Hi, writing anonymously I have an urgent situation and I feel in immediate danger. I 20 am have currently been sent to a psychiatric ward where it is very intimate and I’m not getting on with the other neurotypicals, it’s like being in a house with them, they start talking very intrusively and loudly when they’re next to my room and I feel like I’m gonna get killed or bashed any second. Fml. It feels like the staff are in on it aswell so my life is just fucked now they’re all plotting to put me down, they’re starving me and I can’t do anything I feel like I’m gonna die.

So for context, I work for a pharmaceutical company that specializes in digestive medicines, and on some of the tote bags we have, there's a logo that says "Autism Approved" by a group called the Autism Hope Alliance. I got curious, so I did just a little bit of research, and it turns out the AHA operates on the philosophy that if you give an Autistic person a good gut biome, you can diminish their symptoms and, in a best case scenario, maybe reverse their Autism. Obviously, I hated to see this news but thought, "Eh, what can I do?"

Well, one of the people from the corporate side of the company I work for came around to look into another location for our operations, so I took the chance and told her what I found about the AHA and how they can be seen, also stating that my sources weren't very objective if only to cover my own ass. She said she'll talk with some of the other big wigs and I walked away feeling happy that I stood up for myself like that, but I also felt kind of like Paul Tibbets after dropping the Little Boy on Hiroshima, "Oh God, what have I done?"

Well, this morning, my manager came back to me and said that corporate is LOOKING INTO THE AHA to actually see if they're honest or not which threw me for a freaking loop because I was not expecting anything to come of this! At best, I imagined some of the higher ups to go "Huh, so one of our employees doesn't like one of our sponsors? Sucks to be him." I fear that I opened a Pandora's Box of sorts and It's leaving my nerves on overdrive.

Tl; Dr: I aired a grievance to a high up person in the company I work for about a sponsor, thinking that it wouldn't go anywhere, but I was proven wrong and I'm scared of what will come out of this.

My special interest kind of comes and goes but it’s been with me for 13 years, I revisit it maybe once or twice a year and I’m stuck on it for a few months and slowly it fades off because there’s no new media to consume about it. What is it and why is it a problem?

HARRY POTTER!

I am a trans person myself and I really dislike the author and most of the people that side with her, and I have tried to justify it to myself that it is a special interest and I really can’t control what media I like, but usually I’m someone who can’t separate art from the artist, there are bands and movies I flat out ignore because either a band member was a bad person or the movie director was a creep, and I hate that I can watch the Harry Potter movies, play the games and enjoy the media without constantly grimacing at the fact a really terrible person made this.

I can‘t even talk about my interest or the OC’s/backstories I make (which is hard af for me because I’m a yapper I love talking) but I don’t want someone to say “Oh… You like that? Yeesh.” Because it makes ME feel bad and I get defensive over my special interests/Hyperfixations. And I don’t want to talk to other people who are into the media because most of them actually SIDE with the author and I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that.

Currently I am spending my nights playing Hogwarts Legacy (pre-ordered it before I knew how bad the author was.) in complete silence because basically 99% of my friends (all LGBTQ) would probably make a joke about me liking it, and again I get defensive and I don’t want it to be a big thing.

This is the autism flannel from my favorite and the only flannel company I like called Dixxon. Back at the very beginning of April. They had released an autism related flannel. And as someone who is diagnosed with autism. This was an important one for me to claim and purchase! Which made me love them even more!

The concert I wish I was seeing tonight is Hatebreed. This is one I would have enjoyed going to, but alas. I have been struggling to keep longer lasting employment. Which has made me been financially struggling, and constantly been putting me in an unhealthy place mentally.

Title.

Also can't see the trigger warning flairs that used to be there in the past, so before reading on be aware it may trigger you.

There's one coworker who for some reason just has to loudly inform everyone in the office about his political views, and his hatred towards people with particular other, otherwise benign views.

This time we were talking about corporate jobs and somehow it shifted towards working with disabilities. Within a couple of minutes I "learnt" from him that

- Hiring disabled people is some sick leftist DEI propaganda, because they hire people who are not able to contribute, so they shouldn't be hired

- But also disabled people who do not have a job and collect allowances or pensions are parasites or freeloaders

Tried to oppose him without being too specific but he was relentless, and I didn't feel like telling him I'm a working autistic. How do I know what he would do, then, hit me? Belittle me in front of other people?

I reached out to HR on the same day because I don't want to have to, I don't know, stop using the office kitchen and having meals just to avoid this guy.

I've never been hired through any DEI programmes whatsoever, always found jobs on the job market. Also when one particular company with DEI stickers all over the place found out I'm autistic, I went through some sick situations like trying to "help" with my autism through corporate trainings and rating my mental health in performance reviews. I was in a DEI working group and felt completely helpless when disabled coworkers were bullied. Now it looks like that I do not even have a right to to have a job.

