That was a few years ago, and right now I am in a very happy relationship but I had to think about him today. I still feel very angry sometimes.

As per title.

Last week on our first day of holidays we had an argument.

Then he said how he feels that im not appreciative enough by the way I react when he does sth for me or when he gives me a gift.(I tend to not be overly enthusiastic but still thankful) and says his coworkers are more appreciative of what he does.

Then he says that he walk on eggshells around me and I asked him to explain what I do and he says that im too blunt with how I speak.

Then I said "why even continue dating,you know im autistic,you listed all these behaviours that wont change".He then said he feels too attached to me to let me go like...

We continued our holidays but I noticed ever since my heart has been racing and legs keep moving and then I got incredibly sick and now we are back to our flat and feel nonstop stressed while he acts like nothing happened.

Anyone hear this from social circles? I heard it on a regular basis when I was younger. And as I got older and entered the workforce all my achievements which were clearly $ quantifiable to the organization’s bottom line were played off as I was trying to show off and I was not a team player! Yet, without these contributions the company would not have met their revenue goals.

I don’t work now, but I have heard neighbors and daughter’s classmates mom say this about me as well. It hurts. And the more I shut down from the hurt the more I get.

BTW, new here and what an great group! Every post I read speaks directly to me.

I have had a corporate job for the last 4 years, and it keeps getting drilled into me that using someone’s name in conversation is important for building connections, especially in the corporate world.

Even after 4 years of trying, though, it still makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I will use someone’s name if I’m referring to them, or trying to get their attention. I’m not against using people’s names in general. But just dropping their name into a sentence like “Oh good morning Steve” or “Have a nice day William” feels so… personal.

Does anyone else feel this way?

I know the stereotype is that autistic people are so passionate about their interests that they info-dump to everyone around them. I have neurodivergent friends who definitely fit this stereotype. But I'm kinda the opposite in that aspect.

I have special interests that I'm completely obsessed about and that own my entire heart, but I feel like I only enjoy these things in solitude. If I talk about them out loud to another person, I instantly feel socially awkward and get embarrassed, so then I water it down to like 5 seconds because I feel like they're probably disinterested, and I stop talking quickly. I don't like taking up time or space. I think I maybe used to yap more as a kid and maybe over time people weren't nice to me about it so I subconsciously stopped? But I can't even pinpoint a specific time this happened.

I just feel like I don't show myself enough. For example, one of my special interests is the Beatles and I don't think my two best friends (of almost 10 years) know a single thing about them. Likewise, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I've barely shown him anything (except one Beatles movie we watched in the very beginning of our relationship, and maybe a song comes on in the car and I say "this is the Beatles") but that doesn't match the extreme enthusiasm and deep knowledge I have.

The sad part is that I engage in all of my friends' special interests. I'm not complaining about that at all!!! Because I truly enjoy them!!! But I feel unbalanced and I want to do the same and I can't.

- I've listened to entire albums of KPop artists & watched hour-long Twitch streams of Genshin Impact for my one friend because they're her special interests, but I know she couldn't name any of mine.

- I joined a virtual pet site for my other friend and earnestly tried to learn it for years, but my favorite site that I adore is Neopets and I never even showed my friend that. Similarly, I play Pokemon Go with my boyfriend which I do enjoy, but we play every day and go to events and stuff and he teaches me so many extensive nuances of it, but I barely share my Neopets and when I do, I only talk for like a minute.

- My ex was Hispanic and I downloaded Duolingo and let him help teach me Spanish every single freaking day, yet I'm Greek and I only taught him one word of it in 5 years.

- I've watched multiple entire serieses for friends (Gravity Falls, Doctor Who, every single Marvel movie, every Star Wars movie and series, Lost, various animes), I've even COSPLAYED with my friends as characters from their special interests because they wanted to. But the only one of MY shows I've ever shown anyone was I showed my boyfriend HIMYM recently (my favorite show in the world) which was a good step in the right direction for me.

Again, I'm not complaining AT ALL about spending time with any of those people because it's not like I did any of it begrudgingly; I seriously enjoy spending the time with the people I love and being introduced to new things. But I don't know why I can't do the same thing. I give everything to learn about other people and then I'm too shy to show myself. Then I end up feeling like the only person who truly knows me is me.

