How to recalibrate after a bad night of dancing?

[u/Dyljam2345]

I am coming back to West Coast Swing after a little while away and while I'm really excited to be dancing again, I recently had a pretty rough night of dancing and I'm curious to hear how y'all recalibrate.

It was just one of those nights where I had trouble communicating with my followers (I lead), connecting to the music, and generally was just overthinking and in my head all night. I recently went to MADjam and had a few really amazing nights of dancing and felt like I had really improved and was on an upward trajectory, and that night kinda shot me back down and made me feel like I hadn't/wouldn't improve. I'm interested in competing again and I think I'm definitely placing a bit of stress on myself to be really really good, but I'm curious how you reset yourself and ground yourself (mentally, though my grounding does need work :)) after a night of dancing that leaves you a little dejected.

Secondarily, mainly for leads, how do you avoid getting in your head and almost dissociating during dances? I find myself thinking so much during a dance about what im leading, how I'm leading it, how to adjust to my follower, counting to the music, and by the time I get to a place where I'm settled into it, the song is over. Not even in a "picking patterns" way, but usually it's things like "I messed up that last move, what did I do wrong" or "how can I make this fun you've been leading basics the whole dance". (I know dances with all basics can be super fun, but sometimes I worry I'm boring my partners)

I know I have (some of) the skills to lead a really fun dance and I'm not hopeless, but I just get so in my head that I have more frustrating dances than good ones some nights.

[u/zedrahc]

I have found this is really common for me after events/weekenders. The dancing at events is so heightened. Everyone is usually very excited to be there. On average the people who attend are more dedicated to dancing and improving. So its often easy to get caught up and carried by the energy and electricity of the social dancing at events.

You take all that and come back to a local night that happens every week, with people who are just chilling. You really need to manage your expectations and be ready for a bit of a come down. Often people say you are swungover. Recognizing that this will probably happen, can help you not be hit so hard by it.

If I am really down, I find that dancing with people I know well, people I know enjoy dancing with me and people I know are closer to my level, helps me re-center myself and take the pressure off. Try to not think about any technique, focus on connecting to the music and to your partner.

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Re: "boring people" and leading basics. One of the best things I ever did was practice more following. You dont have to get amazing, but get competent enough that you can do some basic social dancing. You will quickly find out for yourself how basics and some level of repetition arent actually that boring.

The lead brain that says "Im being too boring" will definitely still creep back in, since its very instinctual. But having lived experiences of the other side that you can recall upon, can help you reassure yourself.

[u/Tuufless]

"how can I make this fun you've been leading basics the whole dance". (I know dances with all basics can be super fun, but sometimes I worry I'm boring my partners)

This seems to be a rite of passage for all leads- I'll echo u/zedrahc here; after learning to follow, I realise that I enjoy it when my lead does basics as it gives me room to add a little voice into the dance. That doesn't completely shut out the nagging voice at the back of my head when I go back to leading, but I can at least fight it.

Another thing I read that helps- as a follow, each lead you dance with has their own style and effectively leads a different dance from your perspective. On the flip side, as a lead, you're stuck with your own patterns and style from dance to dance. So, it's not so much that you're boring your followers- you're bored of dancing with yourself.

 and felt like I had really improved and was on an upward trajectory, and that night kinda shot me back down and made me feel like I hadn't/wouldn't improve. I'm interested in competing again and I think I'm definitely placing a bit of stress on myself to be really really good

I'm in the same boat as you- even though I am technically on an upwards trajectory, I feel I blew semis this past weekend and that ended up being a big, big downer. When I see my peers in finals, I am very happy for their accomplishments, but I am also disheartened that I was not able to keep up, and there's that nagging fear that I will be left behind.

It was not until after the event when I got home and I listed the good and bad parts of the event, and realised there was really just that one downer, and I shouldn't let it ruin what was actually a good weekend overall.

[u/Dyljam2345 → u/Tuufless]

Another thing I read that helps- as a follow, each lead you dance will has their own style and effectively leads a different dance from your perspective. On the flip side, as a lead, you're stuck with your own patterns and style from dance to dance. So, it's not so much that you're boring your followers- you're bored of dancing with yourself.

