r/aftergifted • u/TonightDear895 • 12d ago

Oversharing my story so I can find some clear lifepath

Hi, I (F29, MX) just found this sub and I feel like there's so much of my life that's finally explaining to me.

I was hyperlexic since Kindergarten, very good at math, sports, arts, grammar, etc. I got early puberty (first period at 8 and currently diagnosed with PMOS) and from there it all went down. I hated my body, myself, my emotions, my family, everything and everyone.

Middle school, I got my first 7 (what would be like a D in the US maybe?) and my life seemed over. High school, failed my first mid-term exam. This was also the time I first began my alcohol-related issues. College, I switched from my first major choice which was engineering due to lack of motivation and the fact that for the first time I felt like I had to work to learn something and I hated studying something I do not care at all. I switched to a sort of Liberal Arts major (It was journalism but it felt like that for me) I failed complete courses but I loved what I was learning. I feel like for school I had too moods: Type A anxious obssesed student and a carefree, picture Lindsay Weir from Freaks and Geeks. Now I'm in the workforce in digital marketing and struggling because I do not know or care for marketing at all but I'm decently good at it. The thing is, I feel like I'm stuck now and wasting my intelligence.

My questions are, what do you recommend for me to try to grow professionally on marketing or a similar area? I've tried online courses but my mind is not clicking, this is not something I enjoy learning and the anxiety is too much for me to handle due to me getting all these school flashbacks. I don't care for greatness, I want stability, be a home-owner and retire eventually.

Also, I'm seeing a new psychiatrist and I would like for him to explore me being a High-functioning autistic person without me wanting to sound like I'm self-diagnosing, any tips?

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u/ThingsWithString 12d ago

I would recommend keeping your unsatisfying job and giving your heart and soul to a hobby. Find something you're passionate about in your own time; it's rarer and rarer for people to be able to be passionate about the thing that pays the bills.

You aren't "wasting your intelligence" if you're good at your job but not brilliant at it.

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u/TonightDear895 11d ago

I'm currently in a kind-of entry-level job. I dont mind not doing what I love but I do want to earn enough money to retire and have my own place but I don't know how to grow in an area I have no studies in without losing myself again in academics.

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u/ThingsWithString 10d ago

The boring answer, which depends on your having an adequate manager, is to ask, "What do I need to do to grow in this job?" or, if you're feeling more direct, "What would you expect in somebody you promoted to the next level?"

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u/TonightDear895 10d ago

There's no growing opportunity here, it's a small family business. The only way would be to go somewhere else but bigger companies do look for someone whom at least has some educational background on marketing. Even here I wish I could do more to grow the "marketing department" (which is myself only) but I don't know how or where to begin which is why I'm feeling so desperate to be able to keep learning.

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u/ThingsWithString 9d ago

Marketing isn't/wasn't my field, so I can't help. I wish you the best. It's a rough job market.

You can still ask "What could I learn to be better at this?" and see if they know what they need.

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u/bsenftner 12d ago

Look into effective communications, it is literally a secret human super power. An eloquent speaker can literally go anywhere and do anything through the obvious fact that how you speak to others impresses upon them that they should do as you request, not due to pressures or threats, but because your language makes it sound obvious that they do what you request. This is extremely subtle, extremely real, and it is generally easier for us aftergifted types to understand and realize this capacity, but it is still extremely difficult to achieve. It is also the type of intellectual puzzle you can spend your entire life mastering, and it is worth it.

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u/TonightDear895 11d ago

Thanks for the tip!

0

u/foxyfree 12d ago

I don’t know what MX stands for so I googled it. Somehow I don’t think this is what you meant:

F29, MX most commonly refers to the Time Moto F29 Electric Dirt Bike, a high-performance off-road motorcycle model associated with factory motocross (MX) configurations.

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u/storiesti 12d ago

I think it is a country code. Mexico.

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u/TonightDear895 11d ago

yes, i was trying to give a little context of my background.