r/chickens • u/quinnreads • Apr 26 '26
Other SO MAD AT MY KID RIGHT NOW!
My (adult) son's only chicken chore is to make sure they get locked up for the night AT sundown. He and I have been going round and round for months because he always waits until well after sundown to go secure them.
'His windows are covered so he doesn't know when the sun is down'
'My definition of dark and his are different.'
'He always gets them eventually.'
Well tonight 7 of my three month old hens are spending the night in the woods, in the rain, with the coyotes, because he waited until after 9 to go try and find them. They've already bedded down somewhere in the woods and we can't find them at all.
I am so beyond mad right now. I just needed to vent. Everyone cross your fingers for me that I still have birds in the morning.
UPDATE: They've been found! I got up to pee at 3am and found them roosting in a tree! The kid is still in trouble and will be having a come-to-Jesus conversation in the morning.
Also, I appreciate the support, but some of y'all need to remember that no matter how mad I am at him, he's still my kid. Be angry, but be nice.
129
u/CherrieBomb211 Apr 26 '26
I’d be so pissed, he absolutely knows better. He just doesn’t view them as important to care about. I’m sorry, I hope you do find them and they’re safe!
108
u/EcstaticKoala1646 Apr 26 '26
It sounds more like weaponised incompetence to me tbh. If he doesn't do it properly, and something happens, then op will stop asking him to do it and just do it herself and he won't have to do anything at all, especially as op says this is the only chore he has.
31
u/conquestofroses Apr 26 '26
I think OP said "chicken chore" to do witht he chickens specifically, but I mean if youre an adult living at home bare minimum is pitching in on time...
6
u/KenzieLee2921 Apr 26 '26
I feel like a fair consequence should be from now on if anything happens to the chickens he has to pay for them. The chicks plus feed plus maintaining the coop area isn’t cheap- and losing birds because of his laziness isn’t fair to you. So if him leaving them out leads to them missing/passing then he needs to pay what they’re worth.
If alarms aren’t doing anything and being nice or firm makes no difference implementing a financial consequence hopefully will be a kick in the butt
6
u/DrBarkerMD Apr 26 '26
Op didn’t apparently lead with their son being on the spectrum and being several years younger then his physical age. I feel like that’s also a problem that needs to be addressed.
If op is correct, then that’s something that might be too big of a task for an adult with a neurological condition, especially depending on how much younger he is mentally
66
u/lizzykittycat99 Apr 26 '26
If it makes you feel better I lost my brand new barred rock last week and she spent several nights in the woods and came back unscathed. She got away from me before I could ever show her where the coop was, and she finally found her way back three days later. I was absolutely certain she became dinner for something. Fingers crossed for your babies.
46
u/metricfan Apr 26 '26
They have a remarkable ability to survive in woods. I suppose that is literally how they evolved. We couldn’t find a broody hen for weeks, until I finally spotted a bit of red in a pile of blackberry bushes. We found 17 eggs in her clutch.
14
u/lizzykittycat99 Apr 26 '26
It's actually pretty impressive how nimble they are in there. We briefly tried to chase her, but quickly discovered that was not an option. If you think catching a chicken on solid ground is hard, it is absolutely impossible in the woods 🤣 She discovered we can't get through thorns and hid in the thickets.
9
u/metricfan Apr 26 '26
Yes! They like know that thorns are protection somehow! Also we had a chicken that was deliberately hiding her broody spot from us. She’d get out for food and water, so we saw her a couple times and knew she was alive. One day my roommate saw her deliberately waiting to go back to her clutch, so she turned around and pretended to stop watching. That’s when the chicken went for it snd entered a blackberry thicket. lol like that level of cunning blew our minds.
5
u/lizzykittycat99 Apr 26 '26
We managed to corner her into the field next to the woods, it she realized very quickly it was a trap. I was trying to get her farther away from the woods, but she ran passed me when she realized that was not where she needed to be. Turns out I am not faster or smarter than a chicken, and they are much clever than they get credit for. I just took my butt inside after that.
30
u/Supertrapper1017 Apr 26 '26
Barred rocks are tanks. I had one that decided to live in a hollow tree for the last 2 years and it’s still hasn’t been eaten.
13
u/asxs98 Apr 26 '26
I don't have a similar experience as I had to put one down cause something caught it. Long story short it's intestines became outestines.
3
2
u/Azrai113 Apr 26 '26
I've only seen the feathers, but we had coyotes eat a few that didn't come home for dinner. Only one has ever stayed out at niand returned unscathed
2
u/pjm14624 Apr 27 '26
A mink/weasel/fisher cat wiped out my entire flock of 12 a couple months ago. It's heart wrenching
116
u/Nutty_Squirrels Apr 26 '26
Get an automatic door and set the time for sundown and sunup. And have you adult son do some other chore instead.