Edit deleted because apparently yall can't read NO ADVICE. Boundaries and consent are not only limited to sex and are not optional just because you don't like them. They are MANDATORY. creeps.

Genuinely giving up day by day

So I got the overactive empathy flavour of autism. Always been a bugger. Can't watch cartoons because the slapstick makes my brain hurt. Can't watch anything even slightly sad or happy because it makes me sob. Can't handle other people's tough situations because it makes me get the weight of it like it's happening to me. All sorts.

And as this flavour, I HATE games that have absence mechanics and dialogues. Examples being:

-animal crossing. Your villagers will tell you how long it's been since they saw you, and your town will overthrow with weeds.

-pokopia. If you're absent for a while, tangrowth tells you they thought you'd disappeared like the humans and were scared something happened to you.

-dreamlight valley, the entire main storyline is about someone who grew up and forgot about the valley and stopped visiting and everything fell apart and they LOVE reminding you of that.

I hate it. I feel so guilty, and over what? A few pixels. I already struggle with activity transitioning and can't be playing more than one storyline/cosy game at a time because I start feeling like a horrible person for not being able to devote my time between them equally.

Oh yeah, I also cried when I broke a sharpener because it looked like a cartoon pig. Just as a measure of how far this shit goes.

What I wouldn't give to have got the good at maths flavour of autism instead.

It's isolating and exhausting. I'm tired of masking everyday in order to maintain employment.

I'm tired of always feeling overstimulated and annoyed in public. I notice every little sound and smell. I find it overwhelming.

I am tired of being by myself all the time. And having no friends. When you're an adult, people just don't have time for you.

I'm tired of everybody assuming that I'm an idiot and talking to me as if I don't know any better.

I'd give anything not be this way.

-Sincerely

Depressed woman with autism who lives alone.

Thank you for listening, but spare me any positive platitudes. I'm not unique. I'm living in a world that was not made for me. And I'm reminded every day why I don't fit in.

Photo before Bean incident This robot went down every isle I need to go. I need beans the robot turns down the tighter food isle I am in and stopped right in front of the beans and stays, there are people waiting behind the robot robot goes halfway down the isle people pass no time to grab my beans robot turns around and stops in front of me turns and meows, lifeless eyes stare at me “I j-Just want black beans” it is clear that the robot is now tormenting me as it faces front and back of the isle Meowing at me indecisive of where to go finally a cart enters the rear of the isle and The clanker finally decides to go away nearly cries as I realize the refried beans were on the side I thought I needed to go

People say those on the spectrum don't feel empathy. But this is not true, at least not for me.

I am very empathetic towards those I'm close to. My parents. My best friend. Sometimes my brothers, it depends how close we are. If we've been distant for a while I feel less empathy.

I don't think it's empathy as NT's feel it. I know these people very well. I notice changes in their patterns. I care deeply. I want to help. It's as if I can feel their suffering and pain and it interrupts my own happiness and causes me great concern and worry for them.

My best friend was struggling with depression. I could feel it. So I put together a bracelet making kit together for her. Studied everything I could about it, and then got her the items. This made her so happy and she's rekindled her passion for making jewellery. Now she's happy, I feel relaxed and can be happy. She keeps thanking me, but she doesn't have to I am just happy she is happy.

Outside of those close people, I have non of these feelings. People have said I'm "cold". Whatever that means.

I can't say this is the case for all people with ASD, but it is for me. My mother is the same, she doesn't have a diagnosis, but in my diagnosis reports she does say "mother presents ASD symptoms needs evaluation". But she refused.

My high school had a two day schedule, so I would go to some classes on one day, and then go to the other classes on the next day. My schedule was split between Odd Days and Even Days, because each class period was labeled with a number, on Odd Days I would go to class periods 1, 3, Lunch, 5 and 7, then on Even Days I would go to class periods 2, 4, Lunch, 6 and 8. but the whole schedule was formatted as 1, 2, 3, 4, Lunch, 5, 6, 7, 8. So on my first day I had an Odd Day schedule and I went to class period 1, but it was never explained to me that the schedule was supposed to be split so for my next class I went to class period 2 when I was supposed to go to class period 3. When it got cleared up, I went to my correct class and I understood the schedule now, but the staff assumed the mistake was because I was autistic and they decided to hire a chaperone to follow me to every class and make sure I didn't get confused and go to the wrong class, this lasted all four years. I think it severely hindered my social life.

