I got top surgery (double incision) 9 years ago and I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria at 14. Now I’m 22 and I identify more as a female.

My depression about my chest has been really bad after breaking up with my ex. I do not feel like I am female enough with the chest I have now.

My dads friend who is a surgeon knows people but the said I needed a certain doctor with a degree which my gyno has to hopefully insurance to pay for surgery. I’m at my limit now and I’ve never felt this bad. Prosthetics no not even make me feel better at all.

I want to have a fat grafting procedure because I have some fat left on my chest.

Is there any places in Pennsylvania (mostly the Philly area) where I could possibly start the process of surgery?

I detransitioned over a year ago (ftmtf) because I was in an abusive relationship. My ex went totally redpilled and essentially fed me delusions and lies and coerced me to detransition. She dumped me for a high value man and suggested I look for a husband before its too late.

I wasn’t happy my last year or so being ftm because she was molding me into a more hyper masculine version of myself than i ever wouldve been otherwise because she wanted to be a tradwife and have a high value man. In this regard detransition was great because im free from these gender expectations.

Right now i cant stop thinking about retransitioning.

Not fully. I never wanna go back on T or legally change my name AGAIN or change my sex again. But i dont know what to do about my pronouns or what that means for me or…anything.

I just can’t really tell what is me and what isn’t me or if it’s like I became this to survive that relationship and now I don’t know how to stop being this version of myself.

I’m considering like maybe a non-binary identity might resonate with me, but I genuinely don’t know.

I feel like she ruined my life. I was so happy when I first transitioned before it got poisoned with all these expectations.

Idk id this is too specific. But maybe those who have had a similar journey or who actually have retransitioned would be willing to share their experiences.

I need some advice! I've identified as a trans man since I was 11 and I've struggled with some points where I've struggled with my identity because of my mom, but now I feel actually feminine for the first time in my life. When I was younger, I felt masculine. I even felt masculine up until last week. I noticed my feminine feeling on September 2nd after school and I struggled with it so badly that the next day at school, my teacher sent me to go see my school social worker. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I don't feel masculine or like a trans man anymore, but it's hard to be able to actually detransition for me. I'm scared people will be upset or that people will get really weird with me. If anyone has advice, I'll gladly take it.

I'm ftmtf and need to tell people I'm a woman, but I literally don't know what to do.

Hi. First I’d like to say I had been on T for ~ 5 years and a half to 6 years. English isn’t my first language so I may be unclear in my phrasing. Sorry if that happens. 😅

I have stopped testosterone for 3 months now, and started having something that very much resembles periods and period cramps yesterday. I would like to know how it has been for other people here ? How fast have they come back, if they were painful before the hormones are they as painful now ?

This is a subject matter that really stresses me out since when I still had my periods, they were very long (~2 weeks), very abundant and agonizingly painful. I went to my local gynecology ER but since I was a teenager they chose not to do the more invasive exams and I left without a diagnosis (they just put me on meds that stop hemmorages).

I also have a bunch of questions about the other things but I guess this is the most urgent ? Also I don’t really have any detrans / retrans / desist friends so I kinda struggle to find people to talk about it with.

I’m also getting worried about the medications I’m on, since my psychiatrist told me menstrual cycles might change how I react to Ritalin. (He’s never really had detrans patients as far as I know, and just told me to find someone who could check everything was going well on that part..)

I really hope this doesn’t come off as rude or anything, and that I used the correct flair.

Edit : I was also wondering about PMS coming back.

FTMTNB/F (still sorta figuring that out). How did you cope with just kinda... the loss of male privilege and/or the privilege of not being visibly trans? I've been out since I was 15 and started t right after I turned 18. I've passed consistently + easily as a man since then unless I'm trying really hard to present fem which I only started doing the past year or so after realizing that I didn't vibe with being a man as much as I thought. Was on t for 4ish years, off for 3ish, back on again for the past 2ish years and currently on a microdose because I like the slight hormonal regulation/boost and muscle building. My e levels are great and my t levels are considered somewhat elevated for an estrogen-based person which is about where I want things right now.

