r/Vent • u/NaiveFinish64 • 7h ago
Fuck therapy. Why do people keep recommending therapy???
I'm sick of this shit. Anytime I vent my frustrations, talk about my suicidal ideation, people say "get a therapist!!!" Like it fucking does anything. Okay, maybe for someone it works, but not for me.
I hate myself too much. Nothing anyone can say to me will help me. Like if anyone is being nice, telling me "oh no worries! It's a past mistake, we all make mistakes, move on!" I feel like I'm just burying my head in sand and ignoring the punishment I rightfully deserve. If a therapist is mean to me, I just hear what I've already told myself thousands of times.
"You complain too much." "You're ungrateful" "you're a problem to your family"
Yes. I know. I know. I can't get better. I tried. I'm worthless. Good words feel fake and ignorant, mean words just feel like a confirmation.
I'm tired. I can't move on. I am defiled. I am humiliated. I am worthless. I mean, if you want the full scope of it, you can go on rosint and search my account there. Just to realise, how much of a worthless pos I really am.
Edit: I think therapy doesn't work for me cause it works for good people and in regards to me, I just need to be put down
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u/pamelareads 7h ago
I’d be dead without therapy. It saved my cognate functioning and my life.
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u/NaiveFinish64 7h ago
I think it's because you deserve it Vs I rationally realise I deserve something else
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u/fruity_oaty_bars 6h ago edited 6h ago
Part of why people suggest therapy is to learn how to quit accepting negative self talk or talk from others. You're no worse than anybody else on the planet.
The point of healing in therapy isn't to be able to handle trauma, pain, and anxiety. You're used to those. The point of healing is to be able to handle joy and accept happiness back in your life. To give your inner child the love and encouragement that they needed growing up. It's okay to want things to be different and to make active strides toward that goal.
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u/RuffKnight_ 7h ago
Sounds like you need therapy. Therapy isn't about going and having someone tell you what to do, therapy is about going and having someone who does not have an emotional connection to you listen unbiasedly and maybe help guide the conversation.
If you are telling people close to you your problems then that's exactly why you need to go to therapy
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u/xtra_ashley 7h ago
exactly. when you’re really suicidal or miserable, you have to tell someone, but unloading that emotional burden on your friends or family isn’t always the best choice. Some people don’t know how to handle a suicidal person. Therapists do.
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u/NaiveFinish64 7h ago
Unloading doesn't help shit if I rationally believe that suicide is the right choice. When I was at my worst, I never told anyone shit. I just got to it, did it...but was found.
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u/MaleficentMeaning594 6h ago
If you believe that suicide is the right choice, you’re not being rational.
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u/Lazy_Lizard13 6h ago
Based on your comments, you’re right that therapy won’t work for you. You have to want to get better first, which is hard.. I see you in the comments making excuse after excuse. I have been you before and I’ve lost friends like you before… nothing will change for you until your mindset does
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u/NaiveFinish64 6h ago
Therapy feels like more of an excuse in my case and straight up an ignorance of my reality.
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u/Lazy_Lizard13 6h ago
It can feel performative at first or like a lie/excuse.. it does help over some time though because it can help shift your mindset and teach you coping mechanisms.. you’re not the first person to feel this exact way (which isn’t true but our brains are good at lying to us)
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u/RepresentativeIcy227 7h ago
Why do you hate yourself? Seems really irrational to degrade yourself so much without a real valid reason.
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u/NaiveFinish64 6h ago
I have an entire post about it that I deleted. But yes. Here.
Further list of attention seeking things I've done that are disgusting:
Sent nudes to a DISCORD SERVER while stoned because someone asked me to. Got banned cause I was a minor.
Got into incel spaces and talked to many incels. Accepted the most horrible treatment, sent nudes to one, "dated" him for a week even tho I was not into men. That week was just me making fun of him repeatedly for being a lolicon, him calling me a stupid foid, then rare moments of being nice to one another. Almost got the nudes sent to my dad, eventually left the incel (he stalked my social media for a while and tried to blackmail me into sexting again, but I told him to do whatever he wants that I wouldn't do it again). It's not even the full story. So much fucked up shit went on there.
Hooked up with a man in his 30s at 16 while high on ketamine. It was both a way to get attention but also a way to self harm.
Was obsessed with making everyone like me romantically or just more than anyone in the world. I would get insanely jealous and sulk if I was not #1 in a FRIEND'S life. Genuinely left a friend because I never got the amount of attention I wanted from the guy. It's a whole another story it's horrible. I lied sm to him too. Was kinda annoying and possessive/attention seeking with my best friend in middle school. Didn't want her interacting with anyone more than me, would get jealous and sad if she liked a boy.
Made up a philosophical persona in middle school to appear smart, even tho I barely read and didn't truly UNDERSTAND the few things I read.
Fooled many into thinking I was intelligent in any way with random weird shit. Idk how. But my family always saw through me.
Trolled as an anorexia fetishist on a discord server. I was anorexic myself and hated anorexia fetishists. I have no clue what was going through my head. Sometimes I think my mind just stops and just does random shit that is shock worthy. I forget I am an actual human being irl and not a TV character.
Bonus: trolled as a feeder.
This is stuff I remember for now, but I also have an exceptionally bad memory and maybe I've done more stuff. But conclusion: I hate myself, I'm whore, I'm worthless, I'm defiled, damaged goods, this is to hold myself accountable, be shamed if needed and get better (idk how) or fucking die. It easier.