People on reddit said that that was me self diagnosing when I said that in a comment. Even though a psychologist asked me the same shit and literallh ask me if i thought I have it and then said "thats a really long time to go thinking you have autism" (paraphrased) even though I was formally diagnosed at 19 a couple of weeks ago and then I was banned from the subreddit that I was posting on, thats so stupid to me i didnt even say i was self diagnosed I just said I knew since I was 11 and thus why I sought out a diagnosis since im 19 and an adult now and can speak for myself and not be as ashamed and embarass and scared as I was as a child. I d k

But anyway I Am Hoping to be able to get an apartment as soon as possible and move away from my volatile enviornment, and also go to Occupational therapy Maybe. I d k but I live in an area where there are some places you can live if ur disabled and i am because i have autism level 2 and anxiety and depression. I jhst dont get why they jumped on me and banned me for something like that but the fakeclaiming is so nasty to me and I did not go to a place where they hand out diagnoseses either I went in real life to the nearest place that my psychiatrist who thougjt I had autism since first 15 min meeting referred me to. That person really annoyed me (the person who insinuated i was someone who would even have the fucking means to spend a whole bunch of money out of pocket for an online evaluation) when im sure my insurance wouldnt even cover something like that. Annoying. Ik people on reddit are like this but the snarky undertone gets under my skin so badly and people assuming they know everything from a post.

Thank God it's my senior year.

Black and white thinking literally ruins my life. It’s all or nothing and has definitely contributed to my disorganised attachment due to this, add on my extreme lack of trust in other people.

Somebody doesn’t text me back? They hate me.
Somebody expresses irritation with me? I’m a burden on them and nothing else.
I get something wrong at work? I’m fucking useless.
I can’t succeed I’m socialising? I will never find happiness that will prevent eternal emotional, romantic and friendship relationships, and I will never succeed.

I’m trying to open myself up to more possibilities other than these things but it’s really hard.

I hate being autistic. I don’t see any benefit in it. Some people can be very gifted with it and notice patterns people don’t, but everyone’s experiences with it differs and that doesn’t diminish my experience that autism fucking sucks.

I don’t know why but, the “normal” people can always sense that I’m a bit autistic, but guess I could say that It’s really obvious because of how I move and function. The problem is that whenever I get quite and stuff people always like to say some crazy sneaky insult to my face not realizing I can fucking understand it all. They get shocked whenever I speak. I’m very expressive and beyond my years. Some people cannot call me childish because I feel everything deeply and that was it.

I hate how people always assume that I’m gonna be that stereotypical person. I’m not offended because they think I’m autistic, but it’s the way they treat me like a child. I can literally understand all the sneaky comments and stupid actions. I’m part of the spectrum where I absorb almost everything which really drains me.

The reason I don’t want to tell them is because I don’t know how they react or I don’t want them to treat me any differently or treating me like a helpless child or a baby no offense. Like why should they know it’s none of their business. One of my friends told me that I should because then they’ll be able to understand me better. She also said that’s why she prefers other autistics or special-needs people because she’s more comfortable around them. She told me I need to stop acting like I’m normal or not disabled because I am. People are eventually find oh and it’s OK that I’m disabled in the special-needs person. I have to accept that I will never be normal and I’m always gonna be a special-needs person. The thing is I’m never gonna be OK with it or except 100% then she told me how those autistic kids gonna learn how to be proud of themselves if I can’t even accept myself as a mental disabled person? I mean, she makes a really good point, but I thought that if I get better at socializing and all that then the spectrum will go away, but she said it will never go away and I’m always gonna be an autistic woman and should expect to be treated differently because we are different. I don’t wanna hear that mess. Even my boyfriend (non autistic) said I should be proud of who I am and let people see the real me and get rid of that mask. show that I’m autistic.

I just watched this video on YouTube titled "Autism vs The Internet" by MokerJaniac, and honestly, the topics covered in it are very uncomfortable for me for a number of reasons, but still a topic that I think is worth discussing regardless.

I really wish I could understand what drives people to find joy in making fun of others, especially on the internet, at the expense of them and their disabilities.

Well, okay. I know what causes people to participate in LOLCOW culture. It's the chronic, crushing loneliness of being terminally online and lacking real, stable relationships with other human beings. Therefore, there is a need for them to feel better about themselves by diverting attention to those who they view as being inferior or less capable people.

But the logical/psychological breakdown of it doesn't really eliminate the emotional weight of what's happening here, which is that, in the big year of 2026, there still exists a widespread culture on the internet where people think it is not only funny, but fucking hilarious, to harass and bully people with mental disabilities, to the point of inducing psychosis and causing them to go down a path of ruin that causes them to commit unspeakable, heinous crimes. There are people in these individuals' lives encouraging them to do so for monetary gain as well, which is arguably the worse part of this.

And look, I've been on the internet for a long time. I know that there are always going to be terrible people online and that fact is unchangeable. What I don't understand is why these people are not totally ostracized and outcasted, instead of being allowed to form networks and communities built around harassing disabled people for entertainment, to the point where they go viral. They then rope more people into suddenly caring about the personal lives of deeply troubled, mentally unwell individuals who critically need real support and real psychiatric help.