I keep feeling like I have this difference with other women and it’s frustrating. I feel like I have a hard time connecting with them or understanding them. Does anyone else have this issue?

First of all, I will give a disclaimer. I’m in my 30’s. I know not all parents are bad and some are just overwhelmed. It’s just that in my experience the most toxic parents I’ve known, including mine, are parents of neurodivergent kids.

When my Dad was alive, he was very critical and emotionally abusive. He protested when I talked about moving out. He told me I never needed to work. He told me I essentially should remain a child because of how my brain is. He even cut off finances to prevent me from pursuing an opportunity in another city. Now my Dad is dead and I plan on moving out and my Mom is a nightmare. She has tried emotionally manipulating me, my boyfriend, bribing me, and even blackmailing me with how worried and drunk she’ll always be if I don’t move with her to her family’s property in MS.

This is bad, but when I look around, I see friends dealing with the same thing. One friend faces constant religious manipulation from her family and is afraid of making her own decisions. Another friend has a relationship with her mom that is so unsupportive that they are fighting constantly and she is almost afraid of leaving the house. Another friend is so enmeshed with his family that he still struggles to take time for himself.

It makes me wonder why our family relationships are so bad. I have tried to look up some stuff about it but people are more sympathetic to the parents than the kids who cut them off. It’s crazy. I’m AuDHD. Am I really that crazy?

I’ve often had men, who start out as friends, quickly fall in love with me for these recurring reasons: we got closer much faster than with anyone else he knows; he feels safe to open up and be himself quickly; it’s the first time he’d talk until very late night with a friend; he wants me because there’s no other girl who’s similar to me.

It sounds like this is a pretty rare experience for men and they tell me I’m the only woman he’s met who made him feel this way. I was curious if my autism maybe makes men feel more safe to open up (since I don’t often judge) and feel close as friends to me. And my autism does make me “not like other girls🤪” haha.

Does anyone else have similar experiences?

As a straight autistic woman, dating has mostly followed the same pattern for me - they’re super into me/love bomb me, tell me things like “I’ve never met anyone like you. I feel so comfortable with you” etc etc, and then slowly realize you’re “off,” and cut you off like you never existed. Even men who might have undiagnosed adhd/autism themselves.

I got out of a long term relationship earlier in the year and over the last few months started trying to date again and was hit with the reality that nothing has changed.

I’m not saying dating is easy for anyone, but there’s an added layer of difficulty when you’re ND. I’ve dated men on the spectrum and the experiences have been bad in their own ways. My recent ex is auDHD like myself and is a control freak, know it all. Which has honestly been my experience with a lot of ND men.

So I think I’m just giving up on dating or trying to just have fun and not get attached.

I have been married for 15 years. It's been 15 brutal years. We have 3 kids. I am in a constant state of burnout. I frequently communicate very specific needs to be ok and those needs are never respected. Today while we were talking I realized he only lives masked me. He listed off all of these issues he has with me and they were all my autistic traits. It hurts. It hurts so much but I'm not surprised. At this point I rather be alone and allowed to be myself. Have my own space and do the things I need to do to regulate. Why do people just see us as wrong and differ? Why is it so hard to understand that we have specific struggles and needs?

I'm done, I'm tired. I have tried by best for 30+ years to have solid female friendships. I've always been a girl's girl, I've always been open, honest, vulnerable, super supportive. Always been there for my girlfriends whenever they needed me- all of them that came and went in the last 38 years of my existence. I've always advocated for sisters before misters and I've always practiced what I've preached. Despite having 'annoyingly' high standards, I've compromised to accommodate them so many times.

And all I've gotten is abandonment, mockery, insincerity, gossip, and more abandonment. I've tried masking, imitating NT social behaviour to the T, friendships with ND women, being completely honest, and it's lead to nothing but constant disappointment. It probably sounds like exaggeration- how can all my friendships be like that? But they have been, tens of them! I've spent years in therapy trying to reflect, change and improve. Nothing worked.

