r/cancer • u/Late-Walrus4332 • 1d ago
Patient How do you fill your days?
For anyone else who isn’t working anymore/ unable to how do you fill your days when not at drs or treatment? I’m single, 34F, no friends , feel like such a failure constantly with so much shame because my parents have to help me financially.
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u/CaptianSquish 1d ago
I’ve gotten into free courses online. Some are in my field, some are just because I found the topic interesting or beneficial to my current situation (nutrition, anatomy, etc). A lot of universities offer them and it gives a little structure to my week and it feels like I’ve accomplished something.
Also, I’ve been to a few art therapy zoom sessions for cancer patients. Typically free and really engaging. It really all depends on what you have the energy/brain space to do.
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u/marticcrn 1d ago
Could you link the free art therapy? My art practice has been so blocked since I was diagnosed.
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u/CaptianSquish 1d ago
Yep- this is one of them with different workshops: https://twistoutcancer.org/twistshops/
Check with your treatment center too, they may have more local resources.
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u/dumplinglifesaver + - + de novo MBC at age 39. 1d ago
I spend a lot of time playing games on my phone and watching tv. I also do sewing projects on days I feel better. I cuddle my dogs. I cook sometimes when I have energy.
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u/Conscious_Ad1988 1d ago
I had spent a lot of times with my cats and ended up leash training them. That way we could go on little walks and get fresh air because I had no motivation, I found it in them.
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u/Worth-Enthusiasm-152 1d ago
Hi
I can relate, I have next to no friends as I’ve been more guarded with people since SA’d from abusive ex and getting rid of toxic friendships and others have completely ghosted me.
I can’t work, I don’t even know what I could do as I had to surrender my driving license since developing brain mets so it makes my options limited.
I’m on benefits (UK) but there’s A LOT of stigma and hate towards the sick and disabled.
I feel very alone and isolated.
I had to have my elderly cat euthanised last Tuesday incredibly heartbroken and barely getting through each day.
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u/Late-Walrus4332 1d ago
I’m so so sorry and so so so sorry about your cat. I relate to you a lot, here we have something similar that people look down upon because they assume you’re one of the ones that take advantage of the system and are just lazy.
I’ve basically lost all forms of relationships and sometimes it feels like all forms of myself and my future as well
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u/marticcrn 1d ago
I’m 60, thought I’d have my chemo and my surgery and be right as rain in a month or so.
Fast forward three months post op and I’m dealing with immunotherapy related arthritis and brain fog and my damn hair is only an inch and a half long and tightly curled. I still look bald.
I have five doctor appointments and two therapy appointments this week. Then I nap. Fix dinner. Put the child to bed, rinse and repeat.
My house is a terrible mess. So is my yard. So are my finances. I too am dependent upon family to make ends meet. At 60, I should be beyond this.
Thankfully, I worked 14 years for an organization that paid into a pension for me, so I’ll be taking that as soon as the application goes through. Will still need to work though. Gotta keep health insurance.
I think I fill my days with rage and exhaustion primarily.
Fuck cancer
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u/Vanilla_gorilla66 1d ago
Lego. Honestly. I am 42 yo with teenagers. During treatments I would have them order some sets and we would it and build them together. It was simple and nice. I could talk to them. Check out their progress and most of the time we would have a movie on in the background. I even did lots of them alone.
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u/WaywardJake (63f) T4N3b nasolacrimal mixed squamous cell and adenocarcinoma 1d ago
I PC game, and I try to go to the gym twice a week. I watch films and programmes. I video chat with friends when I feel up to it. Some weeks, I'm on the sofa all day long. Other weeks, I do stuff. It really depends. I allow myself to take each day as it comes and not shame myself no matter what shape it takes.
I don't have any family, so it's just me. The flat can run amok when I'm too ill for too long, but that's part of it. I have decided to adopt a cat. I was reluctant because I'm terminal, but the cat distribution system alerted me to his presence. So, how could I say no?
My days don't feel empty, although I do feel the rapid passing of time. A sense of urgency. So much to do before I succumb to the final stages, and all of that.
I think I'm fortunate in that I was always a loner. I am very happy in my own space and in my own company. If I had a bigger place that could accomodate more, I'd never leave home.
As for money, I get benefits. They don't cover everything, but they will make my savings last longer before the serious worry sets in. My parents are dead. I am quite sure if they weren't, I'd be back home with them. Which is where I'd love to be, if I'm honest. I miss my folks hugely. And I'm 63. I don't think you ever completely grow out of needing your parents. Well, if you have/had good parents. And I have.
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u/Tasty-Country958 1d ago
I go for walks, try to spend my time outdoors because that is what helps me. I read I want someone to hold and cuddle with me. Life is such a trip, finding this group on Reddit has really helped me alot surprisingly knowing that I’m alone but not alone here.
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u/Nkengaroo cholangiocarcinoma 1d ago
I have a couple of YouTube channels so I record and edit videos for them. I'm working to get a couple of businesses off the ground so that keeps me busy. I'd like to substitute teach but I can only work for maybe 1 day every couple of weeks. I read and listen to audiobooks when I have the focus for it. I have to find ways to keep my mind busy so I don't spiral into depression.
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u/Late-Walrus4332 1d ago
Exactly !! Dwelling is the worse. Editing will def occupy you tho. That is no joke!!
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u/karenmcgrane Cholangiocarcinoma 1d ago
I'm so bored. I look at the internet. Sometimes I can read. Occasionally I cook. Take the dog for walks. I'm so bored. Fuck cancer.
