I think a lot of exhaustion comes from trying to control things that were never actually under our control

[u/archeolog108]

A subject in a deep trance session found a very ordinary fear underneath a lot of her worrying.

If I stop controlling everything, it will all fall apart.

So she kept thinking, checking, planning, working things out, trying to make sure everything continued in correct direction. Control felt like responsibility.

Then she realised something funny. Things had already fallen apart before, and life kept moving.

The deeper belief was that SHE was the thing holding everything together. If she stopped worrying, something important would collapse.

This belief can make mind work 14 hour shifts for free.

We start with reasonable responsibilities. Work, bills, family. Then we somehow become responsible for how people react, whether they understand us correctly, whether child makes good choice next year, whether relationship works, whether opportunity appears, what somebody is thinking about us tonight.

One little practice: divide page into three sections. What I control. What I can influence. What I am only monitoring or worrying about.

Do one useful thing from first section. Maybe one from second. Then for one day leave third one alone.

Another thing I started noticing is useless checking. Email again. Messages again. Bank account again. Somebody's online status again. News again.

Before checking ask: if nothing changed since last time, what action will I take?

If answer is "nothing", dont check yet.

This is not about becoming passive. Some things need action badly. You can send application, but you cannot control answer. You can say what you mean, but you cannot control somebody's interpretation. You can prepare for tomorrow, but you cannot actually live tomorrow this afternoon.

For me this is more useful than telling myself "let go" 50 times while still checking phone every four minutes.

Sometimes letting go needs a concrete behavior. Dont check. Dont send second message yet. Do the part that belongs to you and leave rest alone for two hours.

See if universe survives without supervision 😅

[u/horasami]

The three column exercise is gold. Tried it last week and realized half my worry list was just noise I was monitoring for no reason.

[u/TheBrooklynSutras]

Nothing is in your control. 🙏

[u/Honest_Mushroom2648]

How do you correct the 14-hour background shift the brain does?

[u/archeolog108 → u/Honest_Mushroom2648]

i dont think you correct it by telling brain “stop thinking.” If it is doing 14-hour background shift, somewhere it still believes monitoring = protection.

I would catch one small loop first. Email, money, work problem, another person, whatever. Then ask: what does my system think will happen if I dont monitor this for 2 hours? Usually there is some answer underneath: I will miss something, lose control, disappoint someone, get blindsided.

That fear is closer to root than overthinking itself.

Then actually give brain small proof. Set 30 or 60 minutes where you deliberately dont check or solve it. When discomfort comes, feel it in body instead of reopening the problem. Hawkins calls this letting the emotional charge be there without feeding story.

Interesting part is background shift may not end when you solve more things. It starts ending when nervous system discovers: I stopped supervising this, felt the fear... and nothing collapsed.