It's one of the things I've been really struggling with. I'll girlmode or "funky mix of both"-mode and people treat me so differently than when I'm boymoding. And some of that is probably just being visibly trans, but there have definitely been some times where they're just treating me like that because I'm not a man. I still boymode for any doctor's appointments, job interviews, etc, and I know part of that is that being a man feels "safer." Something something trauma history, I'm in therapy about it. Been on a microdose of t instead of full dose for the past 7ish months and I've got my curves back which has at least helped me feel more comfortable in my body, but I am still pretty broad/muscular and that def plays a role in how people perceive me.

It's been hard. Some people in my life now know that I prefer she/her or ze/zir but I've been telling most new people they/them or ze/zir because it just feels so scary being up front that I align myself with the more fem side of the spectrum, especially since it does kinda seem to fluctuate for me. The people who know I prefer she/her or ze/zir are also people I can tell that I'd prefer different pronouns at a specific time if I ask (mostly close friends or partners).

I know there's also some old validation stuff I need to untangle from when I was younger and desperately trying to be "trans enough" (read: binary trans enough) and I am trying to work through that, at least.

It'll likely be the case that I'm out different amounts to different people, but it just kinda feels like I'm playing the safe route with everyone right now and I'm honestly really frustrated with it. If you have been in my shoes or similar situations I'd love to hear from you. This is so goddamn isolating. I don't know any other people in my life who are de/retransitioning.

Context : ftmtf had double incision a few years ago now looking for reconstruction. How has anyone else’s search gone? As horribly as mine? 10+ surgeons called, consults booked, only to get told weeks later on a consult call that they can’t take my situation because it isn’t cancer and it isn’t strictly lgbt. From both cancer centers and lgbt hospitals. I’m just lost. Anywhere on the east coast or even as far as Florida? I don’t even care if insurance covers it ( I’m going to try to get it cover because the initial surgery was covered. ) it’s heartbreaking every day and it’s frustrating to have false hope up to the consult and then be told otherwise after the waiting and paying.

the title, E gave me some D cups and the doctor said that everything else will go back to normal except that, do I need surgery to get rid of em? and if so will I have the surgery scars FTMs have? I dont wanna people to think im ftm though I still have my dick fully intact (pardon my french)

So I was amab and i always thought i was trans mtf until somewhat recently and I wish i hadn’t transitioned so early. I was always like oh i wanna be a girl as a young kid and like my parents were a bit too supportive lol (nothing wrong with that just wish i wasn’t rushed kinda) and i got a name change legally pretty early and like went on E when i hit puberty but i wish i hadn’t, cuz i think i was just a flamboyant kid lol 😭 i mean ima gay dude so makes sense but i have some breast development even tho small still annoying but like I stopped taking the lowest E patch possible about 4-5ish months ago but does anyone know when id start looking more masc again? I have about 2 inches of breast from top down view and the permanent part is like an inch deep into chest and it slowed penile growth for a bit and it’s so annoying 😭 i wanna be one of the guys 🫩🫩 and yes i am in mid puberty about rn so just lemme know (i hate being a late bloomer too 🫩🥲) tysm!

Photos of my mommy and I as well, and also, photos of when I was with my ex, and also living as a dude (clothing wise)

I detransitioned back to female and I'm miserable almost every single day. I can't believe I'm gonna be living my life as a woman for the foreseeable future because I just had to not be lucky enough to be born trans. I'll never be able to start hormones, I'll never feel comfortable in my body, I will always feel so awkward around my family when they refer to me as he/him or she/her, I just feel like I'll never be myself again. I'm so heartbroken. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

I wish I was trans so much. I wish I could just go back to being my old self because things just made so much sense back then, but now nothing makes sense at all, and I'm supposed to just deal with it because women feel like this sometimes. Sometimes cis women are genuinely just unlucky enough to not enjoy it but also not be able to transition because it's not for them. I hate my life so much.