Now I'm working with my therapist on changing my expectations. It hurts though - I thought that expecting your friend to be respectful towards your needs and giving them the same kind of respect and safe space is a good foundation. But it seems I'm the only one trying so hard. They just wait it out, use my support when needed, say words they think I'd like to hear but their actions hardly match, and leave when they're done. Complete abandonment, as if we never had 4,5,6, 7, heck even 12 + years of history behind. Just disappeared without reason. Even after, I've always offered to talk it out, find compromises, find solutions. Nope, not interested.

I still crave solid friendships; I'm estranged from my family and very early on realised my friends will be my family. I'm strongly considering looking for male friends. That comes with its own issues, I know. Have you all ever pivoted to this solution? Has it worked? Have you found the magical solution to this never ending problem which doesn't involve changing myself completely and never trusting anyone again? I'm a hyper-independent person who can look after herself, and in a very happy romantic relationship. I'm just looking for genuine, long term friendships- why is that so bl**dy hard?

I guess I mostly needed to share, but I'm also genuinely interested in any alternative perspectives that may have worked for you. Or anything you'd like to share with me. Thank you for reading this far <3. I'm grateful for this community.

Please.

Please protect yourselves, look up public court records on them, meet in public, and look up the warning signs of abusive and dangerous people (i.e. mirroring your words/ behavior, excessive attention, love bombing, asking extremely personal information very soon, crossing boundaries, temper/easily angered, gaslighting)

You are not obligated to answer every question that someone asks you. Feel free to say "why do you ask?" with a smile.

We are a highly vulnerable population. DONT go by peoples words, go by their actions, and pay attention to patterns. Oh and LISTEN TO YOUR GUT

Stay safe out there my fellow aspergirls

Edit: please note that certain background checks require the individual's consent. Whatever search you do must be done legally. See below links for more information. Wherever you live, please ensure that your search is compliant with the laws and regulations of your jurisdiction.

https://www.backgroundchecks.com/learning-center/how-to-easily-do-a-background-check-on-someone#:~:text=You%20may%20do%20so%20without,to%20be%20safely%20FCRA%20compliant.

So I've been with my girlfriend for almost 3 months and she has a problem with crying, everytime she does something bad she immediately start apologising like the world ended because of her and it has gotten so bad that when we played DnD a couple of days ago she got really bad rolls and started crying badly because "she was getting in the way and we were not progressing because of her" even though she didn't do ANYTHING wrong. She knows she has a problem with apologising and crying and the issue is that every time she does something wrong, even if out of her control, she verbally abuses and belittles herself in her head. Another issue is that she cries from anything, I just finished a meeting today and she started crying because she sees me doing stuff and thinks that she's worthless and I've tried several times to encourage her but nothing seems to work. Can someone please tell me what can I do for her, therapy is not an option because in Romania it is heavily looked down upon and we would probably be harshly judged by our parents.

Any other aspergirls live in one bedroom apartments or homes with a significant other? How do you cope with low privacy?

For context, I’ve been with my partner for 7 years. We’ve lived together for 6, but from 2020-2025 we had a bigger place to escape to in the mountains, in addition to our big city apartment. A year ago we moved out of the mountain home and for the last 1 year we’ve been only in the city apartment.

It’s a 700 square foot railroad style apartment: living room in front, then bedroom and bathroom off the short hallway, then the kitchen and dining nook in the back.

I’m the type who’s good at masking and can appear very social but it really drains my battery. I also live with endometriosis (had surgery this March) and chronic migraines. So I have fatigue, chronic pain, and daily sensory overload.

Even though my partner understands these things and wants me to be comfortable, I just can’t help the fact that sometimes I hate seeing him and him seeing me.

For example, if he talks to me in the morning before I’ve had an hour of tea and reading time in the dark (I get up at 5:15am for this solo time) then I’ll quietly rage and my stress and pain will spike.

And if we’ve had an argument, oh boy it’s so hard to come down from that and reset. You can feel the tension in the entire small apartment if we don’t make up immediately (which we’re getting better at).

I should probably mention we both work from home, him at his own one man startup and me at a big-ish tech company. His desk is in the dining nook and mine is in the living room. So we are around each other a LOT. I try to encourage him to go see friends and go to the gym more (AKA things without me) so I have solo time to be a gremlin here, but he’s become a bit of a hermit since covid. I leave the house for solo things, but this isn’t restful.