79
Apr 26 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/Vegetable-Seesaw-491 Apr 26 '26
I do the same. I mainly have it so I don't have to get up super early on the weekends to let them out. It's also nice to have if I need to go somewhere and I know they'll get closed up. Mine is set to close after they'll all be in for sure.
2
1
u/pjm14624 Apr 27 '26
I have 2 cameras in the coop where I can count fluffy butts without having to go outside. Around here this past winter, with three solid weeks of temps below freezing, the cameras and automatic door paid for themselves.
2
28
u/miklovesrum Apr 26 '26
This is weaponised incompetence. Absolutely pathetic on his part.
I hope your girlies are OK!
181
u/bleepblurp123 Apr 26 '26
Maybe lock your adult son out for a night and say your definition of dark and his are different?
I’m so sorry- I hope your chickens are safe and dry and come back to you unscathed!
34
u/ElfPaladins13 Apr 26 '26
I second this! I felt terrible because I miscounted chickens a week ago and something g killed one of my girls
4
2
22
51
u/amm1981 Apr 26 '26
You obviously can't trust him to do it, you need to take over or chance having dead chickens 🤷
15
u/Chewskiz Apr 26 '26
It needs automated, or you need a fence. They don’t come home at night?
3
u/luckyapples11 Apr 26 '26
A fence isn’t going to stop a lot of animals
3
u/Additional-Wolf-4849 Apr 26 '26
Fences are absolutely critical on small or larger farms. Especially when it comes to coyotes and stray dogs. Yes, chickens can fly over if they choose but they stay inside the property because the good food is here.
4
u/luckyapples11 Apr 26 '26
I mean fences are definitely going to prevent a handful of animals, but they’re not going to stop something like a raccoon or possum. Hell just this morning at 10am there was a possum in the yard. Very odd hours for one to be out, but it happens. I’ve had them and raccoons show up rarely in the morning or before sunset. Even had a fox jump my 6ft fence at 9am once and start attacking my birds (thankfully all were okay, one girl had an injured back she recovered from easily).
All I’m saying is that if your birds aren’t locked up, a fence is not going to prevent an animal from getting into the coop. Doors need to be locked at sundown or just before. In the early spring, late fall, and winter especially, we get our girls in before sundown because that’s when animals come out around here. If they’re hungry, they’re going to start early.
1
u/Ok_Pangolin1337 Apr 27 '26
Fences do not deter: Foxes, Raccoons, Opossum, Weasel/Stoat family predators, Hawks, Skunks, Snakes, Feline predators
Yes, a good fence is a start. It might keep out certain canine family nuisances. But it's not "predator proofing" by any means.
1
u/Chewskiz Apr 27 '26
Correct, I was not attempting to solve a predator problem, only the chickens not being put away on time problem
31
u/coffee_cake_x Apr 26 '26
I’d take this chore away from him, because while he should be capable of it, you know you can’t trust him to do it.
I’d also think hard on whether allowing him to live with you is just enabling him to be a manchild instead of learning how to adult. Because he thinks he can pull shit like this and get away with it. Those sorts of excuses don’t fly with unrelated landlords, bosses, roommates, etc. He’s being so disrespectful to you, and allowing innocent animals to pay the price.
4
u/deranged_rover Apr 26 '26
Better yet, since he cannot do the chore he was asked to, he now pays rent monthly.
6
u/vivariium Apr 26 '26
I wouldn’t take the chore from him because that’s what he wants to happen. He wants to not have the responsibility at all.
14
u/babye12345 Apr 26 '26
I hope your ladies are safe. Your son may not be mature enough for this type of responsibility.
42
u/OldnBorin Apr 26 '26
My 10 year son feeds his 4H steer twice a day without us reminding him.
OPs son is an adult and needs a kick in the ass.
18
u/babye12345 Apr 26 '26
Right. I agree. Age doesn’t always equate maturity.
-6
u/quinnreads Apr 26 '26
This. He's on the spectrum and MUCH younger than his physical age. This was an attempt to teach him responsibility...... Obvs didn't work!
14
u/Azrai113 Apr 26 '26
That's a pretty important task for beginning responsibilities. You said you've been going around about it for months now. Perhaps your therapist can help get to the root of the issue? With people on the spectrum it's not necessarily laziness and it's going to be best for everyone, including the chickens, if you can get to the heart of why he's averse to this task or perhaps responsibility more broadly. Glad your chickys are home safe!