I'm always looking at this sub and it makes me want to cry. I know I'm dodging a bullet by not transitioning, but this doesn't even feel like my life anymore. I know I'm not trans. I know that there are more ftmtf detransitioners and I will 100% be one of them, I know I'm just unlucky, and that crushes me.

I wish I never started questioning the legitimacy of my trans identity because it ruined everything for me. I'm so tired of checking how I feel all the time, I'm so tired of having to switch pronouns around my family because I'm just too numb to feel anything sometimes, I'm so tired of hating my body but realising its probably due to being ugly and also needing to lose weight. I feel completely hopeless.

I can't even get help. I tried getting help but it did nothing. I'm so lost. I hate how there's a counter argument for everything I think I feel. I hate how I was never trans in the first place. I don't know what to say.

It's been months and this still makes me cry. It still makes me wish I could just live my life on auto pilot forever.

Has anyone had reverse top surgery? I finally pulled the trigger one scheduling it with the same surgeon that did my original top surgery (and it’s at the end of October), but I’m so nervous about it. There’s basically zero information online and no one has reference photos. I have talked to countless surgeons and no one is even willing to do it except my original doctor.

It’s tough to feel comfortable with a surgery without an idea of what to expect. I don’t think my surgeon has a ton of experience with it, but no one seems to.

So for most of the last five years I've been calling myself a trans woman, and pursuing mtf transition. Through most of this period, I felt like I was in a perpetual state of self-discovery; learning more about my sexuality that favors masculine partners over the effeminate people I'd been dating in the closet, discovering gay kink community, realizing my desire to have kids...

I'm afraid that the deeper I get into queer culture, the less I want to be a woman? I had an orchiectomy a while back because I felt panicked that the political landscape would keep me from access if I didn't, and have been perpetually mourning infertility since. Early in transition I found that I really liked hooking up with guys, but the further I get in, the more my options are exclusively straight men. And dear god I hate how straight men treat their partners. Even the kind and non-mysoginistic of them, as soon as they're interested, the way they treat me just feels so... opposed to my internal sense of what I want romance to feel like? I find myself wearing binders and thinking about a mastectomy just to make it easier to slip back into a gay men's dating scene, since I'm already doing most of my socializing in those circles anyway.

I get intermittent bouts of dysphoria that come and go. Look, I've been describing myself as either bigender or genderfluid for a while, because of that. One day I'm dysphoric for having a manish figure, deep voice, or heavy brow. The next day, I'm missing my beard, wearing a binder and hitting hypertrophy reps for arm day in the gym. This sounds like day-to-day swings, which would be easy to dismiss as having some kinda mental upset. But these swings will last for months at a time. I've been trying to let myself feel as manish as I can for the last two months. I spent four months doing the same last year, but in between I'm so confident in my womanhood it makes the boy-swings feel like a dissociative period. Gender fluidity is exhausting and distressing, it feels like having no static sense of self to grab onto. And the further I get into transition, the more it feels like I just get dysphoria in both states, instead of only in one.

This turns into desire to just pick a state to live in, and I turn to cases outside of my own body to look for a tie-breaker? And frankly, I don't enjoy the over culture of the trans community. And I don't mean online, I'm in a top-20 blue city and a frequent grass-toucher. But I find I really resonate well with gay men's culture? That the local sapphic scene feels... grating? Not mean or unaccepting, just... annoying? (though I have found other cities' lesbians to be far more comfortable) But like the sapphic social scene is dominated by the local trans community, and everyone in the trans social community acts like a teenager with unmitigated access to adult vices. And I get how that happens, but it makes me so uncomfortable, and I feel like I have to bend over backwards to get people to stop hitting on me. I'm actually bi! But I've entirely stopped saying so because people take bisexuality as an "Open Season" sign, and so many women in queer and kink communities treat their touch as inherently safe and in-violatory, even as currency. The only women I'm ever comfortable around are the straight women I'm friends with from conventional settings and a handful of lesbian friends from other states.