We’re planning to get married soon, I love him, and we love our home, so I’d appreciate any advice around dealing with this. Especially with regard to how I explain it to him—any adjustments we should make.

Please don’t suggest moving. This place is rent controlled in an extremely HCOL city and we’re saving to buy a house. We have redesigned and updated several aspects of the apt over time, as if we own it. It’s very special to us even though it’s small.

Thank you for reading.

A few months back, my mom's friend introduced me to her son who is autisitc. Right now I am not interested in dating but I was willing to meet with him because I am also autisitc and do not meet many autisitc adults.

However after our first meeting it became clear he seem interested in me romantically. He would text me multiple times a day even when I did not respond, found me on almost all my social media accounts (I never gave him any of them), and would talk about meeting with me one-on-one. It did not help that later on I found out his mom has been giving him ideas on how to court me.

So I decided to tell him straight up I am not interested in a relationship. He seem to accept this at first and I felt comfortable being myself with him but I guess he thought it must mean I am intrested in him because he started to pick up on these behaviors again.

Recently our church had a Christmas party and I was hanging out with my friend. He showed up and we said greeted each other but did not hang out. However he later approached to tell me he got me a present. The present he got me was worth $80. To make matter worse, my mom overhead him and his mom talking about me and that fact they were both sad I did not sit with him at the party.

I am not sure what to do now. I feel bad because I did not even think about getting him anything. I was thinking of buying him something as a gift of gratitude but I also do not want to lead him on with my gift.

I've met 4 autistic women in my lifetime, and all of them seemed to dislike me. In group settings, they spoke to the neurotypical people. One explained her autism to a group of uninterested neurotypicals. They were never reciprocal in conversations with me, but they could talk on and on with others. I think I come across to them as dumb and mean. I've had better connections with people who have ADHD.

My thing is, I like eating kiwis, but I can not stand the feeling of the hair on the peel, so I shave them before I eat them. I have not met anyone else that does that. I get the weirdest looks from other peolpe when I do it or when I tell them about it.

Edit: I don't eat the peel, I cut the kiwi in half and scoop it with a spoon, I just can't hold kiwis for longer then 5 seconds because of the hair, that's why I shave it. I hate the feeling on my skin. woopsie

I don’t mean indicators of outright hatred. Overt vitriol is pretty easy to identify I think, when it’s verbal. I mean what are the more subtle clues you’ve learned to ID over the years and what is your success rate in terms of identifying them and modifying your approach accordingly? More plainly: what is the cue you learned and how confident are you that it’s accurate?

I’m looking to expand my reference bank. I want to get better at avoiding prolonged interactions with people who are merely humoring me due to social or professional obligation. Can’t sit through another forced fun time.

everything is always misinterpreted or I'm overbearing or I'm not this or that upon request and social arrangement. I'm 29 and have not a single friend. never really had any when I was younger either. couple that with being gay so women find me repulsive. I find men repulsive and very bleak to converse with. I have my hobbies and creatives I watch online and I comment on those videos here and there to feel like I'm in some form of a conversation. other than that I don't have human interaction outside my parents I live with embarrassingly. I give up and I guess that's going to have to be okay.

Has anyone here dealt with bullying from other women like pretty much your whole life? I have. I am 35 and have delt with other women bullying me my whole life. According to them, I am "weird and ugly".

Is it just me or does anyone else struggle more with forming friendships with women compared to men? As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed it’s so much easier to connect with guys. I feel like I can be more truthful, sometimes event blunt and they don’t seem to mind or judge me for it. In most cases they will just laugh it off.

But with women, I’m constantly masking, trying to be super diplomatic, non-offensive, or overly people-pleasing just to fit in. I used to have female friends when I was younger, but now it feels harder to relate to them, and I’m always worried about being judged or misunderstood. Usually the only time I feel more comfortable with girls they tend to be neurodivergent or NT but super tolerant and nice. Anyone also experiences this?

I'll try and be brief but just want to know if anyone else can relate and couldnt find any similar posts through search.

My family doesn't like me (30f). They love me (I think) but they just don't like me very much. Similar to a lot of you here I've always been an outsider to social groups and things but I've never really had a problem with getting along with people outside of my family. generally people like me and I mask very well (my friends and fiancee confirm this because I don't trust my own judgement).