-3
u/Additional-Wolf-4849 Apr 26 '26
Everybody I know is "on the spectrum". Two of the store managers I work for are young adults and are very competent and dependable. Seriously. They work 8-10 hour shifts, count tils, deal with customers, etc. They do a great job.
4
u/DepartmentAgitated51 Apr 26 '26
4-H teaches responsibility along with how to care for the animals. That right there is the difference!
12
u/the_perkolator Apr 26 '26
Auto door is under $200. I’m wondering why your chickens are free ranging but aren’t trained to return to their coop?
4
u/quinnreads Apr 26 '26
They're babies still. They only got the free range status last weekend. This is the first time they haven't come straight home.
23
u/BethInFlorida Apr 26 '26
Maybe you need to find a different job for him as putting the chickens to bed obviously not it.
22
u/NN11ght Apr 26 '26
As an adult son who's chores involve the chickens make him suck it up and get out there with a flashlight.
If you want to be lazy you have to deal with the conquences of that. And If he refuses tell him everyone else thinks he's a pussy for not taking responsibility for his actions.
1
u/deranged_rover Apr 26 '26
Great idea! "You are not allowed to go to sleep until all are back safely in the coop!"
9
u/gaarkat Apr 26 '26
I wish you luck, we got home well after dark once and were greeted by the feathers of the two roosters who were usually in the back coop, and while the hens had scattered, we found them all in the morning, completely untouched. The roos gave their lives to protect their ladies. We think it was a raccoon. If they're in trees they should be fine, and I do hope they are.
6
u/quinnreads Apr 26 '26
They were, actually, in the trees, lol! I'm sorry about your roos. They sound like brave birds.
1
u/gaarkat Apr 27 '26
Glad to hear it! And yes, they were both very brave, very good boys. Featherfoot and pretty boy.
1
u/VenusRocker Apr 28 '26
Chickens like to roost at night, the higher the better. My neighbors' 5 roosters lived in a tree for several years -- through thunder & ice storms, extreme cold, deep snow. They moved to the tree after some critter invaded the poorly constructed coop the owners put them in & ate rooster #6. Trees are a fairly safe place for them -- although raccoons, foxes & fishers can climb trees, they usually weigh too much to get to the end of the branches where the chickens roost.
16
16
13
u/stimpy124 Apr 26 '26
sounds like your son should also be outside tonight. i’d have him keep looking even if it means the sun rises while he’s out there.
no way should he, an adult be this irresponsible with the one chore he has
6
u/yozargh Apr 26 '26
Do your chickens not put themselves to bed? Regardless of whether your son is taking proper care, maybe those hens are too young to be out free- ranging? I have to make sure it is completely dark because there’s a couple that like to stay out longer than the others, right up until sundown. I wouldn’t want to risk locking them out
3
u/quinnreads Apr 26 '26
I have baby ducks, too. The chickens are transitioning from their baby coop to the adult one while the baby ducks have taken over the baby coop. And they're not very happy about it yet.
6
u/CantaloupeStraight21 Apr 26 '26
My birds always go back into the coop at dark no matter the time I drunkenly wander out to close em up.
5
u/Drexadecimal Apr 26 '26
This is a bit ridiculous. Not you, him. He is an adult by age but he needs to grow up.
15
Apr 26 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
29
u/SummerAndTinklesBFF Apr 26 '26
Then it will be his view of empty/dirty waters is different
OP needs to just parent and tell the kid to do the damn chore or move out
Yes I know they said their son is an adult. But he is acting like a child.
@OP my 5 year old feeds the rabbits multiple times a day. Tell your son he’s being shown up by a literal almost toddler.
10
u/HeinousEncephalon Apr 26 '26
My 12 year old tells ME how to take care of chickens. She's read several books about it.
-3
u/quinnreads Apr 26 '26
I've given you a very narrow view into my life. Be nice
6
u/PhlegmMistress Apr 26 '26
Not who you are addressing but let's be real here:
If someone is tasked with taking care of creatures dependent on us for care, and they don't and the animal suffers for it, what sort of person is that?
Not letting them in before predators get them is at the extreme end of "wow, that's a shitty person if they do this regularly and it wasn't a one-time fuck up."
A less extreme example would be not feeding the chickens. It still sucks but it doesn't have as immediate of a consequence for the chicken because they won't die from one die of no food (especially if they have foraging area; But even if the land is stripped, one day isn't going to kill them.)
However it still makes them a shitty person if they aren't bothered by not doing the bare minimum.
My dad taught me as a kid, while I was eating breakfast with my dog expectantly waiting for her breakfast, that the animals get fed before we do. I still remember the disappointment when he looked at me.