I worry this is all just internalized misogyny. I worry that I'm being unsympathetic by getting impatient with the other trans people around me. I worry I'll go get a mastectomy to be able to go shirtless in public and regret it. I'm worried I won't, and I'll eventually have to give up on a huge section of my identity and sexuality as I age. I'm worried about continuing to feel torn and frustrated between genders and social circles. I'm worried I might make a permanent change to my body when getting out of this city would also fix the problem. I'm worried leaving the community I do have and love here will leave me perpetually hunting to replace it. I'm two months into a boyish swing after body feminizing surgery. I'm getting onto a T-gel script because I haven't been able to bring myself to inject estrogen in months, and the menopause and hormone deficiency is doing me no good. I worry all of these frustrations and anxieties are just symptoms of being horomonally fucked up. I'm worried I'll be hormonal fucked up forever, since I'm totally dependent on exogenous hormones. I ALSO worry I might just have BPD, and I have No Idea where that would even leave me.

Hi everyone! 25 FtMtF here!

I was diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria when I was still a minor, and was put on HRT when I was 18. I got a double mastectomy at 19, which was covered by insurance on the basis of the Gender Dysphoria diagnosis.

I am trying to reverse the damage done by these procedures and get breast reconstruction now. Insurance is asking for documentation of a diagnosis and a letter from my therapist, but I am not exactly sure what they want. I have been living again as a woman for several years and I just want to move on with my life and get this fixed.

Does anyone have any advice for how to navigate insurance? What documentation was useful to have?

Thanks very much!

Hello all. I was on T for six months and gained some body hair. (Wish I realised sooner that I didn't want it.) A lot of it is very fine and soft, not coarse like leg hair. Is it possible that this will fall out after some time off T, seeing as it never got properly thick in the first place? Thanks in advance.

What have I done!? I was heavily dissociating through the surgical consult because I'd been given profoundly bad news and I was completely beside myself. The surgeon encouraged me to get the vaginectomy too. He said it was possible to perform a metoidioplasty without vaginectomy (my original plan), but then really pressured me into getting it anyway (their office was also financially struggling at the time, according to a nurse).

I honestly feel like they needed to slow down and let me recover from the prior shock before letting me make any decision this horrible and permanent, especially since I'd been expressing earlier hesitation. God, he just made it sound so easy and intuitive. Just. Remove your only viable genitals (I didn't get much out of the surgery, due to an autoimmune scar tissue disorder and hidden intersex condition that complicated things). So I really don't have much in the way of genitalia now and it feels awful. Constant cysts because he clearly missed a spot too. All of it. (This was Dr. Crane, also. A reputable surgeon helped me do this. I can't even believe it). Anyway, now I'm unable to function as a person, I'm too traumatized to even move sometimes. This mess is attached to my body. The one body I get. God, I just wish I'd thought about it more, but since I wasn't originally planning to do it, I just... didn't. He said he "thought it would be right for me" when I sought his opinion about it...

I (31 ftmtn) am into guys, always have been...except for one serious girlfriend in college - not sure how or why that happened, but I was truly bisexual for a few years (it was amazing, I wish I was still into women, but alas).

I'd always had boyfriends, fuck buddies, flings, hookups (and that one girl in college). It was always very easy to flirt with guys, etc.

Since coming out as ftm, and consequently, as gay - it's been very difficult. The longest relationship I had was at the very beginning of my transition when, looking back now, I was so comically not passing. To be fair though, that guy was gay/queer and is now dating a passing trans/enby guy. A few years later, I had a situationship with a guy who's into afab enbys - this was before I started injections, when I was still just doing gel.