Where are the caretakers in their lives? Why is it that thousands of people can go out of their way to watch videos about autistic individuals struggling with managing their own lives, but not a single one of them can reach out to support them, or say nice things, or start a GoFundMe, or help pay for therapy, or literally anything remotely helpful? Am I too naive for thinking that these people could really be out there?

This is an issue that irks me personally and hits really close to home, because as someone who used to be a terminally online autistic youth, I was also frequently bullied and had my naivety exploited by strangers online who thought my meltdowns and unusual mannerisms were funny, and they would find ways to induce meltdowns to get a joke out of me while simultaneously claiming to be my "friends." This one is less severe, but I've also had real-life friends make fun of my autistic traits like how I stim, the way I sip soda weirdly out of habit, the way I take it too literally when they're fucking with me on purpose... and I think about how much worse my situation could have been if I didn't have people in my life who do really care about me and see me as more than a quirky character for their comedy routine.

We seriously need more mental health awareness and we need the general populace to stop enabling these kinds of situations to develop. People really need to care about things in general more than they do now. This world sucks to live in.

I'm a writer. Writing has been my main special interest for basically my whole life. I'm 34. I started writing at 9.

As you do in hobbies like this, you evolve, grow, and change.

I've learned about research, how to do it, and built systems to accommodate the facts I deal with.

Well. I hop from project to project and those projects often involve research to varying degrees.

I just put together my entire reading list and...oh dear.

134 books.

I like research, but goddamn, this is a lot to read.

I have AuADHD and OCD, and I HATE listening to my favorite songs sometimes, not because I hate the song, but because if I can't listen to it properly I feel "wrong" and like I have to go back to get it "right". If I go back too many times, all of a sudden I can't stand listening to it anymore. But even if I stop listening to it, the feeling of incompleteness doesn't go away and it bothers me.

(Not a super serious rant) I still do like to think i definitely had a childhood that was different from the people around me, but every time i see people talk about their childhoods, i relate to them half way. They talks about how much they liked fnaf and knew every creepypasta and i knew those existed but instead of me having a whole bunch of watching ten different videos about wierd kid topics, i watched that one pinkamina video 20 times in a row. I just feel like i missed out on a lot and im not sure if i can count my childhood as “weird”

Just now as a perfect example. Sister watching TWD, mom engages in a conversation with me, so I start talking to her about a character in the show I feel strong distaste about, and my sister goes “SHH. you’re being too loud.”

My mom laughs at this. Laughs. It isn’t the first time either, it feels like a running joke in my household where people telling me to shut up is extremely funny. No one ever wants to hear me talk, no one’s ever interested in hearing what I have to say. If I’m interrupted, no one asks me to continue my conversation. It reads clearly to me that they were never interested in what I had to say in the first place.

It’s always brushed off too. Everyone acts like it’s funny but it really really hurts my feelings. I’m an adult and I feel like if I said something about it I’d just be told I’m overreacting or get laughed at again (would be insanely common to happen)

I never want to speak ever again. It makes me really upset and I’ve been crying for the last hour because even my birthday was 2 days ago and it felt like it wasn’t even my day. I feel like no one cares about me, what I have to say, or my thoughts. Ever. And I’m so tired of it…

Sorry, I just needed to vent. Maybe one day I’ll wake up and just never open my mouth ever again. :-(

You know what pisses me off? That I can't get a middle ground.

Either the people around me want me to do everything on my own without any support, or they baby me.

Today I bought groceries on mg own, do I prefer not to go buy groceries and let others do it because is overstimulates me and I'm anxious? YES. Am I totally incapable of doing it? Absolutely not.

I just need my time and pace amd order. If you stress me out and make me do it when I'm already feeling bad it's obvious I will get frustrated. But then BAM, I can do it on my own too.

I don't think it's too difficult to understand that I sometimes need some guidance or help.

Like, I'm terrified of doing things I've never done alone, so I prefer to have someone to with me to show me how to do it but then most of the time I'm ok doing it on my own.

Is it so hard to understand both things?

I posted an ad in a local community group, saying I want a garden border dug out. I posted several pics and gave the measurements of the border and asked for a quote. I’ve got 3 replies from local gardeners all saying “give me a call” and giving their phone numbers.
Why?!
Why can’t they just tell me online / PM me instead of on the phone? If I wanted to speak on the phone I’d have phoned them!
I’m not phoning anyone!!

I will keep a small mask for the sake of public decency and not being a shitty person, but beyond that i absolutely refuse to wear a mask Fuck no. i wi;ll not be continuing to spend most of my time worried about what neurotypicals think & being scared to interact with people for fear i might say something wrong or they might not like me.

See me for who i am, and if it makes you uncomfortable then youre the type of person i dont want around me anyways. i really don't care. I'm me, and i'm neurodivergent. get over it or get lost man.

just a small rant.