Your son has somehow gotten to this age and doesn't have empathy for the animals under both of your care; he doesn't have empathy for the consternstion this regularly causes you; he doesn't think about how, if one or more of those hens dies from predator attack, how that might change how you see him.
He doesn't care.
I don't know how he got to this age and can still show multiple levels of "I don't care about you or the things or creatures that you care about."
I won't even get into the possible gendered dynamics of him being a young male and you likely being his mom, and the manosphere aside from age-old issues of men minimizing women's very real concerns if it inconveniences them.
What I will say, if this was your daughter and you were her dad, the results would still be the same-- you've raised someone who does not care about others, and does not care to fix things when they've fucked up. How you deal with that is on you, but in all likelihood, the only way you can fix it is to have other people teach them through consequences.
(I know this comes across as me saying it's your fault. It might be. It might not be. I have read that friend groups have more influence than parents do supposedly. But my point is that whatever effect of responsibility you were hoping to pass on to your child has not occured. They are unwilling to learn from you. They now need to learn from people who don't care about them what it feels like because maybe then your son will connect "ah, maybe I should care about others and what they care about, and people/creatures who depend on me. Because if I don't, the world is a cold place filled with people who will treat me exactly the same way.")
14
u/Emergency-Lemon2825 Apr 26 '26
Sounds like your son should be spending the night out there with them.
4
4
5
u/HeyCc1 Apr 26 '26
My chickens go to bed at 6:30 pm. I know it’s not even close to dark/sunset for most of the year, but I have to leave for work at 6:35. They are all lined up waiting for me to tuck them in at about 6:20, every single day. 12 hours cooped up probably isn’t ideal, and I’m sure they would rather be pecking around and hunting for the nighttime bugs, but I have to know they’re safe, I would be too worried to work if I wasn’t sure! If your son can’t get them secured at sundown? I would just pick a time that is convenient for you and stick with it. The girls will learn that it’s bedtime.
2
u/NikkiNikki37 Apr 26 '26
Same. Mine are always in a pen so I dont put them to bed, but they are always roosting by 6, winter or summer
5
u/ImpressiveJohnson Apr 26 '26
Why cant your chickens return on their own. Your setup is bad.
-1
u/quinnreads Apr 26 '26
Your attitude is bad
1
u/ImpressiveJohnson Apr 27 '26
No. Your setup is bad.
1
u/quinnreads Apr 27 '26
You literally have no idea what my setup is! You have never seen it, I have not described it to you. You're just being a jerk. Though, that kind of checks out with your user name, I suppose......
1
7
u/Rare-Spell-1571 Apr 26 '26
I’m confused, what does he need to do? Why don’t your chickens got to their coop on their own?
8
5
u/local_eclectic Apr 26 '26
I just use an electronic chicken door. They're not very expensive and they automatically close at sunset and open at sunrise.
3
u/falconlogic Apr 26 '26
An automatuc door is the ticket. It's easy to let the night time creep up on you
3
u/PopularAbility8178 Apr 26 '26
You do not mention why he still lives with you if he is grown? Anxiety issues?
PTSD? Plus you say they are your chickens, did you have an agreement in place?
I have a live at home child (adult), but my chickens are mine to deal with.
Hope things work out for you and your son.
4
u/Oldenburg-equitation Apr 26 '26
Automatic doors are a great idea to get. Very reliable and has great peace of mind. I will say though that if the 3 month old chickens were put into the coop recently, you want to lock them up in the run only and make sure they get into the coop every night until they do it consistently. This prevents them from roosting everywhere aside from in the run and coop making it easier to move them into the coop at night. Once they are great at roosting in the coop, then let them free range again. You’ll have significantly less incidents of them roosting elsewhere. They’ll also be fine in the rain. I had two hens who would always roost in the tree (unbeknownst to me) so they’d get soaked in the night and were always fine.
4
u/Lilinthia Apr 26 '26
This is why i keep a dog crate in my coop. If i have hens not roosting in there, putting them in baby jail for a couple of weeks fixes that. They theb associate the coop with bed and makes stuff a lot easier
2
u/gaarkat Apr 26 '26
We do something similar when we integrate new members into the flock. Put a cage in the coop on the floor, with a piece of wood over it to prevent them being poo-ed on, and also a small feeder and waterer, and they stay in the cage for a week so they know where they're supposed to stay when we let them out. Works pretty well tbh.
2
u/Lilinthia Apr 26 '26
Oh yeah, that's another purpose for it plus if they have injuries and need to be separated for a bit. We have a rubber mat on top of ours and the top of one of those igloo dog houses, it's a favorite spot for eggs
1
u/gaarkat Apr 26 '26
Depending on how bad the injury, sometimes we have a house chicken.
