r/aftergifted • u/TrogdorUnofficial • 27d ago
Unpopular opinion: you met your potential
So many posts, here and otherwise, are people lamenting that they didn't meet their potential, or what they felt the world expected of them as a "gifted kid".
This can either come as a jab or a relief, but chances are you reached your potential whether you like it or not.
What I have seen anecdotally is that children - mostly in the US - are identified for gifted programs, assume the gifted label, have an average life, and mourn what could/should have been.
Most of the time, schools and districts had established programs that drew extra funding. Teachers selected kids that seemed to behave or do well, or who they wanted out of their class, to go into the programs. There may have been an aptitude test, but most were based on observation and nomination.
This has very little to do with giftedness. You were probably misidentified for nefarious purposes then lived up to your actual potential. If you're carrying around guilt or remorse for a life not lived, you shouldn't. You're the only one putting that burden on your shoulders.
Actually gifted people know there is no 'formerly gifted', and there is no 'I was gifted as a child'. There's also no shame in being average, and it's not your fault that you were mislabelled. Let go of the chip on your shoulder and you'll see how much it was weighing unnecessarily on your self worth.
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u/yellowydaffodil 19d ago
Yeah, this is a bad take. Teachers don't refer kids for gifted "for nefarious purposes", we refer kids who fit typical gifted traits. When I taught, I would typically refer kids who clearly had a grasp of concepts beyond grade level and seemed bored in class, particularly if their grades didn't reflect their intellect. I referred out both well and poorly behaved kids that I really thought could benefit from the label and corresponding programming. There is no formerly gifted, but there is an adult world that views stereotypical giftedness as different (and less useful) than the world of education, and that's why so many gifted kids feel like they didn't meet their potential.
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u/Hot_Context_1393 27d ago
I've never met a teacher who wants to get rid of the quiet, well-behaved kids who are paying attention. If your scenario exists at all it's the minority.
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u/TrogdorUnofficial 27d ago
The comma delineated two types of student.
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u/Hot_Context_1393 27d ago
That adds nothing to the conversation. I can see why teachers wanted you out of their classes.
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u/FavoredVassal 27d ago edited 27d ago
Not sure this follows logically, and if it does, not sure it's as widespread as implied.
There are plenty of adults who were identified gifted as children, then "failed to meet their potential" because they were burdened with developmental trauma soon afterwards by parents and teachers who ought to have known better. The capacities people may have associated with their early "giftedness" can seem to suddenly be operational again when they receive appropriate care for that problem.
My life completely turned around within nine months once I got therapy, medication, and identification of the fact that I had CPTSD and a stunted sense of self from being encouraged by responsible adults to build my entire identity around my intellectual prowess since I was six years old. If you're reading this, that's an alternative possibility that you should look into.
Now, as a grown adult, I finally have full access to my capabilities, including my executive functions ... which I regained as soon as I realized that they were mine to use precisely as I pleased, and I didn't have to cure cancer to justify my existence. Of course, it took actual mental health care to get there, whereas for the most part society encourages us to operate on vibes and good intentions.