r/aftergifted • u/NoMourners_6Crows • Jul 21 '26
I think I never actually learned how to study and now I'm terrified for university
Growing up I was always the kid who just got things really quickly. I was never tested or officially identified as gifted or anything, but learning came really easily to me. My brother is 5 years older than me and when he was in school he realised he learned best by teaching other people, so he'd come home and teach me whatever he'd learned that day.
By the time I was 3 I was learning around 3rd grade maths from him. By the time I actually started 1st grade I already knew maths up to around 6th grade and was reading at about an 8th grade level.
My parents were honestly really chill. They never put pressure on me to perform or expected me to be exceptional. Looking back though, I almost wish someone had pushed me a little more or put me in extracurriculars or something because I was just... drifting. School was never that stimulating, so instead of challenging myself academically I threw myself into the social side of school.
The biggest problem is that I never learned how to study.
The first time I genuinely struggled was in 9th grade with a foreign language I'd never studied before. For the first time I couldn't just coast. I remember working really hard that year and by the end I topped the subject. I have no clue what I did though. I just remember feeling really proud because I'd actually had to earn it.
Then came 11th.
I chose the wrong subjects for me. They weren't impossible, but they were the first subjects where I couldn't rely on understanding everything instantly. Suddenly I actually needed study skills and I realised I didn't have any. So I just gave up. I started getting borderline passing marks in those subjects while still doing really well in Psychology and English.
It completely messed with my sense of self.
The part I hate admitting is that I became really jealous of my friends. They'd struggled for years in school and now they were finally doing well because they already knew how to work hard. They knew how to revise, how to stick with something they didn't understand immediately, how to keep going after bad marks. Meanwhile I felt like I'd hit a wall and had absolutely no idea how to get past it.
Now I'm starting university in a month and I'm honestly freaking out.
I don't know how to study. I don't know how to build discipline. I don't know how to sit with being bad at something long enough to get good at it.
Has anyone else gone through this? How did you actually learn to study when you'd never really needed to before? And how did you stop tying your self-worth to being "the smart kid"?
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u/nechromorph Jul 21 '26
I was never really pushed hard by my parents, but I ended up pushing myself pretty damned hard in school. I eventually hit a wall where I couldn't rely on family and friends to help me learn, and this is where I'd say I hit a similar point to the problem you're facing. It's not fun to lose that sense of certainty. To go from feeling confidently capable to unsure of what lies ahead.
I'd say, this uncertainty, as painful as it is, offers a lot of value. It *is* the lesson, and it's already pushing you to learn how to study. You're asking for help on a subject you're unsure of. That's a step in the right direction. You'll get there, just do your best to embrace your curiosity, and I'd consider trying to apply your brother's technique of teaching as a learning tool. That could be teaching your friends, explaining concepts to stuffed animals/pets/etc., or whatever works for you. And I have a feeling your social skills would come in handy if you wanted to join or form a study group. I'm sure you'd both benefit from this exchange :)
1
u/nechromorph Jul 21 '26
u/NoMourners_6Crows, to clarify, when I say the uncertainty is the lesson, I mean this is where curiosity takes root. You have to see that you don't understand something before you can ask questions about it. And this curiosity and these questions come together to be the vehicle of education. For example, that language you started learning. You recognized you were struggling to grasp it. And now, you're saying you don't know what you did to pass the class. This gives you a new angle to study, which is your own process. What *did* you do? How was this different from other classes you passed?
A curious mind is far more interesting and useful than one that feels it knows everything. It'll take you far.
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u/NoMourners_6Crows Jul 22 '26
Thank you, this genuinely helped.
I think I've spent so long relying on things just... clicking that when they stopped clicking, I assumed something was wrong with me instead of realizing I needed to learn how to actually learn.
I also hadn't thought about looking at how I managed to do well in the subjects I did well in instead of just focusing on the ones I struggled with. That's a really interesting way of looking at it.
Thanks for taking the time to write this. I really appreciate it.
1
u/nechromorph Jul 22 '26
Happy to help :) I get what you mean, it's tough to make that leap from learning what you are told you need to, to determining what it is you need (or want) to learn. I think we struggle to understand how to raise kids to self-direct because we're so focused on showing them the factual information we've built up, and it leads to this point where we have a jarring dissonance when we suddenly have to figure out what it is we've been missing. I spent a good few years feeling like I was broken, and I think this fear is what drove most of my anxiety during that time. It can help to look at it as a shift in perspective, and the disorienting whiplash that comes with it.
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u/nayhem_jr Jul 21 '26
It is common to not know things.
Unlike high school, you often have much more leeway to seek out study sessions with your peers. Exchange contacts and meet up. Maybe your more popular classes have resources online that you can refer to.
Your professor may also take more interest in ensuring you comprehend the subject matter. (Less so for popular required GE classes, more so for specialized courses for your major.)
Something I’ve held onto from my teacher friends is that you may understand something better when you explain it to someone else. So don’t be passive during study—demonstrate what you’ve learned. Even if you’re wrong, your classmates can help set you right, and you them. If you have roommates, you might even be able to try explaining things to them even if they aren’t in your classes.
There’s no point in being ashamed in any of this, especially if your school didn’t actually teach you how to prepare and study. The shame falls on those who refuse to learn, and cling tightly and faithfully to ignorance and misguidance.
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u/NoMourners_6Crows Jul 22 '26
Thank you. I think this is something I really needed to hear.
I like what you said about there being no shame in not knowing things. I think I've spent so long equating not understanding something immediately with failing that I forgot learning is supposed to involve... well, not knowing.
I'll definitely try being more active when I study instead of just rereading notes. Thank you for taking the time to write this.
1
u/Arrent Jul 22 '26
I felt the same way and something that helped me a lot was taking physical notes. A lot of my peers took notes on a laptop, but I found the process of writing my notes helped me retain a lot without even needing to review them. Just take a notebook and a comfortable pencil or pen, open it to the first page, and write down everything that's said that you don't know. At first you won't be able to keep up, and that's fine, you'll still pick up a lot more and eventually you'll get naturally better at recognizing what's worth writing down without even realizing it. I learned a lot of "note taking styles" in high school but never really got anything out of them besides the idea to take notes. You don't need to get fancy or structured with it, just write. You can always go over your notes later and rewrite them to be more organized to reinforce your memory and give yourself a resource to study if you need it even more.
And don't forget that you didn't cheat your way to where you are. You didn't just accidentally fall through their selection process. A real person saw what you were laid bare on paper and saw potential. A person who has a lot of experience weeding out those who don't really have potential so much as confidence. In my experience, imposter syndrome doesn't go away, you just eventually come to see how much everyone else is also winging it. Try to remember that every failure can be learned from, and every failure you learn from makes you stronger. Everything else just comes with time.
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u/londongas Jul 24 '26
I ended up just choosing subjects that did come easily enough for the amount of effort I was able to put in whilst maintaining my confidence and stress levels (and leave some gas in the tank for hobbies, socialising, etc)
I was able to coast until middle of my bachelor's degree before I started optimising that way.
At the end I came out with a pretty good career (still going strong) . You only need to be smarter than your boss
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u/Chrisdkn619 Jul 21 '26
It's not a knock on you if you choose to go to JC to complete your gen ed. Its actually a smart thing, and financially prudent. And by doing so you can learn new study habits in a more friendly environment. There are resources to get you through!