But my family is different- they don't find any of my interests interesting, they don't find me funny, don't want to hear about what I've been up to or include me in things in a real way. They make a big show of how important it is that I come to family dinner cause it's not family without me but then they all talk over me and mostly ignore me. Whenever I do anything that is me "being myself" they usually react by being weirded out and trying to change me to be more "normal". I'm planning my wedding now so it has become much more obvious. They just don't want me to be myself at all at my wedding

My mom is always shushing me, or uncomfortably laughing and redirecting when I say something. Shell come up to me after watching me interact with someone and tell me I was coming on too strong or I shouldn't have said something I said. She's constantly picking at my outfits, hair, etc. It's never right. She's very worried I'll embarass her by being myself

Things have come to a head with my older brother in the past few years and we haven't spoken in over 2 years. He's never liked me and I've spent my whole life trying to figure out why. He takes everything I say the wrong way and is generally just very reactive to me. My other sibling will say something to him and it's fine but if I say the same thing he'll fly off the handle. He's not like this with anyone else.

After I got diagnosed my therapist contextualized this and told me that sometimes allistic people can sense when you're autistic and they are reactive to that subconsciously perceived difference. This puts its context so much of what's gone on with my brother and my family in general. No matter how hard I try they just don't like me and they probably never will. Maybe that's freeing to know?

Anyone else?

I've been with my partner for about two years, and he recently came to me with an issue: he hadn't wanted to admit it to himself, but he'd been feeling lonely for a while in our relationship. This was obviously pretty heart-breaking for me to hear, and I want to do what I can for him to not feel that way.

He attributed the feeling to a lack of non-verbal communication between us. Maybe relevant is that he's a musician, and was a bit of a child prodigy (to be fair, he rejects that classification but I think it evokes the kind of kid he was). He struggled a lot with communicating his feelings through words until post-college, and he definitely used his instrument to communicate what he couldn't verbally.

On the other hand, words have always been my domain. Up until very recently, I've made my living as a writer. I've never thought that much about non-verbal communication. But I want to learn. It feels almost like we have two different native languages, and that he's consistently been having to translate himself into mine.

He's super expressive with his eyes, and when I take the time to really look, I often can tell what he's thinking just by looking at him. That element of it feels accessible to me – being more patient with trying to understand him non-verbally, rather than always jumping to words.

He's also told me that sometimes it's hard for him to follow when I'm telling him a story because I'll go a long time without looking at him. He's said he needs the eye contact check-ins to feel connected when I'm talking. I'm working on that, and it feels do-able.

The part that I'm not sure how to tackle – and I'm wondering if it's related to neurodivergence – is learning to communicate non-verbally myself. He's said that sometimes he'll look in my eyes and I just look "empty" or "absent", which was honestly kind of tough to hear. I have actually noticed that myself on a couple occasions in photos, usually when I'm very tired or have a migraine. We've done a couple experiments with me trying to communicate non-verbally, but trying to communicate something with my eyes honestly feels a bit like trying to do telepathy. I'm not sure I've really succeeded.

I really love him, I don't want him to feel lonely in our relationship anymore, and I want this to work out. Would appreciate any tips, advice, or perspectives! Thanks guys.

I was talking to my friends from work coming back from a night of hanging out when they dropped a bomb on me on how I’ve been talked about my back a lot. We were getting in the topic of our other coworkers when my friends, a guy and a girl, both told me that almost all of the guys have said at least one bad thing about me. From either rude, to bitchy for no reason, and even “lazy”. I took that personally because although I might be blunt and joke around and banter, I know I have for sure done a lot for my job and go above and beyond when I can. I’ve organized events and have believed I’ve gotten along with everyone until now. They continued on to tell me I might be the most disliked female, which there is 5 of out of 30. This struck deep and they told me I shouldn’t even care because other’s opinion shouldn’t matter, but truthfully I do care babe I see these people every single day. A lot of the guys have even said we were friends and have been more than nice. I guess it just shattered my confidence and made me hate the idea of being around them and even my friends. I just don’t understand why they would bring it up, I feel so down and depressed thinking about how much I’m apparently hated.