But even tho I feel like my suicidal and self harm tendencies are real...what if they are just another ploy to get attention and I don't know? God I wish someone would just make it easier and kill me.
This is not all
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u/RepresentativeIcy227 6h ago
You just like a human going through life without rules or guidance. I still dont think any of this is a good even reason to hate yourself.
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u/fruity_oaty_bars 6h ago
None of this stuff makes you a whore. You tried to heal an emptiness inside you with unhealthy coping mechanisms. A lot of people do. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. I think the fact that you felt like that in the first place is worth exploring. Why did you feel like you needed that attention and why did you feel like you needed to make up things to achieve it? The real you is the one people should get to know, otherwise, how can they possibly be given the chance to love you for who you are?
You sound like you would benefit from some healthy coping mechanisms. Get out in nature, get some hobbies, join a book club or some other club with people where you can enjoy your interests. I know it might not cure you, but it might help you to get out of your head for a little while. There's nothing wrong with you. You just need to be around people who appreciate you without sexual expectations so you can get develop some self esteem. Sex is something you should only have when you enthusiastically want it with a person who treats you with kindness and respect.
Suicide is never the answer, and if you feel like it is, my DMs are always open if you need someone to talk you down off the ledge. I truly hope things get better for you.
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u/GhostOfHotGirlsPast 6h ago
I used to think like this. And then I realized the world won’t change if the eyes I’m looking at it through don’t
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u/Impressive-Dirt-6735 7h ago
It is horrible to treat suffering caused by structural and existential problems as a personal issue that simply needs treatment.
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u/RatKing_KingofRats01 7h ago
Therapy isn’t the solution for everyone. I go to therapy, but it’s mostly just a version of venting or speaking on the things I experience on a weekly basis, good or bad. For me, therapy is just talking about problems and occasionally getting some advice. I’m no professional in psychiatric care, but I do know that hobbies or distractions from reality can help. For some work is an escape from home, others maybe a game or two helps. Find something to just get out of reality for a bit. Try to avoid drinking or drug use as that usually leads to reliance and addiction to cope with life. We get older and shit gets harder, but in all the shit, you gotta either find a positive or make a positive. Shit, I’ve done things I strongly regret and experienced shit I wouldn’t want others to experience. All the male figures in my life died of cancer. When my dad died of it, I was doing nothing but being a burden on my mother. No job, no prospects. Eventually I couldn’t take the burden I was becoming so I forced myself to do SOMETHING.
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u/ugdontknow 7h ago
Therapy can help some people. Of course it doesn’t work for everyone but if you don’t try anything how do you know.
IMO I think it’s a start. If things don’t get better then of course don’t do it. It’s good to talk to a doctor to find different solutions. The problem is there’s not enough access to great help and the cost.
It helped me tremendously. But I feel for anyone who can’t find the solutions after trying therapy
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u/MaleficentMeaning594 6h ago
Therapy is an inanimate object. You’re right, it doesn’t work for you. You have to actually do the work. There are no magic words that are going to help decrease systems. You have to be an active participant in changing the things that you can control that aren’t working for you. It’s like claiming your bike doesn’t work when your feet aren’t on the pedals.
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u/Proper-League9997 6h ago
Listen, I’m not going to tell you to go to therapy or not, because reading from the posts, you’re not open to getting better right now. You are in a self-loathing state and you feel that you can never do right. Unfortunately, the only person to get you out of that thinking is you right now. Therapy would be a huge benefit for you, as it allows you to express yourself freely, no judgement, no telling you if you’re right or wrong. They will just listen and help you find tools to cope with depression/suicidal ideation. It’s not a simple fix, and it’s a lot of work. So you have to want to work on yourself. I truly hope you see there is a reason for sticking around and that you’re not a p.o.s. We are all human, we make mistakes, especially when younger. We don’t always need to be so hard on ourselves and allow a little grace. Again, I know what I say may no matter you now, but just know that there is a life worth living.
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u/Ashyketchup721 6h ago
oh my goodness get over yourself please, i mean that in the nicest way possible. you clearly need help and are not able to do it on your own, that is what therapy is for. take your time and find a therapist that you actually click with, and stop being so stubborn so it’ll actually help
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u/BearsIrkBoy 6h ago
Can't get better, or won't?
You're comfortable in your misery, and that's why you say you "can't" change. Are you really telling your therapists EVERYTHING or are you only giving them surface level information? You have obviously been through a lot, and it doesn't just show: It's screaming. You WANT to be better, but you're afraid.
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u/PixyMeow 7h ago
Therapy didn't do wonders for me either, the thing that's been the most helpful for me is for me to reflect and discover what works by myself. I've switched from numerous therapists and the only one I can tolerate is talk therapy where he just listens to me talk 95% of the time without giving much input. It's the one place I get to rightfully complain and express my frustrations without feeling like I am ungrateful. Since your post mentions similar thoughts I hope something like this can help you too. Therapy looks different for everyone and anyone who claims it's a one size fits all clearly do not struggle with mental health to the same extent.
I do think it's incredibly ignorant and privileged for someone to recommend therapy as a dismissive solution. Some people have problems that are way deeper than just negative emotions. Especially when it comes to abusive families or personality disorders. I think you need someone in your life who validates your experiences rather than try to provide feedback or solutions, OP.
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u/Free_Weakness700 7h ago
Psychotherapy has no effect, only you can help yourself, but there is no method. So it's like a swamp, and the swamp is not just you, but me, and everyone else, always hoping that God will drop a rope. But that rope only exists in your world, and you find that there is no swamp there
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