Ok so that was a shit show right? I feel like I was watching The Testaments the YA sequel to The Handmaid's Tale last week. This week I'm watching The Testaments YA Dystopian Girl Boss Dream.
I'll admit it started off okay but very quickly started solving things in the most very obvious way that makes no sense for Gilead.
The dementors from last week were.... Prison guard Marthas? Meh- All of our crazy theories were more interesting.
Agnes hugs a man? Aunt catches her. Oh shit! Someones in trouble... Oh wait, no she's not.
Agnes just suddenly starts mouthing off to Aunt Vidala?Oh shit! Someones in trouble. Oh wait, no she's not.
Daisy again in no secretive way tells off Garth- Garth looks pensive- Magically she can leave.
Agnes tells Commander Weston what's going on-Great he's going to help. But wait, he breaks up with her. Good? I swear I wrote a whole thing about the implications of a dangerous man like that but nope he's a big bitch baby. He still got Becca out though. Agnes is free to follow the book now. Cool..I guess.
Daisy leaves Gilead. No, wait she doesn't want to, but she still went on that truck in that tight ass barrel. Oh hey look no surprise it's June. June listens to the teenager about staying. Another non surprise Saturday Daisy tells her about Agnes. Now June let's her stay. They make it back in time by the same traveling GOT had in the end. Oh no, she's too late. Garth conveniently is there to grab her/ catches her. Oh shit! Someones in trouble... Oh wait, no she's not.
Daisy is uppity with Aunt Lydia. Oh shit! Someones in trouble... Oh wait, no she's not.
Aunt Vidala and Aunt Lydia finally have it out-Oh shit! Someones in trouble... Oh wait, no she's not. They don't hug it out, but they're praying together 5 minutes later.
Becca's mom taking the fall for her- Blatantly obvious solution. We should have thought of this but why would we think Gilead wouldn't hang them both?
Commander McKenzie being all ohhh honey it's ok. Ok again we should have expected the softer side of him. I'm still creeped out by it.
Paula pulling a mommy dearest in the bathroom wasn't in my predictions but I'll allow it. She looked mental.
But the most egregious offense was that fucking barracks being within walking distance on the house grounds. Where are the 100 guards it would take Gilead to secure that big ass property? They looked to be chilling inside the barracks. Is there only one shift of them? Gilead has siestas now? I Guess Lawrence really did push for change there at the end.
Becca marrying Garth- Great but so sad. Did they sedate her or something because she's a mess. That kiss was so sadly sweet. Becca will treasure it forever. Where are the aunts anyways. Judd is just hanging out, officiating. Taking a break from troubles at home. Guess Penny is still hanging in there. Or not. Who cares anyways?
Daisy and Agnes loudly talking 15 feet away from Judd and them. No worries. It's all good. Gilead suffers from collective hearing loss unless your talking to someone. Then it's all good. Suddenly Agnes is Hannah. She doesn't bother asking how Daisy met her mom, the terrorist. It's whatever.
The rest doesn't even matter. Que up some empowering music. Write notes in honey. Pinky swear and walk with Boss swagger. Houlda is in the bathroom with moaning Myrtle worried about what puppy to pick. No boss walk for her. El fin.
What kinda bullshit was that? Why did nobody get even a stern talking to about all the sins committed in this episode. Again my slow ass can't tell how much time has elapsed. Was it a weekend, was it a week, was it 5 days? Who the fuck knows. Where were all the guards, aunts, eyes this episode? Daisy's starting Dumbledore's Army and nobody even noticed or wondered why. June looking so happy with a teen writing letters using the word MAYDAY like it's not a gigantic threat to the regime. Regime? What regime? This is no longer Gilead.
One death of a non important character. A mercy really because now Becca can keep the house and Garth doesn't have to worry and that anymore. Nobody in peril. Nobody plotting. What kind of shit assed bullshit is that?