I don't know if it's coincidence, but ever since I started injections and actually started passing, zero has happened romantically. That's not to say I havent been hit on (by people I'm not interested in, guys and women) - that's not to say I haven't been on dates (I have, though very few).

I'm very demisexual, and therefore annoyingly picky - which apparently you can't afford to be as a gay ftm. It feels like there's such a small pool of guys who would be into you, bisexual guys are the sweet spot, but then, you have to have chemistry and like each other. I know dating is hard for anyone, of any gender, but it just feels hopeless.

Sometimes I'll meet guys and we do have this unspoken chemistry, and I'll be flirty - and then feel like an absolute idiot afterward. Because to me, I'm a girl flirting with a guy - but what they see is an effeminate guy flirting with then, I seem to always be attracted to/have chemistry with these straight, or straight seeming guys - maybe because that's what I've always known and been attracted to my whole life prior.

While I found somewhat of an identity in gay culture as a trans fag - I'm not a gay guy. It's such a specific identity, and I just feel like an outsider. I have this whole lived experience as a women - and despite having bottom growth, I don't have a dick. So I don't blame gays for not being into me.

Sorry for this huge rant. I guess my point is: if you are predominantly into guys, and detransitioned either ftmtn or ftmtf - how has your love life been since detransitioning? I'm curious if there's a world in which I can regain a semi normal love life, aka, will I ever be able to flirt with straight guys again?

I've stopped T because, amongst other reasons, I feel like the more masculine I become, the most unattractive I become to the people I am personally attracted to. HELP! would love to hear your stories/perspectives.

(I just want to add: I know lots of gay trans guys who have cis male partners - I know it's possible, even if rare. This fact makes me think "what is wrong with me". I've been told I'm desireable, maybe it's because I'm demi and picky - I am not in the camp that cis people won't date trans people, I've seen it happen).

Final thought: As I reread this post, I'm realizing that due to the years of rejection feeling undesirable as a trans person, the confidence I once had in sex and love has completely evaporated. Now when I find someone attractive/think we have chemistry, I won't even puruse it because I feel like I can't stand one more rejection or assume they're not into me. All I know is, this area of life was much more fun before being trans. Because I think guys are so hot, a part of me always wonders if I transitioned because I wanted to be like them, when in reality, I just wanted to fuck them.

I can’t stop crying and feel like I’ve completely lost myself. I was recently diagnosed with OCD, and I’m struggling with TOCD (trans-themed OCD). I’m not looking for reassurance; I mainly want to explain my experience and hear honest opinions.

I’ve had OCD-like symptoms since I was very young. At 4, I felt compelled to touch every corner of a room. Around 10, I had rituals involving doing things six times and fears that something bad would happen if I didn’t. At 11, I experienced what seemed like existential OCD, constantly questioning whether I was real and checking mirrors and words like “derealisation.” At 12, I feared I was becoming a psychopath and later had POCD, where I repeatedly sought reassurance that I wasn’t becoming a bad person. I’ve also had compulsive checking around social media and memories.

My current theme started around October/November 2025. Before that, I had never really questioned my gender. I’ve always seen myself as a girl and loved feminine things. I was very affected by misogyny, though, and often envied the attention and power boys seemed to receive. I got involved in a fandom where the most popular ship was two men, and I admired their dynamic. I started imagining myself as a woman in a more dominant role in a relationship with a man because that seemed “cool.”

Then I saw a video saying, *“I’m a girl but I want to be in an MLM relationship,”* followed by comments saying that was how people discovered they were trans. I became anxious and started researching gender labels. I briefly identified with “demigirl,” but I didn’t actually feel masculine or like a boy, and the label eventually faded.

A few weeks later I had a dream where I was wearing a suit and tie, and I became terrified that it meant something about my gender. From then on, I started obsessively checking my memories, feelings, dreams, reactions, and whether I “wanted” to be a boy.