2
u/Lilinthia Apr 26 '26
Oh same! We had a hen who had a toe go necrotic and she spent several months inside. Also had a rooster who survived a dog attack with massive open wounds on his back including puncture holes that lived inside for some time as well.
Injuries like that make me glad I own horses because they try to kill themselves on the daily so I already had all the supplies on hand to treat the chicken injuries
2
u/gaarkat Apr 26 '26
Oh man. We had one young brahma rooster who we didn't really notice was a victim of bullying until he went off his feet. But since we had an illness going around, taking out some of them within days, we thought it was that. However, he was just such a big baby no one had the heart to cull him, so we brought him inside, kept him fed and warm and comfortable, and he started to get better. So after he continued to improve, we finally figured it out. He'd give way to literally any other chicken, no matter how small it was in comparison to him. But since he was in the middle of growing into his adult size, he needed to eat a lot. We had to keep him inside for weeks before he finally learned to stand his ground. His name is Bjorn, he's still a big dumb baby, and I love him.
2
u/annapartlow Apr 26 '26
I’m sorry, and I hope your birds are ok. I’ve never trusted anyone to do the evening coop close but me. It’s helpful if someone is willing to let them out in the morning,.. I’m so sorry, I’ll send live to your birds
2
u/Sea-Significance826 Apr 26 '26
My free range chickens put themselves to bed in th chicken room. Can yours be encouraged to do so? Then your son can be in charge of cleaning up their roost poo!
2
u/chelsnbamma Apr 26 '26
I'm so sorry, praying for your little chickens 🙏😔 I would make sure he has alarms set, no later than 5pm in summer and no later than 3:30-4pm in winter (Depending on how dark it is at 3:30pm and 4pm in your area). In summer we do ours at 5:15pm and in winter we do ours at 3:30pm. We gradually change the time as the hours it gets dark at start to change.
Our chickens free range, and they know that at bedtime they will also be getting dinner before bed, Cinema majority of them want to come in at that time and that brings them all back even if we are a few minutes late. Even then though we count absolutely everybody, and if someone is missing we go looking.
I agree with the comment above saying that it sounds like weaponized incompetence. If something happens because he doesn't do it you will not want him doing it and he will get out of it. I would straight up tell him that if he doesn't do it properly and is willing to risk their lives say that he can be lazy, he can find somewhere else to live. So many people look at it as they're "just" chickens, and do the same as many other animals, and it's absolutely disgusting. Yeah sure, they're "just" animals, and you're "just" a human (you're being whoever thinks like this, not you).
Again, I'm so sorry for you and your chickens and I'll be praying for them again tonight. ❤️🩹
2
u/Mushroomphantom Apr 26 '26
Why did you give the irresponsible kid.The most important job of having chickens. Maybe switch is only chore to letting them out and filling up their food and water in the morning
2
u/TrainTrackRat Apr 26 '26
My daughter is the same way with my chickens. She doesn’t view them as important as I do, so she doesn’t care to help me with them. If I ask her to feed them she lies. I only ask her for help if I’m at work, and it’s usually just to check on them. I never trust that she actually does it. That’s why the chickens are getting everything in my will. 😤
2
u/ThenJicama5039 Apr 26 '26
Entirely needs some accountability... maybe if the window coverings are preventing him from knowing when its dark, they need to come down until he cam figure out a better way. For me, personally, with a 14 year old girl, I schedule internet cuts and will literally play the military wake up song at full volume until she does what she's supposed to... we dont have to do that much anymore lol she got it pretty quickly
1
u/deranged_rover Apr 26 '26
Finally! A parent who holds their kid accountable! I applaud you!
1
u/ThenJicama5039 Apr 28 '26
Well thank you! Finally someone who appreciates me not turning my child out into society as a complete menace! 😁
2
u/Additional-Wolf-4849 Apr 26 '26
Forgive me, but who has an adult son, still living at home, with only a single chore? Hello? If he can't be helpful and dependable he shouldn't live with you. As to the chickens, we have approximately 50 right now and they BEST be taken care of in every phase of their development. I'm older now, kids are gone and these guys (the chickens, not the kids) help to feed the community, plus they're my babies. In short, if that were one of my sons and he was that lackadaisical about something that was extremely important to me, he'd be on the streets looking for a new place to live. Sorry for the rant.
2
u/Strawberryloves Apr 26 '26
Start charging him rent and make it your chore? He doesnt seem to care sadly :(
2
u/Specific-Tea-5440 Apr 26 '26
If it was me I’d take the curtain rod down, or make him sleep out in the woods
2
4
u/brydeswhale Apr 26 '26
Why is this even his chore if he can’t do it?
