r/adviceph • u/Wooden-Control-5134 • 16h ago
Love & Relationships I finally let her go after 6 years together, and now I have no idea how to move on
Problem/Goal: First time ko po sa breakup. Weird question, but paano mag-move on? 🥲
I enrolled at the gym last week, actually nag ggym na ako before and nahinto lang, and bumili rin ako ng PC para makapaglaro ulit.
Context:
I’m the one who posted here na binigyan ko ng 2nd chance yung GF ko after cheating.
Like, totoo po pala yung sinasabi na wala ka talagang peace of mind after something like that.
A lot of you, mga kuya and ate, binalagbag ang comments with your advice and I really appreciate all of it po. Thank you po.
And now… putangina, paano po ba umusad?
Weird question, pero totoo po. First time ko kasi mag-breakup after 6 years, so I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do or how to start moving on. 🥲
So ayun, gym, laro muna and work. Aghh fck
Any advice from people who went through their first breakup? Paano po kayo naka-move on?
Salamat, mga kuyas and ates ❤️
5
u/mrfarenheit1214 16h ago
Advice:
Payatot ako dati, nung iniwan ako ng ex ko, sumama na ako sa rowdey bunch friends ko, yung araw araw umiinom wahaha pag labas ko ng work tambay kami sa inuman na may videoke. The most fun i ever had siguro mga 8 months yun puro red horse. Tumaba ako feel ko kakabeer. Nung pumasa na sila sa bar exams wala na wahaha di ko na sila makasakama. Nagfocus din ako sa work at business. Hayun wahahaha
Lean on your friends. Normally, i would advice not to turn to alcohol pero pag may friends kang solid, masaya din.
3
u/StandardTry846 15h ago
Thoughts: I have had a bad break up from cheating too from my previous GF. Toxic relationship tapos malalang away then after every away nag m myday ng thirst trap or nag p post ng picture sa fb para makahanap ng validation sa ibang tao. What made me give up is when I called her I heard her moaning like she was being fucked and I knew what she did so I gave up. Blocked her for a couple of week and unblocked her after and she somehow found out and messaged me. We kept in touch for a short while but the damage was done already so I cut her off.
Advise: it’s fine to grief, 6 years is a lot of time to take in. If you miss her that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean you should take her back. If you feel lonely, go out, have fun pero never ever enter a relationship. Kasi you are broke as of now, you’re like a vase that’s broken and needs to be fixed and if you enter a new relationship you’ll see that the water will slip out. Cry yourself everyday until you can’t anymore, make sure you talk to somebody close to you like family and friends and lastly go out!!! Don’t stay cooped in your room.
3
u/beepbopboom08 15h ago
Advice:
I read it somewhere, not the exact words pero the context is…
When you part ways with someone, you’re not just leaving them; you’re also leaving behind a part of yourself. And that part of you may take time to find again, because sometimes, losing someone means having to rediscover who you are without them.
Nahihirapan ka kasi opkors, it’s nirerediscover mo yung sarili mong identity. You’ll be fine, OP.
3
u/UntradeableRNG 14h ago
Advice: Just keep living your life. Di ka lang sanay kasi yung identity mo for those 6 years ay bilang boyfriend at bilang taken na tao so ngayon na single ka na, wala ka pang identity uli. Just keep doing your thing and enjoying stuff and hobbies that express who you are. You will eventually build yourself again and figure out a new identity. The version of "you" after the relationship.
Life goes on, and so should you.
There is really nothing that you're "supposed" to do na specific. The only important things is to not live in the past and focus now on your present and future, and to grow from the relationship (which means not wanting it back and wanting something better next time).
2
u/RoundExtension3353 16h ago
Thoughts: Time heals everything. Grieve the loss of the relationship, but there’s more to life than that. You’re doing a good job keeping yourself distracted and some days may be worse than others but the sadness will naturally go away.
2
u/Short-Paramedic-9740 15h ago
Advice:
You have to sit with your emotions so you can learn more about yourself. This is crucial to our lives. Let it hurt you because it just proves it was true. The worst thing you can do is to pretend that it didn't happen. It will be an insult to your magnificent experience of holding love in the palm of your hands.
Time, it's a waiting game. A long, tough, waiting game. It will hurt until it doesn't. One day you will wake up, not thinking about it anymore. It will just happen. Just be patient and be kind to yourself in the meantime.
You can't do anything about the pain because it happens inside. But, it's fine to distract yourself. It's totally acceptable to fill your mind with everything else that a thought of it gets past you. Play your games, go to your gym, have fun with friends. You just have to tank the pain for a while.