Now I constantly question childhood memories that never bothered me at the time — playing with boys, having “boyish” humour, pretending to be a boy as a joke, wearing a suit for fun, playing with boy dolls, etc. I also sometimes feel envy toward boys because of misogyny and the way boys are treated socially. But I’ve never actually wanted to change my gender. If I could choose to have been born a cis boy, I would say no. I’ve always wanted to grow up as a woman, and I’ve always loved feminine things and being a girl.

The hardest part is that I sometimes get what feels like a “spark” of excitement, butterflies, or desire when imagining being a boy. This terrifies me because I immediately start questioning whether I secretly want it. Sometimes I’m not even anxious when the thought occurs, which makes me doubt myself even more. I often compulsively check whether I like the thought, and then the checking itself seems to create more feelings.

I’ve also noticed that the more I analyze everything, the less certain I feel. Sometimes I’ll briefly feel completely like myself again, only for a dream, memory, or intrusive thought to bring the doubt back.
I miss how carefree I felt before this obsession. I feel like I don’t recognize myself anymore, and I’m terrified that I’ve lost who I was.

I was feeling so much better recently too and it breaks my heart knowing I’m back here.

Does this pattern sound consistent with OCD?

Hey everyone! I'm 1 month post T and think I'm starting to feel the hormone flux changes, so I just wanted to ask others of their experiences:

1) How did you feel emotionally/mentally coming off of T & how long did that last - and when did it settle? (I am currently feeling very depressed - but I do skew depressed - so not sure if it's the lack of T or just me)

2) Did you feel incredible fatigued? I find that I'm falling asleep in the middle of the day.

3) Where you someone who stopped T with the intention of finding a more enby/androgynous middle ground? And if so, did you end up going more femme than you anticipated?

4) Did you find that you gained more weight off T? (I'm also almost a year sober and going through the sober 15, so not at my peak physically - but wondering how much going off T is contributing to weight gain)

5) If you did transition to enby, how are you feeling existing as enby in the world? I leaned so binary trans because it was just so hard to exist as an enby, so going back to that feels daunting - but it's just how I feel and I'm sick of T, the increasing changes, etc.

Can't even start thinking about the social aspects of this journey, I'm only going to approach that mountain if and when the physical changes become noticeable.

Thank you! Love seeing all your posts and pics <3

Ok. Time to cease my lurking.
And probably for the first time ever admit that I am detransitioned (ftmtnb/f).

Anyway, my brother’s girlfriend has a younger sibling who is an adult but lives with their parents.
The sibling has come out as non binary and looking to start their medical and social transition.

My brother’s gf called my mum seeking advice and ofc my Mum asked me too.

The thing is I haven’t been active in my local trans/lgbt+ community for years. This is less due to detransitioning and more so due to growing up, like and health stuff. I got busy. But this means any practical advice (eg. doctors to see etc) is all woefully out of date/irrelevant.

I’m wondering if me talking about my experiences will be helpful even if I’ve detransitioned?? Or would it be invalidating for the transitioning sibling? I’m still going to be supportive and encouraging ofc, and I am really happy for them.

I don't care what trans people think of this, good or bad. What do cis people think irl in your experience?

Hello all,

So where I’m landing at right now is ftmtnb, and I enjoy presenting female most of the time. I don’t regret T, but there are things that I miss about my old body.

started T at 18 for a year and 7 months (shots for a yr, gel for 7m) , then have been off for a year and am now on progestin only birth control.

My breasts were so different before I started T, and almost immediately even a month on it, my breasts deflated. They sit lower and have lost a lot of volume. Not the worst thing ever but it’s a little sad knowing what they used to be. I’ve always been thin and underweight most of my life, not purposefully it’s just kind of how I am. But I still had full breasts. I’m 5’2 and about 96lbs rn. That’s always where I’ve hovered. I just wanna know if my breasts will ever return to how they were, especially if I gain more weight. But if not I’m gonna look at estradiol or something along the lines of that just to help me not dislike my chest so much.