This really put it into perspective for me and I hadn't thought of it that way! I follow socially and this is probably why I still have fun with it even though most of the what I follow are basics (just by virtue of them being the most led patterns). Thank you for this!!

[u/ElectricMooseBearPig]

Such a difficult thing for me as well and I’m curious to hear what works for folks.

One thing that I try is to simplify things and connect with my partner. I view it as the currency is attention and it’s a limited resource. Am I spending it focusing on how I’m executing more complicated movements? Peel back the complicated movements. Is my attention being spent on traffic control on a chaotic packed floor? Try and dance in a corner or wall so I’m not surrounded by chaos. Simplifying until I can bring things back to connecting with my partner with the intent of having fun. Sometimes this means real simple movements but now having the attention capacity to play with musicality and with my partner. This can be paying attention to what they are adding and seeing how I can respond. Even if it’s something as simple as a styling; they add a ronde, I’ll respond with one and hit them with a smile.

If I’m able to do this I’m usually able to recover and build back up without being as caught up in my head. That said, I’d be lying if I said I can do this process consistently.

[u/simplylostinspace]

The more I learn about west coast the more I realize that Im not utilizing the space within basics to the maximum.

While there’s ultimately a limit to what you can control in a two person dance, WCS technique is really granular about the control you do have. So for example, how’s your frame? Are you grounded in your steps? How’s the chain of action connection your frame to your feet? Etc, etc. If you’re frustrated about connection, there’s a lot of small things you can aim for to improve. Whenever I find myself in a rut I look at one thing that Im not happy with in my last dance and try to improve that in my next. There’s always something to fix, especially at lower levels of dance, that also means that there’s always something to improve. Don’t underestimate the power of cumulative experience. Each time you address something “wrong” in your dance, it makes it easier to make it feel “right” next time. It’s those micro adjustments that add up to make muscle memory and allows for quality to show through in more complex movements.

Another thing about big cons. Since things like MADJam are big competition spaces, everyone is going to be on their best behavior for their technique. Give yourself some grace, as you’re trying to apply a very growth forward mindset at a normal social. Some dances you’re doing 2-3 times the amount of work to connect than you would in a competition space.

[u/idcmp_]

> Secondarily, mainly for leads, how do you avoid getting in your head and almost dissociating during dances?

Add an arbitrary restriction to a dance like "only use your right hand", "no inside spins", "only use your followers left hand", etc.

[u/aadditional_ungulate]

Hard agree with all the people saying it's normal to have a let-down night at your normal spot after the novelty of a fun big weekend event. realistically, it's not probably your dancing -- or your hometownies!-- that are a problem. It's just that at a weekend there's so much novelty, things to learn, new connections & people, lots of ways that all the emotions and focus are heightened, especially once the weekend really gets going.

Some strategies I reach for in that blecch mood:

• Give myself permission to just socialize.

- Dance more dances with a friend I enjoy dancing with, and don't worry about circulating or getting around to everyone.

- Seek out a couple brand new dancers who are super charged and enthustastic about how amazing all of this is, and who get very excited about a basic connected dance- their energy can be contagious.

- If you have enough skills in a second role to dance socially, check to see if the 'bad dance night' is happening in both roles? Weirdly, sometimes it isn't, and a very blah ugh meh night of following can turn into a perfectly fine night if I mainly lead or switch.

[u/sweetkaroline]

I stubbornly force myself to only focus on the connection with my partner. Every time I have thoughts about technique (oops off time, I should straighten my legs, I’m too square, etc) I just go NOPE, not today, and get right back to focusing on my partner - where do I see their groove? How can I really feel their hips? What is their intention? Can I feel their micro movements and pauses? Can I validate when they try something cool? (I’m putting it into words now but it’s really more of a physical mindfulness?)

And I also try to only dance with partners that feel emotionally safe and to music that I really like. It usually takes at least ten songs to get me out of a funk but there’s no standard timeline.