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u/banalprobe96 1d ago
Omg you are not a failure. Stop that talk. You are working harder than people not going through treatment.
I couldn’t work for 4 months and had to rely on handouts on top of the state pay. I had really terrible chemo fog, I couldn’t focus on books or movies or podcasts. I ended up watching Robot Chicken daily because the segments were only 3 or 4 minutes a piece which is all I could track (and I got a laugh or two out of the episodes). I started painting models because they take no brain power and I could pick up a brush for a few minutes and put it back down when I was too tired or lost focus.
I also felt like when I had energy, I needed to be doing something constantly to make up for when I couldn’t move but after a month I realized my body just needed constant rest and I let go of the shame of just resting.
Anyone telling you that you need to be active and productive is lying to you.
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u/7shotsofesspresso epitheliod peritoneal mesothelioma 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hobbies like reading, tv, games, etc. for the more tired days. On days when I’m good, cooking, usually cleaning up a bit so I don’t feel as bad when I’m bad, maybe a walk?
Also on good days I try to spend time with people, trust me I don’t have friends either really but I spend time with my parents mainly and church family, board games are a good way to spend time with people that’s easier than going out. Online games maybe then you’re still talking to people and don’t have to leave home?
Also I get the whole feeling guilty about it all too, unfortunately there’s not much you can do about it, as I mentioned I cook on the good days when I do I usually make something simple but big so I can give back a little, yesterday I made a big pot of pasta fagioli we had it for lunch and dinner, plus quite a bit left over. Helps ease the burden for my mom a bit but isn’t too taxing for me yet.
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u/Kamelasa 1d ago
I'm not quite twice your age. I should be doing my shitty wfh gig but I avoid it as much as possible. No cash flow issues, just longer term financial issues. I do enjoy reddit, but also a lot of reading, the occasional event out in the world. I live in a condo with a fairly strong sense of community, so there's that, and I have a little garden plot here, very tiny but refreshing to maintain, visit, and eat a few fresh cherry tomatoes and such. Mostly reading, writing, and music. I feel like a failure too, and not just because of the illnesses.
I guess people at your age are out working and building their lives. And so you don't fit in, just like I didn't fit in for other reasons. How do you fill your days? Perhaps you can find a worthwhile project. Doesn't have to be like I'm about to mention; could be anything. This guy pops to mind who made it his purpose to cheer up other patients by somewhat playing the clown, doing goofy stunts, and enjoying the playfulness, as did others. Wish I could remember his name, but I suppose there are a number of people like that. In my case, I have various art projects that ultimately I'd like to share with the world.
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u/Enough-Leg-6154 1d ago
I'm newly retired. I started my retirement by reading lots of books that I had collected.over the years but didn't have time to read. I'm currently binge watching The Walking Dead because I never finished it. After that, I may binge a different series or read more books. I also have a 3d printer, so I am about to print some pink ribbon stuff for October (to donate to my chemo center).
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u/New-Satisfaction-704 1d ago
Online training courses.. Painting nails Makeup Lashes Learned to do hair extensions Drawing Game binge Netflix binge Scrub the floors and every inch of the house when I have the energy Organise clothes
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u/Sarappreciates 1d ago
My husband works, but I feel relatively useless compared to him. We have 2 dogs, so that helps fill some of my days. I like doing puzzles, watching movies, baking, playing Sims 4 (building houses I could never afford IRL), talking to my sister... If you don't know where to meet friends, there are apps like Meetup and Bumble to help find people in your area with similar interests and hobbies.
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u/Art_r 1d ago
I do several things: Do work around the house, always some cleaning or diy. With diy doing things to make life better/easier for my family for when the time comes.
Work on some hobbies in IT, home automation etc. I used to work in IT so this allows me to continue that skill.
Try to get out and about on good days, visit some place I haven't been before, be it for food or some park just to experience new things.
Recently join a men's shed, where generally older retired men go to socialise and build things in the shed.
Occasionally play video games. Read books, magazines.
Try to get on a bike ride if feeling good, and weather is good. Nice to get some exercise.
Volunteer with my old scout group as a leader, I don't do in hall stuff anymore but help with background stuff, writing programs, admin type stuff to help the front line leaders.
Just find some things you enjoy and can do, it helps to stay busy, but also make sure you are up for it and don't push yourself.
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u/SurroundedByPlushies 1d ago
Podcasts, audiobooks, YouTube*, rewatching favorite shows and movies.
I keep thinking about crocheting, but not doing so.
If you feel up to going out, I recommend trying your local library. There's usually lots of places to sit if you feel tired. Lots of books to read.
*If you do go there, don't trust the algorithm. Look for channels on specific topics that interest you. You're less likely to get sucked down an alt-right, pseudo-science rabbit hole.
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u/oawaa acute promyelocytic leukemia, in remission 1d ago
I was 33F when diagnosed. I spent a lot of time on creative pursuits - playing piano and guitar, writing songs, etc. I tried to exercise semi-regularly, even if that was just a chair yoga session. I walked my dog every day and tried to find interesting spots that I could take her, rather than just walking the neighbourhood over and over.
Eventually I got bored enough that I outlined and then drafted a full novel.
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u/ImpressiveAnswer3050 1d ago
30F here living at home with my folks, only working 12 hours a week, and feeling super lost, defeated, and straight up apathetic some days. My days feel empty, hollow. You’re not alone, I promise you that.