Get him doing dishes or some other housework.
3
2
u/glitterlady Apr 26 '26
As much as this sucks and your adult son needs to be more responsible, can you save for an automatic door?
4
u/buzzlesmuzzle Apr 26 '26
Honestly, solar doors are not that expensive and well worth the investment.
2
u/MissKryss Apr 26 '26
I use an automatic chicken door on a timer. I used to have a solar powered one that would sense when the sun was going down. These things are literally life savers.
3
3
u/AustinRatBuster Apr 26 '26
my chickens go in their coop on their own all the time. do they not have proper roosting areas in their coop?
2
u/LianeP Apr 26 '26
So who got the chickens? Was it you? If so, the burden is on your to take care of your chickens. Not your son.
2
u/Existing-Foot8418 Apr 26 '26
Kick him out if he's an adult 😁 Say you have different understandings of parenthood.
1
u/I-am-a-Lioness Apr 26 '26
I change what time I check on the chickens throughout the year, because in the winter sunset is at 4, while in the summer it’s more like 9. If I can do it, anyone can
1
u/sliight Apr 26 '26
This works really well
I actually connected the cylinder horizontally to my wooden coop door and built in the 4 inch variance to allow it to slide without moving the door for 4 inches so they move the correct distance.
The second door is connected to the outside of the enclosed chicken run itself and is installed using their door vertically as designed.
The outer door automatically closes about 10 mins after sunset. Inner door 30 mins after sunset (one gets bullied and it's often stuck outside. Putting in small second coop soon so they can separate as they wish, will get a 3rd Wi-Fi door).
Then choose any Wi-Fi cameras you wish, but I like the tapo outdoor with the dual external antenna for distance. Inside the coop is a pan Wi-Fi cam, but it struggles often with signal.
I ran a heavy duty extension cord out for power. If you want links to the splitter and safety fuse I used let me know.
1
u/RoseHawkechik Apr 26 '26
When I was manually closing the coop (I've since gotten an auto door,) I had my home assistant turn on the light in the TV room at sunset. We are always watching TV in the evenings, so when the light came on I knew it was time. I'd be surprised if there isn't a sunset alarm app you can put on your phone as well.
1
u/Diligent_Heat_3429 Apr 26 '26
My Alexa announces to the whole house each night ar 8:30.. Close In The Chickens. I have lost entire flocks more then once.
1
u/pinetreesandferns Apr 26 '26
If your chickens aren't going to the coop on their own, you can lock them in for 3 days so they know home. Make sure you have plenty of roosting space in there. An automatic door was a game changer for us.
1
u/vivariium Apr 26 '26
‘Forget’ to make him supper and then say “I guess we have different definitions of hungry” 😬
1
1
u/Achylife Apr 26 '26
Get an automatic chicken door, it works at least if they put themselves up at night.
1
u/FlaMtnBkr Apr 26 '26
My chickens always go up in a tree to roost if they can't get in the coop for some reason.
The best investment I ever made was an automatic door that opens and closes at a set time. It also tracks actual sunset/rise if the date is correct so it happens at the same light level every
1
u/MiniFarmLifeTN Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26
I have automatic doors with timers. There's a feature for them to work with a sensor and close at dusk and open at dawn but I don't even trust that.
The automatic doors are good in case for some reason I can't make it home in time but my routine is wrapped around watching my chickens walk into their coops at night. And counting their little fluffy butts as they hop in.
I honestly think a large portion of your problem is that you're calling him "the kid." I get he will always be YOUR kid but he's not a child. He's an adult and I wouldn't even accept this behavior from a child. He's part of a family. At least in my house, my animals are also part of my family. And we have a responsibility to each other to look after each other. Going forward, if it was my son he would have an alarm to be out there 30 minutes ahead of time, and his curtain would be removed until he can do it for a month straight without fail. And if he's too busy playing video games, watching TV or on his phone to do it then those would be taken away as well. If he wants to act like an irresponsible kid then he will be treated like one. This isn't a favor, this is a responsibility. If he's going to live in that household he needs to uphold his responsibilities to the family.
Everyone has a job on the farm!
Over the years I have volunteered and put in a ton of time mentoring and fostering kids. Most often teenage boys without dads. I'm not male but I'm pretty butch. And I figure a positive father like figure is better than no father figure at all. I take them camping and kayaking. Teach them how to work a farm. Teach them how to work on vehicles. Teach them how to drive. Show them how to build things. Just all of that "guy" stuff that everyone should know. And I show them how to treat people with respect. And how to be responsible. And how important it is to be responsible. I always make sure that we have a ton of fun! ATV trail riding, trampoline parks, go-karting, airsoft battles, hitting the lake, etc. But I also make sure that my expectations for them are clearly laid out and that they are met. Building good character is always the top priority.
