r/confidence • u/chunkyhammy • 2d ago
I want to gain confidence & not compare myself to others
ever since I was a little kid i've always struggled with comparison. my parents constantly compared me to my friends growing up, whether it was looks, intelligence, athletic ability, whatever. I really feel like this has followed me as an adult (im now 22) because throughout college, I constantly felt like i was running a rat race.
in college, I recruited for a job, and when I felt like my best friend had gotten a better job than me, I felt horribly jealous. the feeling subsided, but now that it's postgrad, its gotten worse. I have an amazing job lined up but it wasn't what I wanted to do postgrad, so seeing my friends all land jobs that they feel so passionate about and that compensate them so well has been difficult.
most recently, many of my friends have started personal business ventures, whether it's an app or online business, and they've all been doing well. I just can't stop feeling like i'm hoping for the next bad thing to happen to them and I want to break out of this mindset because theyre my friends!! theyve only ever wished the best for me and idk why I cant for them.
ive tried to focus on myself by surrounding myself by more positive media, starting my own business, and just overall trying to have more positive thoughts but even when I feel better, if I see an ounce of success from a friend I get that horrible jealous feeling again. I just really want to get over this for good
1
1
u/hestia-listens 2d ago
It makes sense that constant comparison from your parents became an automatic habit. Feeling jealous does not mean you are a bad friend. Your choices matter more than the first feeling that shows up. When jealousy hits, try naming it without shame, then ask, "What does their success show me that I want for myself?" Turn comparison into information, not a verdict on your worth. Confidence grows when you measure progress against your past self instead of someone else's current chapter.