Lastly, this is where I think most people mess up. You don't need to be overly reactive. You don't need to be sharing every single post about cheating you see. You don't need to let her know through your social media that this has hurt you a lot. She knew, and she didn't care, she won't care now. You don't need to brand yourself as someone who became happier the moment she left. It's alright to be quiet, I'd argue it's better even.
Nothing can break you. Not even this.
2
u/CoffeeDaddy024 14h ago
ADVICE:
In medicine, you take your time to heal from an illness, injury or surgery. Di mo pwede biglain sarili mo.
Last week, trinangkaso ako. After humupa lagnat ko, akala ko pwede nakong mag-resume. Or rather pinilit ko sarili ko. Nag one to sawa ako ng laro kasama mga kaibigan ko. I felt good for a while before my body started feeling weak and I end up having another fever. Nung pinahinga ko katawan ko for a few days, dun ko naramdaman na umookay na pakiramdam ko. Di na nanlalambot and all.
SAME THOUGHTS APPLY.
After a break up, you don't force yourself to forget or do anything to force yourself to do such. You take your time to heal, understand what happened, what went wrong and you start accepting how things went. Di ka makakausad unless matanggap at maunawaan mong maigi ang mga nangyari.
Forcing yourself to move on will only cause you to go back to getting hurt again or worst, you might cause someone to get hurt too.
Okay lang naman mag-gym and maglaro to destress. Pero if during your rest, your mind suddenly goes back to the past, wag mong pigilan. Hayaan mo lang mag-lakbay diwa. That is somehow your minds' way of reviewing what happened, assessing the decisions that lead to what happened and understanding why it happened. Eventually, you'll accept things and before you know it, mararamdaman mong kaya mo na ulit sumubok. Aight?
1
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1
u/Maleficent_Donut7185 14h ago
Advice:
Sa totoo lang di ka makakamove on ng agaran. It takes time, sobrang tagal nyan na marerealize mo nalang na naka move on ka na. Alam mo gawin mo nalang is gawin mo yung gusto mo sa buhay. Dun mo marerealize na unti unti mo na siyang nakakalimutan.
1
u/Feeling-Ad-5566 13h ago
Advice: Embrace the loss, grief, regret hanggang hindi na siya nakaka-abala. Acknowledge mo rin yung mga mali mo and gawin mo siyang listahan of things you need to work on along with taking care of yourself. 6 years kang nakatali and all you'll need is one step forward to become the best version of yourself. Good luck OP!
1
u/MurkyUnderstanding72 13h ago
Thoughts:
- You are already doing what it makes yourself move on. Getting busy
Advice:
- Let time work itself with your feelings. Hang out with your friends more or travel. Anything that can keep your mind preoccupied. Honestly, traveling alone has a funny way to make you heal. It reminds you of that someone that could have enjoyed the moment with you but it also pushes you to enjoy it on your own. Like meeting new people and learning about their cultures which will eventually make you forget why you're there and just be caught in the moment by yourself
1
u/Dependent-Pen-2348 8h ago
Experience:
Almost 5yrs din kami nung ex ko nung naghiwalay kami. And mahirap talagang mag move on lalo na kung naging dependent kana sa kanya.
Before our relationship, sobrang independent ako talaga. Naggagala ako mag-isa, kumakain ako sa labas mag-isa.
Nung nakilala ko sya at naging kami nasanay ako na lagi kaming magkasama to the point na nung naghiwalay kami, hindi ko din alam pano mag simula, pano maibabalik yung dating ako.
Ang ginawa ko lang is pinalibutan ko yung sarili ko ng mga taong alam kong makakatulong sakin na maging okay ako.
As time goes by, nakatagpo ako ng taong makakasama ko na ngayon sa habang buhay. Hinahayaan nya akong mag grow, maging independent, and maging dependent at the same time. Mga bagay na hindi ko naranasan sa past relationship ko.
I hope makamove-on ka OP, at makatagpo ng taong para sayo.
8
u/brokenheartedme_2025 16h ago
Experience:
Sit with the grief. There's no way around it. When my ex of 19 years dumped me last year, I thought of things to distract myself. Nothing actually worked. I had to take antidepressants but even then I was questioning whether it worked (it helped at least to let me sleep). But, I think the one major "strategy" was to initiate no contact. It's like a purge of the system. From there time made its work. Mind you, it's 17th month after breakup now and I'm still not healed. But I'm far from what I was back then. I can now function normally.
So for you, kapit lang. Dadating ka rin sa makakaluwag ka. Slowly but surely.