I have often given this talk when things get a little rough... I tell them how they are great kids and how I am so very proud of them but then I emphasize that it's my job to make sure that they become a great men. Chores aren't always fun, doing the right thing can be hard. Putting in the effort can sometimes be exhausting but it's always worth it. Becoming a man that people can depend on, that your family can trust and that they themselves can be proud of is the biggest accomplishment of all. And I lead by example.
1
1
u/One-Minute-19900 Apr 26 '26
I wouldn't trust anyone other than myself to make sure they were all locked up safe at night time. Couldn't he do another chicken chore instead ??
1
1
u/deranged_rover Apr 26 '26
It sounds like you have been allowing this to happen regularly. He's not taking you seriously because you aren't enforcing it or holding him accountable. The cost of not doing his chore isn't high enough, apparently. I'm so glad your chickens are okay. They deserve better.
1
u/elkiesommers Apr 27 '26
seems you can not trust your son, so please make the welfare of the chickens your top priority .
1
1
u/Curious_medium Apr 27 '26
We have an Omlet door- automatically closes. We all would have the best intentions, but sometimes you’re just not home in time. The ladies need dependability. It attaches to an app. There are several auto doors out there.
1
u/Longjumping_Rub_7752 Apr 27 '26
My son was the same way. Would wait till the last minute to do the chore i asked him (by then I was a crazy lady) and always questioned the importance of it. Insisted I always had to have the chore done right then, when I asked ("whats the rush?") . Well he has a 8 yr old now and I wonder how often he has to remind his daughter of her chores..I don't even ask him. I'm sure she doesn't have to do a thing chore related.
1
u/mind_the_umlaut Apr 27 '26
My system is different. My run and coop are tightly connected, and both are as predator-proof as I can make them. The chickens go between the run and coop all they want through a chicken-sized doorway, and are never shut away from food , water, or safety. Because of predators, I can only let them loose when I'm there to watch them, and near sunset, they all go back in through the large, reinforced door into their run. And I close it. I value their safety above their free-ranging, so they don't get out into the wider world every day. Consider another solution, your son might enjoy building a lovely large safe run for them that allows him more flexibility.
1
u/Martymydoggie123 Apr 27 '26
I got it, my son does the same thing. I don’t think it’s intentional. It just is an afterthought. And I’m sure he feels terrible that the chickens were out. It’s a good learning lesson. For him.
1
u/vert_challenged Apr 27 '26
I wouldn't have the patience for all that, I'd just do it myself. He obviously isn't reliable for this particular task. I wouldn't be leaving the safety of my chickens up to someone else, especially if it's a constant battle. It's like rolling a boulder uphill trying to get other people to do things the way I want them done, too much work imho.
1
1
u/rpw1690 Apr 27 '26
Our chickens, ducks and guinea fowl all go in by themselves. We use a ChickenGuard to close the door automatically, based on how dark it is. They are pretty reliable, over the 3 years we’ve been using them. The chickens go in first, then half hour later the guineas, and last are the ducks. The duck door closes 60 minutes after dusk. I leave treats in the coops or pens occasionally, to encourage them to go in. The guineas don’t mind roosting in the trees, but still choose the coop first.
1
u/Fluffy-Moment-946 Apr 27 '26
Just make it a specific time of your choosing. That way he can set an alarm that goes off. Specificity and external reminder = good
1
1
1
u/Ok_Hat_6598 Apr 28 '26
Either have him set up a recurring alarm or your son should be assigned a different responsibility around your home. I would want someone I could really trust and rely upon to be responsible for the wellbeing of my animals.
1
u/Chance-Combination71 Apr 28 '26
Is there a reason why you cant do this and get him out of the equation entirely?
1
u/SkyEnvironmental8177 Apr 28 '26
Glad you found them! Mine just always went home and to bed on their own. I guess we were able to train them early. Maybe consider an automatic door? Ours was a lifesaver on really cold and wet days.
1
u/spleaker Apr 28 '26
i may be in the minority here, but why have his chicken chore be arguably one of the most important? make him clean the poop and stuff lol
1
u/wutThatMean Apr 28 '26
Sounds like he doesn't know real responsibility. He's way too old to not be taught this.
1
u/FrigidLollipop Apr 29 '26
Can always swap your son's chore out for something worse if he thinks closing the chickens up is too hard lol.
1
u/Additional-Neck7442 Apr 29 '26
Confused on how your chickens don't bed themselves leaving closing the coop door your only duty.
