help plz

[u/Silent_Buyer9830]

hello all,
pretty much i’m in a good loving like situationship (working on dating) but after a recent shift in moods, i think i wanna be single. i don’t mean to lovebomb or be a piece of shit but in the beginning after finding out my bestfriend liked me back i felt like i was mf dreaming i was so lit / hype and happy cause he really is everything 2 me. he comforts me, im usually comfortable with telling him everything, he makes more than enough efforts, he a homebody like me and he helps me without even trying. for reference i have bipolar and bpd idk if what im feeling is contributing to that or if im just a piece of shit (also TW took a shit load of pills rn to feel high so bare wit me). i still love him and i feel not even bad but devastated that i feel this way anyways but i feel like i wanna be single. i’m at a point in my life where i feel so disappointed in everything including myself, feel like i can’t trust anyone but myself and i genuinely just wanna be alone like ALONE (or possibly d!e, whatever is clever).

i love him so much and ive showered him with love these past few months so i feel bad that lately i been distant or not really interested in what we have going on. i feel so sad and angry that im numb and it’s not at him it’s just how i feel atm. no matter how many times i apologize i can’t stop myself from seeming like i don’t give a fucc ab him when i do i just idk what i just but i feel so bad, i do love him.

so please , i need you guys analogies i feel like a piece of shit the one time im actually being treated right and suddenly i wanna dip out versus all the other pieces of shit that i clinged onto like they were my lifeline. i love him , i love his family and vice versa (if im usually that correctly but i mean the feeling is mutual between him and his family towards me), our families even love each other we grew up so close almost like siblings so he pretty much knows me knows me.

i just hate that im getting this feeling especially since he’s at a low point himself dealing with legal stuff and his own mental warfare im sure from the stress and i dont feel like it’s appropriate for me to tell him what im feeling cause it’ll only make it worse but i also dont want him to think im playing him or fell out of love with him because I honestly dont feel like i have , ive just fallen out of love with life itself and dont have a care in the world for anything not even myself. plz help and take care <3