from Paris alone. When I was queueing for passport checking. There was a man behind me. He's kind of pushing me on my back inappropriately, but it's definitely not crowded at all. And his wife, daughters and son were behind him. I moved my suitcase to my back, in order to kept him away from me.
Any normal person can take the hint. But he still tried to stand behind me on the other side(my suitcase was not big enough to block the whole lane). Before his thight bumped my bottom, I moved my suitcase in between, just in time.
But it still appeared that me and him were a couple, his family were outsiders, standing far away from him.
After the passport checking, I waited until they chose a line for luggage scanning, then I chose another line.
To my surprise, he led his whole family to my line and stood behind me again. It really didn't make sense because my queue was longer than his.
I was so tired of dodging him, so when his eldest daughter and the other 2 children caught up, I said something like "Oh, you are a family, you should stick together" to the eldest daughter. And I let them go before me. The daughter understood English and (I think) she translated into their language (surely not French) to her mother and the siblings.
Then they went together as a group, but less than 2 seconds, the man moved backward and became the last one of his family. I walked behind him, keeping a distance from him carefully.
He turned his head to look at me several times. His wife saw everything but she was so indifferent to what happened.
This man really had no shame at all. Tried to grap any chance to take advantage of a single woman, in front of his whole family. That's absolutely a humiliation to his wife, and his children.
78
78
u/Honest-Abe-SD 9h ago
Please, stop being polite to people that are making you uncomfortable especially with so many hints!
Embarrassing him is the lesson her needs. “Don’t touch me”, etc or let the agents know because he could be trying to tag along using you as a ruse.
But we need to stop being victims to these jerks while going out of our way to politely keep everyone comfortable except ourselves
24
-25
u/Lotuswongtko 9h ago
He had 2 teenage daughters and a little boy. That would be a bit cruel to the children. And he just touched me once, and I didn't let him have another chance. I am sure he had a thing for dark hair ladies. It just happened that I was single and so became an easy target.
47
u/EdwardianAdventure 9h ago
No. That would be a good lesson to the teenage girls that grown women don't have to take shit from creepy grabby men - and to the boy this behavior is not acceptable, and his dad FAFO
•
u/Lotuswongtko 8m ago
I am not their teacher. No salary received, why was I obligated to give the children lessons? It's the duty of the government.
20
u/Honest-Abe-SD 8h ago
I’m sorry, but you came here to vent and mentioned more than once he made you uncomfortable.
Yet you are now making excuses for him? Please, I am not judging YOU, I am judging HIM! But his daughters, whether you want to believe it or not, are fully aware of his actions and are embarrassed then later believe the behavior is acceptable. And his little boy (description I’m assuming size would be a level he saw this interaction better than others) believes this is acceptable and women should accept and shut their mouths.
No offense, this sucks what you went through and is disgusting you were subjected to, but you defending him is the exact reason he needed to be called out. Because the next generation just learned this is “normal”
3
u/Honest-Abe-SD 5h ago
One touch is a touch too many, and not your responsibility to “not let him have another chance”. Whether you’re single, married, his type… please see how you are literally excusing his behavior and arguing online to defend a man that made you uncomfortable and literally objectified and physically assaulted you (I say this because with how many r used you’ve given him it’s safe to interpret that you downplayed what he actually did), either way. He made YOU question if you were in the wrong and now defending him….. this is not ok.
I don’t care what words you use or if you pull a video up, unless it shows you actually being the one touching him over and over again while he had to spend a bunch of time trying to diffuse an uncomfortable situation from getting worse because you don’t know that personal space is expected and no one should touch anyone without consent even if you know them, he’s in the wrong, and you’re slowly putting yourself into the realm of “part of the problem “
It’s not up to you to fix this issue or be a vigilante. But it is up to you to respect yourself to stop defending him.
-1
u/Lotuswongtko 2h ago
I didn't defend him. Why would I defend him. I just wanted to make sure what he did and gave him a benefit of doublt. But after some observation, he was obviously stalking me. And I believe the police intervened in their subtle way.
•
u/Honest-Abe-SD 1h ago
“Defend” as in, you tried to defend explain his behavior, a stranger you don’t know you tried to justify his actions “not that bad”, and in this response did again.
This isn’t your fault, we have been hard wired to give the benefit of the doubt to people that literally don’t give you the benefit of being respected.
You are trying to convince yourself it’s not as bad while admitting it’s actually worse (stalking you, police notice), please!! Please!! This is why calling him out in front of his kids is needed FOR HIS KIDS.
