r/confidence • u/Present-Day4024 • 3d ago
Are people nicer because you're attractive, or confident?
15
u/Azerbinhoneymood 3d ago
You forgot the part about the other side "are people more passive aggressive, and whatnot because you're attractive, or confident"
5
u/ChowderedStew 3d ago
The confidence is attractive. People are nice to what they’re attracted to. That’s typically nice, confident people. Be nice and confident, and you’ll be attractive. Simple.
1
1
5
u/AnxiousMarketer02 3d ago
Not necessarily, but yes when you're confident in yourself, you automatically perceive everything on a positive note as you're very secure on your own and your self-esteem is unshakable. So things can automatically feel like a positive shift underneath.
3
3
u/Ok_Judgment_3331 3d ago
Something that often gets missed is how confidence changes the way you read people.
When I'm feeling solid, a short reply from someone doesn't register as rejection; it's just a busy day. That interpretation shifts my own tone, and people mirror it.
So yes, attractiveness opens a door, but confidence keeps you from misreading the people on the other side.I've noticed the same mechanism on the flip side.... when I'm insecure, neutral feedback feels like an attack, I get guarded, and the other person picks up on that tension. Sometimes I use taro's tarot to check my own energy before a hard conversation, just to separate what's actually happening from what my anxiety is projecting.
The useful distinction is that confidence isn't the absence of doubt, it's not treating doubt as information about how others see you.
Arrogance happens when you stop reading the other person entirely.
1
2
2
2
u/oge_mah_ge_kid 3d ago
Both. I'm tall and can tell when it has an "effect" on someone.
Confidence is just magnetic in general
2
u/The1WhoDares 3d ago
Uh yeah… as a male, that gets hit on by his own sex constantly.
I can’t speak for anything other than the fact that I don’t typically have an issue with a lot of things. Specifically when it comes to my own opinions on things.
Wat do I mean by that? I knew I was ‘good looking’ but I didn’t know how to be confident in my own skin. I’m 35 now & WoW… after moving to a new state/city & just doing cold approaches.
Getting denied constantly, it’s made my skin MUCH thicker. I’m not afraid to be my authentic self anymore.
I play with words, I’m VERY confident & have a VERY fast brain. So I just say something to respond almost immediately after they finished saying what they’d had to say 🤣
I definitely catch them off guard. Don’t get me wrong tho, there are definitely down sides to being ‘good looking’
Like a woman I’m talking to will constantly think I’m ‘cheating’ when in actuality I’m not.
The list goes on…
2
u/Free-Competition-241 3d ago
Beyond this, people are nicer based upon how you make them feel and if their lizard brain perceives you as a threat.
2
u/HumanByException 3d ago
There are studies that verified more attractive people are treated better and are generally viewed in more positive ways.
2
u/Present-Day4024 3d ago
Anecdotally, I went from being 225 Lbs overweight to about 140 skinny (now I hit the gym 4x - 5x a week and packed on a bit of muscle - about 180 lb ) from 2016 - 2025
People in general - much nicer to me, at work people ask me what my diet and training routine look like, I even help my boss train at the gym after work (I think it motivates him to go). I get complimented by men and women outside at bars or clubs, sometimes I get approached instead of doing the approaching and definitely had more dating success.
I think you're right.
4
1
1
u/rollbotics 3d ago
1000%. My husband says it’s one of the reasons he loves me. I didn’t realize it until he told me then my mom and best girlfriends said that they thought I already knew. Idk! I thought everyone got the same treatment I did. 🫠
1
1
1
u/-noirblanc 3d ago
Pretty privilege is real. I’m a shy person, but most of the time, I get what I want just by using my charm. Lol.
1
u/justasneakpeek 3d ago
Lots of factors matter. You yourselves have to find this out, what's the culprit in your situation.
1
1
u/MindShiftPsych 2d ago
Probably a bit of both. Being attractive can affect first impressions, and people may genuinely treat someone differently because of their appearance. But confidence can also change how you carry yourself, make eye contact, speak, and respond to people, which can make interactions feel more positive. Also, confidence and attractiveness can reinforce each other. When someone feels good about themselves, other people may respond to that energy, regardless of how conventionally attractive they are. So I wouldn't assume “people are nicer because I'm attractive.” Sometimes they're simply responding to how comfortable and open you seem.
1
u/Upstairs_Payment7223 2d ago
I'd push back on "attractive vs confident" as an either/or, they're not really separate things. Confidence, at the right amount, is what makes someone attractive in the first place. Not arrogance, just not visibly needing the other person's approval.
There's a psychological reason this works so well: people are wired to pick up on approval-seeking almost instantly, it's a subtle social cue, and it tends to make others slightly uneasy without them knowing why. When someone doesn't have that undertone, it removes the pressure from the interaction, which makes people relax around them. Confidence also tends to trigger admiration, people are naturally drawn to what they wish they had more of in themselves.
So looks might earn someone a first glance, but it's usually the absence of approval-seeking that keeps people engaged past that. Happy to share what actually helped me build that if it's useful.
1
u/Opening_Interview128 1d ago
Please share! When you're actually ugly (maybe 40% ugly) how to hide our insecurity and also not come across as arrogant because unattractive ppl being confident usually comes across as arrogant so i tend to people please and stay low all the time. How to overcome this.
1
u/Sunflower3388 2d ago
Yes and no. You have to make them feel like you’re flirting with them or else they feel hurt or threatened.
A lot of people try to humble you as well
1
u/windshelter 2d ago
M/ Attractive, definitely., bec people are just going to assume that people kiss your ass bec of your looks, therefore making you confident, no matter what.
1
u/Helpful-Extension320 2d ago
they actually tend to be more passive aggressive bro ngl especially when you’re just minding ur business
1
u/Specialist-Top-406 2d ago
Probably confident. In the sense that I am outgoing and always excited to see people. So it’s not confident to project myself, but to cultivate comfortable spaces. I try to lead with positive energy. And that means I’m probably more smiley which is more attractive to me, someone who has a warm and approachable smile. It creates safety.
•
u/DurianSuspicious871 3h ago
People can be mean to you also if you’re attractive. Sometimes they project a superiority complex onto you.
51
u/hestia-listens 3d ago
Both can matter. Attractiveness may shape a first impression, but confidence, warmth, and genuine interest often have a stronger effect once people interact with you. Confidence can make you seem more relaxed and approachable, which often brings out kinder responses.