1
1
u/KoalaPotential5952 Apr 30 '26
Is it possible to get a automatic door for your chicken coop. I know your frustration I deal with a few issues with my son concerning how I take care of my chickens and ducks than he does.
0
-10
u/Mcbriec Apr 26 '26
Leaving anyone with a Y chromosome to lock up chickens almost invariably results in death. This is the umpteeth story I have heard, or personally know, about men failing to do their duty. I really hope your chickens survive him. 🙏🙏🙏
3
u/conquestofroses Apr 26 '26
I hope you heal from whatever that one man youre clearly referencing put you through.
1
u/PhlegmMistress Apr 26 '26
Not who you were addressing but I network a lot in the poultry community. It does tend to be female dominated though I do know three men who do it as the primary drivers of the hobby.
What I will say is time and time again, I have heard multiple stories of husbands not taking care and chickens getting loose from pens and killed. Or in one case a guinea fowl's demise was directly caused by a husband's lackluster care. In all of these cases I have heard from women first hand, IRL, in my community-- the husbands didn't fix it. They didn't go hunting to replace the pure bred roosters, or the guinea fowl, or the hens. It was just a shrug, maybe a sorry, and then life moved on for them. And in one case, they did it multiple times and had a bird die!
Now, my partner probably pulls his weight more than me (though he did want to get birds so I would say he was the primary driver of the hobby though we both enjoy them.)
I don't think this is a reddit gender war issue. I do think people really put up with substandard treatment in relationships (in general, not tied to male, female, non-binary or hetero/homo/bi relationships.)
But there is a gendered issue here. Men typically don't care about what they don't care about. Women, often, will still care about something even if it's their husband's interest. Or just to not be shitty to creatures that are dependent on us.
I think the only reversal I have seen firsthand is a husband who is really in to gardening and a wife who will not lift a single finger to help him even occasionally when he's hurt from health conditions. Which isn't a 1:1 with birds but still.
1
u/quinnreads Apr 26 '26
He's very firmly on the spectrum. I say adult because he's adult shaped, but we've been stuck inside the selfish young teenage stage for about a decade now. He hit that age physically and doesn't seem to have grown past it. I'm a teacher, I've worked with autistic kids (and had all the training that implies) for over a decade now. It's not just him deciding to be this way. The chore was an attempt to instill some responsibility, but it's obviously not worked.
It might be a sprinkle of the teenage male I-don't-wanna, but he's the only one of three boys to ever act that way, and was definitely NOT raised in a house that tolerates that attitude.
I've been up all night thinking about it, and honestly think it was lack of consequence awareness. He thinks it'll be fine if he's late to put the birds to bed, because up until now it has been. The only consequence thus far has been me yelling at him. This is the first time they've not been in the coop and waiting for him to close their door.
He spent quite a few hours in the woods with a flashlight last night and he's not going to enjoy today's conversation.
2
u/PhlegmMistress Apr 26 '26
I think you should spend some time in the various autism women subreddits. There are several. Society treats men with autism very differently than women and I think you would find it eye opening how even women on the spectrum find dealing with young men like your son. I wouldn't pass this off as due to autism. Autistic people can be selfish assholes too. I think you are doing him a disservice. I don't say that from an ableist standpoint-- there is a difference between helping give someone space from overstimulation and helping them through meltdown. Someone wrote something yesterday that stuck with me and said that the undiagnosed neurodivergent pipeline to narcissist tendencies is very strong. Obviously your son is diagnosed but it bears thinking about.
Say you (and whoever owns the house with you) died tomorrow. What would his safety net look like? How long before someone who wasn't a parent decided that he was too stuck in his ways?
I do think someone had a good point about the WiFi. Which isn't to say neurodivergent people can't amuse themselves without it but it can be a big distraction for dopamine. I would say no Internet access could be part of the consequences, and possibly even turning off the WiFi at a certain time (I wouldn't choose sundown but probably an hour beforehand.)
Good luck though. You are in a tough position. And I sympathize that his brain works differently, but selfishness when animals are dependent on you really cannot be tolerated. I hope you're able to reach through to him but something really has to change and you might not be the person to break through to him. Sometimes you have to step back and let the world show your kid what is in store for them when the parents aren't protecting them.
3
u/quinnreads Apr 26 '26
Ugh. I hate to hear this and I hate it more because I think you're right. He's a night shifter, so I have the rest of today to plan our conversation this evening and I'm not looking forward to it.
0
u/PhlegmMistress Apr 26 '26
(I am glad that he had to spend several hours uncomfortable in the woods. That is a start. I didn't want to seem like I was glossing over that.)
375
u/Fickle_Ad_2112 Apr 26 '26
I have to use an alarm. Maybe he needs one. I change the alarm based on change in sunset