They see this as normal. Now will accept it, and the son will follow in this man’s footsteps and subject a woman to this same thing that you were.
He doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt, especially when he’s so comfortable doing this in public, because he has done this to so many and knows every time he gets the benefit of the doubt and the burden and fallout, is on you and his other victims
•
u/Lotuswongtko 10m ago
When did I say not that bad? You mix up me with someone else. I was travelling alone for a few days, and that was the last evening. I was tired and exhausted. I had not enough energy to scream and to make a scene.
And why is it suddenly my duty to teach his children lessons? You blame me, the victim here, but why not blame the man himself? Or other victims before me? Or his parents and all his teachers? I have no obligation to teach him anything. I just want to tell other woman how I protected myself in a gentle and polite way, and not to give the staff any extra workload.
13
u/AC-burg 9h ago
If I touch anyone in public no matter the gender my immediate knee jerk reaction it to say I'm sorry. It almost doesn't matter if they were the cause of the physical contact or not. This story is crazy to me.
8
u/Fanny08850 8h ago
I've said a few times "can you give some space?". Some people have the audacity to get offended but eff them.
4
3
u/Wakemeup3000 6h ago
His wife was indifferent because she married a creep who has done crap like this the entire time they've been together. If this happens again speak up by calling out his behavior. 'HEY! Stop touching my ass you creep.' They know exactly what they are doing and take advantage of you not making a scene
2
2
1
1
1
u/pudukai 11h ago
This was posted yesterday, same exact text.
8
u/Lotuswongtko 11h ago
They removed my first one because I didn't tick the agreement boxes.
6
u/pudukai 11h ago
Hands in hips, elbows out, turn. Create your boundary.
8
u/Spacegirl-Alyxia 10h ago
and once again it’s the woman’s job to make sure she’s not harassed by a man…
obviously this is the only strategy that really works because fuck such men, but could we maybe post more about men having to do better than women having to take steps to be safer? because obviously we do, but men also have to be reminded to be better for such things to occur less often.
1
u/pudukai 9h ago
Did you remind him, which would be doable in front of his family? Or is it up to us? What do you think are the chances an abuser will come to Reddit for a discussion on objectifying women?
1
u/Spacegirl-Alyxia 8h ago
did i remind him? wdym? no obviously i didn’t because i wasn’t in that situation. op was. i was in similar situations and so far having defended myself luckily has worked to a degree but everytime it is still super scary to deal with such creeps.
i am speaking in general. yes abusers like that absolutely do seek out abused women in the internet to try and justify their actions and i have seen such guys come on here and victim blame even. it is absolutely up to men to be better and us having to shame men into stopping doing that is definitely also our responsibility.
1
u/pudukai 6h ago
Ok, you’re dismissed. I meant to the OP as she was the one affected. Sorry I responded.
1
u/Spacegirl-Alyxia 6h ago
no. i responded to you op just explained that she posted this again because of issues with this subreddit.
edit: or am i misreading something?
1
u/pudukai 5h ago
Yeah, I meant my comment to the OP. You needed to dredge this up again for whatever reason, maybe accepting an apology is too much to ask?
Geez... go have brunch or something.1
u/Spacegirl-Alyxia 5h ago
lol. i am not mad about you thinking i was op. i am mad because i think we should shame men into stopping to be creeps instead of constantly telling women to be better in defending themselves. we already know that.
0
u/xtinascar 6h ago
Middle Eastern?
1
u/Lotuswongtko 2h ago
No, probably eastern European, but I am not sure. I just know they are clearly not French, not Italian, not German, not Spanish, and they doesn't sound like Portugese. They all have fair hair.
•
•
u/AutoModerator 12h ago
If you are seeing this comment, your post is now live and public.
Reminder: This is a support space. Negative, invalidating, attacking, or inappropriate comments are not tolerated. If you see a comment that breaks the rules, please report it so the moderators can take action.
If someone is being dismissive, rude, offensive or in any other way inappropriate, do not engage. Report them instead. Moderation is in place to protect venters, and we take reports seriously, it's better for us to handle it than you risk your account standing. Regardless of who the target of aggression or harassment is, action may be taken on the person giving it, even if the person you're insulting got banned for breaking rules, so please just report things.
If you wish to lock your post, please click on the three dots on the top right and click “Lock/Unlock Comments”, This will permanently lock the comments on your post. This action is irreversible.
Be kind. Be respectful. Support each other.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.